Students nowadays are more willing to participate in extracurricular activities due to the numerous benefits.

First and foremost, apart from what they study in school, participation in extracurricular activities would assist pupils to
gain and develop their social knowledge. Students benefit much from the knowledge that books provide, but it appears
that if they exclusively learn through books, their thinking abilities will be restricted to the pages of paper.
Extracurricular activities, particularly those that provide challenges, need pupils to devise appropriate solutions. Pupils
will learn how to apply classroom learning to different real-life situations, analyze, evaluate, and critique the issues
presented, and devise acceptable solutions at that time. For instance, a soccer game on the pitch necessitates the
youngster to use all of the above intellectual capacity to make quick decisions in order to keep the ball on course.
That's when youngsters develop the ability to think in a split second.
For another reason, involvement in extracurricular activities is essential for students to have healthy lives. Children's
physical development is aided by extracurricular activity participation, which helps them become more flexible, agile,
and healthy. Due to that, health is also enhanced. Pupils now have more energy to foster critical thinking and creativity
in the classroom. In terms of mental health, kids will have the chance to connect with others who share their interests,
overcome social barriers, and form strong friendships. Youngsters will also understand the importance of collaboration
and come to respect it. Additionally, it will maintain your child's peace of mind, lowering the tension and pressure that
he occasionally doesn't want.
Besides, participating in community extracurricular activities, students will bring benefits to the community, contributing
to building a good and humane society. By contributing to the community of those in need, students will learn to
sympathize and empathize with the people around them. These practical actions not only contribute to the society but
also help them to cultivate a kind and loving human personality. For example, many students have formed non-profit
organizations in order to support people in need, especially those in rural regions, flood-prone areas, orphans,
disabled people, and the elderly.
In short, secondary school students should take part in extracurricular activities as a result of its fantastic benefits.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using contractions and the 2nd person voice.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments and develop them more logically. Much of the essay seems to focus
exclusively on sports.

- The essay needs to be structured more logically. Different arguments should be analyzed in separate paragraphs.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5.5

Nguyễn Bùi Vân Hiền

Extracurricular activities are extremely important to many secondary school students' lives. Alongside academic skills,
the two are needed in order to help them become a well-rounded individuals to contribute to society, and I will be
explaining the benefits of extracurricular activities in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, extracurricular activities help develop social skills. For secondary school students, this is essential as it helps
them develop close relationships and find good opportunities for future jobs. It helps improve teamwork, leadership
and cooperation. For instance, being in a football team that requires working with other teammates to ensure the
victory of the team helps improve social and teamwork skills.

Secondly, it helps improve academic performance. When students, and especially secondary school students,
participate in activities which they enjoy, especially those that are difficult and challenging, their brain function,
concentration, stamina and time management will be improved, and can be used for academic purposes. As an
example, someone participate in an art class, they will have to manage time to complete the art project in time and
concentrate on finishing it, and once they manage to finish it, it will be very satisfying and motivates them to do other
work with the skills they learned.

Thirdly, it helps expand one’s worldview and empathy. When one participate in different extracurricular activities, they
will discover things they enjoy, people they want to help, problems they want to solve while developing adaptability
and creative problem solving. It can also make one's desire to empathize with other people larger. In example,
volunteering to clean the trashes in a river helps them adapt to the dangerous environment, and make them
empathize with river cleaners that have to do it regularly.

In conclusion, extracurricular activities help secondary students improve their social skills, academic performances,
expand worldview and much more. It is an essential part of a student's life that will shape them into the person they
desire.

- You need to develop your arguments more logically and provide stronger supporting information.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Vũ Bảo Châu
Today, along with the development of the education industry, experts and parents have a more positive view of
activities outside the regular school curriculum. Extracurricular activities such as sightseeing, competition, etc. are
increasingly focused and enhanced in the modern school environment.
First of all, extracurricular activities help students gain an objective view of real life beyond the pages of books.
Students will be exposed to and practice knowledge that is not found in books but is very practical in life. Moreover,
participating in extracurricular activities helps students a lot in improving their social skills and life skills in the modern
world environment.
Second, activities that are not included in the main curriculum will help students relieve the stress after tiring school
hours. These activities not only help students practice skills, but also help them have more fun and dynamism.
Extracurricular activities help students increase self-control and self-awareness will also be trained.
In short, participating in extracurricular activities has many practical benefits for students, both helping to practice skills
and having more fun in life.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You need to develop your arguments much more. In particular, you need to provide supporting information.

- Avoid using abbreviations.

- You are using quite a few words incorrectly.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4

Nguyễn Trung Hiếu

Junior high school is a crucial stage for adolescent development. Besides normal academic lessons, secondary
schools often organize after-school extracurricular activities for students, to ensure students' physical and mental
development, alongside academic work. In this essay, I am inclined to argue that extracurricular activities reward
youngsters with various merits.
First of all, extracurricular activities broader social skills. They provide students with more chances to communicate
and socialize more. Depending on youngsters' interests, they may provide suitable activities such as school clubs, in
which students may be able to get acquaintances with peers with similar likes and dislikes. Outside of their classroom,
extracurricular activities offer a great opportunity for them to expand their social circles. This helps them develop their
social skills, therefore become more confident communicating in front of a crowd.
Extracurricular activities are also a great tool through which youngsters can learn important time management skills.
Through the task of balancing academic work and after-school activities, for example, students will begin to lay the
foundations for time managing abilities, which will benefit them at later stages of their education and in the steps they
will take post-education.
Physically, many after-school activities often include sports or exercises which help strengthen teenagers' health. With
school clubs, students may lessen their time spent in front of a TV or computer screen besides studying and play
sports – which have been proven to be beneficial for their health.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities, mentally and physically, benefit students. Besides academic lessons, non-
collegiate clubs are also an important part of the education process. They bring relationships, enhance one’s time
management skills and provide great physical condition for teenagers, therefore offering them full development to
many extents.

- You could develop your arguments more logically.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Ngô Thu Phương

Compared to the previous generation, it seems that extracurricular activities which are pursued beyond the framework
of the standard curriculum are more of paramount importance to students' lives, especially to secondary school
students. There are several upsides associated with pupils in secondary schools' active participation in these
activities.
Before diving into the merits of extracurricular activities for secondary school students, it is crucial to fully comprehend
the meaning of extracurricular activities. By definition, extracurricular activities are “pursued in addition to the normal
course of study”.
First and foremost, extracurriculars contribute to create impressive resumes, enhancing students' candidacy
strategically. To put it simply, overseas educational institutions appreciate their prospective students excel in not only
their intended area of study but also in an expansive range of fields, which can only be demonstrated in extra-
classroom exercises.
In the second place, participating in various activities allows schoolchildren to explore a host of interests and discover
new passions they never knew. Furthermore, broadening hobbies broadens the outlook. For instance, if someone
participates in a philosophy club, he will commence seeing the world through the eyes of a developing philosopher.
Last but not least, these endeavors assist people in developing social skills. Making friends might be challenging, but
one of the simplest methods is participating in extracurricular activities. Each extracurricular activity gives them
another opportunity to extend their social network, which will be vital while seeking a career.
In summary, although to date, secondary students are probably involved in activities outside of school, consider the
strength of extracurricular activities and how to maximize their interests. Taking part in essential extracurricular
activities will educate them on business that will aid them to acquire a job, applying to institutions, and living a
meaningful life.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

- The writing is overly complicated at times.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Phạm Quỳnh Chi

Most middle school students do not do many extracurricular activities since they believe things unrelated to
schoolwork are less of a priority. However, they still provide students benefits, which this essay highlights.

Firstly, Extracurricular activities help middle school students acquire useful skills for future advantages, for example,
teamwork, leadership, and time management, and communication. Students learn to balance education and
extracurricular activities, which they need to manage time efficiently. Thus, they entirely focus on their current task and
finish it before the deadline, increasing their productivity. Extracurricular activities, especially those related to team
sports, can help students work as a team more efficiently. Students may also take turns bearing the responsibilities of
a leader and gaining experience in communication amongst the group.

Not only do extracurricular activities help students learn skills, but they also can improve their academic performance.
When students enroll in the extracurricular activity they want, they realize their talents and raise their confidence and
self-esteem. Studies have shown that students who are ready for tests do better than those who are not. Therefore,
students can use their confidence to do well in exams. Another point is that once students join their desired
extracurricular activities, they do their best to try not to leave the school to continue doing their extracurricular
activities. Consequently, students have another purpose for scoring more points on exams.

To conclude, extracurricular activities are advantageous to middle school students. Thus, they should try and find time
to enjoy doing things they like while keeping up the work at school.

- You need to come up with more convincing arguments and provide stronger supporting information.

- There are several issues with ambiguous pronouns.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Nguyễn Khánh An
Demarcating time between education and skill-based activities can be highly beneficial for a student's holistic growth.
The following essay below will tell you how indulging in activities outside school can be helpful to especially to
secondary school students.
First, it enhances social interaction skill and character building. By doing extracurricular activities, people are training
themselves to that activity and getting better at specific topics and other bonus gain. For example, by playing sports,
people gain better stamina and strengths . As a result, they are better and stronger in their daily life.
Second, they also promote academic achievements. Getting good achievements also help people getting in some
schools or help them with their career more easily. For example, some schools recruit students with good
achievements for sports or other activities.
To conclude, certainly endorse extracurricular activities for a student's cohesive development and better life.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- You need to develop your arguments much more.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion .5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
3.5

Phạm Lê Tân
In this competitive world, knowledge is power, therefore we are always seeking for knowledge or how to deepen our
understanding of them and some of us seek them by taking extra classes at school. Today I’m going to point out how
taking those extra classes will help us.
First and foremost, taking an extra curricular activity helps us to use your knowledge more fluidly. When the teacher is
giving a lesson the time given for them is barely enough to get across the knowledge. Let alone enhanced it. But, by
taking part in extra curricular activities it will give the teacher the chance to teach us to use the information we have
learned more skillfully. In addition, extra classes helps us to cut short the things we work on since we know the core of
how the exercise works.
Secondly, taking extra classes can help us to socialise, as the extra class have limited time if we had not understood
what the teacher was trying to transfer to us, they can translate it to us from a perspective as a student to another
student. Additionally, when going to classes you get to meet a variety of people from other school, which means they
can gain experience from dealing with other people, thus improving their social skills.
In short, taking classes out of curriculum can have a number of benefits which will help improve our grade and
broaden our circle of friends.

- You seem to have misunderstood the prompt.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using contractions and the 1st/2nd person voice.

- The writing is also confusing at times. You are using several words incorrectly.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion .5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
3.5

Nguyễn Anh Khoa

(benefits of extracurricular activities to secondary school students)
Nowadays, more and more secondary schools are increasingly encouraging their students to be engaged in
extracurricular activities. This happens mainly because those activities bring various benefits to students, such as
improving academic performance, developing life skills that may be useful for the future, or being beneficial for
university applications.
Many people think that participating in extracurricular activities would distract students from their studies. However,
many scientific evidence proved the opposite. Participating in activities can help increase concentration and time
management, all of which contribute to higher grades. Lots of studies have been conducted on the relationship
between extracurricular activities and academic performance, and they all show that students who participate in them
have higher grades, more positive attitudes toward school and higher academic aspirations.
Secondly, extracurricular activities help develop useful social and life skills that could be applied later on in higher
grades or future career. Those activities enable people to meet and befriend others they might not have known before,
as well as expanding their relationship network. Apart from social aspects, experiences people gained from those
activities can be helpful later on in life. From what they learned in extracurricular activities, people could improve many
of their life skills, such as teamwork, time management, public speaking, goal setting, leadership, etc. These aspects
can be developed easily with these after-school activities, especially when being the leader.
Last but not least, many research showed that it is nearly impossible to get into any university in the US or UK without
extracurricular activities. Therefore, getting engaged in various fields and work is an effective way. In fact, Universities
and colleges these days tend to focus on the individual's abilities and personalities rather than their academic
achievements. Having a strong passion for a certain field, as well as having many talents or participating in many
activities would appeal more to the admission department in comparison to not knowing any life skills or any activities.
In conclusion, I believe that extracurricular activities are beneficial to secondary students in many aspects, and it
would certain be helpful for future career.

- Avoid using abbreviations.

- You should develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
7

Thái Hồng Quỳnh Chi

Extracurricular activities now allow students to express and discover themselves in areas of their knowledge, skills,
and competencies. These activities are an ongoing effort further to develop the potential of individuals as a whole, and
they are integrated to produce individuals who are intellectually, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically
balanced and harmonious, and they are founded on a firm belief in truth and discipline. These activities benefit both
one’s academic performance and social life. To begin with, being involved in extracurricular activities can help you
improve your academic performance because participating in activities that you are passionate about can improve
your brain function, concentration, and time management, all of which contribute to higher grades. Endurance sports,
for example, can teach you to focus, build stamina, and find a way out in the face of adversity, which can be extremely
beneficial to your students when studying and taking exams. The second benefit of participating in school
extracurricular activities is that we can meet new people; each extracurricular activity we participate in gives us
another opportunity to expand our relationships. Friends, if we are adults looking for work, this is also very helpful. If
we make friends in our extracurricular activities, we are also more likely to participate more deeply. For example, if we
make some friends at school who share our goals, we can cultivate and learn from each other more. Furthermore,
when you participate in extracurricular activities at school, your life skills will improve. For example, if you have skills in
leadership, management, and logical thinking to solve problems, this will help a lot with your work-study later on. In
conclusion, While you can participate in activities outside of school, consider the benefits of extracurricular activities
and how to maximize your passion. Participating in meaningful extracurricular activities will teach you lessons that will
help you get a job, apply to universities, and live a meaningful life.

- You need to organize your writing into paragraphs.

