First, I need to recommend an episode of the Love Letters podcast. It’s called “The Puppetmaster,” and it is all about an excellent setup … and it might give you some ideas.

My rule on setups: you’re not allowed to be insulted unless by a suggested match unless the person is … ideologically your opposite. Or clearly mean.

I think I’m a good setter-upper, and I have a pretty good success record. That said, I have been shocked when one friend says, “Hey … I want to know more about your friend so-and-so.” And I’m like, “That guy??? Him??”

Sometimes we don’t see our loved ones clearly. Sometimes we believe that two people with similar jobs will get along, and they very much don’t.

Your friends might actually think that you’ll like these other single people. At the very least, they know dating is a numbers game, so what’s the harm if it’s a quick coffee?

I agree with you – people need to do this more. That’s why I invite every person who reads this column to think, “Who might I know who’d like a setup? Who might be their match?” Get nosy. Start offering and follow up, if someone wants this help.

And you, letter writer – and everyone else being set up – try to assume the best of the setter-uppers. Know that this is a complicated science and that friends don’t mean to offend. Keep dates to an hour or less so no one wastes too much time. 

Know that humans don’t have an algorithm like a dating app, so it might take friends longer to get good at it.

My last thought: sometimes it’s easier to skip the blind date/setup and ask friends to host an event. Years ago, I had one friend who wanted to find a match for another. She planned a barbecue, inviting multiple single men to the party for the woman she wanted to set up. Basically, it was supposed to be like an episode of “The Bachelor,” but no one knew. If it didn’t work out, it was still a barbecue, and everybody would have fun anyway. You might want to ask for that – because parties are fun.

– Meredith