👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

Fuck this movie. Fuck this franchise. Fuck Netflix.

At least, as with Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) [Review], this is so uncaring and braindead and we-don't-even-want-to-try-shooting-in-the-dark that it's easier to stomach how pathetic an offering it is as a film, much less a Texas Chainsaw film, although the latter means less and less with each entry, or perhaps means more and more of a sub-standard attached assumption.

Anyway, this has that typical, just-like-in-the-meme #Netflix look…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

This is the worst one.

I fucking hate this shit.

Other entries in this franchise are likewise awful films; some are even slightly less competent in certain areas.

But those other pathetic films are simply re-hashing or fucking around, content to "pay homage" or "explore mythology" or exercise a gimmick or whatever.

This not only aims to rewrite the entire narrative and thematic core of the franchise, it does so with a melodramatic and…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

How shitty is this franchise?

So shitty that I just went two and a half months without writing anything or even updating my film diary because even the thought of having to remember or review these films filled me with dread.

But fuck it. Let's just say what we can and be done with it.

Really all there is to say is: Don't watch these shitty movies.

Even if you're normally a completionist, like…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

This franchise actually blows. 

Don’t get me wrong: the Halloween, Friday the 13th, and A Nightmare on Elm Street series have their stinkers, but even the worst entries among them usually have some positives and remain basically watchable, even if they’re shitty movies. 

But basically after the first two films herein, you’ve got no guaranteed floor whatsoever in terms of filmmaking, concept, or even plain watchability. 

This is barely watchable. 

It’s horrendous screenwriting and ungodly-terrible…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

The last one might be *worse*, but this represents the moment the franchise becomes totally over-saturated with capitalistic soullessness to the point of losing all meaningful connectivity to its origin point. 

I didn’t really like director Marcus Nispel’s Friday the 13th (2009) [Review], but this is definitely worse. 

Absolutely atrocious script that jettisons almost all subtext and really could be any generic shitty slasher at all. 

Terrible characters you can’t root for or care…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

Feels kinda like a student-film-level tribute, and that’s almost what it is. 

Kim Henkel, who co-wrote The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) [Review], basically got together with a friend and threw together a bunch of locals, most of whom had little to no film experience and cobbled together a loose remake/parody of the first film on a budget of around $600,000.

And boy, you can tell. I’m not even sure anyone actually knew exactly what…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

There’s nothing to see here. 

And that’s not just a reference to practically every kill being mostly or entirely offscreen. 

It’s also a fair description of what “narrative” is contained here, and damn near a report on any coherent thematic takeaway. 

More murderous towards the franchise’s continuity than anything, although the disruption in continued standard is much more damaging than the now-total disregard for what actually happened in previous films. 

Painfully slow and stilted…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

Tobe Hooper spitting in the face of Reaganism, outsourcing, commodification, cover-ups, rape culture, gun nuts, and standard sequel expectations. 

Not that his transmission will be received by all.

The radio was too dry and quiet last time. The comedy too subtle. So fuck all of you, have it loud and proud and messy and unhinged and self-effacing. 

And I’m here for it. 

It does get a little tiresome in its repetitious full volume, and…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

I wish this didn’t suck. 

Jack Sholder hadn’t directed a movie in literally a decade and he turned down a chance to direct Wishmaster (1997) [Review], but for some reason he signed on to write and direct this direct-to-video shitty sequel. 

The problems become apparent from the opening scene, where in stark contrast to the previous film’s production quality and playfulness, things are immediately shoddy and over-serious. 

But don’t worry if our protagonist’s boyfriend…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

Series Marathon: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

This is a capital-E Experience that takes full advantage of what film as a medium can do. 

A foundational element of horror at large and the slasher in specific. 

An iconic piece of low budget magnificence. 

There’s hardly any blood here. In fact, the only scene where blood outright flows is a piece of foreshadowing where no one’s been killed yet. 

Practically the whole first half is foreshadowing…

👻💀🎃 61 Days of Horror 👻💀🎃

More silly than fun but a fun time nonetheless. 

This is a hokey B-movie with a thin script, but the practical effects and kill sequences are so excellent you hardly care. 

Director Robert Kurtzman (who has a cameo here) was recommended by Sam Raimi (whose brother Ted has a cameo here) to direct this one, thanks primarily to the success of his effects work on Raimi’s previous films Evil Dead II (1987) [Review] and…