As isolating as it may feel when you’re in the thick of it, loneliness is something most humans experience at one point or another. In fact, if all the loneliness statistics tell us anything, it’s that we aren’t actually alone in our aloneness. So maybe we should compare notes.
“Anyone can experience loneliness at any point in their life — and acute loneliness can sometimes be a good thing,” says Jillian Racoosin, executive director at the Foundation for Social Connection and a contributor on the surgeon general’s 2023 advisory on social connection. “The negative or uncomfortable feelings we have can drive us to make changes to better our situations.”
Of course, there are all kinds of reasons someone might feel lonely. Especially as we transition into chillier weather, which keeps us indoors and away from each other, and short days bring on the seasonal blues.
But, Racoosin adds, “it is chronic (persistent) loneliness that is more critical to address, and for these experiences, there are certain demographics that are most at risk. Often, this is due to the fact they face marginalization or discrimination. For example, members of the BIPOC, LGBTQ+, disabled, low socioeconomic status, and immigrant communities are particularly at risk. However, life experiences or transitions can also lead to experiences of loneliness. Caregivers, new parents, and veterans fall into this category as well as young and older adults.” Sadly, loneliness is currently more common than ever amongst young people. Says Racoosin, “Right now, young adults are actually experiencing the highest rates of loneliness, with 79 percent of Gen Z and 71 percent of millennials reporting feeling lonely.”
And no, feeling lonely does not necessarily mean that you are alone. “While you may see the terms loneliness and isolation used interchangeably, it is important to note that there is a difference between these two experiences. People experiencing social isolation, such as homebound older adults or rural Americans without transportation and internet access, may have a social network map that is quite bare. They objectively have few social relationships, social roles, or group memberships and infrequent social interactions,” explains Racoosin. “However, loneliness is a subjective feeling — a perceived discrepancy between how connected you feel and how connected you want to be with others. So you can be surrounded by people, but still feel lonely because you desire more meaningful relationships or a stronger sense of belonging and connection. These individuals could be a new parent in their friend group who feels they’re no longer connecting the same way or relating to their friends or an LGBTQ youth who feels they can’t be their authentic self around certain people or in certain spaces.”
So, what do you do when it’s happening to you? Below, find tips from Racoosin along with some strategies the Cut team have found to be helpful.
Anecdotal Tips From the Cut Team
1. Go Shopping
As vain as it sounds, one of my favorite solo activities is shopping. There is something I love about wandering alone through a cute neighborhood, popping in and out of stores, chitchatting with salespeople, and maybe indulging in a little treat that will make me happy at home alone: a candle, supersoft pajamas, a fancy snack. It feels vaguely empowering to make financial decisions for me and only me, like being by myself is a luxury as opposed to a less-than-ideal state. —Danielle Cohen, staff writer
2. Call Your Mom
I do not do well with loneliness. To be honest, I’m just now learning how to enjoy being by myself. But when fits of extreme isolation tend to hit and a walk around my neighborhood won’t cure it, I always turn to calling my mom. There’s something about the fact that I know I can just show up and she’ll meet me where I’m at to ask about my day, what I’ve eaten, and what my weekly plans are that reminds me that I’m important to someone other than myself, and that alone helps. —Brooke LaMantia, editorial assistant
3. Volunteer
This might sound preachy, but volunteering is a great way to combat loneliness. I’ve moved to a new city twice in my adult life, and both times recurring volunteer opportunities — like helping out at a soup kitchen in New York — were a godsend. It’s a good way to meet new, local people you share common values and interests with. Even if your love and social lives are completely stalled out, your volunteer gig is a reason to get up, get showered, get dressed, and get out of the house. —Rachel Bashein, managing editor
4. Start a Mini Book Club
I text a friend and ask them to read the same book I’m reading — usually one that can be finished in a day or two — and then we talk about the book. It’s the lowest bar of social interaction when I don’t feel like getting a coffee or lunch but just need to connect. —Emily Gould, features writer
5. FaceTime a Loved One
If there’s a day where everyone is busy and I have nothing to do, I’m a big advocate of a long, lingering walk. No workout gear, no plan, just pick an area you like and wander. Maybe even put on some sad music or something fun to get out of your feelings and out of your head. If that doesn’t give you a new perspective or at least make you feel grateful to be back at home and sitting down again, there’s also the very long phone call or FaceTime. I’m guilty of mostly communicating over text, so it’s always nice to have a long call with someone I’d usually send a quick text to. —Chinea Rodriguez, shopping writer
6. Browse a Bookstore
