“To be interesting, be interested,” Dale Carnegie wrote in his 1936 book, “How to Win Friends & Influence People.”
Those words of wisdom still hold true — whether that means taking a genuine interest in the people around you or diving into the hobbies and subjects that light you up.
Unfortunately, when you’re stuck in the same hum-drum daily routine, it may feel like you have nothing going on, nothing to talk about or be excited about.
In an episode of content creator Tinx’s podcast, she said that we need to be more interesting if we want to have better relationships and a more successful and fulfilling life. One way of going about this? Reading more books and think pieces rather than just consuming hours of social media brain rot, she suggested.
That got us thinking about what little changes we can make to our everyday lives that will make us more interesting, too. So we asked experts in different fields to share their insights.
“Being an interesting person is not something that is innate; it is cultivated through small choices and actions over time,” dating coach and author Damona Hoffman, host of the “Dates & Mates” podcast, told HuffPost. “So, like many interpersonal skills, I find that the more you practice, the more natural they’ll feel to the point where you don’t have to think about it.”
Read on to find out what small steps you can take to bring out the most interesting facets of yourself.
1. Strike up a conversation every day.
Challenge yourself to reach out to someone each day, journalist Melinda Blau advised. Maybe that’s a quick phone call with a friend or relative or chatting with the person in line behind you at the coffee shop or the neighbor walking their dog.
“The irony is that to be an interesting person, you have to be interested in the people around you,” Blau, author of “The Wisdom Whisperers: Golden Guides to a Long Life of Grit, Grace, and Laughter,” told HuffPost
“Listen. Interact. Ask questions. Learn. Studies confirm that social engagement is as important to well-being as diet or days at the gym,” Blau added. “Others are drawn to you, sensing your openness and curiosity. You’ll also feel better about yourself, and your relationships will flourish.”
2. Ask interesting questions.
Too often when we meet someone new, we fall back on the same ol’ questions, workplace culture expert Adam Smiley Poswolsky told HuffPost — like “Where are you from” or “What do you do?” When we check in with loved ones, the questions we tend to ask are the standard ones, like “How have you been?” or “What did you do this weekend?”
“The problem is that people are so used to being asked these questions that they don’t try too hard, and the answer is rarely new or different,” said Poswolsky, author of “Friendship in the Age of Loneliness.”
“The irony is that to be an interesting person, you have to be interested in the people around you.”
- Melinda Blau, journalist and author
Interesting people ask interesting questions ― ones that “open the door” for better conversations and can deepen the connection, he said.
“A few examples of interesting questions are: ‘What song can you not get out of your head right now?’ or ‘What’s a skill you’re trying to get better at right now?’ or ‘Who is someone who inspired you recently and why?’”
Asking thoughtful, open-ended questions has a way of “drawing out others’ perspectives,” clinical sexologist and sexuality educator Lawrence Siegel told HuffPost.
3. Follow your curiosity.
Shift into a more curious mindset, where you’re asking questions and engaging with your environment “in a more mindful, intentional and often interactive way,” marriage and family therapist Annisa Pirasteh, owner and director of Act2Change Therapy & Wellness Center in Atlanta, told HuffPost.
Start small and “use resources right at your fingertips,” she said.
“For example, start by taking a curious position when you are scrolling through social media. See a recipe that you like? Ask yourself what intrigues you,” Pirasteh said. “Perhaps there are ingredients in the dish that you’ve never tried before. You may challenge yourself to try out that recipe and bring it with you to your next dinner party with friends, making for some good conversation.”
Similarly, if you hear about a great book, you might take a moment to look up the synopsis and read a few reviews to see if it piques your curiosity, Pirasteh said.
“Maybe even purchase the book and suggest putting together an informal book club with some friends,” she added.
4. Take yourself on dates.
Hoffman has long turned to Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” to help herself and her clients discover new interests and facets of themselves.
In the book, Cameron recommends carving time each week for an “artist date,” which she describes as “a weekly expedition to explore something that enchants or interests” you.
“It may be a trip to a bird store, to a children’s bookstore, to a flower shop, to a museum,” Cameron wrote in a blog post on her website.
It doesn’t even need to be something “artistic” necessarily, Hoffman said. But she does recommend you schedule it “as if it’s time you’ve booked with another person — meaning you don’t move it as soon as something better comes along.”
And these dates should be a solo endeavor — not a group activity, Hoffman noted.
“Many people haven’t developed their interests because of a fear of being alone. It’s easier to go along with your friend or partner’s plans than go out on your own,” she explained. “However, I find that this time can be transformational in discovering new activities and figuring out what brings you joy without any pressure of pleasing another person.”
5. Listen to good podcasts.
Travel journalist and content creator La Carmina likes to put on a “quality” podcast while she does something mundane, such as driving, working out or doing her skin care routine, she said.
“I find I pick up unexpected knowledge from listening to podcasts in a variety of genres, which inevitably result in interesting insights,” she told HuffPost.
“For example, I adore the Australian true crime podcast ‘Casefile’ and recently was able to help a friend brainstorm thriller ideas based on cases from this show! I also regularly listen to news recaps and current affairs and culture discussions, such as Sam Harris’ ‘Making Sense’ podcast, which keep me engaged and interested in the wild world we live in.”
6. Open yourself up to other perspectives.
In a time when social media and search engine algorithms make it so we’re mostly seeing news and posts that line up with our established point of view, it’s all the more important to get out of our ideological bubbles.
“Whether through books, articles, podcasts, other forms of media, travel or good old-fashioned conversation, the most interesting people are those who are able to consider other people’s points of view and experiences,” Hoffman said.
Be open to hearing about how others see the world and live their lives, she added.
Then “you can have more interesting and varied experiences and conversations to carry with you through life,” Hoffman said. “Plus, people tend to perceive you as more interesting if you make them feel comfortable and allow them to share openly.”
Siegel also emphasized the importance of being a good listener.
“The ability to really listen to people helps to engage in those meaningful connections and be able to relate to people on their level, which also increases their ‘interest factor,’” he said.
7. Tap into your unique passions.
La Carmina has found that the most interesting people she knows are “always doing deep dives into subjects that pique their interest” — whether that’s skin care, climate change or voguing, she said.
“Even if the general population might perceive the subject as ‘frivolous,’ I find that anyone with a genuine passion for a niche tends to be the most interesting person in the room,” she said. “They’ll happily devote their free time to reading and writing about it, practicing it and sparking conversations.”
If you’re not quite sure what yours are yet, that’s all right. Illustrator and designer Tevy Khou suggests taking some time to reflect on what you naturally gravitate toward. Think about what genuinely lights you up ― even if it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
“The most interesting people have self-love and don’t care what other people think of them,” they said. “Get to know yourself and what you really like or want to do, then take 10 minutes to do that thing.”
And if these interests seem incongruous with your other hobbies or aspects of your identity, all the better.
“Perhaps what makes people most interesting is their ability to surprise us or catch us off-guard,” Siegel said. “Thoughtful, unexpected elements often stand out because they change the usual way people expect to be and create special and unique interactions.”
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The interesting people we find ourselves drawn to are typically “knowledgeable or passionate about something,” Pirasteh pointed out, and “openly share their knowledge and passion with others.” And importantly: Remember to be true to yourself.
“Sharing information and passion from a place that is not authentic is often not an attractive quality,” she said. “Each of our lived experiences are unique and beautiful, and that alone makes us interesting people.”