Monarch Recap: The Roman Family Christmas Special

Oh Monarch… With each passing episode, the number of questions this show raises only grows — but not the good kind of questions Monarch probably wants us to be asking. Don’t get me wrong there are some good questions, like “who is dead in the flashforward and how did they happen to take a country music award trophy to the head or jugular?” That’s a very juicy Q and I’m certainly counting down to the big reveal. (Don’t let me down, Monarch!) But no, my list of questions throughout this episode, “Death and Christmas,” were more along the lines of “why?” and “how?” and most importantly, “what in the actual fuck?” I’m hoping that once the present day catches up to the action in the flashforward (in this episode we’re six weeks out), Monarch can regroup and let some storylines and characters breathe a little more. It’s clearly racing towards that end and it’s to the show’s detriment. There’s so much potential here, but not enough digging deep into what makes these people tick.

Let’s talk about Gigi. Last we saw her, she was telling off Nicky for stealing Dottie’s song for herself instead of letting Gigi steal it. Now, Nicky’s single is a hit and Gigi is pissed… until one conversation in which Nicky simply says that she needs to talk to a friend about the hot young cowboy she’s railing. After that, Gigi’s still calling her sister a bitch, but now it’s in, like, the fun, playful way. You never know which Gigi you’re going to get from week to week and that’s a shame. Is she angry at the way her mother treated her and her siblings and ready to show the world what she’s made of? Or, is she kowtowing to her mother’s demands even after death just to go along with tradition? There’s no consistency there. And if it is supposed to be this ongoing internal struggle between those two stances, there’s just not enough of that struggle being shown or delved into in a meaningful way to make that character make sense.

“Death and Christmas” focuses on yet another Dottie Roman tradition, a Roman Family Christmas TV special. They tape it every year in July and even have a “fake Christmas Eve” family dinner to celebrate. The show hasn’t changed much since it started which…sounds like a really boring ass Christmas special, doesn’t it? Apparently, while Nicky’s been dressed up as the beautiful snow princess and a sweet angel all these years, Gigi’s been relegated to a full on snowman costume and a ridiculous nutcracker get up. She’s the joke and sure, that’s all Dottie’s doing (again, if this woman was so hell bent on building a dynasty, wouldn’t it make more sense to give all your children the best shot at a career??), but Dottie is dead and not one single person is like um, it’s 2022, maybe we should think about the optics of making the fat sister look ridiculous ESPECIALLY since she’s the one currently growing a fanbase and getting a lot of traction. I’m no record label CEO but Luke Roman seems pretty bad at his job.

When Gigi complains a little about the costume, Luke tells her she looks “adorable” and then utters that word “tradition” again and the whole thing is dropped. I’m sure if Gigi fought it like 10 percent harder he’d be fine with her changing things up. Thankfully, when Gigi talks to Kayla about it, she finally points out that Gigi doesn’t have to be the Roman “family mascot” if she doesn’t want to be. And so Gigi marches out to film her Nutcracker performance and decides she’s going to change things up: She strips off enough of the ridiculous makeup and costume to make her Nutcracker kind of hot (as hot as nutcrackers can be, I guess) and sings a country version of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” while she trashes the set. It’s a great, empowering moment for Gigi… that is then completely erased when they film the final group number and she’s right back in the full Nutcracker costume. But for why??! Sure, Nicky is dressed as an angel, but no one else there is in an insane costume! Luke doesn’t barely even performs and he gets to stand there as Sexy Winter Man in Stovepipe Hat. That’s not even a real thing! Let Gigi remain the hot Nutcracker from now on! Let! Gigi! Live!

It’s especially troubling to override such a moment of growth for Gigi because she’s already been built up to be a character you pity thanks to all of Kayla and Luke’s nonsense. And my friends, that nonsense gets kicked up a notch this week. Kayla makes it clear that she’s not going to give up her life with Gigi to be with Luke, and apparently Monarch cannot even utter the word “abortion,” so Nicky comes up with a plan to help get her brother out of this jam in the way, she believes, will do the least amount of damage: She has Kayla convince Gigi that it’s time to finally have that second baby they’ve always talked about and hey, wouldn’t it be convenient and great if Luke was their sperm donor? This is Machiavellian and I love it. Even though Gigi does not have one single conversation with Luke about this idea, Gigi is on board. As tragic as this all is, I cannot wait for it to blow up in everyone’s faces. That’s soap opera, baby!

Also pretty soapy, Albie continues on his quest to figure out Dottie’s blackmail situation and learns some interesting new fun facts about his late wife. He attempts to meet the blackmailers face-to-face but instead of showing up, they secretly leave Albie a note that says “this is all your fault.” Ominous, no? This leads Albie to believe the blackmail must have something to do with his affair. When he tells Nicky what’s going on, she tells her dad not to beat himself up too much because she’s pretty sure Dottie had some secrets they didn’t know about.

So, Albie goes to the only person who might know Dottie better than he does: her sister Nellie. She fights him a little, but eventually Nellie reveals that Dottie is the one who set that barn on fire all those years ago and she made up the story of Rosa, the woman Albie had the affair with, being at fault before running away… because Dottie locked Rosa in the barn before she torched it, hoping to protect her family and the dynasty she was attempting to build. My gut still tells me Rosa escaped and that Catt is Rosa and Albie’s daughter, but until we know for sure — yikes, that would be some wild information to learn about your beloved wife, huh?

Liner Notes

• We get some additional details on the flashforward: We see Luke staging a car in a state park with a packed duffle bag and a bottle of vodka in the front seat and when Nicky finally goes home after she and Albie burn the evidence, she finds Ace out of bed sobbing — he saw everything, he tells her.

• I guess Luke is fine after his rodeo accident? It’s like it never happened! No one wants to explore the fact that he almost died trying to get his dad to love him? Okay, cool, cool, cool.

• When we first met Ace, we were told that he has anxiety and is prone to panic attacks and yet since then we’ve seen him perform all over the place with no problem! All I’m asking for is a little character consistency!

• Speaking of Ace, he and Ana are sneaking around to make out and Catt is less than thrilled when she figures it out. This whole subplot still needs a whole lot of context to make it worthwhile.

• It’s July in Austin and not one single person complains about wearing sweaters and turtlenecks to fake Christmas dinner? Not one?!

• Nicky goes on a publicist-approved date with Wade to show the world she’s moved on from Clive and you know what? It’s very cute. Nicky might say it’s for show, but Wade has real feelings for her. However, Jamie the Producer is still lurking around the Romans and after another chat with Nicky about how wonderful she is, it seems like Monarch is setting up a good old fashioned love triangle.

• Clive confronts Nicky with the “incriminating” pill bottle he found that he believes would link Nicky to Dottie’s death (but will it, really?) and blackmails her for a whole lot of money. So that’s fun.

• That shot in the “Silent Night” montage of Clive lying in bed gazing joyously at the oxy pill bottle?? That is cinema. That is art. That is life. Clive gets it.