Vancouver arctic outflow warning is your cue to wage another cold war at home

If you’re in a relationship and living together, get ready for a rough few days. Environment Canada has announced an “Arctic outflow warning for Vancouver,” the cold snap kicking into high gear tonight with the low expected to hit -12 Celsius. Snow flurries are possible (um—there is one happening right now).

From now until next Tuesday, expect the kind of weather that makes you wonder where the hell the toques, gloves, and longjohns you found last summer while looking for your swimsuit have disappeared to. (Side note: congratulations on finding your swimsuit today!).

Given the extended cold weather, get ready for the fighting at home.

In every relationship there’s one person who walks around the house wearing three down jackets, two sets of ski pants, and slippers that have been jammed into a pair of Ugg boots. They aren't just saving money on heating, they are “saving planet Earth.”

And then there’s the person who checks the Google Nest thermostat every hour to discover that, for the 19th time that day, someone has turned the heat down from 24 to 17.

Over the years, that person has learned you can leave two-dozen sticky notes a day on the thermostat reading, “If you turn down the heat again I will break your fingers.” And the next time the thermostat is checked, it’s going to somehow have been set to 17 again. With a single note, written angrily in all caps, reading, “PUT ON A FUCKING SWEATER.” Even though a fucking sweater won’t fucking do anything for a person whose fucking fingers are even colder than their fucking feet because the fucking thermostat has been turned down to fucking 17 again.

Good luck, everyone.

Next week things should be back to normal weather-wise. Which means you can go back to fighting over the correct way to load the dishwasher.