Does browsing through Instagram leave you feeling like your life took a terrible, terrible turn at some point?
Mine doesn't. I mean look at me. My life is FANTASTIC.
You thought you were doing alright but as it turns out, your husband is a loser, your kids the spawn of South Park and your house looks like a centrefold for the latest issue of You're such a loser and you have such bad taste. The shame you must carry around.
You, your life, and your family are all an embarrassing failure. You know this for a fact because ...
Instagram and all other social media platforms tell you so. Case in point.
At Christmas you did not, even ONCE, get the whole family in matching footie pajamas to gather on your bed to play board games and eat popcorn while laughing maniacally and tickling each other. Didn't. Happen. Once.
In the fall you didn't walk through an apple orchard with perfectly tousled hair while holding your bearded husband's hand. And even if you did who the hell was going to be behind you and happen to take a picture of the event as it unfolded at sunrise?
And your vegetable garden actually has weeds. Loser.
None of this would have bothered you one bit in your life before S&M (social media) but now it eats at you. You wanna know why it eats at you?
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING TRICKED.
Here's why what we see on Instagram and other social media platforms can send us into a tailspin.
When you flip through a magazine you know that you're looking at ads that have been produced. When you watch a tampon commercial with some woman dancing through a field of lavender while holding a puppy high over her head you know it's fake. It's an advertisement. You know there was a photographer, a lighting specialist, hair, makeup - it was a whole production.
This woman doesn't routinely dance in puppy-filled lavender fields. She's working. She's an actress or a model or if the ad is particularly low budget, maybe the wife of the producer's loan shark.
Her job is to create whatever tampon fantasy the advertiser wants her to. We don't believe this is her real life.
But with Instagram we do.
Bloggers, influencers, even average people are "just being themselves" on Instagram. So it's easy to get roped into the belief that this is them.
In turn, it's easy to become depressed over your life and anxious that you're not living up to the potential you could. YOU could be vacationing in a fantastically appointed castle atop a palm tree covered mountain on a remote island no one's ever heard of. With an INFINITY POOL!
But you're not. You're at home planning your next big trip to the dentist.
Are they real people these bikini wearing, hand holding, pumpkin spice latte drinking apparitions of Instagram? Yes. Are they being themselves? No, not entirely. They're portraying themselves, - their brand - which is very different.
We perceive the matching pajama wearing Instagram life as real life because it's real people. They're just better people than we are. Right?
Wrong. Obviously. Even when we smartly and astutely understand that these social media photos and videos by bloggers and influencers are staged and fake and not even close to being a representation of how they actually live, we sometimes can't help ourselves from wondering where it all went wrong for us.
When I still posted to Instagram, I tried to be realistic about what I showed.
It's really my house. It's really my garden. It's really me. But a tiny bit better sometimes. I made an attempt to brush my hair or clear the half eaten bowl of dried oatmeal off the coffee table.
Also I'm kind of lackadaisical about having my bras hanging off of doorknobs so they often pop up in the background of my photos.
The picture of me with the apples up at the top of the post? That's not me. Why the hell would I be picking apples in a vintage floral dress. Even if I was, why would I plop myself down on the grass with an artfully arranged basket of apples and grin like a simpleton up at a camera that just magically appeared over my head?
But did I share that photo on Instagram? YOU BET I DID. LOOK HOW CUTE I LOOK! Like Cameron Diaz only cuter.
It got 511 likes.
Then I shared these pictures of that time I watched a YouTube hair curling tutorial and thought I'd end up looking like Charlize Theron ...
... but ended up looking like Barbara Bush on crack at a hoe down.
Guess what? This photo? It got twice as many likes. Over a thousand.
I really don't go on Instagram much anymore. If it was still a photo sharing app, I might, but now it's reels of people making cakes in 30 seconds or changing into 15 different outfits by jumping up and down.
So yes, Instagram Reels are also not real.
Instagram photos inspire me, motivate me and sometimes yes ... irritate and anger me. You too? K.
That's when you have to stop and remember the tampon lady. She's not real. And neither is a lot of what's on social media. As long as you remember that you can enjoy it instead of getting angry at it. Or your life. Or your throw pillows that don't match.
So while you're scrolling thorough your favourite social media feeds this week wondering why your living room doesn't have pom poms or your husband doesn't want to heft you over his head in the middle of a pumpkin patch like all the other Instagram husbands do, remember ... behind every Cameron Diaz there's a Hoe Down Barbara Bush.
With her bra hanging off of a doorknob somewhere out of sight.
THANK YOU!
Thanks for the reality check! I need one several times a week. My yard looks like a mud pit and I think my neighbors hate me for that. I can’t decide if I should re-decide or move. Love your blog.
