more jump point fan fiction than an actual movie. 

i honestly felt like the skrull… king? watching his refugee camp collapse into a cacophony of ugly visual effects throughout 92% of this movie. i’ve seen every single one of these marvel films and i generally had no idea what the fuck was going on during the marvels. all the jokes on letterboxd about artificial intelligence writing this script and that script were completely wasted because the marvels is the crème da la crème of what if midjourney and chat gpt had grotesquely bubbling veiny nightmare of a marvel baby.

hell, even a whole sequence taking place on a planet where all it’s inhabitants communicate entirely through song and dance should be genuine catnip for me. here it feels so half baked - a great idea completely limp with nothing clever going on underneath it’s surface. we could have seen a new side to captain marvel during this moment. but, we’re in and out. 

this phase has literally kicked off by ripping into millions of bloody spaghetti strings like certain characters on a certain mcu tv (streaming? tv? quibi?) show right before our eyes (that’s for you loki season 2 nerds out there).

half a star for objectively creating a better adaptation of andrew lloyd weber’s cats with one scene than whatever tom hooper was up
to back in 2019.

another half star for not being over two hours. but holy hell did it feel like it was.

that’ll do pig. that’ll do.

these movies wouldn’t get half the stars that they do on letterboxd if it wasn’t for the ‘omg’ post-credit scenes. take that away and you’re left with sloppy cosmic soup. it’s x-tra cynical.

you’d think after the internet horror show that brie larson has been subjected to that fiege & co. would do everything in their power to try and nail this one correctly before camera roll. but, it’s clear after the infinity saga they’d maybe be better off just doing an iron man reboot and starting from scratch. the horror.

marvel, the end is nigh.