When I’m lonely, I go to Barnes & Noble on 18th Street. I take the escalators up to each floor and mill about every aisle of books. Sometimes I’ll sit and flip through these niche magazines. It feels cozy, and it’s both a place with a purpose and one built solely on vibes. It’s a nice third place where I don’t have to spend money, even though I always do. —Danya Issawi, fashion news writer
7. Talk to Strangers
When I find myself feeling lonely, or realize I haven’t spoken to anyone all day (except maybe a barista), I take myself out for dinner or even just an exploratory drink. Sit at the bar, talk to the people around you. New York is good for that. The other night when I felt hungry and a little low on human interaction, I took a nice walk downtown to a wine bar I like, and went for a table at the same time as a seemingly nice pair of guys, who suggested we all sit together (that way, they explained, we could order more food). I always say yes to these sorts of things. By the end of the meal, one of the guys was offering me a connection to a free Airbnb situation in Barcelona. Not only was I no longer lonely, I had my next vacation planned. —Sasha Mutchnik, senior social editor
8. Just Make Plans
I stave off the loneliness with all the standards of coziness: Rather than fight it, I try to lean in, changing into pajamas and lighting candles with tea or wine and turning on some comfort television. Once I’m a little more relaxed, the loneliness feels more deliberate, which I find soothing. I might text some friends and make dinner plans for future dates, to allow myself room to process the feelings of isolation while also having something to look forward to in the future. —Bindu Bansinath, staff writer
9. Dance It Out
I do one of two things whenever I feel loneliness creeping in. I either embrace it and just listen to a playlist called “Mitski Ranked in Order of Sadness” (I like how by the end of the playlist the songs are “happier” so it helps me get out of the funk) or I play my Culipandeo playlist, which includes all of the old-school reggaeton hits, and I just dance the loneliness away. I’ve noticed that music allows me to approach loneliness as something that will come and go. —Bianca Nieves, senior shopping editor
10. Have a Self-Care Night
I’m not someone who suffers from loneliness much, mostly because I enjoy being alone — which probably has a lot to do with my growing up in New York as an only child. When I’m by myself, I indulge in self-care, lighting my favorite Nest or Glasshouse candles, applying a face mask and eye mask because skin care always makes me feel good, and watching a movie that brings me joy. —Asia Milia Ware, fashion and beauty writer
11. Gossip With Your Friends
I recently moved across the country to a city where I don’t know a lot of people, so I have been no stranger to loneliness as of late. I would love to say I have some kind of Brené Brown–approved coping mechanism for when I feel lonely, but that is just not true. Instead, I turn to my group chats and see if anyone has any gossip. Nothing makes me feel more connected to my friends thousands of miles away than hearing about whatever petty work/roommate/romance drama they have going on. It’s like we’re all hanging out in person (almost). —Olivia Craighead, news writer
12. Go for a Walk
Listen, everyone talks about hot-girl walks, but I say we should all acknowledge the potential that sad-girl walks have for helping one “get over” (or rather, get through) loneliness. Sometimes the walk is silent. Sometimes I’m listening to Lana Del Rey when I want to just let myself feel overwhelmed; other times I’m listening to something distractingly upbeat. It doesn’t cure everything. It might even make you a little sweaty, which is something else I’d love to find a cure for, but literally propelling myself forward instead of sitting a bit too still is often the only way for me to ground myself, focus on what’s really bothering me, and remind myself that I am actually not the only person in the world and definitely not the only person who feels alone. —Brooke Marine, deputy culture editor
13. Take Yourself Out
I achieve maximum comfort by going out to a public place by myself. My preferred space to be alone is a restaurant or bar, where my company is my current read and the conversations in the seats that surround me. Even though I’m by myself, blocking out the noise is what truly helps me hone in on my book, and the energy of people’s evenings reverberating around me consoles me and reminds me of the great times I’ve had with friends and loved ones in the past and that I’ll have again. —Maridelis Morales Rosado, photo editor
14. Meditate
I experience loneliness when I’m feeling trapped in my own thoughts, not necessarily when I’m deprived of human interaction. For that reason, I don’t feel the need to immediately schedule plans with friends or immerse myself in a social setting. What works for me is going on a nice long walk while listening to this wonderful 15-minute meditation. It helps me connect with my breath and the five senses (it’s especially effective during walks because there is so much to observe on the streets of New York City). The calming narration reminds me that I’m never truly alone, and I always feel more present, grounded, and in tune with the world around me when it’s complete. —Hanna Flanagan, shopping writer and editor
Evidence-Backed Tips From An Expert
In addition to recommending the many evidence-based strategies included in the Foundation for Social Connection’s SOCIAL Framework reports and its Action Guide for Building Socially Connected Communities, Racoosin calls out a few particularly effective tips to try out in different realms of your life below.
