New York couple Matthew Perlman and Stephen Kolka got a taste of what their wedding might look like two years ago, when Matthew’s brother got married in Manhattan. The couple loved the ceremony, but when they became engaged a year later, they wanted something different. Palm Desert, where Matthew had spent time as a child, turned out to be the ideal fit. “When I was thinking about our wedding, having a destination where everyone could really be together all weekend and settle and come to different events and get to see us in such different capacities throughout the weekend was so important,” Matthew says. “Even though we invited 245 people, it felt very intimate.”
Matthew, a designer and founder of the membership-based artist studio Artishouse, was eager to help shape the look and sound of the event. “I have a background in retail, fashion, and all things design, so I knew that this is my time to really flex those muscles and show off all my ideas.” The couple worked with the floral firm Mark’s Garden and the planners Debbie Geller and Paige Blatt of Geller Events, who also planned his bar mitzvah.
Stephen, who works in sales strategy and operations for LinkedIn, converted to Judaism before the wedding. “Before our wedding, our therapist told us, ‘Make sure you take 10 minutes every two hours maybe, to just step away from the hustle and bustle of everything and really have time for yourself to just take a deep breath and look at each other and hold each other’s hands,’” Matthew says.
The Invitations
The couple worked with Lehr & Black, a Los Angeles printing company, for their invitations and other paper items. “The invitations were in a book that was embossed with our monogram on the front of it, and as it opened, you first saw hand-painted portraits of us on the inside cover, and then you were transported to our wedding. We wanted our guests to get a glimpse of what they were walking into for the wedding weekend by painting pictures of each event as cards on the invitations,” Matthew says. “The responses we got from the invitation were some of the best texts we’ve ever received.”
Lehr & Black also created welcome boxes for wedding guests. Each one featured a picture of Palm Desert on them, and a schedule and welcome note were tucked inside.
The Venue
Once they’d narrowed their location down to Palm Desert, their planners suggested Zenyara, a 70-acre private estate in the Coachella Valley that has an infinity pool, a pond, a man-made beach, a spa, and golf. “We like to party and have a good time, and Palm Desert has noise ordinances. When it came to curfews, there were a lot of restrictions. By renting out an entire venue, we could build whatever we wanted and have free rein over the entire property,” Matthew says. (Gigi and Bella Hadid stayed at Zenyara when they attended Coachella in 2018.)
The Rehearsal Dinner
Matthew and Stephen got to California on Tuesday, along with other family members who stayed in the 11 bedrooms on the property. On Thursday, they held a rehearsal dinner for 80 at La Quinta Resort, where many of the guests were staying. They loved the cacti and palm trees there and liked the idea of delaying the Zenyara reveal. “We wanted to almost build the hype of Zenyara and not let people in quite yet,” Stephen says.
Matthew’s outfit was made by Brooklyn designer David Hart, who also created both the grooms’ wedding day tuxedos. “I loved the idea of doing a white suit with big shoulders and a high-waisted wide-leg with a tank top underneath it and blue shoes,” Matthew says. Stephen wore a brown suit from Suit Supply.
The Beach Party
Zenyara has a beach on the property, which is not something that you expect to see in the desert. “When we saw that, we were like, oh my God, this is absolutely incredible,” Matthew recalls. He and Stephen had attended a Jamaican wedding, and the pre-wedding beach party was their favorite part. They knew they wanted something similar when they got married.
The party began at a bar area, where guests were welcomed to Zenyara with hibiscus margaritas. “It was really just about getting our hellos out of the way, seeing everyone, and settling into the property, taking in the beauty of it. Obviously, with the mountains in the back and the trees and the pond, it’s so breathtaking,” Matthew says.
The beach party then began on the other side of Zenyara’s lake. A cover band played a rock-heavy set list and the area was set up like a beach club with cabanas, a custom-built bar, and furniture. Matthew reached out to the Indian brand Perte D’ego, which makes embellished shirts, and they created a custom white button-down decorated with palm trees and a sun print. He wore it with green Marni pants. Stephen had on a shirt from Bode, and they both wore matching loafers. They put on their bathing suits at the beach and, later on, Matthew changed into Pucci pants while Stephen dressed in a set from Simkhai.
“We knew people would be drinking pretty heavily, so we did barbecue-style food, like fried chicken, ribs, and things you’d want when you’re a little inebriated. It was amazing,” Stephen says. The party lasted from noon until 7 P.M.
Getting Ready
“Stephen and I slept separately the night before, but we were so excited about getting ready together,” Matthew says. “For us, it was so nice having those moments to be together, put on each other’s jackets, and fix each other’s bow ties. It was such a special way to start.”
