I accidentally watched the colorized version because it was the top result for this movie on Amazon Prime Video. Weird. But I actually think the colorized version is pretty good - none of the colors seemed jarring or out of place. Still, I want to watch the original B&W version to see what it was supposed to look like. Maybe next Christmas!

This was a much more depressing, dark, and bleak story than I thought it would be. I was imagining an uplifting Christmas classic. And while the ending of the film is wonderfully heartwarming, it is by no means an unqualified happy ending. Sure, George gets bailed out by the townspeople whose lives he's made better, and sure, he gains a new appreciation for his life...but if you think about it, it's really not such a triumph. Mr. Potter straight up stole $8000 from George's loan company and will receive absolutely zero consequences for that. I'm sure Mr. Potter will continue trying to fuck over George and the townspeople, and what's preventing him from succeeding next time?

George is still trapped in the small town he's always wanted to leave; he hasn't traveled the world; he didn't get to go to college, or build big things; he didn't even get to go on his honeymoon. George saved up money to go to college but ended up paying for his brother Harry to go to college instead - and then, when Harry was supposed to hold up his end of the bargain after he graduated, he didn't. In fact, it all started with George saving Harry's life as a child, a heroic act - and what does George get out of it? The loss of hearing in one ear.

All of his acts of selflessness resulted in negative things for George. He was the smart one, the one who gave Sam the lucrative ideas that would lead to huge profit for Sam (and nothing for George). He has never been able to do anything for himself, not one thing. Even his love for Mary was granting her wish, while his own wish went unfulfilled.

According to this film, being selfless and caring really sucks. All of George Bailey's hopes and dreams die, and he gets progressively more and more disillusioned with life. He becomes an angry, bitter, frustrated man - just like Mr. Potter points out. And at the end of the film, nothing has changed. He's still stuck in a life he never wanted. Yes, he has friends, yes he is deeply loved - but the fundamental truth of his life is the same. He's always given everything to help others, he's been a martyr for good deeds, but he has wasted his own potential and watched as others live out his dreams. How utterly unfair.

And this is supposed to be a hopeful conclusion!! That even though nothing has changed, George is now able to fully appreciate what little he has. He is the richest man in town because he is the richest in friends, in generosity, in love. But I don't know. After seeing how much George gets punished throughout the film for being a good, decent person who cares about people - and knowing that nothing has changed, and things will go on the exact same way - it doesn't seem like such a happy ending. He leads a precarious, financially insecure existence, and the Mr. Potters of the world will do everything they can to destroy these little pockets of true community and grace amongst people who really don't have a big margin of error to make mistakes. Will George be able to hold on to his newfound feelings of gratitude and appreciation for life? Or will he return to being a bitter, angry, frustrated man?

Obviously it's wonderful that George made such a big impact on the people around him, and I'm sure they're all very grateful for what he's done for them. But unless you're a saint (or, in this case, an angel), all that doesn't really amount to anything when it comes to the actual experience of having to live your life. I'm thinking of the recent death by suicide of tWitch, a man who by all accounts was immensely loved, with a beautiful wife and cute young kids. He just wanted to make people smile, and he was so kind and giving. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was a huge shock to hear of his death, and no one will ever be able to make sense of it. I wish he could have had an angel like Clarence show him how much light he gave to the world, and convince him not to die. But real life isn't a movie, and in real life, all anyone has is their own experience of this fucked-up world. There are so many George Baileys out there who don't receive the intervention of an angel, or maybe they do - and it's not enough. No one can ever know what anyone else is going through, not even your closest loved ones.

All that being said, I loved this movie, and I cried and cried throughout. Jimmy Stewart's performance is astonishing, truly one of the best out there. It's a beautiful movie, and I know it will stay with me. The world needs more George Baileys, but also it fucking sucks to be a George Bailey. Maybe we shouldn't ask people to give all of themselves in service to others - it's not fair to them, and it's not how the world should be. For the George Baileys and the tWitches out there, we should strive to make a better world, one in which they don't have to sacrifice themselves to save the rest of us. That's what they deserve - some peace of mind, and a lightening of their burden.