‘The Wedding Expenses I Don’t Regret Spending Money On’

You’ve heard it before: Weddings are a racket. So much money! So much effort! Just elope instead! And yet … here you are, planning one anyway, trying your best not to get fleeced or go broke or piss anyone off in the process. It’s a lot of pressure. A friend of mine who got married last summer told me that she can’t even look at her wedding photos because they remind her of how stressful the day was.

There are plenty of ways to save money on your wedding. Lost somewhere in this conversation, though, is what wedding costs are worth it — the splurges couples were thrilled with, that they’d pay double for if they had to do it all over again, or wish they’d spent more on in retrospect. I asked hundreds of people about the wedding expenses they thought were worth the money and then some. Here’s what they said.

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A good photographer — and video if you can swing it.

I almost didn’t hire a photographer for my own wedding. I just wanted people to have a good time; I didn’t care about cheesy pictures, and it all seemed too expensive. Then my dad stepped in. “Find a great photographer,” he said. “You’ll want the pictures later.”

As usual, he was right. I found a great, not-too-pricey photographer who took beautiful photos and even recorded the speeches people made at our reception, which I didn’t realize I’d want but am beyond grateful to have.

I’ve heard from dozens of people who felt the same way — in some cases, the photographer was the only wedding expense they cared about. “I eloped and even STILL paid for a photographer to come with us to City Hall,” said one. Another: “Photography and video was a huge chunk of our budget, but we still watch our wedding video every year — now with our kids, too.” The No. 1 regret I heard from couples was that they didn’t pony up for a better photographer, or get video.

If you’re still not sold: “That we didn’t spend more on photography still makes me sad,” one person told me. “We got married 11 years ago and only have a very small, awful selection of photos that are basically of our backs and none of important moments, especially with family members who are no longer with us. We were trying to save a couple thousand dollars on photos and overvalued other expenses, like having snacks for guests to take home. It’s still painful to think about.”

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The music you actually want.

Whether you get a DJ or a band, find (and pay) someone who knows what they’re doing. (For what it’s worth, most DJs are a LOT more affordable than live music, and can be just as good if not better.) “Our music vendor cost more than we planned, but I’m so happy we chose them,” one person told me. “We paid $3,900 up front for their services, back in 2019, plus a $700 cash tip on the day of our wedding, and they really delivered on the value and set a great tone. People still tell me how great they were, years later.”

Music is personal, so make sure you hire people who can do what you want. “Our wedding budget was $10,000, and we spent a quarter of it on four musicians who performed a song during the ceremony that my partner wrote,” one person told me. “Four stars, would absolutely do it again. A sublime moment.”

Meanwhile, no one who spent a lot on music felt like they didn’t get their money’s worth. “I consider music to be the fulcrum of the whole wedding experience, so we paid a big DJ to cancel a music-festival performance just to play at our wedding,” one friend told me. “It’s the best money we spent.”

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An outfit you love.

I’d caveat this by saying that a dress doesn’t need to cost a zillion dollars to look and feel great. “I got a really fancy, over-the-top gown because I thought I should, and it just wasn’t comfortable at all,” one person told me. “I wish I’d worn something that made me feel more like myself.” (The best advice I got for wedding-dress shopping was to skip the bridal shops and get a nice white dress from a department store. I spent a fraction of what most wedding dresses cost, and it’s still the nicest thing I’ve ever worn.)

Where not to skimp? From a stylist friend: “Get a really good tailor. Even the most expensive dress is going to look bad if it doesn’t fit well.”

And no, it doesn’t matter that you’re only going to wear it once. “My dress was dark red and I thought I would wear it again, but I never did,” said one friend, a photographer. “I felt amazing in it that one day. No regrets.”

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A wedding planner or day-of coordinator.

Dozens of people who didn’t have a planner or day-of coordinator told me they wish they had; even some people who did have them wish they’d spent more on a better one. “The on-site team at our wedding venue did a pretty good job, but there were definitely some hiccups — like seating assignments being messed up and issues with our bar staff — that would have been avoided if we had a dedicated coordinator,” said one person.

More importantly, a good wedding planner can actually save you money — or at least help you avoid extraneous costs. “I really wish we’d had a planner, and I didn’t hire one because I felt like I couldn’t afford it,” said my friend May. “The one I wanted quoted me $25,000, which seemed like way too much. But then my wedding wound up being over $150,000, which was more than we ever anticipated spending, all because we didn’t know what we were doing. If we’d spent the money on a planner up front, I’m sure her experience would have helped us stick to a budget — not to mention saved me time and mental energy.”

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Plenty of food and an open bar.

“Good food.” “Alcohol and alcohol.” “Spend money on the food and the bar. Everything else is window dressing.” “A pizza truck!” These were just a few of the responses I got when I asked people what their most worth-it wedding expenses were. To reiterate, the menu doesn’t need to be pretentious or fancy — at one of the best weddings I ever went to, the groom’s aunt served everyone homemade chili from huge vats in the middle of a field. (Conversely, the worst wedding I ever went to involved an elaborate dinner with precious, teeny-tiny portions; everyone wound up hungry and way too drunk.)

From another couple: “We spent a good amount of money on our food and our guests were so appreciative. I would have gladly spent more!” And from someone who cut corners: “We did a cash bar and I regret it. In retrospect, it was stressful to see my guests pay for their drinks. An open bar would have been worth it.”

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Flowers — yes, just go for it.

If I could redo my wedding, the main thing I’d do differently is buy more flowers. Our florist did a great job with the budget we gave her, but in retrospect, everything looked a little sparse — we shouldn’t have been so stingy. And apparently I’m not alone: “I tried to DIY my flowers and it was a dumb way to try to save money,” said my friend Mia. “My flowers looked terrible, and I’m still sad about it. Plus, I doubt I even saved much — I still spent at least $3,000 because I didn’t know how to shop wholesale.”

Those who did go big with their flowers were thrilled with the results — one bride told me that she got potted olive trees brought to the venue and “they looked amazing — they’re in all our photos and it looks like we got married in the Mediterranean countryside instead of New Jersey.”

My friend Emma, who has been married twice, went all out on her bouquet both times. “I’ve had two very teeny weddings, and I was a total cheapskate on everything except that,” she says. “Neither one of my dresses cost more than $50 and the reception was BYOB, but I spent at least $250 on gorgeous flowers.”

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