- The writing is far too informal. Avoid using the 1st and 2nd person voice.

- You need to develop your arguments more logically and provide relevant supporting information.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
5.5

Nguyễn Tường Vy
In recent years, it has been increasingly common to see that extracurricular activities have played an increasingly
prominent role in the lives of many secondary school students' lifestyles. Several students think it brings multiple
benefits, while others claim its disadvantages cannot be ignored. The following paragraph will elucidate the benefits
and drawbacks of extracurricular activities.
Firstly, it can be contended that extracurricular activities bring substantial advantages to students. One of the most
significant benefits is that extracurricular activities help secondary learners ameliorate their mental skills, which could
stay with them for a lifetime. In this day and age, the knowledge that books provide is detailed. However, if students
only learn through books, their thinking ability will be limited to the pages of paper. Joining extracurricular activities
requires participants to learn how to apply the theories to real-life circumstances, analyze, synthesize and evaluate the
problem and finally come up with effective solutions.
Conversely, there are multiple adverse effects of extracurricular activities that students have to deal with. One of the
most serious disadvantages of online learning is that balancing school work with extracurricular activities can be a
complicated problem for students. An abundance of activities may take up lots of their valuable time studying and
completing homework. Furthermore, by busying themselves with extracurriculars,busy secondary school students also
have less time to spend at home with their families, which can put a strain on familial relationships as the kids get
older. Parents and children should communicate so that young children do not face unneeded early pressures.
To sum up, it can be seen that extracurricular activities have made a tremendous contribution to secondary school
students’ improvement. There are, however, several potential drawbacks that must be overcome.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

- You need to clearly state your position.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5.5

Liu Lực Huy

Many schools have extracurricular activities. Although they are not compulsory, these activities held great benefits to
students.

Firstly, extracurricular activity can help students to get new skills and improve old ones. Art activities can improve
one’s drawing skills, while music activities can improve the confidence before the crowd. In some team sport activities,
the leadership skill and get a skill of how to unite a team. Other sports like badminton and tennis, students can learn
about precise decision making and become flexible to bad circumstances.

Second, extracurricular activity is a way to relieve stress after school. After a full day of exhausting schoolwork, these
activities can be a way to decrease the amount of it and make them less bored to do their homework at night. When
their mind is focused on something – currently the activities- they will forget about other things that happened during
the day.

Third, extracurricular activities can improve overall schoolwork. While this may not sound right to some people
because it takes time to do these activities, they can increase brain functioning, help managing time and being
concentrate, which all contributes to higher academic performance. Many studies have been conducted to know the
relationship between extracurricular activities and schoolwork and some of them show that students who participate in
these activities have higher grades and more positive towards school.

In conclusion, extracurricular activities are great benefits for students. These activites, when with school work, can be
helpful to students’ way of learning effectively.

- You are under the minimum required word count.

- You need to develop your arguments much more and provide stronger supporting information.

- There are quite a few sentence structure issues.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Đặng Minh Hoàng

I think extracurricular activities to secondary school students so good. By definition, extracurricular activities are “(of an
activity at a school or college) pursued in addition to the normal course of study.” When it comes to your college
applications, though, extracurriculars are a bit more complex than this — they require a consistent time commitment, a
degree of responsibility and initiative, and in the best cases, a level of leadership not demonstrated in the classroom.
Examples can include taking an online course in coding, starting a podcast, or even starting a business! However, the
world of extracurriculars is truly limitless and taking on massive projects isn’t the only way to make admissions officers
remember you. The authenticity and dedication they illustrate are much more important than the difficulty or grandeur
of your extracurriculars.
- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You need to follow the conventions of academic writing. This includes properly structuring the essay, using the
appropriate language, and organizing the writing into paragraphs.

Task Response .5, Coherence and Cohesion .5, Lexical Resource .5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
2.5

Trần Lê Việt Anh

Many middle schools in today's world have begun to organise additional extracurricular activities, such as athletics or
community service. Throughout this essay, I will discuss the advantages that extracurricular activities provide for
students.
To begin with, those courses are recognized to give pupils a wide range of highly practical life skills. Students will
frequently engage in group activities that not only boost their comfort and enjoyment, but also the quality of their
learning. They learn a variety of vital and practical abilities as a result of this strategy, including goal planning,
partnership working, time management, the ability to lead an organization, public speaking, and so on.
Furthermore, non-academic classes serve as a playground for students to widen their viewpoints on current topics in a
multidimensional way. A pupil taking an extracurricular philosophy class, for example, will have a lot of profound
philosophy in his argument against an issue. Similarly, a student enrolling in a literary class may develop sensitivity
and empathy as a result of the rich meanings drawn in the works to perceive things.
Last but not least, a healthy environment allows students to make friends and engage with many other people,
resulting in a pleasant and cheerful learning atmosphere that relieves all of the pressures of study and life. Students
require these extracurricular activities to improve and become a better version of themselves, especially in middle
school, when the human body experiences significant changes in both looks and behavior.
In conclusion, After-hours optional sessions have provided various benefits to students, including the discovery of
interests, the expansion of knowledge, the provision of life skills, the creation of chances to meet friends and the
reduction of academic pressure. To summarize, extracurricular activities, particularly in secondary school, play a vital
role in balancing and improving students' learning quality.

- The language you use throughout the essay is extremely vague. You need to provide specifics and clearly show the
benefits of extracurriculars.

- The writing also needs to be more concise.

- You seem to be confused about the concept of extracurriculars.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
5.5

Nguyễn Phạm Châu Anh

Secondary students nowadays tend to replace extracurricular activities such as playing sports, participating in clubs,
etc with completing assignments alone and socialising online, thinking it is better for them to put effort into studying or
relaxing via the Internet than actual socialising with others. Paradoxically, it has been proven that doing extracurricular
activities contributes a great amount of positive effect on a student's life.
It goes without saying that the beneficial effects of doing extracurricular activities is immense for secondary students.
For instance, going swimming or playing basketball helps stretch the bones, which are generally admitted to increase
one’s height. Even joining clubs like writing clubs and drama clubs has been proven to improve the brain, creating
more space for new memories and improving students' educational performances. It is a well-established fact that
mental health is something that can be improved through doing extracurricular activities positively impact one’s mental
health. As students nowadays have to bear a lot of pressure such as deadlines, achievements, as well as peer
pressure and so much more, doing activities that they enjoy with individuals having the same mindsets would help
them relieve stress. In addition, creating favourable good bonding relationships with them would help students feel
better when they need support, therefore avoiding many mental disorders such as depression, self-isolation, etc.
An additional merit of doing extracurricular activities for secondary students is that many handy skills and abilities can
be developed in the course of participating. Students who are given the chance to become the leader for a group of
others would make their way to prove their value as a pioneer to their teammates. By doing that, they would figure out
many hidden abilities that come along with being a leader such as the ability to stay calm, to persuade others on the
team and most importantly the mix of them – the ability to lead. Another comprehensive ability is the ability to
communicate. Sadly, students are likely to be limited to communicate freely at home as they are now being forced to
focus on studying too much. Therefore, the ability to communicate is being underestimated by a terribly high number
of students. To state crystal clear ideas and give supportive examples to convince people is something that needs
encouraged communication to practise with. If students participate in extracurricular activities that they take
satisfaction in, they would find friends who will likely make them express their thoughts more and by that improving
their communication skills.
In summary, extracurricular activities helps bring lots of advantageous benefits to secondary students. Therefore,
students should be advised to consider taking up some extracurricular activities and being given time to improve and
find hidden self-value through experiencing life around them.

- The essay is too long and not organized in an entirely logical way. You need to think more carefully about how to
state and organize your arguments. Separate arguments should be analyzed in separate paragraphs.

- Avoid using abbreviations.

- The writing should be more concise.

- You should assume more of a neutral tone (much of the essay is far too negative).
Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
1.5
5.5

Bùi Ngọc Minh Phúc

In this day and age, it is undoubtedly to state that students’ educational system is particularly restricted to textbooks
and assigned tasks. The amount of students who undertake after-school classes is constantly escalating in order to
adapt to the ceaseless change of the current competitive era. These aforementioned effects account for the lack of
spare time, which prevents schoolers from various non-collegiate activities. While some individuals tend to believe that
extra classes are more priority than after school activities since they will be crucial attributes in assisting students
become well-rounded yet gain more tremendous grades. However, non-scholastic pursuits have their own beneficial
factors. First and foremost, the importance of their contributions in students’ both mental and physical health is
irrefutable. With the accessibility to the extracurricular system, students will be ignited by extensive activities and
eventually become healthier, brighter, more responsible and grow in an unprecedentedly better way. Specifically,
chess improves graduates’ cognitive skills, self confidence and memory magnitude while art helps reduce stress and
stimulate hidden creativity. Additionally, they activate students’ senses of thinking and help them socialize more.
Second, alongside extra-curricular activities, students will be capable of following their passion. Instead of being in
dread of the amount of academic work which might lead to depression and undesirable health conditions, students will
be accessed to a plethora of activities that dispense them pertinent insights to decide corresponding fields. To
exemplify, nowadays, there are many celebrities such as Gigi Hadid, Taylor Swift, Anne Hathaway, Gordon
Ramsay,..., who had determined co-curricular activities as their career and are currently lucrative. To conclude, co-
curriculum programs bring a myriad of appealing benefits to students. Therefore, they should be prioritized and
promoted in order to enhance the attachment of schoolers to after-school activities.

- You need to organize your writing into paragraphs.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments and develop them more logically.

- The writing is wordy and confusing at times. You are using quite a few words incorrectly.

- Avoid using ellipses.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
1.5
5

khau chi lam

Nowadays, students are being nurtured in an educational curriculum superior to their parents' in the past.
Nevertheless, outdoor activities within educational purposes organized by the school is crucial to secondary school
students. In this essay, beneficial effects of extracurricular activities will be highlighted.
First and foremost, extracurricular activities furnish students' practical skills as opposed to theoretical knowledge in
class. It is common knowledge that pupils are having hours spent in jotting theory and completing exercises rather
than vivacious physical activities to gain information jovially. Long-term education without any practical activities ought
to give rise to lethargic and lack of eagerness to study. Notwithstanding how intricate this situation seemingly is, the
problem and be easily tackled with outdoor activities to encourage students to exert themselves to get hands-on
experience.
Secondly, extracurricular activities are more economically beneficial to educational institutions and, furthermore,
environmentally advantageous. Operating a class goes hand in hand with an swell in electricity, water bill and the cost
of hiring personnel, while an outdoor activity only demands a spacious place and someone to look after the activities,
which will be eased by a substantial amount of volunteers. Additionally, besides the overwhelming price of electricity
and water, the procedures of consuming these resources culminate in a prodigious emission of toxic fumes into the
environment as well. Whereas extracurricular activities are done outdoors and, moreover, activities concerning
protecting the environment will not harm the nature, but benefiting it withal.
To sum up, ordinary educational curriculum is slyly inferior to extracurricular activities in terms of secondary education
on account of the more preferable economical and environmental benefits and the capability of enhancing students'
practical knowledge.

- The writing is overcomplicated and excessively florid. You need to use more concise and straightforward language.

- You are using numerous words incorrectly.

- You need to come up with more logical and relevant arguments.

- There are quite a few grammar and sentence structure issues.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4

Đàm Tiến Khôi

Extracurriculars are crucial to many secondary school students. However, whether extra classes are needed is still a
matter of public concern. In my opinion, extracurriculars can do your merits.
Firstly, afterschool Activities after school can help students socialize. Many exercises encourage students to
communicate with and help each other or help each other. Let’s take a debating class after school, for example.
Students in one team can’t sit alone and do their work, they have to support people in their team by showing ideas and
finding ways so that their team wins. Next, joining different classes can improve your academic performance.
Participating in activities that you feel passionate about can help you with your brain function, and can help you learn
to concentrate or manage time more d efficiently. This can help you get better and higher grades. Many high schools
chose students who participated in different exercises the most. Furthermore, Doing extracurricular activities can also
help students in finding out their passions or their own interests they never knew they had. This can help to broaden
their worldview. For example, when a pupil joins a philosophy club, he or she might be able to look at and understand
the world in a different way. Last but not least, if one is considering the US studying path, extracurriculars can’t be
[Link] schools tend to want to see specific things from a student’s extracurricular activities, like longevity,
passion, and leadership.
To recap, I think that extracurricular activities will do you merits according to the above-listed reasons.

- The writing is far too informal. Avoid using contractions and the 2nd person voice.

- You need to organize your writing more effectively into paragraphs.

- You seem to be confusing extracurriculars with classes.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments and develop them more logically.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Nguyễn Như Mai

For students, extracurricular activities are beneficial. They may offer a variety of advantages.
Firstly, extracurricular activities can improve your overall outlook on school! Taking part in things you are enthusiastic
about can improve your brain function, focus, and time management, all of which help you achieve better grades. For
example, you can develop your attention and stamina in the face of extreme adversity by participating in endurance
sports.
Secondly, making friends can be challenging, but one of the easiest ways is through extracurricular activities! Every
extracurricular activity you take part in gives you the chance to increase your social network, which is beneficial when
seeking for a career and making friends. Your extracurricular activities will also increase your likelihood of becoming
more involved. For instance, if you meet some people while performing community service at school, you might decide
to form a volunteer group and make a significant difference in your neighborhood!
Even though you certainly participate in extracurricular activities, consider their advantages and how to make the most
of your interests. The lessons you'll acquire from taking part in worthwhile extracurricular activities will aid in your job
search, college application process, and overall quality of life. So what are you waiting for? Join a group, enroll in an
online course, or volunteer right now!

- You are under the minimum required word count.

