for marfi and kane

I painted again this weekend but my heart is sad.

My dear friend Marfi had to say goodbye to her sweet, beloved dog Kane. It is unquestionably the very worst part of sharing your life with a furry friend.

It never gets easy no matter how many times you go through it. Your heart will always break. Mine never healed from losing my beautiful kitties.

It doesn't matter how many years have passed or how many new kitties I have welcomed into my heart again. Each goodbye is unbearable.

These furry angels leave little paw prints on our souls, touching us in a way that even our human kin can't and we are all better for it.

In my heart I truly believe we will be with our beloved pets again. Until then I like to think that they are still around us. Still playing with their favorite ball or curled up in their favorite chair.

I like to think Kane will always be by Marfi's side. She loved him fiercely. And when her heart starts to heal a little and she can look up at the moon and the stars again she'll know that he is there too, looking up at the same moon and stars along with her.

 

 

hello again

Time flies.

How on earth did it get to be nearly halfway through the year already? I have been absent from blogland again I know. I hope all is well in your little corner of the world.

Life has been curiously art free for me these past few months.

My wonderful new computer is fast and reliable but my files and graphics are being held hostage by my old laptop. So I have been without my favorite digi images as well as my beloved Photoshop.

I struggle to find inspiration to paint, doodle, sketch or even visit my favorite art blogs so I feel I have nothing worthy to blog about.

 

Fortunately I just had to do a massive house cleaning to get ready for guests so my art space got a nice little makeover. At least everything is ready in case inspiration strikes again. 

 

 

Much of my energy is still going into healing and rebuilding my marriage. It feels like the right thing to do for now.

 

Our journey keeps us moving forward.

 Blissful at times and still heart wrenching during others but always the commitment to learn from the past, start fresh and see what the future holds. Some days are better than most and I still wonder about choices I've made sometimes.

Life likes to keep us guessing.

 

I know I haven't been around much lately but all of you still inspire me in countless ways.

I wish you all a happy and magical summer.

fateful encounter?

Sometimes the ickies come back. Not a dreadful  'rip my heart out' kind of icky like it was a few months ago. But a 'pull my hair out and why am I dealing with this drama again' kind of icky that still comes up every now and then. Maybe what my husband said is true. I have some sort of addiction to drama. And venom. In another life perhaps I was Cleopatra. Or at least hung out with her.

Yesterday the ickies were raging full on so I resorted to retail therapy. I popped into my local Rite Aid to pick up a bottle of nail polish. I was really loving a new Revlon color called Fashionista, a kind of muted navy I thought would be fun to go with the grape colored gown I'm wearing to a fancy event this weekend.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a woman standing to my right looking at makeup too. I was lost in my own thoughts still trying to decide on the nail polish. Do I really love Fashionista or was Impulsive less daring?

"Excuse me" she said. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

I said sure and she proceeded to tell me about how she couldn't help but notice how strong my aura was and how she could sense a lot of sadness from me. She was very polite and not pushy in the way that con artists usually are. She pleaded that I let her give me a reading. I listened to her and said I found it intriguing but that I really had no money to pay her. It's OK she said. She just felt she needed to give me a reading. Her name was Fate.

I have had readings done before. Both by people playing psychic and by some that seemed to have genuine psychic abilities. I am not gifted with this sight but I am somewhat sensitive to energy. When I meet someone who is the same way I immediately feel it in my stomach. An odd kind of fluttering like tiny moths under a glass jar. Being in a shop filled with crystals does the same thing.  Suddenly I thought I felt a moth or two zooming around inside my belly.

For as long as I can remember strangers have walked up to me determined to tell me about my aura and energy. Either I'm a magnet for this type of a scam or there are people out there who truly pick something up from me and feel compelled to let me know.

So I listened to Fate tell me about my sadness and my struggle with love and truth. She didn't give specifics of course but she basically told me how my life has been the last few years. She was good. Either a good con or a good psychic or both. I even got this strange sensation like I was speaking with a therapist.

Then she told me about the curse.

A curse she said that was put on me as a child. One that's been responsible for the sadness in my relationships. She said it was the reason I've had to struggle with my marriage. This curse needed to be removed or I would never find happiness in love.

Naturally she could remove this curse for only $160.00

What a bargain!

