First things first, let me just state I am a huge Renny Harlin apologist. Despite the generic garbage his career has devolved into over the past two decades, he directed three certified BANGERS of the 90s action movie cannon — “Die Hard 2”, “Cliffhanger” and, my personal favourite, “The Long Kiss Goodnight”; just as much a Christmas movie classic as the original “Die Hard” — a solid “Nightmare On Elm Street” series entry, and probably the best of the dumb shark B-movies, “Deep Blue Sea” (which was the designated VHS of lazy teachers in my high school during free periods, hence numerous formative watches). 

I also don’t think the original “The Strangers”, nor its surprisingly decent sequel, are some kind of untouchable masterpieces, despite enjoying them very much. 

So with that in mind, I remained cautiously optimistic for “The Strangers: Chapter 1”, despite the bad omen of its relatively unknown leads — at least to me, a grown adult who doesn’t watch contemporary teen-centric TV; I know she’s on “Riverdale” but have never seen it and know her more for the YouTube algorithm recommending me her vegan What I Eat In A Day videos, and I know him for, well (as a chronically-online gay myself), just for being a gay whose dated other generically handsome gays, despite knowing none of his actual work — and a bizarrely optimistic financial gamble from the studio to commit to an entirely filmed trilogy, before even gauging the success of the first instalment. (Though I’m sure Lionsgate took a page out of the Blumhouse book of business with a budget likely capped at about $10m max for the lot of ‘em.) 

If this flops at the box office, I can absolutely see the remaining two chapters unceremoniously dropped on VOD, in lieu of the proposed trio of theatricals. 

The modern remake/reboot of the 16-year-old original (I feel old), mostly follows the exact same beats, save for a few technology/reference updates. A brief mid-credits coda is the only real indication that there is anymore story to tell, beyond the marketing/title and a ‘To Be Continued’ card. 

“The Strangers: Chapter 1” is very much fine, nicely shot and edited, with some decently executed new jump-scares that don’t always parrot the original, but the choice to make the central couple a loving one — rather than one fraught with complex emotions from the outset in the wake of a rebuked proposal — dilutes any early tension of the first until the arrival of the titular strangers. 

Madelaine Petsch is perfectly serviceable and very pretty but no extraordinary acting talent, while Froy Gutierrez is the weaker performer of the two, though still blandly attractive, but has what I can only describe as ‘gay-face’, which makes it harder to buy anything he does here playing hetero. Gurrrl, you’re both bottoms! 🙄 

Does this need to exist? Of course not. 
Did I find this largely inoffensive and better constructed than the majority of modern popcorn horror? To be honest, yeah. 

Mildly interested to see where they take things once they begin forging new territory in the next… 

Kudos to Joanna Newsome for scoring that royalties cheque a second time around — and on the topic of music, see “Hounds Of Love” for a more fucked-up movie’s use of a Moody Blues ‘Knights In White Satin’ needle drop.