What Wedding Planners Wish You Didn’t Spend Money On

To plan a wedding is to enter a hostile alternate universe where everything costs twice as much as it normally would, at a minimum. It’s a scary place, and no one knows that better than the people who live there all the time — that is, wedding planners who deal with these mysterious prices for a living. “Frankly, the wedding industry is all over the place with costs,” says Kate Ford, a wedding and event planner based in California. It’s easy for couples to get in over their heads no matter what their budget is, she adds. “Talking about what to expect, and what’s realistic, is so important.”

In theory, you can have a beautiful, memorable celebration without blowing the equivalent of your nonexistent mortgage. But how does that work in reality? We asked wedding-industry veterans to share what they wish every couple knew about the biggest money sinkholes, and how to avoid them — tastefully.

1.

Skip the wedding party.

Not having bridesmaids or groomsmen is a surefire way to cut thousands of dollars. “You can save on attire, gifts, hair and makeup services (average of $300 per person), florals (average of $175 per person), transportation, and more,” says Ford. “Plus, it gives your family and friends more time to relax and enjoy themselves without feeling obligated to do wedding activities.” (It also ensures that your friendships will survive your wedding intact, which is more than many bridesmaids can say.)

If you really want your loved ones to participate — or you’re worried their feelings might be hurt if you don’t ask them — there are countless roles they can fulfill without wearing expensive matching outfits and parading down the aisle with you. A few suggestions: They can accompany you while you’re wedding-dress shopping, hang out with you while you get ready on your wedding day, do a reading, make a speech, carry your rings, hold your flowers while you exchange vows, corral people for photos, make sure your acrimoniously divorced parents don’t interact, and so on. None of these things involve spending money, and all of them are meaningful.

On the off-chance that someone is petty enough to be upset that they’re not in your wedding, you can say something like, “We’re not doing a wedding party, but if there’s another way that you want to participate, I’d love to know. I really value your friendship and support.” Or, of course, just ignore them.

2.

Establish a no-plus-one policy.

“Managing your guest list is one of the best ways to control your overall wedding spend,” says Jane Handel, the owner of Jane Handles Weddings. “More guests means more rentals, more flowers, more staff members, higher catering and stationery costs … the list goes on.” One possible solution: Don’t allow plus-ones, or grant them very sparingly. If someone asks if they can bring a guest, just say, “We’re sorry, but we aren’t doing plus-ones — we’re trying to keep our wedding intimate, and we’re so excited to celebrate with you.”

For our own wedding, my husband and I came up with a simple litmus test on whether to invite a person’s significant other: Had we ever met them? If not, no dice. Harsh, perhaps, but effective — when we explained to friends that we didn’t want to be meeting anyone for the first time at our own wedding, they understood. (What’s more, having single and single-ish guests in the mix adds an element of intrigue, no?)

3.

Hire a DJ instead of a band.

Sure, a great band can make a wedding. But if you’re going to book one, prepare to pay a lot for it. “It’s not uncommon for me to see quotes for bands in the range of $25K to $30K or more,” says Ford. “Compared to a DJ, which on average is $3,500 to $4,000, that’s a big difference.” A band might require additional costs, too, like a stage, lighting, supplemental audio equipment, and meals for performers, she adds. If you’re having a destination wedding, the performers might need you to pay for their transportation and hotel rooms, too. “Plus, you need to have audio equipment for the ceremony and cocktail hours, which a lot of bands don’t automatically provide, so it’s all extra,” she says.

4.

Avoid a “traditional” wedding cake — and wedding favors, for that matter.

“A beautifully designed cake is lovely but often goes largely uneaten,” says Kia Marie, a Chicago-based event planner. “Opting for a smaller display cake with a dessert table can be more practical.” A fancy, multitiered wedding cake can cost over $1,000, whereas a one-tier custom cake from a local bakery will be under $100 — and will probably taste better, too.

Better yet, combine dessert with a wedding favor. “Guests often leave wedding favors behind,” says Marie. (Realistically, no one needs a koozie monogrammed with your initials.) But if you offer a to-go snack at the end of the night — chocolates from a local business, or cookies made from a family recipe — they’ll be more likely to appreciate it. “DIY treats can be more memorable and cost-effective,” she adds. Or you can skip wedding favors entirely. (Can you name any that you’ve treasured forever? Me neither.)

5.

Stick with one location.

“Having different venues for the ceremony and reception automatically increases costs,” says Ford. The most obvious expense is additional transportation between spots. But it also adds time, which factors into additional hours of photo and video coverage. You might wind up paying for more flowers and decorations, plus extra sound and audio equipment, which you wouldn’t need if your ceremony and reception were in the same place. “These are little things that a lot of couples don’t consider, but they do add up.”

6.

Don’t bother with a day-after brunch.

“Farewell brunches are such a waste,” says Megan Grose, the owner of Brindle + Oak in Denver. “The newlyweds are exhausted, and the guests are hungover.” What’s more, lots of people bail: “About 30 to 50 percent of guests who RSVP to the farewell brunch don’t show up because they indulged a little bit too much at the open bar the night before,” she adds.

If you really want to say good-bye to people the next day, mention that you’ll be at a local coffee shop during certain hours, or post up at the hotel lobby where most of your guests are staying — but there’s no need to plan a whole extra event. You’ve done enough!

Email your money conundrums to [email protected] (and read our submission terms here).

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