The odd thing was that I don't normally give this sort of thing a second thought. Could she see that I had just been through a rough patch? I didn't think I gave her any clues indicating I might be open to a reading or any sort of curse removal. I was in sweats with not one bit of my usual gypsy or witchy flair.

So I listened and something about listening and talking to her was oddly comforting. I knew I would never go for the curse removal thing but I did take her card and told her I would think about it just to be polite. In the end I gave her a few dollars for the mini reading. Maybe that was all she was after anyway.

When I thought about it later I realized it was most likely another scam and now I was out a couple of bucks. Oddly enough it didn't really bother me. At the very least it was very entertaining. She was definitely more interesting than anyone else I might run into at Rite Aid. I was also fascinated by the way she was able to talk me into getting a reading and eventually parting with my cash. I had to admit she had amazing powers of persuasion and I could use a lesson or two.

Whatever it was that drew this person to me I will never know. I was emotionaly vulnerable so maybe she sensed that or maybe she just happened to get lucky with me. It sort of surprised me that I didn't feel too bad about falling for it so easily. What Fate didn't realize was that she was actually giving me more than she planned.


Whether she meant to or not this very determined Rite Aid  'psychic' pushed me out of my icky mood, made me smile and added a little bit of magic to my day. In a way it was exactly what I needed and to me that was worth a couple of dollars. Magic can sometimes pop up in the most unlikely place. Sometimes it finds you when you least expect it, be there just when you need it and it can happen in the most curious way.

As far as the curse goes, well I think I'll take my chances. I may have a few tricks up my witchy sleeves too.

I forgot about the nail polish all together. I ended up giving Fate the money I would have spent on it and even gained something silly to blog about. It wasn't such a bad deal over all but I still want a bottle of Fashionista.

Maybe I'll try Walgreens today.

Have a lovely magical weekend!

strong hearts

I saw an interview with Jane Fonda a few weeks ago. She was talking about the many lessons she learned throughout her life and how she was able to get through some of the more painful parts. At age 74 she seems finally content to be living what she calls her 'third act' or the third half of her life.

She also said something that I will always remember and that was that you can be strongest in the areas where you are broken. The parts of your life that have been the most painful can also be the ones with the most important lessons. Lessons that can make those same places your strongest ones.

We all have areas in our lives that break in different ways but the trickiest one to heal is probably a broken heart. It can be little breaks or really big unbearable ones. I believe that each day you learn to appreciate the fact that you can choose to be stronger and wiser. You can choose to focus on the positive and you learn to have a different perspective which can keep you moving forward. I know it's always easier said than done. Some days it feels like you've taken two steps forward and four steps back. Life is funny that way isn't it? But you owe it to yourself to keep moving forward.

FORWARD is my word for this year.

This Valentines Day I want to honor all the strong hearts out there. Whether your heart is physically mending from illness or healing in an emotional way. My own heart is still mending but I'm also learning to be grateful that it's stronger than it has been in a long time. Sometimes I think it might even have wings.

I hope your heart is healthy and strong in every way.

I hope you can find sweet moments of bliss everyday.

Have a beautiful and magical Valentines Day.

wondermoon

Hello lovelies! Can you believe it's already the end of January? I love that the days are getting noticeably longer. I think I start to notice it right after the solstice but maybe that's just me knowing it's suppose to. We have had sunnier days the last couple of weeks but it's still cool enough for scarves and boots.

I missed visiting my favorite places while I was away from blogland so I'm slowly starting to catch up and dropping in to visit some of you here and there. It still amazes me how so many of us have been able to form friendships and build a community through our blogs. I know that for me blogging has been a blessing that's allowed me to share my dreams and to also be inspired by yours.

Creating has always been a way for me to escape. Whether it's stress, boredom or yes...housework! Meeting lots of you that feel the same way is truly the best part of blogging. I feel that we are all kindred spirits gathering under a big magical tent, sharing hugs, tears, glitter and dreams.

Although I recently went through a low period that kept me away from both my art and my blog, it was these same two things, along with your support, that has helped me find my way back. And it feels good to be able to go to this magical place under a wondermoon to play with you again.

I hope the first month of 2012 has been a good one for you. Are you keeping your resolutions? If you decided to be healthier this year please keep it up. I am finally starting to feel and see results from my commitment to be better about taking care of myself and it's so worth it. I feel better and it has helped my outlook on everything so please stay strong and don't give up!

