author: @sleepyfox
title: Taiji Tennis
date: 08-Nov-2024

So I read a bit about Tennis, and thought 'Hey, that sounds cool, I'd like to learn that', and looked around to see if there is a local Tennis club, and if there is a learners' group. Great news, I find a 'Learn Tennis' session run by a local instructor. They appear legit, are certified and insured by the Tennis Union of Great Britain, so I go down on Tuesday evening to the local sports centre and give it a go.

We start by doing some warm up exercises, some stretching, all good. We are told that Tennis is an art with hundreds of years of history, and that it was founded in 12th Century France by King Louis X. There is a framed picture of King Louis X on a shelf on one wall of the studio space. Apparently he drank himself to death accidentally after a particularly exhausting game by imbibing large quantities of cooled wine. I look with suspicion at the cold drinks vending machine by the entrance.

Then we are taught the 'ready to play' stance, standing in a crouch with our hands forward as if holding a Tennis racket, for as long as we can. My thighs are burning after less than sixty seconds, it's like an upright Plank. Then we are split up into groups and we practice 'Form'.

Form is a sequence of choreographed moves, that is like one player's view of a game of Tennis. There is a serve, stepping to the left, a return swing, running to the right, another return only low this time, a quick step to the left followed by a backhand, etc. We all practice the same moves, in time, lined up across the studio under the watchful gaze of our instructor.

The more advanced players have learned the entire sequence (nearly a hundred movements), and are working on the finer points of postures, or moves.

The really advanced students, who've been practising Tennis for several years, are practising with Tennis Racquets. We are told that one has to master the basic movements and form before we can move on to holding an actual racquet. This seems odd, so I ask why. I am told that firstly the Racquet is a heavy object, and we could accidentally hurt ourselves, or other students, especially if the racquet was to slip from our sweaty grasp. Secondly, the racquet, being an extension of the arm, acts to magnify any mistakes or errors of form, so we must make sure our movements are correct before we advance to using the Racquet.

At no point does anyone hit a ball. There are no Tennis courts, no nets, no balls, no matches, no umpires, no scoring.

I ask why? Tennis is for health, and self-development. Competition only inflates the ego, I am told.

I leave. Tennis is okay, I guess - but I can't help but feel that I'm missing something. It's like a burger with no cheese or pickle, no mayo or ketchup.

Maybe Squash will be better?