The Marvels
Stringer Bell

Review by Stringer Bell Patron

The Marvels 2023

½

Watched 11 Dec 2023

Nothing I can actually say about this film will prepare you for how dogshit it actually is.
I could speak for hours about the incompetency of Iman Vellani as an actress and how her acting is more annoying than nails on a chalkboard.
I could write an encyclopedia about Brie Larson and how unlikeable and incapable she is as an actress and persona.
I could go on and on and on about how cinematically dyslexic Nia DaCosta is as a director and how she should not be given any rights to direct anything else in the future.
I could do all those things and have them serve as a critically mean-spirited character takedown of everyone involved in this garbage project, while targeting the fans for supporting Marvel thus far and aim the final blows at Disney and MCU's disdain for giving us quality material with inconsequential narratives written by monkeys on typewriters but all that would be a waste of my time and I'm on vacation for the first time in 2 years and my time is way better spent going to play some Baldur's Gate 3 or some shit.

Anyway, here's a recipe for the best sugar cookies you can make from scratch this Christmas: www.dessertfortwo.com/small-batch-sugar-cookies/

Go wow your loved ones with that shit because watching this made the bottle of bleach under my sink look quite delicious.

In before "Why did you watch this?"
I relish in schadenfreude, leave me alone.

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