I'll see you out there under a wondermoon....

the power of words

Do you remember what your word was for last year?

Mine was FAITH.

When I chose it at the beginning of  2011 I didn't realize how significant this word would be as the year unfolded. I don't think I have settled on my word for this year. But I recently heard something that I thought was very inspiring and I just wanted to share it with you.

I have been watching a lot of Anderson Cooper's new talk show. He seems to always have interesting topics and yes I'll admit I think he's sort of cute. Last week his guest was designer and artist Gloria Vanderbilt who I didn't realize, is also his mom.

It was a great show and I became really captivated by this 87 year old woman who led and continues to lead such a fascinating life. She is of course part of the great Vanderbilt dynasty, so she lived a life of privilege and wealth. But she has also experienced great lose and tragedy from the time she was a little girl.

What's amazing is that she continues to have a positive outlook on life and still believes her next great love is just around the corner. Near the end of the show she shared her favorite saying which is

"We are not put on this earth

to see through each other.

We are put on this earth

to see each other through."

This really touched me and I thought what a wonderful thing it would be if we could all remind ourselves of this every now and then. I know I am guilty of becoming too caught up in my own personal drama that I sometimes have a hard time seeing beyond my own myopic world. Especially in situations where I feel someone's thoughtlessness caused me pain. It's very easy for me to let tunnel vision set in.

But if I can step away from my emotions and see that there is always a lesson to be learned from all of my experiences, I think I might be able to appreciate the reason why different people are put into my life. From the most casual of friends (and adversaries) to the person I chose to marry.

It's so easy for us to see right through another person in a way that we don't fully appreciate the value of our relationship with them no matter how small or how brief. And instead of focusing so much on how someone can't always meet our needs, maybe we can focus on helping that person get through whatever challenges they might be having. I know this often takes much more effort but I've learned that being stuck in a negative place only kills my spirit in the end.

I'm not sure if this is exactly what Gloria Vanderbilt meant but that's what it means to me and it's something I want to remember as I try to strengthen the relationships in my life. Perspective is sometimes all it takes to turn any situation around.

Thank you Gloria for the gift of these words.


See Gloria Vanderbilt's works of art here.

Have you decided on your word for 2012?

Do you have a favorite quote to inspire you this year?

Hope you're having a beautiful week so far.

stepping into 2012

A brand new year again.

I looked forward to this one more than many other years in the past. 2011 was a curiously challenging year for me in so many ways. Lessons learned, wisdom gained and a sweet soul lost. I gave up making New Year resolutions a while ago but this year I truly committed to starting fresh.

While I was away from my blog for a few months I set a goal for myself to get healthy again. And instead of waiting until the new year I just laced up my shoes and started in Fall. I found that doing aerobics really helped me work out the stress from all my personal drama and the more I did it the more I loved it. The workouts also got me walking again and now I can even run.

I can walk 4-5 miles and run part of it. And I can fit into clothes that I tucked away in the back of my closet a while back. But the best part is that I'm also getting my son to get healthy and fit which was something that really concerned me the last few years. He even watches Dr. Oz with me and helps me pick healthy recipes to try out. And since my husband already started on the fitness kick about a year ago we now have something we can all do together.

There are still challenges in our relationship but we are learning the art of communicating, patience and forgiveness. Things that often times don't come naturally to me when it comes to our marriage. Trust me, my husband made it nearly impossible for me to practice these sometimes and this past year he was unforgivably rotten. But each day we can choose to be better people and that has made all the difference. Somehow I have to trust that the universe must have something extraordinary planned for me, after all I have been blessed with a truly amazing son.

December was also filled with some sadness for me, just like another December two years ago when I lost my dear kitty Kushka.

LaLou, the beautiful smoky gray kitty from next door practically lived in my backyard the last 3 years. In fact she didn't really belong to my neighbor either. She just wandered over there one night and decided to stay. Neither of us knew where she came from. My neighbor gave her food and shelter but LaLou was free to come and go so we sort of shared her in a way. He named her Smoky but I called her LaLou because that was the sound she made when she meowed.

When I lost my Kushka to cancer 2 years ago it was LaLou's visits that cheered me up everyday. I seriously thought about keeping her for myself but in the end I think she enjoyed the freedom of being able to go wherever she wanted. I always secretly thought that she liked me the most anyway.

