I don’t fit in at work, what should I do?

Explore why you feel this way

Kirsty Shires, salaried GP, GP appraiser, coach, and mentor, West Midlands, says, “For many of us, fitting in at work is important to our sense of self, identity, and belonging. When this is lacking, it can affect our confidence and ability to perform well—which in healthcare could affect patient care as well as our own wellbeing.

“There could be many factors involved in that sense of fitting in, but if we notice this feeling then it is worth taking stock and exploring it. This might mean asking questions about the situation we find ourselves in, the organisation we’re working for, the people we’re working with, and, perhaps most pertinently, ourselves.

“From my own experience of working in different organisations, and from listening to others who are having qualms about fitting in, the difficulty can arise from a mismatch between your own values and those of the wider organisation.

“Sometimes, it might be because of different styles of communication, or there may be a culture at the workplace which doesn’t suit your personality or way of doing things.

“Whatever the cause, it’s important to check that our perceptions are accurate. It’s easy to make inaccurate assumptions about why other people behave a certain way. You may need to discuss the situation with someone else—a trusted friend, colleague, or supervisor—and really try to be curious about what might be happening.

“We typically have three choices: accept the situation, try to change it, or leave. Each of these options may require soul searching and challenging conversations.

“If you do feel like a square peg in a round hole, explore the reasons—perhaps through a peer mentoring scheme. It might be that the environment isn’t right for you but be open to the possibility that you might need to adjust. We are all works in progress, after all.”

Find a mentor

Ashley Simpson, medical education fellow, NHS Lothian, says, “In the midst of a demanding career, especially in a field as intense as medicine, it’s natural to seek connections with others. Deep down, we all yearn to feel a sense of belonging.

“Unfortunately, the rotational nature of medical training often uproots us, making it difficult to establish meaningful bonds. This experience can be challenging for anyone, but may feel particularly isolating for doctors from diverse backgrounds, including those underrepresented in medicine because of socioeconomic or ethnocultural factors.

“If you’re finding it difficult to connect with colleagues at work, consider seeking a mentor. Ideally, this would be someone who shares your background or actively supports diversity and inclusion. Connecting with someone who understands your experiences can be invaluable for developing a sense of belonging. In addition, they can help you navigate any tensions that may arise between your personal and professional identities as a result of underrepresentation in the workplace.

“Additionally, informal support from peers may be helpful. Your colleagues, perhaps more comfortable in the dominant professional culture, may be unaware of how isolated you’re feeling. Curiosity and openness in conversations can promote mutual understanding, making it easier for others to ask respectful questions that break down barriers, fostering a more inclusive environment.

“Try also to acknowledge the contributions you bring to your team. The unique perspectives and ideas you share can enrich discussions, improve patient care, and highlight the importance of diversity. Celebrating your strengths can also shift your focus from ‘fitting in’ to ‘standing out’ in a way that benefits both you and your workplace.

“Finally, be mindful that your work is only one aspect of life; building meaningful connections outside your workplace is equally important for wellbeing. By nurturing personal relationships that offer you support and grounding, you can create a safe space to express your authentic self, fostering a sense of belonging that enhances all areas of your life.”

Do you want to?

Sarah Goulding, career coach for medics and portfolio GP, says, “How are you different? Is it possible you are one of the neurodivergent community?

“One in five of us are across the entire population.1 No, it is not just a fad. And no, we are not ‘all a little bit neurodivergent.’ Medical schools are predictably full of us—I’m personally an out and proud ADHDer. We are capable, competent, often wildly empathic, and good at solving diagnostic puzzles, so medicine can seem a good choice for many when younger.

“Neurodiversity is a term used to explain the wide variety of operating systems our brains have. You may well perceive, function, and operate differently to colleagues. Psychological safety dictates that we want to feel part of a tribe and be included. Noticing when this isn’t happening is a useful opportunity for action if it is causing you distress.

“The rates of burnout and mental illness are higher if you are not neurotypical,2 so seeking a diagnosis can give you the opportunity to understand your brain better. This allows you to consider where you might best thrive, including how you prefer to interact with people, and in what environments. You could then find your own tribe to support and cheer you on in your uniqueness.

“The other question is if it is actually a ‘them problem.’ The 2024 update to the GMC’s Good Medical Practice3 focuses on workplace wellbeing, including speaking up when toxic cultures, racism, and bullying exist. Sadly, there are still many unhealthy environments in the NHS.

“In the current challenging landscape this is something I am seeing more of as a coach and mentor, alongside historically high levels of burnout. There are systems for raising concerns, and support available. You are irreplaceable as an individual, so please take your health and wellbeing seriously.”