Borderlands
Iamofthebread

Review by Iamofthebread

Borderlands 2024

½

Watched 10 Aug 2024

It's cute that you think you're the heroes of this little adventure.

That was an absolutely abysmal watch the cinema could not have been more quiet not a gasp, hoot nor holler was heard which was due to how empty it was because no one actively wants to watch this and rightly so, even for me it was a combination of impulse during free time with the confusion of "oh this came out?"; the entire runtime was just a room of straight faces running out the clock. To perfectly encapsulate my feelings on this "movie" here is a NPC's transcript from a Borderlands side mission

SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! IN THE FAAAAAAAACE! DO IT! SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! FACEFACEFACEFACEFACE! NOW! BULLETS IN THE FACE! WANT 'EM! NEED 'EM! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME! AT THE SOUND OF THE BELL IT WILL BE: FACESHOOTING O' CLOCK! BONGGGGG! KNOCK, KNOCK! WHO'S THERE?! SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! END OF JOKE! I'M GONNA SING A SONG! SHOOT ME AT THE END OF IT! DA-DA-DA-DA, DA-DA! BONG! I NOTICE YOU HAVEN'T SHOT ME IN THE FACE! CURIOUS AS TO WHY! Maybe you're weighing the moral pros and cons but let me assure you that OH MY GOD SHOOT ME IN THE GODDAMNED FACE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

I watched this film YESTERDAY and was so thoroughly unimpressed it sapped my motivation to even write a review which made me ask myself "maybe there's more to it that im not getting?" The answer to that, of course, is a huge resounding NO there's barely anything to begin with. I'd like to say there was a redeeming factor coming from the looks of the overall character design, which you better have something tangible looking with a budget of 110 MILLION DOLLARS. Then again just because your characters look cool does not mean you're anything more than an unfunny, tiresome bag of shit that bastardises a beloved IP because it is truly is unbelievable how the budget is that high when everything else is an atrocious mess to both look at and listen to.

To put it plainly this is a "movie" that should have never been made and if there's anyone reading this toying with the notion to watch this just don't, I wouldn't even recommend pirating it to save yourself the money because it'll be time you never get back. Awful "movie" that just would not shut the fuck up, this HAS to be one of the worst things to be released this year, I can't stress enough how bad this is.

2024 Ranked
I'd rather drink the juice from the bottom of a garbage bag /5

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