Some tips you can try on your own:
Cognitive Reframing Techniques: “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a well-studied and commonly supported approach delivered by behavioral and mental health professionals,” says Racoosin. “This approach is designed to help individuals reorient negative or irrational thoughts toward positive and rational thinking.” Recognition of these pessimistic perceptions can reduce loneliness as well as depression, anxiety, and stress that keep us from socially interacting with others.
Mindfulness: “This practice helps us be more present in our environment and open and accepting of new interactions and social opportunities,” explains Racoosin. “Research has shown it can also help us communicate our emotions and increase our perceptions of social support.”
Emotional-Intelligence Skill-Building: “Emotional-intelligence skills similarly promote empathy and prosocial behavior,” says Racoosin. “By having an awareness of their own and others’ feelings, individuals are better able to interpret social interactions and communicate with others.”
A tip you can try at work:
Family Supportive Supervisor Behavior (FSSB): “Oftentimes, it is hard to strike a work-life balance, causing our relationships with friends and family to deteriorate,” says Racoosin. “If you’re a manager or team leader at work, you can help foster connection by practicing FSSB, which looks like offering material and emotional support to employees as well as modeling healthy behaviors like staying off emails after hours or taking mental-health days when needed. Studies show this improves our well-being and helps us form authentic and supportive relationships.”
Tips you can try within your community:
Offering and participating in arts- and culture-based activities: “Arts and cultural events can also deepen our attachment to our community, allowing us to cultivate strong social networks,” says Racoosin.
Creating and gathering in third places: “These spaces outside of our home and workplace can help address loneliness and foster connection,” explains Racoosin. “Not only do these spaces offer more opportunities to interact and form supportive social networks, they also promote a sense of belonging and community cohesion. Examples of such spaces to gather include coworking spaces, community centers, and green spaces.”
Volunteering: “Volunteering promotes a sense of purpose and belonging for people both providing and receiving services,” says Racoosin. “The increased community cohesion, social interaction, and self-esteem from these activities help individuals feel less lonely and more integrated into their communities.” (Yes, this tip has now appeared twice in this article! Now might be your sign to sign up for a volunteer program.)
Physical Activity and Wellness Initiatives: “Researchers find that group exercise can increase trust in others, promote prosocial behavior and feelings of belonging, and increase social bonding between participants,” Racoosin shares, adding that “‘active rest’ and meditation can also foster positive emotions and lead us to connect with others.”
Finally, even when we’re not feeling particularly lonely, Racoosin urges us all to normalize the feeling of loneliness. “At the societal level, we can further destigmatize experiences of loneliness and bring further awareness to the importance of social connection. Loneliness is not an individual problem or fault, but rather a result of a society in need of more prosocial policies, practices, and norms,” she shares. “By normalizing experiences of loneliness, we can encourage more people to seek the help they need and make them aware of available resources.”
Our Expert:
Jillian Racoosin, the executive director at the Foundation for Social Connection and contributor on the surgeon general’s 2023 advisory on social connection.