Can I write that? Everything on here feels so censored. It wasn't like that in the beginning of this confessional. I was there so many years ago...

I’m struggling and not sure what’s wrong. Help is in short supply. I feel like I’m being passed along a broken assembly line desperate for answers. They won’t help unless I take medication they don’t understand and when it isn’t working they say I need to take it longer and then later increase the dose until I’m too tired to function or speak up. Some things are better, other things are worse. I feel baked and primed to be dropped but for me this isn’t a game and I’m not laughing.

They say there’s no right way to grieve. I don’t believe it. I know there’s a wrong way to grieve, and I find myself cozying up to that kind far too often. There are so many different causes of grief. It’s discouraging to keep moving when it is a natural way of life to lose things. Perhaps there is a better way to honour things when letting them go so I can move on.

I didn’t realize what was happening at the time but I know all about it now. First he hung on my every word, making me feel like we were so in sync. Then the compliments started, and the flattery. Then came the active pursuit, in spite of the reluctance I was showing and expressing. Expensive flowers delivered to my workplace, poetry, unsolicited gifts. I was concerned about the intensity and I told him several times that it was too much, and he’d back off for a bit until I relaxed my guard, then it would start again. When I finally agreed to go out with him, he acted way over the top with what he assumed was romantic gestures. Telling random strangers that passed us on the street that I was the most beautiful woman on the planet and embarrassing stuff like that. It was so overwhelming that it turned me off and I’d tell him it needed to slow down because I was uncomfortable. But then the criticism would start. Little things like comments about what I was wearing, rearranging my hair, talking about other women, trying to prevent me physically from touching my face, stuff like that. After a few weeks of this whole experience, I just told him it wasn’t working for me and I couldn’t see him anymore, and then he lost his mind. Suddenly I was the worst person he’d ever met. He threatened me, physically stalked me, made “anonymous” calls to me, left long messages begging me to change my mind, then reverted to ranting about how awful I was. I eventually resorted to doing something I never wanted to do to make him stop, by exposing his behaviour to some other people, and that ended the stalking. But if I had recognized the signs of a psychopath before I ever agreed to go out with him, I could have saved myself from the overwhelming amount of damage he caused in my life (I haven’t told the half of it), so for anyone else who might recognize this behaviour, here’s your public service announcement.

I would kill KILL to have a friend who happens to be gifted at haircutting and hair colouring. I could sit in her basement and have my hair done and we could just have quiet, introverted chats and tea. Sitting in a hairstylist's chair has become a nightmare for me. I don't look cool enough, I don't know what to say, it's an introvert's nightmare.

If your cat is outside without a harness and leash, no catio, vulnerable to cars, eagles, coyotes, dogs, sociopaths, I deeply judge you as naive at best or horribly cruel. Why even have an animal if you won’t take care of it!!?? If your cat is injured or is lost, it’s not an accident, it is your fault. Even barn cats receive better care than these neglected suburbia animals. Cats are now semi-domesticated and rely on humans to live beyond their average life span as wild cats, which is only max 3 years. If I see a cat wandering around without a collar imma bring that baby to the SPCA because that cat is neglected! We don’t allow this for dogs, why cats?? Can’t believe I have to say it - please spade and neuter your pets!!!

If someone started developing unused underground parking spaces into apartments for a reasonable price I would go for it. Please include scuba gear and an escape route please.

I confess I get great satisfaction in smashing glass jars into the industrial bin at the recycling centre. It's strangely satisfying hearing it crash into smithereens! =)

I don't find it impolite at all to nod my head at someone. I don't think nodding your head is rude at all. Not in the least. It's a quiet, casual means of exchanging hellos even if you aren't feeling like talking. Facial expressions without words can pretty much often convey human emotions.

I am tired of people in Vancouver assuming everyone is a leftwing communist just cause they are. I'm right wing and I'm proud of it regardless of the stereotypes you try to label right-wing people with. Next time you talk know we're everywhere!