- The writing is far too informal. Avoid using questions, exclamation points, contractions, and the 2nd person voice.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments and develop them more logically.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource .5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
4

Nguyen Hoang Minh

Nowadays, since teenagers demand a higher education level and better soft skills to meet society’s rigorous
standards, it would seem reasonable that extracurricular activity is among the most efficient tool for self-building. My
essay below will provide numerous distinct benefits of extracurriculars for teenagers, especially secondary students.
First of all, extracurriculars enhance secondary students’ academic credentials. As a rule of thumb, college admission
committees and employers alike greatly appreciate scholars who involve in non-scholastic activities. In other words,
highly prestigious universities wish to see students who not only excel in their intended area of study but also in a wide
range of fields, which is easily got from extra-classroom activities
Furthermore, by participating in extracurriculars, secondary students can accumulate various substantial social skills.
For example, team sports provide students with cooperating skills. Additionally, students can access a range of
associations that could provide them with career opportunities. By the way, working in the presence of others who
have similarities contribute plenty of motivation to one.
In conclusion, extracurriculars can offer myriad advantages to one’s academic and social life. Hence, they can have a
flawless academic background, which contributes a desirable outcome to them in the long term.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You should use more effective transitions.

- You should develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Thiều Sỹ Hưng
Nowadays, extracurricular activities are thought to be useful for secondary school students. It brings them a lot of
positive impacts.
Firstly, extracurricular activities can help teenagers to improve their academic performance at school. Participating in
the activities that students are interested in can increase their brain function, which makes them think more correctly
and productively. This will give students a huge advantage in doing exercises, studying, taking exams, help them to
get a high score at school. Extracurricular activities can make students recognize the positive aspects of schools and
studies.
Secondly, taking part in these activities is one of the most simple ways to make friends. There will be some sections
that students need to work as a team, it will help them to connect with each other and be friends. Plus, they can also
communicate with people who have the same interests as them.
In addition, there are a number of activities that involved sports, by joining in those activities, teenagers can improve
their health, help them to develop their height or keep fit.
Last but not least, if secondary students participate in different, various extracurricular activities, they will get a lot of
opportunities to find out, explore and unlock a new skill, a new passion that they have never thought about before. It
will help teenagers to broaden their worldview.
In conclusion, taking part in extracurricular activities has a lot of benefits, especially for secondary school students.
Consequently, students should participate in an activity to develop their life skills and academic performance.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

- The essay should be written in the present simple tense. Avoid using "will"

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
5.5

Nguyễn Hà Lan
It seems that everyone agrees that extracurricular activities are universally considered beneficial to secondary school
students. This essay will discuss the advantages of these activities in details about their advantages for junior high
school students.
First and foremost, extracurricular activities make students become more active, agile, and sociable. As students
participate in these activities, they need to socialize more often than in normal life. In particular, they communicate and
make new friends with strangers. As a result, it improves both their communication skills and social skills. Besides, it
also expands students’ social network which might help them in some situations.
Secondly, through their extracurricular activities, students will be able to acquire more knowledge and learn more new
skills. For example, a student who is the member of a sport club will know about that sport’s rules, tactics, and maybe
some information about famous talented athletes of that game. As well as a pupil chooses to do voluntary works at
school will learn how to clean things, make suitable arrangements, ... It is so helpful because the more knowledge and
skills students have, the more intelligent and successful they will be.
Last but not least, extracurricular activities sometimes produce relaxation and bring interests that surprise students.
There are a variety of activities for students to choose. Therefore, they will have the opportunity to explore a range of
interests and unlock new passions for themselves. Who knows if these new things change their life or broaden their
worldview.
To sum up, extracurricular activities help secondary school students a lot to improve themselves. Therefore, Every
middle school student should participate in at least one afterschool activity in order to make their school life become
more interesting.

- Avoid using ellipses.

- You should develop your arguments more logically and provide stronger supporting information. Avoid making vague
and ambiguous statements.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Đào Quỳnh Hương

Extracurricular activities are programs that students can attend voluntarily after school and varies in different
categories such as sports, arts,... Extracurricular activities have many benefits that can help students in many ways. In
this essay, I will discuss the benefits of extracurricular activities, especially to secondary school students.
Firstly, Extracurricular activities help students boost their physical health. Nowadays, the students don't usually
exercise everyday and the fitness subject at school aren't enough to cover the exercise students need everyday. With
extracurricular activities, they can exercise more and help they become healthier while also learning their favourite
subjects such as football and basketball.
A second benefit of extracirricular activities is that they help to improve student's mental health. Activities such as
music and arts help students to feel relaxed after a long day of studying. Others like drama and theatre can help to
improve one's self-esteem. If someone that is scared to be in front of crowds when joins a drama or theatre club can
overcome their fear. Another benefit is that they help students to branch out and get new friends. Meeting new people
and find similarities is one of the biggest elements in making friends and in clubs of extracurricular activities, it's is
easily to make friends.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities bring many benefits and is a healthy activity to experience. It helps students to
relax, learn new skills and get new friends. Therefore, Trying extracurricular activities is good for secondary school
student's if they are free and want to try something new.

- Avoid using contractions and ellipses.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments.

- There are quite a few grammar issues.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
5

Nguyễn Hoàng Nam

These days, it has been increasingly common to see that extracurricular activities play an important role in secondary
school students' lifestyles. This essay will discuss the benefits of extracurricular activities.

Firstly, extracurricular activities help students relieve stress. Outside of school hours, students can participate in sports
activities such as football, volleyball, and badminton. Extracurricular activities bring many health benefits, helping
students to be physically and mentally active and preventing them from getting obese, depressed, and others.

Additionally, extracurricular activities can also help learners train their mental skills, which would be important for a
lifetime. These days, the knowledge and detail that books provide are unmatched. However, if students only learn
through books, their thinking ability will be only limited to the pages of books. Joining extracurricular activities,
especially lively social events that conclude different challenges, helps participants learn how to apply knowledge to
real-life circumstances. They will need to analyze, synthesize, evaluate the problem, and come up with effective
solutions. For instance, in a football match, children are required to utilize their skills to quickly make decisions to get
the ball into the goal. Besides, extracurricular activities help students build friendships and teamwork skills. When
students participate in extracurricular activities, they will be provided with great opportunities to interact with others
who share similar interests and desires, potentially building long-lasting friendships outside of their comfort that don’t
involve coursework. It also helps students build their cooperation, social development, and leadership skills.

In conclusion, we can agree that extracurricular activities have made a positive contribution to secondary school
students' skills.

- Avoid using contractions and the 1st person voice.

- You should develop your arguments more.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Đặng Hoàng Tuệ Anh

In this day and age, it is generally agreed that studying in the academic environment is advantageous to the life of a
secondary student. However, many individuals believe that extracurricular activities also have positive effects on
pupils in middle school. This essay will attempt to explain this viewpoint.
To begin with, doing extracurricular activities sharpens specific skills that are essential in today's world, especially
communication and time-management skills. The majority of the non-academic pursuits include interacting with
people, expressing ideas and active listening. Therefore, this type of activity gives students opportunities to hone their
socializing skills, which are crucial in this era. In addition, extracurricular activities also improve secondary pupils’ time-
management skills. As doing non-academic pursuits requires working on various projects at a time, students’ ability to
plan effectively will improve dramatically. This is vital in the modern world where both productivity and quality are in
great demand.
On top of that, doing extracurricular activities improves secondary pupils’ performance in school. Firstly, non-academic
pursuits often involve organized games, which can assist students in learning to be disciplined. Hence, they will be
cognizant of following instructions and apply them to achieve their desired outcome in the scholastic environment.
Secondly, when working on a project, students can have an understanding of the importance of persistence.
Therefore, they will have the ability to focus and work their way to success in school.
In conclusion, doing non-academic activities provides secondary students numerous advantages, in particular honing
their skills and improves their grades. For that reason, extracurricular pursuits should be encouraged both inside and
outside the scholastic environment.

- You should come up with stronger arguments.

- The writing tends to be overly vague. Make sure you use precise and specific language.

- Pay more attention to properly developing the introduction.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
7

Nguyễn Xuân Ngọc Khánh

In recent years, schools are all taking steps to reform a new learning environment for students and this has more or
less had effects on the normal activities of students in school since students are now more involved in extra-curricular
activities. Despite existing bad effects in extra-curricular activities, the benefits of those still seem to outweigh the
drawbacks.
First of all, regarding extra-curricular activities’ benefits, socialization is impossible not to be mentioned. Socializing
allows you to confide in others and let them confide in you. When attending extra-curricular activities, students are
given the opportunity to socialize with others. Consequently, this helps create mutual understanding and trust between
students through talking and asking questions about each other. For instance, when a student is set to be in the same
place with many other students but without anything he likes, this would help encourage him to talk with the others,
finding the ones who have the same interest to make friends. Not only does this stave off the feeling of loneliness in
such a place but it also helps sharpen memory and cognitive skills on the other hand. This is because social
interaction lowers the risk of dementia as well as being very good for the students’ brain.
Second of all, extra-curricular activities more or less would always help broaden the students’ horizons through
providing them with new things that they are not familiar with. Staying in a new place or environment would always
stimulate the student’s curious senses. Moreover, this sense encourages a student to go looking for new knowledge
himself instead of being forced to learn and study in a hasty manner by parents, teachers. Accordingly, when students
get to understand the importance of knowledge through the variety of new interesting things they learn from extra-
curricular activities, their studying would be much easier and no longer in an involuntary state.
To conclude, extra-curricular activities are really necessary with the benefits it brings back from socializing to new
knowledges but it should not happen too much to avoid affecting students' study and learning progress in school.

- The writing should be more concise and straightforward.

- Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- You need to provide stronger and more specific supporting information.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5.5

Nguyễn Đỗ Anh Dũng

In this day and age, extracurricular activities which are not part of the standard curriculum play an essential role in
students’ lives. There are several advantages when students participate actively in these activities.
First and foremost, extracurricular activities definitely bring students health benefits, making them more active both
physically and mentally. Participating in extracurricular activities helps students relax after regular classes. This is also
one of the most important factors to help students relieve their mood and regain interest in learning, and become more
active in other activities. Besides, extra-classroom activities support students to develop social skills. For example,
team sports are a good opportunity to get along with differences, resolve arguments, and provide invaluable practice
of interpersonal and teamwork skills, which could prove indispensable in one’s future career.
Second, extracurriculars support students to create impressive resumes, enhancing students’ candidacy strategically.
Besides academic credentials, certificates earned through students’ involvement in non-scholastic activities are highly
valued by college admission committees and employers alike. For instance, it is difficult to get into any university in the
United States without extracurricular activities. In all probability, the social project and leadership are evaluated by
schools accounting for an approximate proportion of the application. In other words, overseas educational institutions
wish to see their prospective students excel in not only their intended area of study but also in a wide range of fields,
which can be demonstrated in extra-classroom activities.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities bring a lot of benefits to students. It lends credence to students’ profiles in the
short run, as well as boosts life skills in the long run.

- You should organize your writing more logically.

- Some of your sentences are unnecessarily long and complicated. Pay more attention to the subject-verb agreement.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
7

Dương Minh Huyền

Although the significance of the secondary school curriculum for secondary students cannot be understated,
extracurricular activities also play an essential part in helping them achieve their full potential. This essay will now
weigh in on the merits of additional programs.

Firsterval, partaking in accessory exercises promotes students' confidence and cooperation. These activities permit
adolescent pupils to encounter more friends with the same interests. As a result, getting together fosters collaboration
among them, who frequently cope with self-esteem concerns as an unavoidable consequence of their age. Moreover,
through spending time together, secondary students may easily oversee and learn from others' mistakes, which
supports them in cultivating themselves for the better. Therefore, unquestionably, extracurricular activities are one of
the best settings to provide them with socializing opportunities.

Secondly, supplementary programs highlight social skills as an advantage for secondary pupils. They can be highly
beneficial from the grasp of advanced insights, often not being comprised in school lectures. For instance, how to think
out of the box or what teenage students can do to stay firm in the face of life adversity are typical examples. Above all,
it is vital that every secondary learner apply this know-how in real life, which is their most practical upside. Within so,
extracurricular activities may really pay off.

In brief, additional programs help encourage connections between students and enrich their skill-sets for dealing with
daily life hardships. Consequently, from my perspective, due to those positive aspects mentioned above, more and
more extracurricular activities should be accessible to secondary students.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments and develop them more logically.

- The writing is confusing at times. You should use more precise language and make sure your senteces are
straightforward.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
7

Ngô Trần Thảo Nguyên

Some parents say that extracurricular activities waste money, time, and energy. However, most classes still carry
these out because of the numerous benefits those activities offer, which is the scope of this essay.
Firstly, sometimes changing the atmosphere can make school much more intriguing. For example, some high schools
hold spectacular events, which liven the schoolhouse and make some good memories. Furthermore, the performance
can help advertise the educational institution itself.
Another way of doing extra activities at school is by doing experiments because the best way to acknowledge things
from textbooks and see why they are practical is to see them in real life.
Secondly, more activities mean more life experience. For instance, a trip to the zoo provides pupils with interaction
with different species, which includes touching, feeding, washing, and even riding the animals themselves.
Another example is a visit to an art gallery, where the learners can see a set of famous paintings, a few of which
include one or two sculptures. The final goal is to make tutees see and admire the beauty of the displayed pieces of
art themselves. Eventually, they can get better at painting thanks to the drawing tips and tricks they have learnt.
While each individual can go to the places themselves, going with other classmates would ensure that no one is lost,
everyone can learn something together, and the more, the merrier.
Overall, I recommend extramural activities as there are a few advantages, and classes should have more of these in
the future.

- You need to provide stronger and more relevant arguments.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Phạm Duy Thiện Nhân

Extracurricular activities are one of the most important aspects of personal student development in secondary schools.
Participating in extracurricular activities plays an important role in the practical experience. The purpose of these
activities, in my opinion, is to help students not only with social communication and entertainment but also to help
improve their abilities.

