Goodfellas is the 450th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1990 biographical crime film Goodfellas. It was published on June 14, 2022. It is 6 minutes and 14 seconds long. It has been viewed over 1 million times.
Script[]
From one of the greatest living directors (Martin Scorsese), comes one of the greatest MCU movies ever made. (in a Brooklyn accent) "Yeeeah, that's right, the Mafia Cinematic Universe! Eh? What do ya think I'm talkin' about, Spider-Man over here? C'mon, fuhgeddaboudit, oh!"
Goodfellas
Throw on a tank top, slip on a pinky ring, and crack open a carton of cigs, because you are about to enter the glamorous world of the Italian Mob. It's got everything: fast bread, fast bread...
Henry: (narrating) I didn't have to wait in line at the bakery anymore...
...cool nicknames...
Henry: (narrating) --there was Pete the Killer... / --Nickey Eyes... / Jimmy Two Times...
Jimmy Two Times: I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.
...and a dozen of your best middle-aged guy friends for smooching on. (montage of gangsters kissing each other on the cheek) (in a Brooklyn accent) "Hey, come here! Mwah! And mwah! Yeah, you too! Mwah! Oh yeah, it feels so good to be a gangster! Mmmwah! Mamma mia! Now, smack me around a little, oh!" (shows Henry getting slapped in the face)
Enjoy a milestone in representation for sweaty guys who are ugly and sexy at the same time, like Ray Liotta's Henry Hill, an outsider who provides the movie's voiceover...
Henry: (narrating) If we wanted something, we just took it.
...and its laugh track. (montage of Henry laughing hysterically)
Jimmy: (while strangling Morrie with a telephone cord, as Henry laughs) You got money for that f*cking commercial. F*cking commercial, you don't got my money?
Hahaha! It's funny because it's someone else's pain! Follow along on his RICO-themed master class, as he takes you from small-time punk to professor of hood-onomics, until he's brought down by a Joe Pesci-sized mountain of cocaine. Oh well; at least he learned his lesson.
Henry: (narrating) I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.
At least he regrets his choices...?
Henry: (narrating) It was a glorious time.
At least he was slightly more willing to clean up other people's blood...?
Henry: (narrating) That was the first time I had ever seen anyone shot. / Vito! Vito, get a towel!
(shows Henry hosing down the trunk of his car after disposing of a body) See? Good fella!
But Henry's not the only mook in this mookie. Before he was the Irishman, Robert De Niro was... this Irishman, Jimmy Conway, and before Scorsese could de-age that mug, they just said he was 28 and we all went with it.
Henry: (narrating) He couldn't have been more than... 28 or 29 at the time...
Then there's Joe Pesci's Tommy DeVito, who combines the body of Danny DeVito with the beserker rage of Wolverine. (shows a photoshopped image of Danny DeVito wearing a Wolverine costume) Make it happen, Feige! Lorraine Bracco shines as Karen Hill, whose Karen side only comes out when her husband's side chick is involved.
Karen: (on the phone) Is this the superintendent? / I want you to know, sir, that you have a wh*re living in 2R!
Otherwise, she's one of the all-time greats at ignoring crimes.
Karen: (narrating) I didn't think there was anything strange in any of this.
Karen: What happened to the car?
Henry: Uh, well... I hit a skunk, Karen, all right?
Karen: (narrating) None of it seemed like crime.
And supporting them all is a legendary cast of "Hey, I know that guy!"s, like that guy (shows Tobin Bell as Jigsaw and Parole Officer), that guy (shows Isiah Whitlock Jr. as Clay Davis and Doctor), and that guy. (shows Paul Sorvino as Paulie Cicero) If you're wondering where you know half the "that guy"s from, it's The Sopranos; it's always The Sopranos. (shows Tony Lip as Carmine Lupertazzi Sr. and Frankie the Wop, Tony Sirico as Paulie Gualtieri and Tony Stacks, Vincent Pastore as Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero and Man with Coatrack, Frank Vincent as Phil Leotardo and Billy Batts, and Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti and Spider, followed by identical scenes of gangsters shooting someone in the foot)
Christopher: It happens.
Strap in for a film packed with great characters, incredible cinematography, and more quotable lines for dads than a classic SNL box set...
Tommy: --I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you?
...to the point where you won't really care there isn't a plot; just two-and-a-half hours of crimes and viiibes. But, if you dig a little deeper, (montage comparing scenes from the film to Captain America: The First Avenger and The Avengers) you find the story of a resilient kid, who survives a tough New York childhood, only to take dangerous amounts of drugs, get a new suit, join a powerful organization, and do whatever it takes to protect the people he cares about the most.
Henry: (to Karen) --we're on our own. Forget everybody else.
Captain America: (to the Winter Soldier) 'Cause I'm with you to the end of the line.
(in a Brooklyn accent) "Oh, I can do this all day away, capisce? On my mother's grave! That right there is America's ass!"
So suit up for a film with more headshots than a Call of Duty deathmatch (shows Paulie getting shot in the head), and more slurs than... well, also that...
Truck Driver: Two n*gg*rs just stole my truck.
Sonny: --like I'm a f*cking half a f*g or something.
Henry: (to Karen) You know who goes to jail? N*gg*r stickup men, that's who.
Morrie: That cheap cigarette hijacker.
Henry: F*ck him!
...as this fast-talking mobster draws the audience in, seducing you into his evil world, until you realize, just like Henry, that you're trapped, paranoid, and f*cked six ways from Sunday, in another Scorsese film that glorifies violence and toxic masculinity, as long as you ignore all the subtext (the poster for Gangs of New York pops up), trust the unreliable narrator (the poster for Casino pops up), and don't watch the last forty minutes. (the poster for The Wolf of Wall Street pops up) But hey, there's plenty of entertainment out there for everyone; perhaps you prefer something simpler, like a cartoon?
Pesto (Animaniacs): What am I, a plate of dry steak butt meat, here to amuse you?
Starring: Be Ray, Do Crime (Ray Liotta as Henry Hill); Whack a Mole (Robert De Niro as Jimmy Conway); Die Cousin Vinny (Joe Pesci as Tommy DeVito); Bracco's Modern Life (Lorraine Bracco as Karen Hill); Boss Hog (Paul Sorvino as Paulie Cicero); Hell Toupee (Chuck Low as Morrie Kessler); Unhappy Feet (Michael Imperioli as Spider); 2 Coke Girls (Debi Mazar as Sandy and Welker White as Lois Byrd); Ah Man, I Shot Stacks in the Face (Samuel L. Jackson as Stacks Edwards); and The Most "F***s" in a Movie, Until Scorcese (sic) Beat His Own Record with Casino and Wolf of Wall Street.
Tommy: How the f*ck am I funny? What the f*ck is so funny about me?
Henry: Get the f*ck out of here, Tommy. (the other gangsters laugh)
Tommy: Motherf*cker! I almost had him! I almost had him!
White Men-ace 2 Society
The honest title for Goodfellas was ‘White Men-ace 2 Society’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
You know, it's kind of weird the same year this came out, they made another movie about the same mobster starring Steve Martin. (shows Vinnie Antonelli and Barney Coopersmith dancing in My Blue Heaven) Honestly, Goodfellas is a classic, but it's seriously lacking merengue.
Viewer's Comments[]
Say "As Far Back As I Could Remember, I Always Wanted To Be A Gangster" - Surreal Substance Films
Say: "Knuckles are red, Sonics are Blue. I know the way, and you will know too." click sound - Vectinator
Say the song name that would save you from Vecna's curse. - James French
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round.
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne