So a funny thing happened on the way to the coop last night.
I had oneeee more thing to get done on the coop before I was going to allow myself to rest a little bit. I'm that way. I withhold things like resting, and eating and peeing until I finish doing whatever stupid, hair brained thing I happen to be doing. It's like a reward. Yeah. Peeing and eating.
So basically, I reward myself with life's necessities.
As I was saying, I had one more thing to do, which was cut a teeny tiny bit of wood to be even teenier and tinier. I had tiny, what I needed was teensy. So I got out my handy jig saw and ...
WHAMMO!
The jigsaw kicked back and hit me in the face with full force. At this point, I was really wishing I'd peed earlier. O.K. We're only a couple of sentences into this story and we've already learned 2 lessons.
1. Don't use power tools when you're overtired.
2. Pee whenever you have the opportunity.
The butt end of the jigsaw smashed my lower lip so hard I felt it start to swell up before I even dropped the saw. Why did the jigsaw smash me in the face? Because I'm stupid. I wasn't holding the saw flush with the wood. Basically, I was using the saw improperly. If I had been properly rested, fed and had a newly evacuated bladder I never would have done such a thing.
I dropped the jigsaw to the ground. But I did so carefully, because running inside to look at my face would have been even more difficult if I were to chop my ankles off by carelessly dropping the saw. And whenever I hurt myself with a tool, I'm always very careful with that tool for the next hour or so.
I ran into the house and looked in the first mirror I could find. The first thing I noticed was my hair was a wreck and I made a mental note to make an appointment as soon as possible.. Next, I opened my mouth and sure enough it was filled with blood. That's what happens when your bottom teeth go through your lip. Which is what happens when you withhold resting, eating and peeing. And getting your hair done.
I quickly covered my mouth with a face cloth (black of course) and ran upstairs to the bedroom where my boyfriend was convalescing. He has a cold. I burst into the room and he said "OH MY GOD! What's wrong with your hair?". I explained I needed highlights. Then I showed him my already ballooning lip and the two largeish holes inside where my teeth went through. I asked him what he thought I should do.
Evidently this whole lack of sleep, food, and peeing had got to me even more than I'd realized. I was yet again asking the medical advice of the same person who told me I didn't need stitches to my finger during the last Coop accident. The same person who stuck me together with Crazy Glue and a bandaid and told me to get back at it. (I'm going for physiotherapy on my finger next week by the way) So ... as I said ... clearly not thinking straight.
He advised "numb then one". Numb the area with an icecube and then for a minute longer. Dr. Crazy Glue told me the lip was going to get fat no matter what, but the ice would help reduce it.
At this point, I'd just about had it with power tools, building things, ugly hair and sweaty clothes. For 2 months I've felt like a wreck, looked like a wreck and have basically been running in circles trying to get everything I need to get done, done. My boyfriend could see I was one lip quiver away from a breakdown.
It was at this point he tried his hardest to say something supportive.. He got the most caring look in his eyes, put his hand over mine and said "Don't worry. Now you're going to look like an actress!"
I laughed so hard I started spurting blood. Nothing says "I think that's funny" like spewing blood all over the joke teller. Try it at a comedy club one night.
And guess what? He was right.
Suck on that Angelina Jolie. You'd be really threatened if you could also see my hair.
postscript
It's finally done. Click here to see the finished coop. 2 injuries, 3 months and about a thousand dollars later.
I don't understand why you weren't using the compact emergency pee director thing from your blog today?
Please be careful, I would miss you too much if you needed a few days off convalescing!
you had me at one post
so funny, thank you
perfect timing:
coop and power tool.
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"And whenever I hurt myself with a tool, I’m always very careful with that tool for the next hour or so." Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's me! Until I hurt myself with it again. And then I'm very careful again...
"I burst into the room and he said “OH MY GOD! What’s wrong with your hair?“." Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!
"He got the most caring look in his eyes, put his hand over mine and said “Don’t worry. Now you’re going to look like an actress!”" Bwahahahahahahahahah!
I hurt myself pretty much daily so this post really rang a bell with me. And, yes, I'm still catching up. I seem to have somehow missed quite a bit of 2011.
And can I just say that I love the fella. Not for me, for you, I'm all set with a fella of my own, but he is perfect for you. Thank you again for making me laugh out loud while I am up in the middle of the night (oh, crap...it's actually early morning now) because I couldn't sleep. At least reading your blog I don't feel like the time is wasted.