First of all, extracurricular activities provide an excellent outlet for students who find the regular program tough and
boring. These activities allow them to discover something they are truly passionate about and devote themselves to
with passion and focus; for some, this can lead to a career or a lifelong hobby. Furthermore, when students discover
what really interests them through extracurricular activities, their academic performance usually goes up, as they put
more time, effort, and focus into it, which in turn helps improve their grades.

Second, there is strong evidence that extracurricular activities raise students' self-esteem and positive social
behaviors. Creative extracurricular activities such as dramatization and dance can increase participants’ self-
confidence as they learn how to perform in front of many people. Furthermore, when participating in extracurricular
activities, students can work in groups, which helps them improve their communication skills, teamwork skills, and
social behaviors. Good social skills, on the other hand, can help students a lot in real life and when looking for a job.

In conclusion, there are numerous advantages to participating in extracurricular activities. Therefore, every Students
should participate in extracurricular activities as it helps them improve both personally and academically.

- You need to develop your arguments more logically and in more detail. Make sure you explain your claims and that
each body paragraph covers a particular argument.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
6.5

Nguyen Bao Lam

Nowadays, it is necessary for each student to become well-rounded with both social skills and excellent academic
records. In order to achieve such balance, extracurriculars are indispensable. This essay will debate several benefits
of after-school activities, especially for secondary students.
Firstly, engaging in extracurricular activities is beneficial to students’ social development. Group activities with others
help students improve teamwork and communication skills, which are crucial for their careers in the future. For
instance, with simple and challenging gameplay, the puzzle game requires cooperation and deduction of all members
to find the answer in the fastest way. Moreover, individual activities build independence and good time management,
leadership ability. For example, chess is one of the most tactical games: the player must be independent in all
situations and have marvellous problem-solving skills to win the game.
Secondly, after-school activities have a positive effects on our physical and mental health. Particularly, participating in
many sports such as basketball, athletics, swimming, and cycling strengthens muscles, bones, and boosts the
immune systems. It prevents people from obesity by helping to burning calories and fat, especially in puberty, when
our body's nutritional demands are very high. Furthermore, activities like art and music are beneficial influences on
students’ concentration, memory and emotional control. As a result, these benefits not only reduce shyness, anxiety
and aggressive behaviour but also make them more focused on lessons, which is vital and has profound effects on the
learning process of a pupil.
In conclusion, non-scholastic activities are essential to students by boosting life skills and enhancing their physical and
mental health, which is crucial for people to have a fulfilling life.

- Avoid using the 1st person voice.

- You should provide stronger supporting information. Avoid including overly narrow examples and make sure you
explain your claims.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
7

Đỗ Công Danh
Students nowadays have more access to activities that fall outside their curriculum and the diversity of it is enormous.
They are also referred to as extracurricular activities, and today, we are going to find out why it is not only necessary
for a student’s physical but also their overall growth.
First of all, secondary students are in an age of puberty. The age range is from 11 to 14 years old, and nourishing
them correctly is crucial for their overall performance later in their life. Playing sports or martial arts such as football,
basketball, judo or karate encourage their activeness, reduce their stress from daily school work and strengthen their
body while also help them stay in good shape. This period of time is also essential for them, since they are undergo an
internal and external change while still having to deal with daily matters.
Second of all, extracurriculars activity does not mean having to run or sweat all the time, but just an interest that a
student does in their pastime. Courses such as arts and crafts, photography or dancing can boost their soft skills
efficiently. These skills include time management, teamwork, creativity and mature their mindset. It can also benefit
them greatly in school, since such skills are important for them to shape their personality in the long run.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities are somewhat compulsory to a secondary student’s growth, helping them fully
fledged and prepared for their future lives and also supporting them with necessary skills for upcoming challenges.

- You need to review the structure of an academic essay. Pay particular attention to topic sentences and the
introduction.

- You need to come up with more relevant arguments and provide supporting information for your claims.

- Avoid using the 1st person voice.

- The writing is confusing at times. In particular, you need to avoid ambiguous pronouns.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Nguyễn Diễm Anh

Currently, extracurricular activities bring many benefits to middle school students. Therefore, most middle schools
allow students to participate in extracurricular activities at least twice a month. Here are the benefits of participating in
extracurricular activities.
Extracurricular activities are a learning method that helps students practice skills and supplement knowledge about
issues such as society and the environment. First, extracurricular activities help students supplement necessary life
skills. For example, programs on traffic safety, fire prevention, or on issues such as the prevention of school violence.
Through those lessons, students will have better knowledge to protect themselves.
In addition, it can help students boost your self-esteem. When you are successful in activities you love, your
confidence will improve. For example, you are good at English and you decide to join the school's English team and
prepare for exams. therefore you can realize how talented you are throughout your studies and this will increase your
confidence significantly.
In condition, participating in extracurricular activities will help us improve life skills and have higher self-esteem.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- You need to come up with stronger and more relevant arguments. Pay more attention to the prompt.

Task Response .5, Coherence and Cohesion .5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
3

Hà Thanh Uyên
Highschool and secondary is a crucial time for youngsters developement and to deversify their interests and
[Link], participating in extracurricular activities. In my opinion, these activities contributes sizable benefits
for middle schoolers.
First of all, attending after school activities can improve your general outlook. For instance, taking part in activities
pupils have the opportunity to discover their interests. Furthermore, it reduces stress and gives you passion to study,
concentrate in class and increase your mental function. This gives you advantages when it comes to studying and
taking tests.
In some cases, extracurricular activities helps you develop new friendships with your classmates. For example,
playing football they have to work together to score a [Link] will engage with each other which helps build their
communication skills and social development.
In conclusion, participating in extracurricular activities benefits students gretaer levels of
academic achivements and also supports students leadership skills, social developements.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- You need to proofread your writing. There are several basic spelling and punctuation errors.

- You need to develop your arguments much more and provide supporting information for your claims.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource .5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
3.5

Đinh Mai Khánh Trang

Nowadays, more and more extrcurricular activities are being organized in most secondary schools in the world
because of its advantages to students.
Extraclassroom activities can help students develop their intelligence in more ways than one. Firstly, extracurricular
activities help improves academic performance. Students who participate in these activities get better grades. This is
because of the skills they learn from joining in different activities. Students also learn to express themselves in a better
way.
Secondly, co-curriculum activities advance time management skills. Students who contribute to these extra activities
need to learn time management as they have to manage time between academics and extra activities, students learn
to manage their time effectively. They learn to manage time and also learn how to keep them engaged in free time.
Thirdly, extra activities help students to learn new and useful skills. Students also learn new skills whichs are useful in
shool life. In addition, many extracurriculars can provide practice of Skills like teamwork, time management, how to
lead a group and many more extra skills. Students who engage in a sports and other activities have better leadership
skills, learn how to grow and build relations with one another.
Last but not least, students who participate in extracurricular activites learn how to commit themselves to a particular
thing they get involved in. Extra activities are utmost important in a student’s life. Students who get involved in extra
activities meet new people and because of it, their social skills are improved.
In conclusion, students should be involved in extra classes whichs are known as co-curriculum activities that lead to
developing many abilities among them along with theoretical skills.

- You need to proofread your writing. There are quite a few basic spelling, grammar and punctuation errors.

- You should organize your writing more logically and develop your arguments more.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Đàm Hải Anh

Today, there are many extracurricular activities for secondary school students to take part in. A great number of
students have chosen various activities to include them in their daily schedules. It is obvious that these activities bring
them numerous benefits, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
In the first place, taking part in extracurricular activities give students the opportunity to take a break from academic
studying and ease off. Today, many secondary school students study extremely hard, which can lead to stress and
depression. Studies have shown that letting your mind relax is necessary for better result in learning. For example,
drawing requires the participants to be imaginative. In order to do that, they ought to temporary forget about the
difficult equations and let their minds soar. By letting their minds soar, they can relax and have some fun.
Secondly, students can socialize with new friends who have the same interests when taking part in extracurricular
activities. It brings the secondary learners a great amount of benefits such as teamwork and leadership skills, which is
necessary for their lives. In addition, their new friends can help them develop self-confidence. For instance, after
scoring in a football match, that individual will receive compliments from their teammates. Those compliments make
them feel more confident about themself.
In summary, it is obvious that extracurricular activities have numerous benefits for the secondary school students.
Therefore, I recommend that secondary learners should take part in extracurricular activities in order to have a better
lifestyle.

- Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- You should organize your arguments more logically.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Đỗ Hà Vi
Whether or not students should take part in extracurricular activities is still up in debate. However, it's undeniable that
extracurricular activities do in fact provide numerous benefits, which will be highlighted in this essay.
First of all, by taking part in extracurricular activities, students can improve their academic performance. Participating
in certain afterschool activities can increase their brain function, concentration and time managing skill, all of which
contribute to higher grades. For instance, high endurance sports will train students to focus and build stamina in the
face of intense difficulty, thus gives students an advantage when it comes to studying and taking exams.
Furthermore, each extracurriculars students engage in provides them with another opportunity to expand their social
network, which will also come in handy when they’re looking for a job. Additionally, if students make friends in
extracurricular activities, they'll be more likely to get more deeply involved. For example, if students make a few
friends doing community service at school, they might decide to start a volunteer club together and really impact the
community.
Finally, participating in different extracurricular activities can enables students the opportunity to explore a range of
new interests and unlock passions they never knew they had. Plus, diversifying students interests broadens their
worldview. Imagine if students join a philosophy club, they’ll begin to look at the world through the eyes of a
philosopher.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities offers myriad benefits to one's academic and social life. Therefore, students
should take part in extracurricular activities to make the most of their considerable potential.

- Avoid using contractions.

- You need to develop your arguments more. In particular, you need to clearly establish why the outcomes you
mention matter.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Đinh Gia Kiên

Doing extracurricular activities is invariably almost a student’s top priority nowadays, including secondary students.
Besides studying in school, secondary students should implement extracurricular activities. Anyway, spending time on
these activities will be superior things, which will be discussed in this essay.
Firstly, doing extracurricular activities or joining clubs is a sporting chance for improving your academic performance.
After hours of schoolwork, students often worry that they don’t have enough time to do and participate in
extracurricular thus affecting their scores in school. However, these activities can develop your overall outlook at
school. Students can grow their brain function, assist concentration, and even, extracurricular will help students to
know the way to create a timetable and manage their time better. Extracurricular activities show them more attitudes in
school and better instructional academic aspirations.
Secondly, joining extracurricular activities may lead to building friendships and teamwork skills, and building self –
esteems. Because of sitting in a classroom all day, it’s invariably hard to develop friendships. When students
participate in extracurricular, we will engage with other students from other schools. The relationships from these
activities developed to be long friendships. Of all the benefits of extracurricular activities, the most important
advantage is self – esteems. The more you join activities, the more you can learn these skills from them. For example,
if one student is passionate about one thing, he can join the school club about it, then, he will know teamwork and
analytical thinking skills. Student can own their club, and they will do the content, goal setting, and time management.
Any steps will teach students new skills to use for the rest of life.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities are beneficial to secondary students, students are taught to learn “real-world”
skills. I suggest that students should balance studying and doing extracurricular activities.

- Avoid using the 1st and 2nd person voice.

- You need to organize your writing more logically and develop your arguments more.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Lê Minh Thi
It’s absolutely right to say extracurricular activities are one of the most crucial things to students who have been
studying in secondary and high school. When discussing after-school activities, it is important to consider their
benefits, which will be dived into in this essay.
First and foremost, students may yield a myriad of invaluable and essential life skills, including goal setting, teamwork
and interpersonal skills. The more in your endeavor to extracurricular activities the more strategic objectives you will
set. Novices may be trained in time management, exploring some scenic spots, broadening and receiving heaps of
knowledge that students have never learned in their course books. With all of that skills, in the future, also brings you
work experience. Some people who want to study abroad can make a good impression on overseas educational
institutions by excelling in not only the intended range of study but also in a beautiful horizon of fields.
Besides, extracurriculars may provide students with social opportunities, specifically socializing many people, may
come with whom join extracurricular activities. In some senses, communicating is might challenging for introverts;
however, acquainting new friends through playing games, experiencing things together is the easiest way. There is a
strong probability of the deeper you could involve when there are always friends to share your awesome after each
activity feelings. Hence, it may result in improvements in health, no diseases, and negative effects likewise.
To sum up briefly, students will have numerous betterment and advantages when taking part in extracurricular
activities, that’s why many parents find it hard to disagree that they are not only engaging but also beneficial for their
children.

- The writing is far too informal. Avoid using contractions and the 2nd person voice.

- The writing also tends to be overcomplicated and confusing. Pay more attention to sentence structure and keep your
sentences straightforward.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy .5
4

Nguyen Minh Khue

Attending extra-curricular activities has become popular among secondary schoolers in recent decades. To discuss
the benefits of this movement, this essay will highlight several of its many advantageous assets.
Firstly, after-school activities present opportunities to explore numerous subjects that can be hard to encounter in the
typical curriculum. For example, an extra-curricular coding course can allow potential coders to discover their hidden
capabilities. Additionally, they would be provided with proper training, facilities, professional guidance, and timely
feedback, which would aid in skill honing and progression. Furthermore, non-scholastic courses not only teach new
subjects but also improve memorization, critical thinking, and problem-solving skills. Consequently, students can
substantially enhance their academic performance by applying these skills at school. In short, extra-curricular activities
enables students to explore an extensive range of interests, while also developing core skills and complementing
academic progress.
Secondly, attending activities outside of school significantly increases students' odds of getting into their desired
university. When selecting students, universities often take notice of their applicant's history with extra-curricular
courses. The first reason is that they can learn a great deal about an applicant through their engagement in
businesses outside of school. For instance, a student who was the president of a school's debate team would boast
leadership, professional argument, and public speaking. The second reason is that involvement in these sorts of
activities expresses a student's ability to excel in their intended area of study. For example, a student who wants to
specialize in social sciences would be more likely to perform well if they have experienced different cultures through
traveling programs. Therefore, students should be involved in extra-curricular activities that reflect their field of
research, as they directly affect the chances of qualifying for a wanted college.
In conclusion, non-scholastic courses play a crucial role in allowing students to explore a broader range of subjects
and boosting academic performance. Moreover, they help dramatically increase the chances of students getting into
their desired universities.

