Robb. Knight.

• The screen is better, brighter and bigger than on previous devices.
• It’s thin, but not iPhone-thin.
• The OEM’s Android skin isn’t awesome, but in some places, it could be.
• The new launcher comes with lots of widgets that do things.
• 4G is cool, unless you like battery life. But damn, those 28 seconds of browsing are fast!
• The camera software still sucks. Also, FRONT-FACING CAMERA! Note: This can be swapped for “3-D!!!!” if the review requires it.
• While Android is open, there’s lots of crapware on this phone. Hello, VZContact Manager FREE!
• This may be the best Android phone yet, but if not, just wait a week or two.
• The current version of Android lacks some polish, but the next version of Android will be the one to have, we promise. It’s going to rival iOS.
• Granted, this phone probably won’t ever get to run it.

Yep, that'll pretty much cover it.

Recipe for Any Android Phone Review Ever via 512 Pixels