RuPaul’s Drag Race Season-Premiere Recap: You Just Got Me Started

And we’re back. RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16 is officially on. Drag Race may be a never-ending content machine these days, with All Stars and international versions spewing out onto Wow Presents+ at a rate that even the biggest superfans have trouble keeping up with (though I always have time for Melinda Verga), but there’s something nice about being home on the mothership. The U.S.’s regular seasons have reached a point where they truly feel like a gladiator battle. Everybody there, with the exception of maybe Sugar and Spice last season, emanates a desperate need to make that top four. Even the most low-key queen knows that a successful run on the show means the dreams she’s fostered since before she could lip-sync into a hairbrush, much less run a hairbrush successfully through a wig, will come true. The regular U.S. seasons have stakes, and that makes them, for me, permanently the most exciting.

However, we don’t get a full view of our contenders this week because Drag Race opted to go for its well-established split-premiere format. There are some twists and turns along the way, but what struck me about this episode was how typical it was for a premiere. Seasons 12 through 15 felt like a game of never-ending one-upmanship. Season 12 started with a split premiere with a song; on 13, it was a lip-sync-off that led into a split premiere with a song; 14 gave a split premiere with a talent show; then 15 tried a split premiere that led into a full-group premiere with a talent show and an elimination. Phew! This episode mostly returns to season 14’s format: Meet half the queens, make them do a photo shoot, make them perform a talent show, then don’t eliminate anybody. Simple. Yes, they had to rank their competitors, but that just resulted in the top two Ru would have chosen anyway.

If that sounds like complaining, it’s mostly not. The pressure to constantly reinvent was clearly weighing on the show, resulting in formats that didn’t function as much more than gimmicks and didn’t tell us anything about the queens. I don’t think the split format worked thrillingly this week, however, because it didn’t feel like our first group of queens had a huge amount of chemistry. In the split premieres, where the queens had to work together on a song performance, intra-group dynamics was a big part of the episode. This week, the queens mostly got to just focus on themselves while keeping an eye out to judge their competitors, something they were more than happy to do. I missed meeting all the queens, being overwhelmed by the mass of drag in front of me, and hoping that somebody stood out in the way that Anetra managed last season. If we’re going to commit to splits so that every queen gets her due with the audience, I’d like to see them forced to collaborate. Still, it’s a good, energetic episode. The queens seem fun, and I remain excited for the season to come.

On to the queens! Q is the first to walk in the Werk Room, immediately laying down the gauntlet in the race for “Most Un-Googleable Name,” but she still has Mirage, Dawn, and next week’s Plasma to contend with, so it’ll be a photo finish. Q is, quite clearly, a very good drag queen. She’s very proud that she makes all of her own garments, as she should be, because those outfits are more than professional level. I don’t immediately have a sense of her as a specific queen, however — she’s got a lot of skills and she’s extremely impressive, but I’m not sure that I could describe her drag style beyond her obvious talent.

Next is Xunami Muse, daughter of Kandy Muse. Though Xunami is certainly not quiet, she’s a bit less immediately gregarious than her mother, and she’s clearly a fashion girl to the bones. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a great showing by the end of the episode, but I’m not convinced she’s an early out just yet because she clearly has confidence that should keep her from sinking too fast. Plus, her fashion drag stands out in a group filled with showgirls.

Then it’s Amanda Tori Meating, who has the best name of the season. Here are some other things Amanda has: a breastplate that doesn’t match her neck and consistently wrinkles, making her appear to have a giant horizontal neck vein at all times, and the worst makeup skills of the crew. Despite this, I immediately love this queen. I love the way she has so much energy that it is a legitimate affront to the senses, I love how the way that she holds her mouth reminds me of that Stephanie McMahon meme, and I love how her slightly off drag seems to shock the rest of the queens to the point of confusion. Amanda Tori Meating stan card activated, get ready.

Morphine Love Dion, Amanda’s biggest op, walks in next. A Miami queen who paid for this BBL and won’t let you forget it, Morphine walks in wearing a dragged-up version of a Kali Uchis outfit. She’s got killer makeup skills and a vicious tongue that likes to talk shit. I’m glad she’s here; it should be fun to watch the other girls navigate her.

Sapphira Crystál walks in with spooky noises for seemingly no reason other than it’s fun. It is fun! Last night, I went to a Drag Race premiere event where the queens all got to do a runway walk in front of a large audience. Two queens hit the stage like a bomb going off, controlling the audience and showcasing a supreme level of star quality. We’ll meet one of those queens next week. The other is Sapphira. Expecting big things from this one.

Las Vegas’s Mirage comes in next, covered in bright colors and calling the other girls trash. She’s a fun girl, and her entrance is great, but she fades into the background a bit in this episode. Whenever she appeared in a challenge or on the runway, I had to remind myself she was there. I was never disappointed to see her, but she’ll need to bump up her personality a bit moving forward.

Finally, it’s Dawn, the token weird girl of the group. I like Dawn a lot. She’s a weirdo with a quick wit and a clear willingness to play by the show’s rules, something that some other girls in the freak archetype (Utica, Milk) have struggled with in the past. Because of this, though, I do think she’ll be less likely to truly shock me in the way that some of her peers have in the past. She’s a Drag Race–approved weirdo, and she clearly wants to win, but I’m hoping for a little Pickle Surprise energy along the way.