- You should come up with stronger and more relevant arguments. Make sure you sufficiently explain your claims.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
7

Bùi Sỹ Nguyên
Extracurricular activities are almost anything students can do that are not required or included in the school course.
These activities can range from taking an online course in art, designing, coding, etc. to joining clubs, podcasts or
exploring more foreign languages and cultures. Students who take part in these "after-school" exercises will receive
many benefits that may positively impact their future lives.

To begin with, students will be able to discover and learn about new skills they never knew they were capable of
doing. These new-found abilities will improve students' academic performance, chances of getting a certain job in an
interview, and may come in handy when doing certain tasks in the future. For example, taking a course in computer
science will improve students' typing speed and help them with computer related work in general. Additionally, joining
art or design clubs would obviously assist students with things related to drawing and designing, and may get them a
job as an artist or designer. Mentioned above are only two of the many abilities students may find themselves being
able to do from taking part in extracurricular activities, and there's a lot more for pupils to discover.

Furthermore, scholars who join clubs or courses about certain subjects will have more chances to socialize and make
friends. Teenagers are becoming increasingly more and more introverted, and extracurricular activities would enable
them to talk to other people, and possibly have a long term friendship or relationship with someone. Friends can also
positively impact students' academic performance, they can assist each other with certain assignments, such as
brainstorming ideas in a group project, or working out solutions for exercises. As a matter of fact, it is scientifically
proven that pupils who have partners to talk to tend to have a better attitude towards their education and better mental
health overall.

In conclusion, taking part in extracurricular activities is highly recommended and would have a major positive effect on
students' education results and social life.

- You could develop your arguments more logically. Avoid including information that is irrelevant or too narrow.

- Do not use abbreviations, quotation marks, and contractions.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 2, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
7.5

Nguyễn Phạm Khải Ninh

In today’s world, students are provided many benefits besides learning such as extracurricular activities. In my
opinion, this is important for pupils to take part in.
Firstly, joining these kinds of activities may improve essential skills which can be helpful in life. This is a good chance
for learners to experiment real things without parents’ help. Students might know what problem-solving is, also be able
to manage their time. Since extracurricular activities often include some teamwork games, pupils will get used to
working in a group, which is a great advantage, especially for getting on a partnership in work in the future.
Secondly, this can help you to create more friendships. It is obvious that friends and colleagues play one of the most
necessary roles in our study, or working career. They are the ones who are always ready to help us get through
difficult periods and have a big impact on us. By joining extracurricular activities, students can find new friends and be
more sociable, confident, and express themself as parents can not share interests with them anymore.
To sum up, it can not be denied that extracurricular activity is helpful for every student’s future. I personally think that
learners ought to take part in these activities as much as they can.

- You are under the minimum required word count.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using the 1st and 2nd person voice.

- You need to develop your arguments more and explain your claims.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Nguyễn Châu Anh

Nowadays, not only do students study from books and knowledge, but they also need to have skills and knowledge
society that are produced from extracurricular activities.
Those activities can be voluntary work, sports clubs, part time jobs, or others. Extracurricular activities enables
students to pursue interests outside the standardized education. Firstly, They provide chances for students to express,
as well as explore their own self depending on their skills, talents or interests. Students can find out who they truly are,
or what they are truly keen on when they contribute to an activity that they enjoy. Those extracurricular activities can
make students more content with their academic life, in addition to enriching their personalities and hobbies.
Moreover, An extracurricular activity helps students with responsibility, social networking skills, productivity, and time
management. Students that participate in extra curriculums can be more active and they have to learn how to arrange
their schedule in order to balance their academic life and their activities. This can be an incredibly useful skill when
they grow up, live and work in society. For example, voluntary work can help students to easily express their love and
kindness, as well as contribution to the world around them.
Another reason is these activities give the students the scope and the spirit of healthy competition. There are some
extracurricular activities that require the need of competition. Thus, this can make students more competitive, and they
will have motivation to do their best to get the achievement.
You can say that extracurricular activities can be responsible for some students’ future. This implements that when
applying to top colleges in the world, they take students’ extracurricular activities extremely seriously because it
represents some of the applicant’s personality.
All things considered, although some activities may take up some of our time, they can produce some skills that are
useful for our future, as well as supplement our personality and hobbies.

- You need to organize your writing more logically. In particular, you should review the concept of a thesis/topic
sentence and pay more attention to how an essay should be divided up into paragraphs.

- You need to clearly state your position and argue it consistently throughout the essay.

- You should come up with stronger arguments.

- Avoid using the 1st person voice.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
4.5

Nguyễn Minh Anh

In this modern era, It is generally believed that extracurricular activities are increasingly considered essential for
secondary students is a critical and beneficial part of a student’s life. It is a fundamental component that every learner
should have. This will be discussed in this essay.

Firstly, by participating in extracurricular activities, students will not only have mental but also physical support. To
begin with, extracurricular activities do help with the students’ academic performance. Firstly, some students think that
these activities are pointless and take away too much time from their schoolwork. But in fact, doing something your
passionate about pushes your brain to function faster and harder. At the same time, students also learn how to
concentrate and manage time effectively. All of which contribute to higher grades. Furthermore, activities like sports
push your muscles to perform at their highest level and thus, strengthening your muscles, improving endurance,
stamina and so on. Consequently, they significantly increase your physical health.

Secondly, extracurricular activities improve social skills and gain outside experience. Universities often look for people
who have an extracurricular background. If you are applying for a school or job, they will most likely to hire a person
with a related past working experience. For example, if you are applying for chemistry major, a university will most
probably accept you if you have joined a chemistry club or volunteered in a lab.

In conclusion, extracurricular activities are definitely important for secondary students. Therefore, Every pupil should
join a club or get involved in an extracurricular activity that they enjoys.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- You need to organize your writing more logically. In particular, you need to review the concept of a thesis/topic
sentence and think more about how you structure your paragraphs.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Thái Hải Anh

In today’s world, the demand for activities that are not included in the regular curriculums has undergone a dramatic
increase since people started to realize the remarkable benefits. Thus, extracurriculars are of great significance to a
notable number of students all over the world. There are some merits associated with the student’s presence in such
activities that should be acclaimed.
First and foremost, extra-classroom participations help students develop their social skills. When belonging to a group,
an individual is provided the opportunities to build the connection and strengthen their relationship with whom share
the same interests and intentions. Involving in a team activities also requires students to take responsibility and long-
term commitment, as well as the necessary interactions with their partners. For example, team sports give members a
sense of belongings in connection with interpersonal, communication, and teamwork skills, which could vitally
contribute to success in one’s later endeavors and career.
Furthermore, non-scholastic involvements play a paramount role in creating an impressive CV, hence enhancing
students’ chances of admission. Extracurriculars lend credence to the candidate’s hand-in resumes for showing
flexible proficiency. For that reason, college committees and hiring recruitments often highly value students equipped
with extracurricular certificates, besides standard academic credentials. For instance, the overseas educational
organization would like to see the potential applicants who excel in different fields, not only the intended major, which
is effectively presented in non-classroom activities.
In conclusion, by taking part in extra-classroom activities, students’ social engagement could be boosted, along with a
greater chance to achieve success in the future life.

- The writing should be more concise and straightforward.

- You could develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Vũ Linh Đan
Nowadays, extracurricular activity is a crucial part of secondary school students‘ lives. Extracurricular activities have
many benefits like improving academic performance, learning essential life skills, and many more. Now I will explain
the benefits of extracurricular activities.

Firstly, extracurricular activities can help you develop new skills. For example, it can help your managing skills, and
help the brain function faster. These skills are an essential part of your life. Secondly, it can boost your self-
confidence. You can be successful without the pressure of anything. Plus, you can be braver when doing something,
not just schoolwork but all of your life. Thirdly, it can help you do something you enjoy aside from schoolwork. You can
explore things that you have never tried before rather than reading a book all the time. Plus, it can keep your body
healthy. Also, extracurricular activities are essential for universities. It's practically impossible to get into any university
without any extracurricular activities. Extracurricular activities are worth about 30 percent of your application.

In conclusion, extracurricular activities are an essential part of secondary school. Not only does it have lots of benefits,
but it is also good for your body and your future.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- The writing is far too informal. Avoid using contractions and the 1st person voice.

- You need to organize your writing more effectively into paragraphs.

- You need to develop your arguments much more.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion .5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
3.5

Nguyễn Nghĩa Gia An

It is common that many children often participate in extracurricular activities after school hours. I agree that there are
clearly some advantages for their kids to join in such activities. At the same time, however, I also believe that children
should also have some quality time with their family members after school hours.
On the one hand, It is certainly true that taking part in clubs and extra classes outside school hours help children to be
more confident and develop social skills. First of all, when children learn how to speak another language at a language
centre, it is more likely that they will make new foreign friends if they have a chance to travel overseas. Furthermore,
taking part in clubs and being around other friends who have a common interest enables young people to develop a
wide range of social skills such as communication and interpersonal skills.
However, opponents of this view assert that school curriculum is reasonably sufficient for the development of the
young people, and therefore, they should stay at home and have more bonding time with their family. On the
weekdays, school students spend almost ten hours per day for doing various studies as well as doing homework at
home. If they take part in extracurricular activities, they will have less time to spend with their parents and siblings.
Consequently, this could lessen the family connection among the family members.
In conclusion, there are equally strong argument for and against after-school activities for young people. In my view,
one sensible suggestion for the parents in helping their children to allocate their time is that they should allow them to
participate in clubs and after-school activities on the weekends but they should also ensure that their children have an
amount of time for family.

- This is an interesting take on the prompt. However, you should develop the arguments more and provide stronger
supporting information.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Hoàng Hà Trang
Nowadays, Secondary students these days can find a huge number of extracurricular activities. Let’s discuss the
benefit of these activities.
First of all, extracurricular activities are a kind of learning method that includes observation, practice and experience.
With that in mind, extracurricular activities improves a student’s internal skill and external skills. These skills includes
self-acceptance and self-esteem.
Second of all, extracurricular activities helps improve academic achievement.. A study lead by Stephen Lipscomb in
2007 has shown that students who participate in extracurricular activities is linked to a 2% increase in math and
science. Another study by Shulruf, Tumen and Tolley in 2007 has shown that students who participate in
extracurricular activities has more academic achievement than non-participant.
Third of all, extracurricular activities lead to better character development. Students who participate in extracurricular
activities have better self-concept and self-worth. Building self-concept and character development will help the
student feel comfortable being a unique individual. The type of activities also plays an important part in character
development. For example, students who participate academic club build leadership skills whereas those who
participate in athletic clubs develop problem solving skills.
Lastly, extracurricular activities help students in social development. For example group activities help develop team-
work and development skills, which are important success in workforce. Just like character development, different type
of extracurricular activity plays a different role in social development. Group activities help builds team-work and
communication skills while individual activities help builds independence.
In conclusion, extracurricular has many benefits. Those include both academic and personal benefits.

- There are various grammar issues. Pay more attention to the subject-verb agreement.

- The writing is far too vague. You need to express yourself clearly and provide supporting information to explain your
claims.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Lê Nhật Minh
In recent years, an increasing number of students are participating in extracurricular activities after school hours.
Reasons that lie behind this growing trend are the numerous associated benefits they bring, which will be highlighted
in this essay.
First of all, joining extracurricular is another form of self-exploration. By participating in after-school activities, students
are engaging themselves in the path of discovering their hidden interests and talents with professional supervision.
This way, Students may realize more about themselves, their hobbies and their abilities by getting exposed to such
activities from an early age, which can help them grasp potential opportunities to progress in their studying and, later
on, their careers. In contrast, people who grow up with no extracurricular participation invariably struggle to decide
their future due to a lack of self-understanding.
Furthermore, students participating in extracurriculars may find themselves in the position of becoming more
confident. Since learners have acquired knowledge in a certain fields, they gain a great deal of admiration and
pleasure from performing such skills in front of others. For instance, compliments on their drawings may appear to be
major drivers for students whose hobbies are arts, and therefore boost their confidence.
Finally, after-school activities also provide a space for students to forge new friendships and improve their social skills.
To be exact, they get to cooperate effectively with whom they share the same passion. Studying with like-minded
individuals help learners progress further together and develop lifetime friendships, as well as realize and appreciate
the value of teamwork.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities bring numerous associated benefits. Therefore, making them hold a huge
impact on a student's growth.

- The writing should be more concise and straightforward.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 2, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
7

Nguyễn Hà Linh
According to a recent survey carried out, extracurricular activities interest many students from secondary and high
schools also. As for the reason why there could be a case for saying that it has copious benefits, which I will highlight
in this essay.

First of all, participating in extracurricular activities helps to improve self-concept and personality. Participating in
extracurricular activities gives students the chance to discover their particular interests, as well as their talents and
limitations. Building pupils' self-concept and character will boost their confidence, which will motivate them to feel more
comfortable with their identity. For example, let's say your teacher encourages you to participate in various events
since you play the cello really well. You decide to join the school club and begin practising and playing for a concert.
As you go along, you discover how much fun cello can be and how good you really are, which greatly boosts your
confidence.

