Monarch Recap: And the Winner Is …

We did it folks — we’ve finally reached the point where our two Monarch timelines meet up. All of the murdering and blood and father-daughter evidence-burning rituals go down the same night as the Country Music Legacy Awards show, and that’s exactly where the Roman family is headed in this episode.

Once again, it seems Monarch is throwing internal logic to the wind: Not only do we learn that the nominations for the CML awards are being announced just two days before the ceremony, which is insanity, but also that I guess at some point Gigi and Albie released that duet of “Always on My Mind” that they performed one time in the back of a truck in the middle of an empty parking lot. I was going to let things slide when it was briefly noted in a previous episode that the “video” of Gigi and Albie singing that song “went viral” even though there was nobody, not one single person, recording that performance because there are other pressing incongruities Monarch has left its audience to sort out and I am tired, but now that song is somehow nominated for Single of the Year? In what world?

Hey, at least the show made a point to note that Nicky’s single “God Knows” had been doing well on Spotify before just dropping on us that it, too, has been nominated for Single of the Year. Yes that’s right: If you’re keeping track, that means that Gigi (and Albie, but he doesn’t seem to care) and Nicky are going head-to-head for this award. Oh and I should note, this week Gigi’s back to loathing her sister for “stealing” that single “right out from under” her. As Gigi huffs and puffs about the injustices done to her, nobody, not even Nicky, steps in to remind her that “God Knows” was not her song to begin with and she was actually shadily trying to use it for herself before Nicky came along! Why does no one bring this up!? Gigi is being so self-righteous about the whole situation when she has very little ground to stand on. I think the most anger-inducing part of this storyline is that it all could’ve been fixed if it started with Gigi being upfront about using Dottie’s song. If she had told Luke and Nicky that she wanted it for herself and they had agreed to it and then Nicky stole the song, all of this would make much more sense. As it stands now, Gigi just looks like a child.

The one-sided feud between the sisters gets only more heated when Luke informs Gigi and Nicky that they’ll be performing a duet at the award show. Finally someone sees the value in making the sisters a duo! You’re stronger together, ladies! In rehearsals, neither seems happy with the song choice or having to hang out together but I’ll say this for the Roman girls — they pull off a great performance the night of the show. Their cover of Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood’s “Somethin’ Bad” is the highlight of an otherwise infuriating episode.

So what of the big awards show? Aside from Ace ditching Nicky so that he can bring Ana as his date and Nicky showing up in the same dress as Karen Fairchild from Little Big Town, there’s not much drama until the Single of the Year award is announced. Nicky is crowned Top Roman. She tries to use her time at the mic to mend fences with Gigi with a pretty heartfelt speech about how much her sister inspires her, but Gigi doesn’t hear it — she gets up and walks out before the speech really gets started.

Later that night, Kayla tries to reason with her wife and make her see that this rivalry is silly — Gigi and Nicky are best friends and are better off when they have one another in their lives. Gigi doesn’t want to hear it: She stomps off to “tear that bitch a new one” and I’m sorry but I still do not buy Gigi as a hardass at all. It’s all very unconvincing.

It turns out there’s a lot going on over at Nicky’s house, even before Gigi’s impending arrival. This week, Nicky’s pretty hot on Jamie Burke. They’ve been hanging out and are clearly very into each other (poor Wade!), even though post-awards-show Nicky tells Jamie that she doesn’t think she’s ready to jump into a real relationship just yet (again, poor Wade!). That’s fine with Jamie — Nicky’s worth waiting for, he tells her, as they end a cozy little session on her couch.

With Jamie ending the night early, that means Nicky’s alone downstairs when there’s a knock at the door. We don’t see who she’s looking at, but she seems surprised. Next thing we know, we jump ahead to later in the night and Nicky’s covered in blood and calling Albie for help, setting off the chain of events we’ve been following in the flash forward.

Now we know that Gigi was headed to Nicky’s house, but there’s another player mixed up in all of this mess: Catt. We get the big reveal everyone’s been guessing since the pilot: Albie’s friend, who also happens to be Tripp the district attorney (or Uncle Tripp, as the Roman kids call him), does some digging and informs Albie that everything Nellie told him is true — Dottie lit the barn fire and Rosa died inside. But Tripp has new information as well: Earlier that summer, Rosa had given birth to a baby girl, Albie’s name is on the birth certificate, and that little girl somehow survived the fire. Albie hasn’t put it together that Catt is that little girl, but Monarch confirms it with a not-so-subtle shot of scars from burns on Catt’s back and a picture of Rosa in her locket. Hopefully, Albie will figure it out soon.

Meanwhile, when Catt learns that Ana has once again lied to her to hang out with Ace — did Ana really not think her mom would see her AT A TELEVISED AWARDS SHOW? — she flips. She blames the Romans for Ana’s sudden attitude change and particularly has it out for Nicky. If only the show had given us, like, one scene where these two women interacted, Catt’s declaration that she’s going to “set that woman straight once and for all” would actually feel threatening. Regardless, now we know that both Gigi and Catt are headed for Nicky’s right before Nicky ends up covered in blood, dealing with the fallout of whatever goes down with the pointy end of her Single of the Year trophy.

Liner Notes

• What was with that random Earl scene? It’s actually very touching — a teary-eyed Earl admits to fears of being ditched by the Romans, whom he loves dearly, now that Dottie is gone and Nicky assures him he’s part of the family — but there’s absolutely zero setup for Earl feeling this way! He was just at Fake Christmas Dinner! I think he’s more than welcome there. It’s another example of a scene that would have a much more emotional punch with a little development leading into it.

• Listen, I get that Monarch is repurposing established songs as characters’ originals, and I’m mostly willing to suspend my disbelief, but making Garth Brooks’s iconic “Friends in Low Places” a new Albie Roman joint? That’s a bridge too far, my babies.

• Oh, so Ace, who we were again told has crippling anxiety, is now just a complete pro at walking the red carpet? If you say so, Monarch.

• I’m so mad that Monarch is disposing of Clive already and in such an unceremonious way. All of that with the pill bottle and blackmailing Nicky for him to just leave town once Nicky informs him the D.A. plans to drop charges and his evidence against her means nothing? Let the man come up with another way to torment the Romans! Let Clive be the scheming agent of chaos this show needs with Dottie gone! Monarch is begging for a real villain, and it just let one fly off to London for no good reason.

• Uncle Tripp here may have told Nicky and Luke that he’s going to make these potential charges against Nicky go away, but Tripp’s played by D.W. Moffett, and I’m sorry but I’ll never trust Joe McCoy after the havoc he wreaked on my beloved Coach Taylor! Maybe Tripp will rise up to become the villain we need? Fingers crossed.

• So I guess Kayla has told Gigi that she is officially pregnant. I also guess that Gigi’s “How many times does IVF work on the first try?” response means she didn’t go to even one doctor’s appointment? Everyone on this show is an idiot.

• “It’s an honor just to be inebriated” is hilarious and I’m stealing it. Is Faith Prince the MVP of Monarch?