episode of depression ? more like a full length feature film’s review published on Letterboxd:
Here’s to the ones that dream.
Foolish as they may seem.
Here’s to the hearts that ache.
Here’s to the mess we make.
I guess I just need to rewatch films that came out during my high school years of 2013-2017 cause every film that I watched back then that I wrote off as “overrated” to then rewatch in these past couple of years and only see them for the modern classics they are is very very VERY consistent.
I watched The Omen in High School, thought it was boring — LOVE IT NOW
I watched Moonlight in High School, thought it was overhyped — LOVE IT NOW
I watched La La Land in High School, thought it was overrated — ADORE IT NOW
2023 & this year have been very odd years for me in terms of self discovery…. I feel I’m relearning myself and now fully coming to terms of knowing who I am and what I want to be…. and then I have a saying, a quote, an album, a book, a tv show, a song, a movie present itself but a mirror in front of me as to reflect a different yet very present side of me — a side that relates so deeply to the form of media I’m interacting with and relating. A different shade, you can say, on my internal color wheel.
These last two years have been adding new splotches and variants of colors from what used be merely black & white within me to now a vibrant and every shifting kaleidoscope. Just like a kaleidoscope, This film is filled with color and life and love and heartbreak so deep on all levels that when the climax and combined crescendo of music melds together in a montage that seems to last forever — it envelops me and causes the mirror this film presented me at the beginning to shake and shatter — leaving me only to shake and shatter with it. See, this film represents my creativity. My joy of being a creative. My fears of being a creative and the mental toll it really is to feel any form of media on a deeper level. Just like Sebastian and Mia — their respectable mediums of media present a mirror to them of their life essence … who they are…. Who they want to be…. Their fears… their joys….
And as if it wasn’t enough, The music guiding us and shifting variants of the same song / making new colors as the movie and relationship goes through its’ stages like seasons…. we get to the end and watch the could’ve beens, the maybes, the not-so-much, the almost and then we’re back to reality. The painful & yet beautiful reality.
Fuck you, Damien Chazelle — I love you.
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