The Sex Lives of College Girls Recap: We’ll Always Have the Fight Song

As relieved as I am to see that this second episode has found its way back to the show I knew and loved, it’s bittersweet. It’s hard to ignore that this episode works because the foursome is back together, and at the same time, this episode asks us to make peace with the fact that Renee Rapp is leaving. Alas, the world forces us to hold such contradictions and still make merry about the plots and dramatics therein! Let’s get to it!

It’s hard to decide what I am more startled by: Kimberly’s face blinking at Whitney as they wake up, or the fact that they had agreed to sleep “head to foot.” I’m sorry? What? On what earth is someone’s foot in your face preferable to, oh, I don’t know, the back of their head? Is this something people have been doing for years, and I just missed the curve? Please let me know; this truly took me out of the episode for a full five minutes. I require the voice of the masses. It’s also surprising that Whitney got out of Kappa so fast and even more surprising to think any housing admin would let four girls sleep in a triple without enough beds, but Leighton assures them they are getting a fourth bed next week. Kimberly and Whitney are as startled by Leighton as I am by them sleeping head to foot, as she had been hidden amid a sea of boxes in their common living room. Bela is also there, and, of course, she unintentionally eavesdropped on Leighton’s conversation with Alicia. I admit I am relieved as Bela to learn “bumper to bumper” is not a sex position.

Never fear! Kimberly is taking the lead on this one, as it was her dalliance with Canaan that got them into this housing mess. It takes her so long to get the hints that the cute guy at the housing office is dropping about how best to navigate their situation, I started to worry Whiney kicked her in the head last night. Somehow, this works, and the cute guy at housing finds this charming and gets her number. I did get a queer vibe from him, and I was thrilled to be proven right at Lila’s fashion show when Bela clocks him making out with a dude across the room. I just assumed he was bi, but Kimberly sighs it off, knowing this will not be the last time she falls for a gay guy.

Bela is being tortured by Taylor, who has til the end of this episode to stop pissing me off. Dramatically, I like the idea of Bela having to deal with someone who is, well, frankly, just as annoying as she is. But so far, Taylor feels like some Gen-Z nightmare written by a Gen-Xer, and I find it boring! Bela writes her up — fairly, I might add — for having a burning candle and “sexiling” her roommate for upwards of three hours. Taylor then submits a complaint that Bela attempted to “control her sex life” and refused to respect her religion and the related need to burn a candle. The administration sides with Taylor, hugely unbelievably, and I sigh and say, “Ticktock, Taylor!”

No longer a Kappa and back with her friends, Whitney declares she will not be thinking about boys this year. She is focusing on soccer — the newbie on the team has started offering Whitney advice on how to avoid stutter kicking — and class. Sure, she’s going to hook up, but boyfriends are off limits. Of course, that handsome shirtless boy is in her African American Studies class! His name is Isaiah, and this time, he does have a shirt on! Still, he is a level of hot no man in college has ever been. Whitney is not interested, especially after he sends her a $600 bottle of Champagne. She has a no-rich-boys policy after her years of boarding school, and upon discovering he is the son of a billionaire, she is even less interested. She tells him this in no uncertain terms the next time she sees him shooting hoops, clocking his Versace shirt as she does. Then he lectures her with some Jay-Z–assed Black Capitalism talk, explaining how his dad built himself up from nothing to become what he is. Oh, also, his shirt is Balenciaga, not Versace. Somehow, the conversation is a huge embarrassment for Whitney, probably because she does not say that one person having that much money is immoral and that having Black billionaires just means Black people are as capable of being immoral as anyone. As annoying as I find this guy, I cannot deny the chemistry he and Whitney have, and I will remain cautiously optimistic.

Having discovered that MIT is, in fact, in Cambridge, Leighton is even more shocked to discover that she has gotten in. I am equally shocked by the concept that transferring to MIT is this easy, but trying to let it go! Yes, even as her professor exclaims that she had perfect grades and test scores, so of course she got in. The problem is that Leighton still isn’t sure that she wants to leave Essex and all her friends, and it takes a visit from her dad to convince her. Even though I’ve always found Rob Huebel’s character to be a strange one — why is he always at Essex?— he and Renee have such good father-daughter chemistry it’s hard to be mad about it. He loves her and knows she’ll make the right choice, even if it means leaving Essex and his favorite tree. They softly sing the Essex fight song together under the aforementioned tree. It’s sweet!!!

Unfortunately, having decided to leave is not quite the same as telling your besties you are leaving, and Leighton takes the classic track of attempting to hide her secret, only to have it overheard by Jocelyn while she’s selling her textbooks and then having it reported back to her friends. The confrontation between the four of them is brimming with hurt feelings and the fear of change, and I have to hand it to all of these actresses for really bringing their A-game. Leighton is terrified to leave, but she knows this is the right path for her, and she needs her friends’ support to make this leap. “I came to Essex thinking I was going to date men and I would be in Kappa — and I would have done those things. And I would have been miserable. And then I met you three, and you gave me the strength to be myself.” Well, come on now, I am not made of stone! Thankfully, neither are Bela, Whitney, and Kimberly, and the foursome hugs and cries and vows to have one last wild night out.

I will allow the implausibility of the four of them kicking out the freshmen who live in their old room to pregame because it is so sweet. They’ve sanded their names out of the floors, but Bela’s old gum prevails. They won’t be erased that easily, Essex! Kimberly’s housing cutie texts her and Leighton instantly clocks his bisexual vibe, much like I did. Community knows community, and Leighton’s parting gift to Kimberly is to send them off in a corner for a make out at the frat party. Isaiah is there, too, following up on his “burn” from earlier and telling Whitney he doesn’t want to wife her; he just wants to get to know her. Again, the chemistry is carrying this burgeoning relationship, and they better give Isaiah more to do than be “Billonaire’s Son” because it is 2024, my God! Bela has another run-in with Taylor, who is pretty drunk and a level of rude I could never imagine being to an authority figure! They agree they will leave each other alone for the year … until Bela gets a call from health services. Taylor has alcohol poisoning, and as her FAF, it’s Bela’s job to wait for her to get her stomach pumped and see her home. While recovering, Taylor admits she has a drinking problem. She thought it was under control but realizes she might need Bela’s help after all. Hmm. This feels a little rushed, this new side of Taylor, but I will allow her another episode to prove herself in light of what we’ve just learned. I am nothing if not fair!

Office Hours

• Everything about Lila’s fashion show is perfect, from the fact that she only makes men’s underwear that is targeted at gay guys on Instagram to these perfect welcoming remarks: “Before the show starts, I have a few words to share. What you are experiencing tonight could never be accomplished by just one person, but somehow it was — and that person is me!”

• When Leighton tries to tell her friends she’s transferring, she chickens out and asks if they want to talk about the wind instead, prompting this gem from Kimberly: “Honestly? I would love to. What do you guys think the difference between wind and a breeze is? And what makes a gust?”

• “FLEECE?! Fix her!”

• “Aw, I wish Leighton was here! Obviously, she wouldn’t be into the boys or the bulges or the briefs … but she would have loved to see Trish fall.”

• Let’s keep an eye on the fellow FAF Bela chatted with as she waited for Taylor, shall we? That intro was giving romance vibes!