The Real Housewives of Dubai Recap: Sweet Caroline

For the last season and a half, I have been genuinely curious about what happened to the Caroline Stanbury I met nearly a decade ago on Ladies of London: the British queen of girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep, with the unyielding silver tongue to match. In Dubai, we see glimpses of that. She has had moments where her sarcastic nature has come out, only to cheekily chalk it up to British humor as tensions cool. This week, however, Stanbury finally unleashes what made her an early cult favorite on Bravo in a Machiavellian stroke of genius that showcased her as a capital-H Housewife.

The episode starts in the chaotic aftermath of last night’s dinner. Emotions are clearly still raw for everyone — Brooke is venting to Sara about her anger and frustration, and Taleen is publicly working out her remorse over how the situation escalated with her husband. Generally speaking, I think both are at fault — Brooke absolutely seemed to escalate the conflict by being antagonistic at the event, while Taleen admits to being intoxicated and taking low blows, leading to her husband intervening. As Lesa pointed out, it is in extremely poor form and almost dangerous to be engaging in that level of a ruckus as expats — not out of some form of respect for women, as she speculates, but merely as an extension of enforcing social order that reflects a posh, well-groomed society. With a trip to Bali two days away and tensions remaining high, the women are naturally gossiping about how to logistically navigate women who cannot help but get into it with each other the second a Champagne flute touches her lips, with voice messages and FaceTime calls abound. More on this later.

Caroline, however, is mainly stressed about her white sofa. She is certainly angry at how her housewarming went to shit in front of her guests, but the prime issue is that her massive alabaster sofa is so expensive that it is more art than a functional piece of furniture. If any further proof was needed that Stanbury was not to introduce a baby into her household anytime soon, her affinity for elaborate furnishings that cannot withstand even the smallest wear and tear would be it. In that case, I certainly don’t expect her to put plastic on the couch like my parents did, but I also feel that Scotchgard has never been a word that has come out of her mouth, either. Despite her misgivings, off to Bali she goes with the “eat, pray, party” mantra in tow.

The women slowly trickle into the Dubai airport for their early-morning flight to Indonesia — Ayan in a wedding dress, of course — and quickly realize Brooks is nowhere to be found, which causes a mild panic among the group. I understand how the anxiety could have possibly felt in real time — it’s not impossibly far-fetched that she may have been arrested without access to her phone, which is why I found the stunt immature. As a viewer, however, I could not feed into the worry; I am too seasoned and jaded by reality TV. If she were truly in danger or inaccessible, a field producer would have broken the fourth wall and shared it immediately. I am almost certain that the producer assigned to her already knew that Brooks was not intending to show up.

Worries aside, it is wheels up for the crew first-class to Bali, but not until after Sergio pretends to go along, to the fury of the entire cast. He is ultimately going to Spain because he apparently cannot bear to be alone with his thoughts, which mainly consist of “tiki tiki” and saving his-and-her bathroom ideas on Pinterest. After working through his separation anxiety, he leaves Stanbury with a full-size poster of him to keep her company that must have been taken years ago, sporting bleached-blond hair and ridiculous shorts.

Bali is a delightful change of scenery for the group, who indulge in every luxury to make the trip as comfortable as possible. Immediate points for the massive Intercontinental Suite, private chef, and elimination of room-assignment antics. All the women are relaxed and ready to enjoy a girls trip. The worry of Brooks remains at a low hum, but as Stanbury says rather sharply, “I have no concerns for Brooks’z life; that bitch can survive anywhere.”

Despite the running narrative that Brooks is the agent of chaos sowing discord among the group, Stanbury has the most opaque relationships with the other women. She discarded Brooks and Sara over relatively minor slights. She put the duo in a tough position when she made swift amends with Ayan after making a point of having them back her up in the reunion and try to shut her out. Stanbury and Lesa are barely more than cordial to each other depending on the day, and Taleen is the newbie fighting to claim a space in the group after being insulted by her. At any moment, the group could look up and realize that Stanbury is just as guilty for the fractured relationships as Brooks’s penchant for chaos.

This is where a Housewife gets to work. In their initial entry, Stanbury agrees to their commitment to good vibes but discreetly begins planting seeds of her issues among the group. After Brooks makes her “surprise” appearance at the hotel after a nap, which takes the sting out of some of her rage, Caroline takes Brooks aside during a ride on a catamaran and prods her: What is the deal with your spiritual journey? It’s interfering in our relationship. When she uses the phrase spiritual healing, what she really means is Sara and how their newfound bond has created static between the two of them. Her irritation with Sara is palpable. She can barely keep her eyes in her head at the thought of engaging in spiritual activities in Bali despite it being 65 percent of the appeal to expats in the country.

What is starting to become clear is that Brooks and Sara’s bond is not as random as it seems. If I were to speculate, I would guess that the main building block would likely be them venting to each other about how Stanbury backed them into a corner in the first-season reunion. A bond that has formed out of mutual frustration has turned into a legitimate friendship where they both say empty statements to each other about girlbossing in Dubai. Still, I do believe that Brooks activates Sara’s savior complex in a way that Stanbury resents and seeks to stop. As quickly as Stanbury sows tension between Brooks and Sara, she is eagerly anticipating her big Joker moment at dinner: sharing a voice message of Sara venting about Taleen and Brooks and saying, “I am not the biggest fan of Brooks.”

Ayan shared the voice message during lunch with Stanbury and Taleen, but the original source of the voice note was Lesa. Ayan and Sara barely get along and are just starting to make inroads in their relationship. Lesa is rightfully irritated that Ayan didn’t think through the optics of spreading a voice note around, which Ayan immediately apologizes for, but she quickly realizes that Caroline’s manipulations are the real issue. In one fell swoop, Caroline (1) created confusion between Sara and Brooks, (2) put Ayan in the hot seat, (3) put Ayan and Lesa in Sara’s crosshairs, and (4) diverted attention from the simmering issues between Taleen and Brooks, which would have no doubt been explosive. It is a master class in deviously producing reality-TV drama while on-camera. The real Caroline Stanbury has finally arrived.

Golden Nuggets

• Acknowledging the midday wig changes between Ayan and Brooks was hilarious — more silly moments like this!

• Ayan being afraid to go too far into the ocean because of Jinns is very real. Any Muslim household would grow up sharing Jinn stories and legends — I have several of my own — and it is fascinating to watch her guilelessly explain it instead of making it an opportunity for didactic instruction as Sara does.

• As much as I find some of Ayan’s fashion choices ridiculous, I respect her intention to live out loud. She said, “If I am going to meet God, I will do it in couture.” My mom only ever advised me to wear nice underwear.

• I’ve only touched on this story line, but I think it is genuinely great to watch Lesa’s husband try to step up in the household as she juggles multiple things on her plate. That is what partnership should look like, and I hope one day she can calm down and feel secure in that.