It is all that I thought it’d be… but with a couple things going for it. Michael Chaves is in the director’s chair and after the whiff that is The Curse of La Llorona, my expectations were an inch off the floor. Sure enough, the movie’s bread and butter—or, should I say, bread and wine—is the jump scare. They consistently suck. Not that the first movie was known for its great scares either, but The Conjuring cinematic universe outright refuses to improve itself in that regard. You don’t even have the benefit of the gothic atmosphere of The Nun or Abel Korzeniowski’s score. Both mood and music are swapped for a far more generic feel that compromises the effectiveness of the horror when it isn’t going BOO as loudly as humanly possible.

The other big issue that gets my goat is Valek’s power. This goddamn demon can do anything, but the movie will spend the final forty-five minutes convincing you that it can’t kill anyone. Never mind throwing people around in a room you’re not even in! Never mind lifting a priest into the air and setting his entire being on fire! Valek cannot open this door that’s being held closed by five small girls. Fuck off lol

But. But… if taken for these things alone, Chaves would have directed a 1/10 entry in the Conjuring series. Fortunately, the script, in all of its flailing about, does have quite a bit going on in its final forty-five minutes. There’s some evil goating that’s fun as well as a little bit of zombie action. It’s like in Annabelle Comes Home where they throw everything and the kitchen sink at you. It can be fun in spite of its shortcomings. Unfortunately, this movie is flirting with a two-hour runtime instead of cleaving off parts of the dreadfully dull first act, meaning it can’t have the redemption of that movie, and without the atmospheric strength of The Nun, it can’t even keep pace with the previous movie. Still better than The Curse of La Llorona though.

Added to:
• 2023 Horror — D Edward Ranks (49 / 90) 😬
• The Conjuring — D Edward Ranks (7 / 8)