The episode’s first challenge is the classic photo shoot one, this time set on a porch. Dawn is the one who knows, however, that the photo shoot is but a façade — the real challenge is to make Ru like you, which means making Ru laugh. By that standard, the clear winners are Dawn and Sapphira. Sapphira ends up actually winning it, but those two are the ones who elevate their standings the most, and the shot of Dawn chasing after Love Connie is the one that will stay with me.

It’s then announced that the challenge is a talent show, and the twist is that they’ll be ranking one another. This is fine by me. If it breeds drama, great. If it doesn’t, well, nobody went home because of it, so no harm, no foul. Also, the winning queen gets an immunity that I think can be used at any point of her choosing during the season? Also seems fine to me. It’s a smart production decision, protecting a front-runner while adding more strategy to the shield than the chocolate bar allowed.

Charlize Theron shows up with some baked goods. I believe that Dawn and Amanda have definitely seen Monster, Sapphira might have seen Monster, and the rest of the queens have not seen Monster. If anybody could fact-check this for me, by all means, be my guest.

The talent show is MTV’s Spring Break themed for no apparent reason, but it does result in Derrick Barry being the host, which is fun. It could have been more fun if she was blackout, but this show isn’t on Logo anymore.

A note on the talent show — I’ve come to accept that just about everyone is doing lip syncs of some form or another. It’s become less of a “talent show” challenge and more of a “show us what a number by you back home is like” challenge, which is worth knowing. Of course, it does mean that when somebody comes through with something truly surprising, they have an immediate advantage.

Morphine kicks off the show with a Rosalía number that is solid enough but not thrilling. On the Ruveal-themed runway, she starts with a towel dress that reveals a cute-enough swimsuit that the judges want to be a little draggier. Clearly a safe week for Morphine.

The other girls seem less than impressed with Amanda Tori Meating’s number. I disagree. I laughed from the moment she declared herself the “CEO of S.E.X.” Amanda may not be polished and her paint may not be “good,” but she’s got loads of personality, and I like her. On the runway, she looks bad.

Next is Dawn, and this performance seems of a piece with Dawn’s general approach to the show — give classic Drag Race but do it with a different aesthetic. Ultimately, this is another lip sync with a series of reveals, which is as basic as it gets conceptually. But it does have an alien theme that makes it stand out, and there’s a story line, which is impressive given the one-minute time limit. So, no, this is not a girl who is going to innovate — based on this first episode, it appears that she’s a freak in aesthetics, not in concept. Runway-wise, she’s a cute Yeti. Good!

Interestingly, the one who does something that makes me really sit up is Q. She’s been emphasizing the look side of her drag so heavily that I didn’t realize she had this level of stupidity in her. The puppet show is great, the clear standout in terms of concept, matched with enough execution that it feels Drag Race season-16 ready. On the runway, she’s in yet another expertly crafted outfit that was, it turns out, crafted by her. Q may not be my pick for the win just yet, but she’s a clear and obvious threat given her lack of pretension and obvious skill set. I’m glad she’s here; it ups the ante.

Mirage does, essentially, a stripper number. It’s a very impressive showcase, particularly from an athletic standpoint, but Michelle notes that she’s a little messy, which is true. I’d also note that there’s something in her face that makes her feel less than fully present. It could be nerves! She produces a showgirl runway that is cute, if, again, a little unmemorable.

Xunami performs what is probably the closest to a flop of the night. It’s a rap song that she wrote, and it’s a good track, but she doesn’t work the stage enough — staying entirely on one strip of runway — and it just lacks any “wow” factor. I do, however, love her runway. Anytime a queen comes out with the simple goal of being an ultrachic woman, I’m sold. Her coatdress is great.

Sapphira closes the night with an opera performance in falsetto and a dirty translation about how horny she is. It’s a smart way to do opera, given that we all know Monet’s basso performance so well from just a few seasons ago. It turns up the volume with the translation and later with the splits, making it into a much less (pardon the term) straight performance than Monet gave. Her runway look is just okay — Michelle’s right that her middle outfit is kinda ugly — but she’s still clearly a top girl of the week.

The girls rate. Ru announces via extremely obvious ADR that it’s a top-two, not a bottom-two, week. The top girls are Q and Sapphira, which is right. The lip-sync song is “Break My Soul,” and Sapphira eats Q up from the second the song starts. The best moment, for my money, comes right at the beginning, as Sapphira confidently saunters across the stage, holding eye contact with Ru, and Ru cocks one eyebrow. “Okay, then, girl, show me what you’ve got” is the clear message. Then she does. The second-best moment comes right at the end, as Sapphira bounces up and down in the splits while her titty bib bounces beneath her. To this I say: Aahahahahah. I love this show.

And Also on Untucked …

• Untucked is fine; nobody gets too dramatic. They see Charlize again.

• Trauma Makeup Corner: Morphine shares about her relationship with her parents. She lives with them, but they don’t know she does drag because they’re in denial.

• Queens from this group I see in the top four: Sapphira and Dawn. Q’s got an outside shot, but, not having met the other group, I can’t be sure.

• Best Ru moment of the episode is when she declares that they’re running a train later while in a train-conductor outfit, then calls in HR.

• The second-best Ru moment of the episode is her bopping along slightly to Xunami’s song.