"Are you sinners?"

I'd sooner have someone spit in my face than insult my intelligence the way Renny Harlin's "reimagining" of this once-suspenseful series does, with 'The Strangers: Chapter 1' laying the predictable, scares-free groundwork for a trilogy that nobody was asking for.

It's an awful retread of its chilling 2008 predecessor, and whereas the genius of the original film was in the simplicity of three masked humans stalking and murdering for fun, this one takes an annoyingly implausible, almost ethereal approach instead, where the killers illogically linger inches away or teleport vast distances in no time at all. The film's sound design further betrays all logic - the interior of the house creaks with every single step taken, but only when the director wants those noises to be heard; otherwise, approaching vehicles and the ambling of the killers are radio silent. And don't even get me started on that late game action out in the woods. I know to search for logic in a film like this is a fool's errand, but when it's this devoid of anything positive, the alarm bells around its flaws and imperfections become even louder.

None of this even digs into the other horrid misfires, from the generally shit acting (seriously, the two leads have zero chemistry together and are the most idiotic central characters I've seen in a genre film since the original 'Speak No Evil') to the way the only remarkable moments, of which there are very few, are poor imitations of its predecessor, from the way the murderous trio quietly lingers in the darkness of the background to even the unsettling music selections on the record player.

On one hand, 'Chapter 1' here has virtually no original ideas of its own, merely existing to set the stage for...two more unoriginal works that'll be seen as miracles if they're not as equally forgettable. Having said that, is it possible this throwaway waste of time has gotten the kinks out of its system and is truly ready for something fresh in the next chapter of its journey? I'm not optimistic but surely nothing coming next can be any worse than this one.