Secondly, gaining real world skills from extracurricular activities is one of the main advantages. Different types of
extracurricular activities have different skill benefits. Group activities provide opportunities for students to build
relationships with others, which also help to develop communication skills. Individual activities build independence and
motivation. The more you push yourself in your extracurricular endeavours, the more you’ll develop these skills. If
you’re passionate about coding, you might join the school coding club, where you’ll develop teamwork, problem-
solving and thinking skills. But you could take that passion even further and create your own club, where you’ll develop
goal setting, time management, leadership and public speaking skills.

To recap the main point, the benefits of after-school activities are countless, and that's why nowadays, a zillion
parents tend to stimulate their children to join it.

- The writing is far too infomal. Avoid using contractions and the 2nd person voice.

- You need to explain your claims and provide more relevant supporting information. Avoid including overly narrow
examples.

- There are quite a few word order and sentence structure issues.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Vũ Minh Châu
In this day and age, the various benefits of extracurricular activities have given to secondary school students are
irrefutable. I believe that well-rounded students now require educational attainment and also non-scholastic activities.
Firstly, extracurricular activities bring health and social skills such as physical, mental growth in mind and interpersonal
skills. In particular, students who take part in sports clubs are likely to have adequate relaxation, be healthier and be
stronger. Timid students when participating in teamwork activities can get along with people having different mindsets
to raise immunity and build up self-confidence. By joining extracurricular activities, especially lively social events that
conclude numerous challenges, it requires participants to learn how to apply the theories to real-life circumstances. It
will help them to develop time management, flexibility and leadership skills.
Secondly, joining in tremendous activities can help students improve your academic performance and cultivate your
knowledge. In particular, These endeavors adolescents to increase their brain functions, as well as teach students to
concentrate and manage time better, all of which contribute to higher grades. High-endurance sports, for instance, will
train them to focus and help build stamina in the face of intense difficulty. This gives them an advantage when it
comes to studying and taking exams. Moreover, extracurricular activities lend credence to students to be motivated to
get higher grades, have more positive attitudes toward school, and have higher academic aspirations.
In summary, extracurricular activities play a critical role in the overall improvement of each students. Therefore,
parents should encourage their children to change their mindset about extracurriculars and highlight their hidden
talents by taking part in them.

- Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- Several of your sentences are overlong and overcomplicated.

- The writing is confusing at times. You need to develop your arguments more logically and clearly explain your claims.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Mai Diệu Hương

Some people suggest that extracurricular activities is good for secondary school students. From my perspective, these
activities bring lots of benefits to them. In this essay, I will discuss why do they bring benefits, and what those benefits
are.
Firstly, student participating in extracurricular activities can have better academic performance. While participating in
those activities like art, dance, music, etc, students can increase their brain function, enhance the focus ability and
responsibility. These activities also helps student to concentrate and manage their times better. These things can give
students advantage while studying or taking an exam.
Secondly, extracurriculars can help students’ become more self-confident become improved. The reasons are: When
they gain success, their self confident will improve. For example, when students finish a hard job, or achieve result in a
project, they will think how fun is it and how talented they actually are, which will gives them confident in further
activities.
Thirdly, when participating in extracurricular activities, students may have more social opportunities to make new
friends. Each activity will provide students with a chance to expand their friend zone, make more friends, so it will
become handy at some time, and they will be much happier. Plus, these new friends may introduce each other to their
another friends, so students’ friend zone will expand more and more.
Finally, extracurricular activities provide students a great opportunity to gain essential life skills, and also a chance for
them to develope those skills. The skills they have learned there can be handy in some case, and can be used in the
rest of their life.
In conclusion, extracurriculars activities provides students unlimited benefits, which are importance for the rest of their
life.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information. It would be more effective to
include fewer reasons and explain them more clearly.

- You need to pay more attention to punctuation. Every sentence must end with a period.

- There are quite a few basic grammar issues.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Mai Quý Khang

Traditionally, students go to school to gain basic knowledge about their surroundings. However, many schools
nowadays are paying more attention to developing students’ skills than just knowledge. Therefore, schools are
organizing more extracurricular activities for students that can benefit them, which will be discussed in this essay.
First of all, extracurricular activities provide students to explore new interests and better understand various topics.
Experimenting with a new activity can give a student an experience of that activity. Therefore, giving them something
to consider at what they are enthusiastic about. Moreover, trying to have various attempts in different fields can make
students more knowledgeable, which can lead to making better decisions and being more impartial.
Secondly, students who attended extracurricular activities have a chance to make more relationships with other
people. Attending extracurricular activities tends to increase the chance of meeting new people. Thus, students can
also find many people who share the same interest as they are. In addition, many students can be more outgoing and
less shy. From a medical perspective, having people who can relate to and have the same interest as a student can
improve oneself mental health.
Lastly, extracurricular activities teach students essential life skills. Skills like performing breathing resuscitation or
resuscitating a drowning person can be important knowledge that schools can provide. This can be a crucial skill in
emergencies. Moreover, many extracurricular activities can provide students with soft skills like goal setting,
leadership, and teamwork. As a result, improving students both in personal and academic environments.
In conclusion, students can receive a lot of experiments, connection potential and necessary skills from attending
extracurricular activities. Because of that students should consider attending extracurricular activities.

- You need to provide stronger supporting information and fully explain your claims.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
5.5

Trần Hương Mai

Extracurricular has been unprecedentedly popular these years because of people's awareness of its significance.
There are some certain reasons for the increasing amount of students’ participation in this trend nowadays.
Initially, it's common knowledge that extracurriculars make our CV way more impressive and stand out from the rest of
the candidates. Besides, in comparison with academic achievements, scholarship' programs have a tendency to value
extracurricular activities. They are likely to see prospective students with an extensive range of knowledge and skills,
not only in their finest fields. For instance, it's characteristic for the interviewers to ask candidates about what they
have learnt from school, not about their academic achievements, which is immaterial to them because it has been
written on the CV or resumes.
Furthermore, Extracurriculars also enhance students' performance at school when it comes to writing essays, reading
academic reports,... since it helps us develop our cognitive skills. Spending time with a complete stranger who has
similar interests not only brings people closer but also a contributory factor to broadening students' social network with
the same enthusiasm. Moreover, for the result of students’ participation in extracurricular activities, there is less
supervision from their parents because they are highly trusted and become more mature in parents’ eyes.
Overall, extracurricular helps outshining other CVs and elevates our opportunities and prospects with the overseas
study program. In the long-term, the social skills students have learnt from non-scholastic activities in secondary
school could be useful for them with high school’s extracurriculars.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using ellipses, contractions, and the 1st person voice.

- The writing is also confusing at times. You need to provide clear and relevant supporting information.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Phạm Vũ Bảo Châu

Almost all schools across the world encourage pupils to participate in after-school activities. Students have and
continue to have possibilities for this entertainment movement in school, ranging from music to sports to community
service. Extracurricular activities have been a helpful topic in my opinion.
To begin with, these activities teach youngsters social skills such as communication and peer participation. This a
telling example of the underlying danger of being afraid to speak up, yet after a few after-class events, they may
become more dedicated and nice. Due to mostly all the students, their pressure in daily life or schools will be reduced
since they could relax their brains for a moment of time. When compared to students who do not participate in these
activities, they are more likely to be pessimistic or to be introverts. In reality, joining it says nothing about the sort of
person they are or what we think of them.
Furthermore, this also helps them a lot which could leads them to new interests. This is totally significant if their child
is having trouble with future orientation. Extracurricular activities could help them to explore what they want and what
they like best. It will affect a lot the way they think about their forthcoming. In fact, there were some cases that they
found their passion in something they do frequently. Students who participate in volunteer and community service
activities have a particularly good chance to use them to extend their worldview.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities help pupils to find their passion and their inspiration. It also helps students to
entertain and feel better in their life.

- The writing is quite confusing. You need to pay more attention to sentence structure and make sure you are using all
words correctly.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Nguyễn Thanh Thảo Nguyên

Spending time to study in school may help one improve his academic performance. However, he will get exhausted
after many hours of school. In my opinion, one could participate in extracurricular activities for pleasure. At the same
time, its benefits are numerous, especially for secondary school students.

In the first place, extracurricular activities such as painting will help one develop their self-esteem and expressing
himself without words, for example, using vibrant colors in a painting can make people feel happier and more
optimistic. Dancing can improve one’s flexibility, develop his self-confidence but also his social skills when it comes to
group dancing or learning choreography. Artistic activities can improve people’s mental health through creativity,
recent studies have shown that looking at an artwork can lower one’s anxiety and depression rate. Especially in
teenage students, who are experimenting puberty, may have changes in their emotional health.

Secondly, extracurricular activities can also develop one’s academic performance. Joining clubs like math club not
only help students reinforce the lessons they have learnt in class but also improve their skills in mathematics such as
calculus. Participating in community service activities will help students enhance their team building skills,
responsibility and help them to meet and make friends with new people. Not only that, volunteering works such as
planting trees or collecting trash can improve the environment. People will feel confident and satisfied after they
completed a task that they put much effort in.

In conclusion, students should take up at least one extracurricular activity, especially secondary school students. It is
not required but is necessary and beneficial for students. In my view, participating in extracurricular activities is a good
way to relax after hours of studying and express one’s abilities.

- Avoid including overly narrow examples.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Nguyễn Ngọc Anhv

In the current educational system, students are limited to books and projects, which is unfeasible. Because of that,
schools should have activities that help students with maintaining their self-esteem. I will discuss the benefits in the
following paragraphs.

First and foremost, physical activities help students to learn team work, which is useful with school and also in the
future when they work in a system. Moreover, it also helps them with focus and time management, all of which
contributes to be a better academic routine. In addition, co-curricular activities make students experience the
immensity of being responsible by making them the leader in various of activities, students who has leadership are
more likely to become managers, executives and earn better salary. For example, a study by The National Center for
Educational Statistics showed that students who took part in extracurricular activities had fewer absences and better
point averages among those who didn't.

Furthermore, extracurricular activities allow students to have more opportunities to develop hobbies and explore their
strengths and weaknesses, which is important during adolescent. Additionally, it helps students make a group of close
friends and building relationships which can support them in the future. On top of that, extra-curricular activities has
positive effects on the student's mental [Link] examplify, a survey conducted in Blomfield & Barber reported
that students who participate in extracurricular activities have a higher level of self-concept and self-worth.

In conclusion, I think that it is important to have these activities as a part of student's routine for the effects that it has
on students.

- You need to develop your arguments more logically and provide supporting information for your claims. Pay more
attention to how you divide up your writing into paragraphs.

- Review the concept of a topic sentence.

- Avoid using contractions.

- Pay more attention to the subject-verb agreement.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
4.5

Nguyen Duc Tam

Nowadays, educational systems have meliorated the quality of learning by opening and encouraging students to
attend extracurricular activities. Moreover, outdoor activities parallel with the school's required knowledge became
crucial to secondary school students. In this essay, the advantages of extracurricular activities will be highlighted.
First of all, extracurricular activities help students enhance social knowledge as well as improve academic
performance. It is common knowledge that pupils spend an average of 7 hours learning theory and practicing
exercises rather than participating in physical activities to gain information. Long-term education without hands-on
experience will result in a lack of understanding of intuitive knowledge. Furthermore, it will reduce boredom while
increasing enjoyment and efficiency in studying.
Secondly, attending outdoor activities facilitates students' self-esteem. Research has shown that students with high
self-esteem tend to be more forthcoming and confident, along with an increased chance of success. Extracurricular
activities create conditions for students to socialize and communicate with others to learn from experience. It helps
students discover their most appropriate fields and expand selections for future career orientations.
On the other hand, extracurricular activities may cause exhaustion along with weariness. However, fatigue is essential
to optimize the effectiveness of extracurricular activities. Tiredness is also a sign of effort showing that one is striving.
To sum up, the changes in the educational systems have brought the majority of innovations in the way of education
among secondary students, on account of the more profitable economical and the capability of enhancing students'
knowledge.

- You need to come up with stronger arguments and develop them more logically. Make sure you provide supporting
information for your claims.

- Pay more attention to the prompt and avoid including irrelevant information.

- The writing is confusing at times.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
5.5

Vũ Hà Vy
Students who participate in extracurricular activities improve their academic scores and social life. It also helps to
reduce many peer pressure-related problems and enrich the lives of students, their families, and our communities.
Extracurricular activities also help shape a person’s movement within themselves, in the community, and their
performance in school.
Schools all over the world should highly encourage students to be in some activity.
Extracurricular activities help to improve students’ academics though they can also harm how grades turn out. There is
a requirement for a boost for most of the students so that they can participate in activities. These activities help to
develop the work ethic and enrich the students' personalities. It caters to the student’s voluntary involvement that is
present in the external realm of the academic curriculum for all-around development.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You need to logically structure your writing. Review the basic essay structure.

- The writing is incoherent at times. You are using several words incorrectly.

Task Response .5, Coherence and Cohesion .5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
3.5

Đỗ Tường Vy
Extracurricular activities are the most integral component in children's development. Because they offer plenty of
benefits, in recent years, many secondary schools encourage students to engage in extracurricular activities. As such,
this essay will attempt to explore some key benefits of these activities.

Firstly, A great benefit offered by these activities is the development of essential social skills, and improvement of
confidence and self-esteem. By encouraging students to work in teams and exposing students to new experiences,
engaging in extracurricular activities will help students develop various social skills, such as teamwork, leadership,
problem-solving, public speaking and debate, which will be useful for their future career. Moreover, these activities
may also increase students' self-esteem and confidence in themselves. A higher degree of self-esteem is associated
with better overall mental well-being, which is especially helpful in times of adversity, while confidence is needed for
more effective leadership. Because of the future advantage offered by extracurricular activities, extracurricular
activities can be beneficial for students.