Sadly she became very sick the end of last year and my neighbor decided it was best not to let her suffer. Even as she was getting weaker LaLou still came to see me as much as she could and I would sit with her in a little patch of sunlight under our plum tree. She was a part of my witches tea parties both years and my Luna and I eagerly looked forward to her daily visits.

It breaks my heart to see Luna looking out the window waiting for her friend. And everyday I still look under the plum tree and I quietly say hello to LaLou because I know in my heart that she still comes back to visit her favorite spot. She was such a special, beautiful little girl and I will miss her very much.

But I also know she's with all the beautiful fury girls that have been a special part of my life over the years. All dearly missed and always always eternally loved.

So here I am eagerly stepping away from 2011 and into a new year where I hope to be able to do something I think we all need to do every now and then.

That is to re-invent myself once again.

And I hope to do that in all aspects of my life including my art.

Here's to a brand new year.

I hope this one brings you real hope, endless magic and boundles bliss!

life, love and all that stuff

Being back here suddenly feels so unfamiliar to me. I have been away from my little blog and I apologize to all of you my dear friends for being gone. I hope your Halloween was wonderful and magical and I owe so many of you a big thank you for creating such amazing Witches Tea Parties. Thank you so very much.

Thank you also for all your concern and well wishes. Your emails meant so much to me and it warmed my heart to know that I was missed. It seems my personal life needed much of my attention and that is what I have been doing.

My husband and I have had our ups and downs, more down than up perhaps the last few years and it was time for us take a long hard look at what we wanted. And what we both wanted was to be better friends and partners to each other. So we committed to working much harder, starting with spending more time together.

The hard work is paying off but unfortunately my muse also decided to take a holiday. My creative juices just went out the window, maybe because I've been on this emotional roller coaster the past few months.

When I can't find inspiration to create with paint and paper I go back to digital doodling. I'm hoping it will jump start my brain so I can get back to creating again. I've had such amazing support from friends that keep encouraging me to start making things...anything! Thank you for being there for me.

I have also taken this opportunity to work on getting healthier. I had problems with my shoulder and arm all year and it took a while for it to start feeling close to okay. Stress has a funny way of putting you on an involuntary diet and when I realized I was dropping a few pounds I thought I might as well keep going, so I started walking and doing workouts again. I feel better and my shoulder and other joints seem to be doing better too.

So that is what's been going on here in my little world. Changes, hopefully for the better. Challenges waiting to be met. And if all goes well maybe I'll find my muse waiting just around the corner.

I hope you're having a beautiful season.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

a very late spooky monday

Hello everyone! Sorry, I didn't get lost in the woods or got swept up by a gigantic pink balloon. I've been away taking a little break and taking care of things here at Casa Petunia. Thinks have been tough to say the least. I've been dealing with big emotional challenges, relationship challenges that tend to come up when you've been with someone for nearly 20 years. So lots of drama and lots of talking, and in the end we learn a lot and hope to grow and become better people.

quiet as a mouse

Are you having a great summer? It's been so much cooler here this year, last week we had one or two days that almost felt like Fall. I was so excited I even watched a few of my favorite Fall movies one night.

Things have been rather quiet here. Not much has been happening at my art table so Luna decided she might as well take a nap there. I think I mentioned I was off to get paint for my walls and I did go to get it. But when I got there I kept changing my mind so I went home with another handful of paint swatches instead of a can of paint.

I did manage to paint a little house for my studio space.

This week I'm actually stuck at home since my husband's car fell ill and he's using mine. And it's funny how I can spend a few days not leaving the house at all and be perfectly content, but the minute I know I can't it starts to drive me crazy. Does that happen to you too? I guess I like having options.

I might visit my journal again and see if I get inspired to make some art. And there's all the prepping I need to finish to get my walls ready for when I do decide what color to paint them. Decisions, decisions.

Are you doing anything exciting or maybe getting ready to send the kids back to school?

Well I hope you're having a blissfully creative week and if you have any of that creative spirit left over please send a little my way :)

after the storm

Two days in a row. The weather guy got it wrong two days in a row. We were suppose to get more rain yesterday but the sun was out all day. Rain is in our forecast for today too and again it looks like the sun decided to stay. I won't complain since my whole neighborhood is still cleaning up after the storm this weekend. Lots of branches and trees all over the streets but at least the flood alert was lifted. Living a half mile from the river, that is always good news.