Thanks! I'd forgotten about that post. Yup. It was a good one, LOL. ~ karen
I shouldn't laugh, but the fact that your other half noticed your hair is a miracle, especially when you have a newly acquired trout pout. You need your wits around you when dealing power tools Karen, and the panic that sets in when your bladder is full...sheesh. Be careful girl, wee, rest then tools!
Kharina - Yes. My fella notices my hair all the time. For instance, he *just* told me it looks like I'm wearing a wig today. I'm normally pretty good around power tools. In all my years I've only injured myself slightly 3 times. And that includes the jigsaw matter and the sliced finger of earlier this year. I really do need to pee and eat more while working though! Definitely. And take greater care of my hair apparently. ~ karen
Karen, I discovered your blog about a month ago and I am hooked! I love reading your post they are morning must read while I am sitting there drinking coffee resembling something of a troll, hoping some morning laughter and coffee will turn me into a real person! :) I love your "stuff" keep at it! This girl way down in KY couldn't get her morning started without ya! :)
Thanks Michelle - I'm looking somewhat less than spectacular, drinking my morning coffee, reading your comment. It's like we're the same person. ~ karen
Sorry but I have laughed all the way through that story. Why are none of us women peeing? I think because it's too much trouble and dang I have to do it all day long. I gave up on power tools a long time ago. Something always goes wrong. Always. And I do not play the hurt part very well.
Karen..this is so funny that I have to go pee...LOL
Hey - you could do a post on how to pee at inconvenient times and locations. I personally have no idea how lady rockclimbers pee - do they have to shout 'Fore!' before peeing in case there is someone below?
I've heard about the P-mate thing that allows women to pee standing up (www.femalefreedom.ca) but have never known anyone who tried it.
I also want to know how female astronauts do it, how female sailors do it ... after all your sidebar does say "ASK KAREN ... IF I DON'T KNOW, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT."
I had NO IDEA so many other women used the bio-break-as-reward system.
Awww.... I was wanting to reassure you that your hair doesn't look THAT bad and then you didn't show us the hair!!
Hope your lip heals quickly, you actually look like my Auntie many years ago when she was kissing her horse.....yes I said kissing....and the horse bit her on the lip..... she went on to be a nurse....lol
As for the finger, I wondered at the time 'Is this just a crazy Canadian thing?' crazy glue? Have you suggested to your man that he needs to be first aid accredited?
Also have you considered getting one of those devices that lady rockclimbers use to pee outdoors? Just a thought!
OK, this may be gross to some, but I feel as if I'm among kindred spirits here. I, too, subscribe to the "gotta get it done and then I can ______ theory." I sorta solved the peeing problem by keeping a large yogurt tub in the garage, along with a roll of toilet paper. As long as I don't knock it over while I'm trying to finish up a project (BTDT), it works like a charm and is easy to empty later. You have NO idea how much one person can pee in the course of a project, especially if you're also trying to be good and stay hydrated and drink those recommended 8 cups of water a day. ;-} It's much quicker to pee in the yogurt tub (much easier than, but sort of like, peeing in the specimen cup for a urinalysis)than it is to dance around and risk injury with a powerful/blunt/hard power tool. Believe me, this came to me after several mishaps. Still friends? Or did I gross you out? Don't forget the hand sanitizer if you're really picky, but that cuts into my project time too much. My hands are just gonna get dirty doing the project anyway is what goes through my mind.
Lucy - I once had to pee in a plastic beer cup for the weekend when I was staying at a cottage that had no toilet. I'm not what you'd call very good at it. ~ karen
I also reward myself thusly...
Funniest post ever! Funnier than your Earth Hour centipede experience. And like you, I too reward myself by allowing myself to pee and eat. Must be a woman thing...
I have to ask...do you laugh as you write your posts? I crack up while reading each of them. Only you could turn an injury into something amusing!
Please be careful.
Talia - You're the second person to comment on that today! Today's post mustta been a good one. It's difficult for me to judge. No, I don't laugh while writing my posts. If I have time to reread them before posting them (which isn't often lately) I'll smile if I know it's bound to make someone else laugh. Mainly I take myself very seriously and didn't even really know I was funny until I started this blog. And even at this point I'm just taking your word for it. I must go spew blood at someone now, if you'll excuse me. ~ karen
I agree, pee'ing can be such a waste of time;) And, putting gas in my car. It's always when I'm on a roll or have only one more thing to get done when suddenly I realize I have to pee...or put gas in my car.