I loved this so much. Thanks for being yourself and not portraying your brand. I'm so sick of brands.
"Barbara Bush on crack at a hoe down" made me spew my cereal. Thanks for the laugh!!
This is so true. I was fortunate enough to not get sucked into the IG mania from the get-go. I’m forwarding this post to my teenaged granddaughters.
What a perfect post. Thank you.
The other thing about Instagram is the hatred and lies spread. But it does have great pictures of goldens
Love this! So many of us need to hear this and just breathe. The insights into your quirky mind are magic. Keep them coming!
I have a friend who considers herself an influencer. She spends half her day, literally, every single day, keeping her kitchen spotless so she can do videos and post on Instagram.
She showed me her process once. First she cooks the dish she wants to feature all the way thru. And unless it turns out perfect, she has to repeat the process til it is. Then she repeats the entire process in front of the camera, dressed in immaculate stylish clothing, with her hair done to perfection. Heaven forbid that things don't go perfectly as she is doing the filming. Because then she spends time editing to make it look perfect.
She has to find a way to work in any product she has been sent to demo, even if it doesn't really fit into the recipe she is showcasing. Once one of her Instagram videos was about making a cheesecake and yet the product she had to promote was a frying pan. She said she finally got the brilliant idea of doing toasted pecans for the topping so that the pan could be promoted....
I just don't. understand why she bothers. I doubt what she makes financially off this is worth the time she spends. I have a feeling she has a deep need to be noticed. And somehow she doesn't get that from her normal daily life. I feel sorry for her family who has to share this unrealistic portrayal of their mother and wife with the world.
And if you could only see how the rest of her house looks, you would laugh your self until your belly hurt. At least I admit I hate housework and would rather work outside in my garden or do my crafts.....
There is a book called 'Mother Hunger'. I do not reccommend it because it gives all new agey, witchy advice on how to self-help, but it has a pretty good description of how that basic-baby-bonding stuff works and what we might do in our lives to fill the void we preceive. You can figure it out just by the title. Your friend may be, indeed, hungry for approval.
Oh, Karen - You made me howl this morning - thank you for such REAL insight and a reality check.
You are the best.
This post is great! I love how real you are, 'bras hanging on doorknobs', where they should always be hanging if a bra happens to be in the house. I get exhausted looking at Instagram, all the work to pretend for a brand and get people to believe that anybody actually lives the Instagram life. SM is a SAD statement to the digression of the human race.
Brilliant! You are so right! Keep on reminding us what is real!
Always keepin it real. Even looking like Barbara Bush you’re still the coolest woman I know
I occasionally scroll through instagram, but never post anymore. When I started a few years ago all I seemed to get were invitations to "follow trains" so more people would see my posts - that seemed more like a pyramid scheme to me so I refused all of them. Now I find the site to be one giant ad campaign. I get that the Vloggers & Bloggers are making their income from selling other companies stuff, but it just seems so ingenuine and fake. One such account just "happened" to buy new bedding and was selling it hard. I added up the entire price of the luxury "farmhouse" pieces she made her bed with and it came in ant just under $3000! In the comments I asked her if she hadn't been compensated for the bedding would she. in real life, have paid that amount for a pretty bed? She blocked me lol!
Thank you! More people need to hear, see, read, learn thus. Especially young woman and girls.
Please feel free to reshape my favorite photos from your site. You in pretty dress holding chicken. Along with other taken about 10 feet further out. Lol. Talk about being real vs a great photo shoot!
I can only find this article but the photo will likely jog a few memories of that out of control kitchen just out of camera view.
https://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Kitchen-Reveal-1.jpg
How I love your hilarious style & real content! Your wordsmith wizarding skills put a smile on my face and I feel slightly more intelligent after learning to wax daffodils or whatever stunning project that I’m not actually going to ever do but I love that you do & share the experience with us! Thank you for being YOU…& sharing a part of your world with us <3💝. Because of your funny & realistic spin on life & how to DO stuff, you are the ONLY person on any social platform I bother to really follow!! Thanks for the funny, grounding, inspiring, pick me up reads & videos!!!❣️
I second that compliment. Karen is a real person. Raw and real. That's why we love her.
Well thank you MD! That's the exact motivation I need to continue to hanging my bras off of doorknobs. ~ karen!
So true, so true. IG can get on your nerves for sure! I like the cat posts, though.
Ya. The animal posts make it almost impossible to leave IG completely. ~ karen!
lol you're the best😂
Thank you...well said.
Testify sister, testify! But know that there's still plenty of guys who would gladly wake up next to that plaid-shirted attractive lady feeling and knowing their lives were indeed great. And were I a scant 20 years younger?....... I still wouldn't have a chance in hell. lol