Well I'm off to go to my first physical therapy session this morning. After all these months of dealing with the pain in my shoulder I finally got around to getting xrays. So it wasn't a torn rotator cuff or tendonitis after all. I have mild degenerative joint disease or osteoarthritis. Basically I'm aging before my time (I think I always knew that lol!) The PT should help to strengthen my joints so I can get full movement back I hope.

I thought this vintage circus poster was too perfect for this post!

I can't believe we're more than halfway through March already! I just saw a few more bags added to the Artful Bag Challenge. I love the creative embellished purses my ladies are doing. Next month we are having our first bag themed ATC swap and I hope some of you can join us for that too. I'll have sign ups for it posted soon.

Have a lovely Tuesday.

perspective

It's so easy to simply get caught up in our own little world isn't it? Blissfully surrounded by what's familiar and comfortable. To be fortunate and blessed to celebrate a birthday with loved ones.

To have the luxury to spend time to create from our hearts. To be lucky enough to be able to worry about finding inspiration or making wise decisions or even what silly trinket to buy with a gift card.

As I sit here in front of my computer in my comfortable little suburban home, my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Japan, who were hit by a deadly earthquake and devastating tsunami earlier today. In my wildest dreams I can't imagine going through anything like that. The images are mind boggling.

So many of us are beyond fortunate and immeasurably blessed.

Perspective is one of those things that comes around and slaps you across the face whenever you get too caught up in yourself. It gives you focus when you lose sight of the bigger picture. How fortunate am I to be able to worry about what to create next? Or whether to share my art or simply keep it safely tucked away.

I've learned lessons in ways I wouldn't wish on any of you. But the need to go forward on this creative journey comes from a place I have never known before. It gives me joy to play with my paints and papers and stripey napkins. I simply love/need to create.

So I put myself out here again. Unsure of whether the journey to finding my own creative voice is still one I'm willing to take. In light of everything else it's such an insignificant bother compared to what's happening in the world. The road winds ever onward and I have no doubt there are plenty more lessons for me to learn.

And so I count my blessings.

Today I'm grateful for family, friends, life and the amazing gift of perspective.

Have a beautiful day.

monday monday

Happy Monday! It may not be a happy Monday for those of you like my hubby who had to drag himself to work this morning, but I have to confess that I love the peace and quiet of Mondays after the weekend. Not just Superbowl weekend (which wasn't a big deal at our house), but any weekend.

Don't get me wrong. I love having my guys home and hanging out with them but oh, boys can be soooo much work. I think about half of my weekend is spent washing endless piles of dishes that seem to miraculously appear in the sink. Must be that Dirty Dish Ogre that keeps zapping them in there. Does he show up at your house too?

I'll spare you a shot of MY dirty dishes and show you this lovely one from Country Living.

And I have to admit that my son is much better at picking up after himself than his dad so he gets brownie points from Mom. So this morning I'm taking in a beautiful morning with just me, my Luna, a cup of hot cocoa and the blissful clicking of my keyboard. Ahhh....

I was actually surfing the web looking for a new quote to put up there with my header. I can read quotes all day (and greeting cards too). Some really inspire me, others make me scratch my head and some almost have me rolling on the floor laughing. I did find one to use but I also had to share this one which made me smile and I thought it was a great way to start my week.

"Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap."  ~Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

I love it! Don't you think everyone would be so much happier if we could all just do this? I actually do get sleepy every afternoon and if I let myself sit down for a few minutes I end up taking a nap. So maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Well what do you guys think? Maybe this afternoon around 3ish (more like 3:30ish for me after I pick up my son) let's all pour a glass of milk and grab a couple of cookies to dunk in there. Then we'll snuggle under our favorite blankie and just for a few minutes, nap like happy kitties (and puppies), dream of catching moon glow in fancy jars while skipping in stripped socks and recharge before our next great adventure:

pondering what on earth to make for dinner!

Don't forget to check out the new February Artful Bags

or maybe play along with us today!

Happy New Week

Image sources: Cookies and milk from Google search (origin unknown). Pink blankie from pinkblanket.org. Vintage typewriter from oprah.com. Sink from countryliving.com.