Now I know why this was never released theatrically. It's got TV written all over it. From the indifferent opening credits to the absent minded casting. Nothing feels substantial here at all. Like the facades in old Western towns, it's a deceit for those just passing through. This was a movie I've been waiting on since the first Salem's Lot aired on CBS in 1979. The constant rumours for a remake whetting my appetite for a truly great adaptation that would someday be worthy of its words. Not that that television miniseries wasn't good! Directed by Tobe Hooper, it remains one of the best Stephen King adaptations ever made. But just like this rendition, it reeked of television production values, when it deserved so much more than that. It remains one of my favorite Stephen King novels, but for some reason it's gotten little respect from Hollywood. Tobe Hooper worked wonders with a budget that couldn't get a Better Call Saul commercial on the air. But director Gary Dauberman, and the man himself, Stephen King, didn't learn a thing from Mr. Hooper's study on Horror. This isn't the first time King has fucked up his own work for the Big or even Small screen. He hated Kubrick's Shining so much that he made a tv miniseries that he said was based more on his original story. The results were embarrassing. The end, laughable. No doubt, King knows his way around a typewriter, but movies just ain't his thing. For God sakes, the man's favorite horror movie this year was Night Swim! But since I adore his written word so much, I forced myself to sit through this Salem's Lot until the very end. Therefore, I can say with all honesty and fairness that it isn't worth your time. No practical effects to speak of and a CGI vampire that's a weak sister to the Barlow created for Tobe Hooper's classic. Here's what I don't understand. In the past when I'd see yet another shitty Stephen King adaptation, I could just blame it on the writers. Why not just follow the blueprint from the book? That philosophy worked wonders with Carrie, Stand by Me, Misery, The Shawshank Redemption, and yes, Tobe Hooper's Salem's Lot. Stanley Kubrick created his own masterpiece using King's plot, but he's definitely the exception to the rule. But no! The King himself is to blame here! The one responsible for turning one of his best novels into another sad adaptation. All I can imagine is this was done purely for money's sake. Art went out the window when he realized he could continue to cash in on his works, as Hollywood persists on recreating every great classic into another CGI shitshow. It's King's fucking story and he can continue to pimp them out until he has more gold than Scrooge McDuck. But I won't watch another of my favorite books whored out like this ever again.