In addition, extracurricular activities serve as a productive break for students. Depending on the activity, students will
be offered the chance to meet new friends, learn a new skill, get out and do exercise, or to pursue their hobby, which
helps limit the amount of time wasted in front of the computer or a television screen. Additionally, these activities also
help improve students' academic performance. By allowing students to unwind their mind while remaining productive,
extracurricular activities make students less prone to depression and have a more positive attitude towards school,
and thereby, improve students' grades and performance. Therefore, it is clear that extracurricular activities are
beneficial for students.

To summarize, extracurricular activities are highly beneficial for students. The assistance in development of useful
social skills and the increase in confidence and self-esteem, which are useful for students’ future jobs, alongside the
entertaining and relaxing nature of extracurricular activities are several key benefits that extracurricular activities offer.
Therefore, more schools should encourage students to participate in extracurricular activities.

- You should explain your claims more clearly and use shorter sentences.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 2
7.5

Trương Vĩnh Gia

Extracurricular activities have been known to offer numerous benefits. Owing to that, they have been extremely
popular among high schoolers. In this essay, the advantages of extracurricular activities will be discussed.
First of all, extraclassroom activities help improve academic performances. In particular, sports such as football,
basketball, or dance can be a perfect option for releasing school stress. Researches have shown that sports reduce
stress and depression by causing one’s body to release endorphins, the chemicals in the brain that relieve pain and
stress. It also reduces the levels of stress hormones, cortisol, and adrenaline. Moreover, extracurricular activities help
enhance social interaction. They can create opportunities for students to meet up with friends or connect with co-
hobbyists.
Secondly, extraclassroom activities are advantageous for self-development. For instance, activities that boost
creativity and self-confidence can be listed as arts and crafts, pottery, or photography. Besides, they can help students
build practical skills outside of the classroom that schools don’t. Therefore, offering students essential life skills such
as teamwork, time management or critical thinking. These skills can effortlessly be found in familiar subjects, namely,
dance or public speaking. Additionally, extracurricular activities are likely to bring out unseen talents of participants. By
trying out new subjects, participants can discover new interests or other special aspects of themselves.
In conclusion, I suggest that all students should participate in extracurricular activities since they are exceedingly
beneficial and important to them, not only mentally but also physically.
(238 w)

- Avoid using contractions.

- You should develop your arguments more logically and clearly explain your claims.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
6

Vũ Trần Tuệ Nhi

In today’s world, participating in extra-classroom activities is very popular among middle school students. There are
plethora of advantages stemming from extracurricular activities which will be discussed below.
First of all, extracurriculars is good for students’ health. Activities such as playing sports helps to increase students’
immune system. By sweating while exercising, their skin could filter toxins out of the body, which in turn boosts their
immune system. Moreover, taking part in these activities allows students to reduce stress. Because they can pursue
their interests, they will feel more relaxed and happy.
Furthermore, non-scholastic activities can improve students’ soft skills. For example, Team sports are a great way for
students to develop their interpersonal and teamwork skills, which could be useful in their future careers. By learning
martial arts, students can protect themselves from dangerous situations. Students will have the chance to explore a
variety of interests and discover passions they had no idea they had when they take part in various activities!
Additionally, having a variety of interests broadens their perspective. When students succeed in the activities they
love, their self-confidence will improve. Students can succeed without the pressure of getting a good grade by working
hard and learning new skills in a fun, laid-back - and occasionally competitive - environment. When students actively
participate in these activities, they could develop responsibility and time management skills.
In conclusion, there are numerous benefits associated with extracurricular activities for middle school students.
Therefore, it is advisable that students should spend more time participating in extracurricular activities.

- Avoid using exclamation points.

- You should organize your arguments mor logically and clearly explain your claims.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Lâm Vũ Kỳ
Middle school is a critical stage of a person’s adolescence, a period where teens are bettering themselves to be
functioning members of society. Many believe that academic work alone is sufficent to prepare students for the real
world. However, extracurricular activities are as equally influencial for its benefits, which will be discussed below.
To begin with, these activities aid learners in exploring their interests. By trying out various hobbies, they can find their
passion and consider their future career path. In addition, they can also socialize with people with the same
fascination, as well as broadening one’s perspective on society.
Second, it can help students to release stress after school. With the pressure bearing on young teens to perform
adequately in class, extracurricular activities are an excellent way for students to let go of their burden and enjoy
themselves. Further, it advances people’s self-confidence by letting students discover what they excel in and embrace
it.
Last but not least, after-school activities perfecting students’ resumes. As the number of high school students who
want to get into university soars, having multiple records of work experience outside of school can be a gigantic
treasure. Institutions commonly admit people with extra experience, so doing numerous ventures can boost one’s
likelihood of getting in.
All in all, extraclassroom activities are a highly regarded approach to find out enthusiasm, loosen up and enhance
pupils’ scholar work. Therefore, Every student should try out some sort of an extracurricular project as to assist
themselves in florishing in this ever-changing world.

- You need to organize your arguments more logically. Make sure you provide sufficient supporting information and
that each paragraph highlights a single point.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Quách Nhật Hoa

Extracurricular activities are necessary and help students to develop many important skills.
First and foremost, it helps students to be able to learn and approach with new knowledge. By doing these activities,
students are able to go to many different places like museums, farms, …. This helps them broaden their knowledge
about the world around them. Also they are able to experience different small activities at these places and gain a lot
of life skills.
Furthermore, These activities not only help them in studying aspects but also socially. By joining and taking part in
these activities, students will have more chances to communicate as well as understand their friends. This helps to
strengthen students’ friendship.
Secondly, these activities help students to develop their life skills. There are many life skills that are important and
need to be taught like being independent, communicating with people, teamwork. ,…For example, before doing this
kind of activity, students will have to prepare required tools and clothes or snacks which help them to be independent
and responsible. A second example is these activities will help students to be good at teamwork. These activities
required students to work together so that they can complete tasks or what is asked for to be done. Students will need
to be good at teamwork if they want to finish the work quickly and efficiently .
All in all extracurricular activities are of great necessity and have several benefits for students.

- You need to properly develop your introduction and conclusion.

- Avoid using ellipses.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide stronger supporting information.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5.5

Nguyễn Võ Quỳnh Anh

Nowadays, not only do students study at school, but they also take part in extracurricular activities. This trend brings
about numerous advantages to themselves such as social opportunities and essential life skills.
In the first place, joining extracurricular activities helps us have more social opportunities. When participating in
afterschool activities, we will have more chances to meet new people, and make more friends. Therefore, when we
face difficulties, there is a higher possibility of receiving help.
Secondly, involving in communal projects encourages us to accumulate important life skills. When attending public
events, our teamworking skill, which includes leadership and cooperating with other people, will be developed.
Moreover, we can improve our communication skill by involving in this kind of activities. Meeting with other people
improves your confidence because the more we talk, the more we get used to interacting with other people. As a
result, we will have more interesting stories and our sense of humour will be progressed.
In conclusion, taking part in extracurricular activities will help us have more relationships and experience in some
aspects.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using the 1st and 2nd person voice.

- You should come up with more arguments to support your stance.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5

Tạ Trần Hoàng Lâm

Developing comprehensive students is invariably almost every schools’s top priority in today’s world. In order to do
that, students not only do they have to widely expand their book-learning knowledge but also to improve their social
skills so they could apply those learning into real life. Moreover, doing after-school extracurricular is one of the most
advisable activities if ones want his social skills to ameliorated desirably, and heres why!

In the first place, participating in extracurricular activities gives students the needed opportunity to know more. From
that, they will get to explore their personal interests, their own-self and also to create them broader perspectives of
different people, which makes students think more bilaterally. For instance, one’s who take part in an art club can look
at the world differently through the eyes of a budding artist. Secondly, students joining in extracurriculars clubs could
help people enhance essential abilities such as time management, team works, debates, etc.. that are not only
important academically but also in their later career.

Furthermore, afterschool activities aside from main regular classrooms can higher one’s self-esteem and boost up
their confidence. As the result,

- The essay is far too short and obviously unfinished.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide supporting information for your claims.

- Avoid using abbreviations and exclamation points.

Task Response .5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
3.5

Lương Minh Ánh

Nowadays, some people invest too much time and money on extra classes, while neglecting extracurricular activities.
However, those activities have several benefits, which probably can outshine ones of extra classes: develop essential
skills, and explore oneself.
First and foremost, extracurricular activities are chances for secondary students to improve their social skills. By
participating in team sports like basketball or football, students can learn to communicate effectively, cooperate well
with teammates, and even develop leadership skills. Similarly, In science or book clubs, students may get a chance to
speak their minds and analyze information, therefore enhancing their public speaking and analytical skills.
Furthermore, by learning to balance schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and family life, students can become better
at managing time and organizing. All of the skills listed above are necessary for students’ life later on.
In addition to developing vital skills, extracurricular activities assist secondary students in exploring their interests and
broadening their perspective. When students take part in a variety of extracurricular activities, they can have a better
understanding of what they are good at, what they enjoy, and what will be necessary for them. They can even
discover passions for subjects they did not previously know they are passionate about. Moreover, these activities can
enrich students' minds. For instance, attending science clubs can help students recognise the beauty of science, and
participating in history clubs can open students’ views about what had happened in the past. Since clubs can take a
different approach than compulsory classes, students can create interest in students who did not enjoy normal
classes.
Of course, the benefits of extracurricular activities can backfire if not devoted enough time or spent too much time.
Only when invested effectively can students obtain full benefits of extracurricular activities.
To conclude, students can learn vital skills and explore themselves by participating in extracurricular activities. It is up
to students what activities to select, but they can only be effective with adequate devotion.

- There are a few sentence structure and word order issues.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 2, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
7.5

Nguyễn Ngọc Khánh Anh

Nowadays, school clubs and sports events are open to encourage students to participate. While some people
consider these extracurricular activities unnecessary, a vast majority believe this to be a crucial development in
education. Indeed, school activities can be beneficial for several reasons.
On the one hand, extracurricular activities help improve academic performance. Studies have shown that students
who participate in after-school activities tend to score better than those who don’t. In addition, it increases levels of
brain functions and boosts one’s concentration to achieve higher grades. Therefore, students can get a more
accessible approach and a positive attitude to new knowledge.
On the other hand, they can help students build their skills outside of the classroom. One of the greatest advantages is
life skills. Students learn important skills like time management, teamwork, and public speaking,… and get the
opportunity to explore a range of interests to pursue passions they enjoy aside from school. Afterschool activities can
expand positive networks of friends and relationships with adults.
Overall, extracurricular activities have brought benefits to students, both mentally and physically. Therefore, Schools
should encourage students to participate for them to be successful academically.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You need to develop your arguments more and explain your claims.

- Avoid using ellipses and contractions.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
4.5

Ngô Thị Minh Diệp

In today’s world, extracurricular activities have grown to be an indispensable part in every secondary school student's
curriculum. It is undeniable that extracurricular activities have become a question of fundamental importance thanks to
its apparent benefits.
To begin with, they help students in the process of enhancing their physical health. Taking part in sports at a young
age is extremely advantageous since it improves their health. Daily participation in diverse activities boosts one's
immunity, making one less susceptible to infections. Furthermore, researches have shown that pupils who participate
in various sports and games are physically stronger.
Secondly, extracurricular activities increase one’s social opportunities. In other words, these activities can simplify the
otherwise challenging process of Making friends and creating relationships might be challenging, but it can simply be
done by partiparting in extracurricular activities. Each extracurricular activity student’s participate in gives them
another opportunity to extend their social network, which can be extremelyextremely useful when seeking for a career.
Furthermore, when meeting friends through extracurricular activities, students will more inclined to get more involved.
Last but not least, extracurricular activities are able to enhance task organization and management. Balancing
academic duties and extracurricular activities unavoidably helps students improve time management skills, making it
simpler to complete chores in a more efficient manner. This is an exceptionally crucial skill as it might help in their
future academic and professional development. Students will be able to manage their hard educational duties with
strong organization, and proper organization will be critical to their success in the profession.
In conclusion, on the basis of the points mentioned above, it is obvious that the advantages of extracurricular activities
are undeniable.

- The writing should be more concise. Avoid using redundant phrases and qualifiers.

- Make sure you clearly explain your claims.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Nguyễn Tường Vi
Extracurricular activities are becoming increasingly important to secondary school students. Many people believe
those who participate in these will gain invaluable experience useful for their lives which will be discussed in this
essay.
First, extracurricular activities provide students with many useful skills that schools do not teach. Specifically, students
can learn necessary skills for their future and career such as teamwork or maintaining a healthy lífestyle. As one get a
job, these abilities are crucial. For example, many programs teach students to eat more healthily, stay in shape by
exercising and held many team sport activities. Additionally, students learn to stay calm and control their emotions.
Secondly, after-school activities greatly improves your academic performance and build relationships. Through team
activities, students can have an understanding of others and make new friends. Having many friends would make
secondary school classes much easier. They share each other valuable tips that are useful for studying. Moreover,
those who participate in after-school activities improves concentration during classroom lectures which helps
understand better the lessons and receive good grades.
In conclusion, students who join extracurricular activities become better versions of themselves every day. They learn
crucial skills which will be useful for their studying or future career. Therefore, I think every secondary school student
should join at least one after-school activity to improve their academic performance.

- You are under the minimum required word count.

- You need to develop your arguments more and provide supporting information to explain your claims.

- Avoid using the 2nd person voice.

