big day today

I'm off to Tucker's graduation ceremony. Dillon's prom is tomorrow and then he graduates next week, so lots of major events happening all at once!

update:

it was a lovely ceremony. When they were pushing Tucker in and that traditional graduation music was playing, of course, i started to get very emotional.

they showed a little video highlighting all the graduates (there were 32 of them) - so that was really special to see that. the next step is he will move into the adult education program at the same school. This is state run and budget dependent, so we shall see what that brings!

Not my favorite day........

Today it has been 20 years since Tucker sustained his injury. I won't be dwelling on it, but painted this picture last night to reflect my inner feelings. Feelings that are often kept well hidden.

Tucker is sick, so he will be home from school. We will have a cozy day watching tv and listening to music while i cuddle, love and care for him.

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Congratulations to Patty, Barbe and Angela. It was hard to pick only 3 winners for the giveaway. I read each and every one and heard your stories and I wish all of you could be taking the workshop. I appreciate you playing along.

Happy Birthday to Tucker

I just wanted to take a minute and wish my sweet little tucker happy birthday. he turns 21 today. He has been through a lot. It is very painful for me to post this baby picture of him before his brain injury, but I'm going to be brave and do it and deal with the emotions that come.

i recently read a post by Melody Ross discussing some painful memories from a traumatic time in her life and at one point i had to stop reading it. my heart was racing and i started to feel sick. it dredged up some very painful memories, ones i have a hard time acknowledging. it just is so hard to go there. I could so relate to everything she said- i just don't think i've ever been able to put it into words before.

i remembered something that happened when tuck was in utah for rehab and i went out shopping for things he needed and was so confused, disoriented (i was in a unfamilar city with no friends, no cellphones then, no computer, no money, virtually nothing), frightened and as Melody said in her post, ALONE. my husband was there in utah too, but we were coping on different levels - so we weren't working together as a team then. but i remember being out and tears just streaming down my face and it amazed me that not one person stopped and said, "are you alright?" i'm sure they had to notice. Since that time, I have stopped several women in obvious distress and said quietly, "you look upset and i wanted to stop and see if i can be of any assistance." they all said no, they didn't need my help (we never need any help, do we?) - but at least I know that I acknowledge their pain and i hope that counted.

so that's all i can handle for now on walking down that road of pain.




tucker, age 6months - (pre injury)

here's the birthday boy heading off to school. i just love him so.

how i spent April 1st 2010

It was 19 years ago today that my son, Tucker, suffered a severe brain injury due to medical negligence. That day changed our lives forever. we've suffered through heartache, depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome. It is a tough day for us and I spent the day doing fun things to keep myself from thinking about that ill fated day. I was going to do some art, but it was so gorgeous outside that i decided to spend my day outdoors.
I recently left a little shop where i was selling things and the van was full of booth and product stuff to put away. So after emptying out the van, we needed to find a place for an old shabby bookcase and an old medicine cabinet. So i decided to make room on the front porch for them. (it was perfect timing as i needed to clean the porch up anyway)
i put the old medicine cabinet over my yummy green farm table and then decided to "merchandise" it with some of my nature findings. (nests, shells, sea glass, driftwood, etc.) So i went shopping in my house and dragged out all sorts of fun stuff.

here's what the cabinet looks like with the doors open:


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this is actually a tiny little hummingbird nest. it is as big as half dollar. I found this nest in Arizona when i was traveling with my mom. i made little nest holders out of rusty wire springs. (the white eggs are from our finches)
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this is a robins nest that Dillon's friend, Jimmy, brought to me. It had been made inside a wreath on their porch and the flowers from the wreath are still embedded in the mud. (jimmy also brings me heart shaped rocks - how sweet is that?) i filled the nest with these tiny little egg rocks that i like to collect when i am at my mom's in Bass Lake, Ca.
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this is a heart shaped rock that i found in California when i was visiting my sister in feb. i was walking the beach and said to myself, "i really want to find a heart shaped rock" and viola! like magic, it appeared. (true story!)
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not sure about this bigger nest as it is part mud and part stick - probably another robin nest. it gives you good perspective on the size of that sweet little hummer nest.
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this is a Japanese beetle that Dillon found last summer. he was sitting under a tree and it fell next to him. he saved it knowing i would want it. i think it looks awesome displayed on one of my grandmother's old floral frog.
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here is a wren nest that i found just yesterday in some brush off our driveway. it is very sweet and holds a few bluebird, a cardinal and a mystery feather.
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after i was done with this project, it was almost time for tucker to get home from school. We all went into the backyard where jeff, dillon and friends played some volleyball while i made some nests out of grapevine. i want to add some of kirby's fur to them and then display them around the house. then we brought tucker outside and did some yard work around this area in the middle of the yard that is nicknamed "flower island". it needs a lot of work as last summer we had a terrible mole problem. flower island looks as if it is sinking since the earth underneath it is all torn up. so we raked and tried to rearrange and level things. we've decided to replace the old pergola with a new one as it is rotting and tilting from the weight of the wisteria on top of it.

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so you see, i ended up having a lovely day and tried to focus on the small stuff that makes me happy instead of spending my time in sorrow. as i was raking, i saw this in the leaves and it reminded me to find love in all that i do.

happy birthday, Tucker!

sent tuck off to school with much fanfare and singing. we will have a little pizza party tonight with a few friends and family over to celebrate.

goings on - monday 11/09/09

ran Grace to the vet this morning. fully expected a Lyme's disease diagnosis, but instead found out that Gracie had fractured one of her toenails and was in quite a lot of pain. poor little bugger. the nail was hidden under her fur, so when we were palpating her paw, we weren't really see it under all the fur. she's on meds and is to take it easy for a few days.

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So tomorrow is Tucker's birthday. for those of you who don't know, Tucker is special needs. He was a victim of medical malpractice at the age of 16 months old and due to negligence was left severely brain injured. it is difficult to talk about, so i often skim over it as if telling a story that happened to someone else, not me. i try not to let this tragedy dictate my life and work hard to find peace with the hand i have been dealt. so my sweet boy is turning 20 tomorrow and i wanted to give him a gift that had meaning and purpose. i thought long and hard and discussed my idea with Dillon (my younger son), who whole heartedly approved my idea. tucker is classified as cortically blind, which is a yet another side affect of a brain injury. so he does not see well. but his auditory skills are absolutely amazing. so my idea was to give him some little birds who make enough noise and chatter to amuse and delight him, but not enough to overwhelm him after awhile. dillon and i picked out these 2 zebra finches and will be picking them up tomorrow while tuck is in school. i let dillon name them, so i chose to call them "Gambit and Rogue" after some X-men characters.

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in other news, this BEAUTIFUL ring arrived in the mail today. it was from my friend, Barbe St. John. We both realized that each of us had an article in the Dec. issue of Belle Amoire Jewelry, so we emailed each other our article proofs and i just adored the ring she made. sure looks pretty on my hand! i am quite lucky to have such thoughtful and generous friends.
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