Their wedding party eventually came over, too. “It was a full ordeal in the house getting ready with everyone. We just wanted to make it really fun all day. There was no pressure,” Matthew explains. Their aunts and grandparents also joined at one point.
The Wedding Wardrobe
Matthew saw a picture of a groom wearing a green tuxedo, and he fell in love. The designer was David Hart, who is based in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. He and Stephen spent a day with Hart at a fabric store, and Matthew ended up with a tuxedo made from a silk jacquard fabric sourced from Italy, while Stephen chose a tuxedo with a classic double-breasted jacket. “We knew that the markup on a designer tuxedo would be ridiculous, so we went into it knowing that you could get a beautifully custom-made tuxedo for a fraction of cost,” Stephen says.
The Ketubah Signing
Signing the ketubah was very important to the couple, particularly as Stephen had just become Jewish. “We absolutely love our rabbi—he’s an incredible human who just can speak so eloquently and perfectly about us,” says Matthew. “We had two of my closest girlfriends and two of Stephen’s closest girlfriends sign the ketubah. There were, I think, 40 of us in the room, and to be able to be together and see it was really special and unique.”
The Ceremony
The plan had been for the ceremony to be outdoors but, when it rained, it ultimately took place under a tent.
Stephen assumed that with him entering first, the guests would only stand up for Matthew’s arrival, but not his. “The rabbi had made an announcement that everyone should stand for me, too. Little things like that that I was so anxious about, were [taken care of]. We had two separate glasses that we could break, and even the verbiage that the rabbi used [reflected two grooms.] It was very reassuring to know that you can still have those traditional elements in a same-sex marriage. That was big for me,” Stephen says. Seeing his parents as he entered was something he’ll never forget. “It was pretty surreal to see my parents looking back at me with this massive crowd behind them and having them be so watery-eyed.”
Matthew loves Broadway, so he entered to his favorite song from Rent. “Seasons of Love just triggers a chord in me that every time I hear it now, I start crying. The minute I heard the first note from the piano, I was standing back before I was about to walk down, and I was sobbing,” he says.
After they stomped on the glass, George Michael’s “Freedom” played.
The Reception
Matthew and Stephen wanted a steakhouse element for their reception, something with seafood towers, wedge salads, and creamed spinach. To really get that feel, they created a hostess stand and check-in guest which they had manned with event coordinators who checked guests in and texted them when their table was ready.
A year ago, the couple went to see Adele in Las Vegas. When they saw the restaurant Delilah, in the Wynn Hotel, they couldn’t believe it. “When you stand on the edge of the balcony, you overlook this incredible supper club with people drinking and screaming and yelling and a live band that’s like a ’20s cover band, and these gold palm trees that are just shooting up in the middle. I turned to Ste and I go, ‘Holy shit. This is our wedding!’” Matthew recalls.
When they entered the reception, they noticed large gold palm trees, a tiered seating chart, wall sconces, and a bar with gold banana leaf—just like at Delilah. A cover band put a ’20s spin on songs from Amy Winehouse and other artists they loved before family members and friends gave their toasts.
The Big Surprise
It was Matthew’s father’s speech that took things to a surprising place. “He spoke about being gay and feeling accepted by the community, and how love really is love,” Matthew says. “All of a sudden, he leapt off the stage and the lights went out, then a full Broadway performance started. I thought, ‘Oh, yeah, I know what turned me gay. It was my love of Broadway.’”
The Performance
It kicked off with a cover of a Hamilton song, with lyrics altered to reflect Matthew and Stephen’s story. Next, a drag version of Wicked’s Glinda emerged, followed by 20 Broadway performers who did dances from Wicked and Kinky Boots. Finally, there was a special song written just for the couple.
“I couldn’t squeeze Stephen’s hand harder during that. We were dying over it,” Matthew says. “Definitely a little shocking though,” Stephen admits.
The After-Party
“Then Lola from Kinky Boots came down and grabbed us and pretty much escorted us into the next room. The curtains behind the stage dropped, and there were these two incredible neon light tunnels that took you into the party room. No one knew was happening!” says Matthew. They walked into a full party with a top house DJ from Germany and a band doing live instrumentals over his music. Matthew wore a custom beaded crop top from Mark Zunino with white Alexander McQueen pants. Stephen wore a navy blue shirt from Perte D’ego with a celestial motif.
“I was doing a full spin, and I saw my college friends, my high school friends, my parents’ friends, Stephen’s grandparents, Stephen’s friends,” Matthew recalls. “It was so amazing to see all of these people from different walks of life dancing and celebrating and being together and interacting like you’ve never seen people interact before, having great conversations and just being happy.”
Stephen Kolka and Matthew Perlman’s Wedding
Adrienne Gaffney is a features editor at ELLE and previously worked at WSJ Magazine and Vanity Fair.