- There are several grammar and sentence structure issues. Pay more attention to the subject-verb agreement.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4

Võ Anh Quân
Nowadays, to provide secondary students with essential life skills , many schools organise extracurricular activities.
While some people suppose this only costs lots of money and does not have any benefits, in my point of view,
organising extracurricular activities has more advantages than drawbacks.
First and foremost, while students usually have the opportunity to pursue a wide range of study areas through core
subjects and electives, extracurricular activities allow students to explore an interest in more depth than what is
covered in class — or maybe even find a completely new interest that they wouldn’t have been exposed to otherwise.
They can also provide a great chance for students to broaden their perspective of the world, particularly those involved
in volunteering and community service programs.
Furthermore, students can have much more social opportunities, for instance, they may make more new friends,
which will help be more confident and brave to socialize with straight people. They will not be embarrassed anymore
when they want to start a conversation with anyone they do not know.
Last but not least, weekly activities can offer a welcome break from studies and homework — particularly for senior
students if they can spare the time. Depending on your child’s interests, they may provide the chance to get outside
and exercise, see friends, pursue a hobby or simply destress and refresh their mind. They also help limit the time your
child is spending in front of a TV or computer screen. In conclusion, organising extracurricular activities at school will
do many benefits for secondary students as I have mentioned above. There do not have any reasons for disapproving
it.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using contractions and the 2nd person voice.

- You should develop your arguments more and provide more relevant supporting information.

- Your sentences tend to be overlong.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
5

Nguyễn Ngọc Đan Lê

Many students nowadays participate in a variety of extracurricular activities such as sports, dancing, etc.
There is a wide range of benefits that these activities can offer, including the opportunities to develop soft
skills, discover talents and pursue interests.

To begin with, extracurricular activities help students develop soft skills such as leadership, time
management and communication skills, which are vital for life afterward. As schools only provide students
with general academic knowledge and hard skills, participating in extracurricular activities is an ideal way to
promote soft skills. These attributes are essential for success, for they influence one’s ability to cooperate
with others. Moreover, because interpersonal skills are extremely important in the working environment,
they are highly valued by employers; therefore, they could be the determining factors in whether one can
get a job.

In addition to fostering soft skills, extracurricular activities also assist students in exploring their potentials
which might not be recognized in the academic environment as well as pursuing their interests. Since
knowledge should never be limited to the academic realm, these activities usually play an important, or
sometimes even decisive, role in discovering the hidden talents of oneself. Furthermore, while schools offer
students opportunities to explore a wide range of academic fields, students do not usually have the chance
to pursue these subjects in depth. On the contrary, non-scholastic activities allow students to focus on their
hobbies. 

In conclusion, extracurricular activities are immensely important ,not only for secondary school students but
for all learners, because they help students develop soft skills, explore potentials and pursue interests.
However, one should limit their time on these activities wisely so as not to affect academic performance.

- You need to explain your claims more clearly and provide relevant supporting information.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6

Nguyễn Ngọc Huy Anh

There has been a controversy about extracurricular activities. Many people say those can have a lot of benefits to
students while the rest argue they are a waste of time. In my opinion, extracurricular activities can be a extremely
helpful for pupils and youngsters.
Firstly, by doing extracurricular activities, students can relieve stress and improve their mental health. It might be
daunting to finish assignments, study for an exam, and consider the future all the time. However, students always
have the option to focus their attention elsewhere thanks to co-curricular activities. They can go away from whatever it
is that is stressing them out for an hour or two and relax into something useful. For example, students' confidence will
increase if they participate in theater or public speaking. Playing sports will keep them fit and content. Their feeling of
community at school will grow as a result of discussion or interest groups. Furthermore, they may develop
transferrable skills while having fun with friends by joining gardening, scientific, or technology groups. These can be
very beneficial for students to relieve stress and take a break from their studying.
Secondly, students can use extracurricular activities as a chance to discover more about themselves. Academic
excellence is often a learned talent. Every youngster, however, is endowed with a certain skill. Students have the
opportunity to discover more about themselves and their interests by taking part in extracurricular activities. This
assists students in determining their true interests and may aid them in selecting a major in the future. Additionally,
extracurricular activities provide them the chance to discover new hobbies they had no idea they had talents in,
allowing them to have a wider range of interests and dislikes. These can affect them in their whole life and their future
job so getting ready at the age of secondary school is a great way.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities are extremely vital to students, especially secondary school students.

- The writing should be more concise.

- You should develop your arguments more logically and provide more relevant supporting information.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 2, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
6.5

Trần Linh San

Since more and more technology are being introduced to the world, youngsters are more likely to be inside all day, not
doing any extracurriculars. They are more likely to be texting friends on the Net or playing video games. Even though,
it can be for relaxing purposes there are way more healthier ways and one of them is doing extracurricular activities.

First of all, extracurricular activities allow people to improve their social skills. For instance it allows people to interact
with each other, to know each other more thus creating a long-lasting friendship between two people. Not only that but
engaging in different activities helps us to cooperate with each each other as a team to reach our final goal.

Furthermore, and presumably the most important, is that taking part in extracurriculars helps release stress.
Sometimes schoolwork can be overly stressful and it could cause health problems such as high blood pressure, heart
disease obesity and diabetes. By Participating in extracurriculars can be an extremely productive and necessary break
and it provides people the chance to explore different passions thus allowing people to discover things that they are
interested other than academics. The less stressed people have, the more they can concentrate and manage their
time better and it can also increase brain function allowing people to get better academics scores.

In conclusion, participating in extracurriculars can be an extremely productive way to release stress and get to know
one another better. It can be the solution to a healthier lifestyle.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using the 1st person voice.

- Your sentences tend to be overlong.

Task Response 2, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
5.5

Đào Hoàng Minh Hương

With the higher demand for the development of the country, learning is increasingly focused. But instead of just going
to school and studying day after day, there are a plethora of advantages stemming from nonscholastic activity. Their
great benefits will be talked about in the article below.
On the one hand, one of the most significant benefits that nonscholastic activity brings about is the awakening of
social skills. Any small interaction even the smallest with like-minded people can open up new ideas or opportunities.
Mastering social skills will help you build good, meaningful relationships with people with similar interests that will help
you move up in life. Each person in their group has a different point of strength, and if you can fully exploit them then
any ideas related to studying, working or anything around you can be suggested by them.
On the other hand, extracurricular activities also help improve mental health. This is partly because mental illness is
often the catalyst that leads to many other complications. Also, poor mental health often causes people to mope
around for weeks on end with little to no movement. Therefore, improved mental health leads to people moving around
and about again, which leads to improved physical health. Thus, in a way, exercising is a form of holistic healing.
For example, The Independent Schools council (ISC) shows a correlation between the number of extracurricular
activities schools offer and the proportion of pupils getting top grades. The results show that schools with the number
of extra-curricular activities of 30 or more achieve nearly 100% of students with high scores, while the rest have lower
scores.

In conclusion, schools nowadays are not paying attention to extracurricular activities while they bring a lot of benefits
to children. In the future, I recommend the principals to invest in this aspect more.

- The writing is too informal. Avoid using colloquial expressions and the 2nd person voice.

- You should develop your arguments more logically.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
4.5

Đỗ Chí Hiếu
Extracurricular program involves students doing activities outside the realm of schools. This essay attempts to
elaborate how beneficial academic enrichment program is to middle-schoolers.

First of all, students who participated frequently in extracurricular activities tend to have a better academic experience.
The reason lies in their practice while being engaged to after-school activities. They will learn to be responsible for
their actions and time managing. Following orders will also help them to try to achieve the wanted outcome.

Second of all, participating in non-scholastic activities helps students with their social development. Teamwork that
involves acting in group or pairs will help them to develop a teaming skill which is necessary for their future career. In
particular, Group activities provide opportunities for them to try and befriend with more and more people with the same
interest and the same goal, which will motivate them even more to do what they desired. This will build up the
communication skills and strengthen relationships between students. Additionally, by working with other people,
students learn the value of teamwork and cooperation.

Third of all, afterschool activities promote character development is also acquired through extension program. The
work itself contributes to give the opportunities for students to, not only to discover their weaknesses and reduce it, but
also to find their strengths and improve it even further. Building their own concept of thinking, which will later on
encourage them to express their very own idea, or to improve their confidence, which is also needed in the near
future.

In conclusion, enrichment programs help students to achieve their desired scores at school, guide them towards
understanding self-awareness and build up strong bonds between other students.

- You need to state your arguments more clearly and develop them more logically.

Task Response 1.5, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
5

Phạm Tùng Lâm

In today's world, extracurricular activities are becoming more commonplace among secondary school students,
especially secondary school ones. Therefore, there is a debated issue about whether those activities are beneficial or
not. In my opinion, extracurricular activities actually positively affect both one's career prospects and interpersonal
skills.
First of all, extracurricular activities enhance career prospects. In particular, extracurricular activities stimulate one's
brain function, allowing for better concentration on one's academic lessons and studies. This consequently boosts
students' academic performance, enabling them to obtain preferable marks and certificates, which develops
competent professional prospects. Moreover, extracurricular activities facilitate life skills such as time management
and teamwork which are beneficial to one's professional aspect.
Secondly, extracurricular activities have a positive impact on students' interpersonal skills. There are numerous social
opportunities for students to engage in such as clubs and bands, which entitles them to expand their social networks.
Moreover, students' self-esteem can substantially advance by striving to pursue their hobbies, which considerably
boosts their resumes and allows for a more promising future.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities help students to foster both interpersonal skills and professional prospects.
Therefore, students should endeavour to make the most of the merits and avoid any adverse impacts of these
activities provide.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You need to develop your arguments more and explain your claims.

- You should try using different sentence structures (you are overusing the word "which").

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Nguyễn Tuấn Anh

Nowadays, extracurricular classes is said to be an increasingly important part of every student’s life. It bring us lots of
benefits. In this essays, I’ll discuss the advantages of afterschool activities to secondary school students.
First of all, extracurricular activities could improve pupil social relationships. Pupil who attend extra curriculum
activities have more chance to meets more people. Thus, It would be easier for them to get aquainted with others and
learn good things from them. It also helps student integrate with the community. Moreover, It could improve student’s
skill such as teamwork, leadership,... Pupil could learn these abilities through working with their friends while
participate in afterschool activities. For example, a student could learn about teamwork and collaborate with their
partner when working in team.
Secondly, extraclasses activities could help student upgrade their life skills. When participated in an after school
classes, students can learn numerous things that they are not being taught at school. By attending these classes,
students might learn goods things from their classmate.
In conclusion, I think extracurricular classes has lots of benefits.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- The writing is far too informal. Avoid using contractions, ellipses, and the 1st person voice.

- You need to pay more attention to grammar. Review basic grammar rules and verb tenses.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1, Grammatical Range and Accuracy .5
3.5
Đỗ Anh Tuệ
Regular secondary curriculums do not offer sufficient experience and practical knowledge in order to provide the best
preparation for students’ life nowadays. In the past few years, extracurricular activities have been better valued and
prioritized around the world. In my opinion, these activities besides basic education bring secondary school students
multiple advantages, not only for their academic but also for practical life.
In the first place, extracurricular activities support and maintain students’ enthusiasm for their studies at school. In
reality, secondary students have to face schoolwork overload and sometimes inevitable pressure, which in some
cases leads to depression, insomnia and other pernicious mental illnesses. These are prone to reduce their study
ability and interest as they have to face the same boring classes and harsh work every day. Therefore, schools are
increasingly organizing sports clubs, art classes or offering outdoor activities which give an opportunity to learn about
nature, history or life skills, etc.; students these days tend to create their own extracurricular schedules. In these ways,
they are able to alleviate stress and find the motivation to keep up with their study as well.
Second, activities outside class enhance students’ necessary skills in life, give an insight into other interests or helpful
subjects, which regular curriculums commonly lack or limit students’ approach. In today’s society, a large number of
students lose the balance between their academic achievements and practical skills, which stems from over-
concentrating on studying at school while they do not engage in any other activities. This is undeniably alarming
because even if their study at school is extremely good, it would hardly be enough to prepare for their life. For
instance, without extracurricular activities, students are likely to lack social interaction, therefore become weak at
teamwork which takes a significant part in most jobs when they grow up. In addition, these activities gear students to
hobbies such as playing sports, painting, singing, etc., or interests in science or national history, which could be
extremely useful for later life.
In brief, extracurricular activities outside school education are totally beneficial for secondary-school students. I
suggest that schools and every individual should spend on developing these activities to gain the best advantages for
students’ both study and real life.

- Pay more attention to the prompt and avoid including irrelevant information. The focus needs to be on the benefits of
extracurriculars.

- You need to provide stronger, more relevant supporting information to explain your claims.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1.5, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1.5
5.5

Võ Tâm Anh
Nowadays, extracurricular activities are one of the elements of a well-rounded student apart from well-studying.
Therefore, it has plenty of benefits for secondary school students.
First and foremost, extramural activities assist students to advance knowledge on a regular basis. Students can
expand not only real-life experiences but competence as well. Through those activities, the students will be able to be
upskilled such as teamwork, presentation, leadership, situation handling, etc. Moreover, students also make new
friends when participating in after-school activities.
Secondly, it helps students relieve stress and fatigue in life. With a tight schedule and a number of exercises, the
students gradually feel that the study is becoming more tense and exhausting. If this situation invariably occurs for a
long time, it will affect their physical and mental health. Hence, students ought to take up extracurricular activities to
wind down after stressful school hours. This is also one of the key factors to make them uplift their mood, regain their
interest in learning, enhance their learning quality and become more energetic in other activities.
In summary, extracurricular activities bring numerous advantages to secondary school students if they take part. I
suggest schools should stimulate and motivate students to engage in those activities.

- You are well under the minimum required word count.

- You need to develop your arguments more logically and provide supporting information for your claims.

Task Response 1, Coherence and Cohesion 1, Lexical Resource 1.5, Grammatical Range and Accuracy 1
4.5

Nguyễn Minh Trang