Trump Peeks at Melania's Ballot While Bill Clinton Peeks the Fall Foliage

I've said I wasn't going to mention certain people in the Eric Reads the News column but this is too good.

I mean, can you blame him for not being sure?

DONALD: So, what are you going to do at the polls today?

MELANIA: Smize. Wave. Not release the blood-curdling scream that's been building up inside me for years.

DONALD: Nice. And what about the vote?

MELANIA: I'm voting for [breaks into coughing fit].

DONALD: Sounds legit.

Speaking of smizing, blessings to this poll worker for her pleasant expression during this exchange.

I don't want to cast aspersions but it's a known fact that people with purple hair are definitely not trying to vote for Donald Trump.

Bless you, Poll Worker Tonks, and your brave neutrality.

The ritual of getting photos of candidates voting is one of my favorite parts of any election season. It's so extra! Like, the theatrics are just beyond. The candidates, their entourages and the press corps all show up to the polls and put on the equivalent of a Sunday school pageant called "It's Your Civic Duty!" Except you would never use the word duty in the name of a Sunday school pageant because the children would have a frickin' field day and the whole thing would devolve into chaos.

Kids.

Anyway, I love the futile show of foregone conclusions that is the candidate election photo op, especially when it involves this kind of unintentionally hilarious moment of reflection.

This is that feeling when you realize what a terrible choice you'd make for president.

Trump is like, "Whoa, this guy is on the ballot? I mean, I know I have to vote with my party but come on. I've known me my whole life. I'm terrible."

And the image above is that feeling when you suddenly realize this is the moment that the time traveler from the future warned you about. "What did she say again? You will have a chance to save the future and it will come in a high school cafeteria? Why did I think she was talking about that show Heroes? Man... I really liked that show until it went off the rails. Ah, well, what was I doing? Smize. Wave. Don't. Scream."

On a side note, what is happening with those voting booths in New York? Isn't this supposed to be a confidential endeavor? I've been in hot air balloons that were more private.

To be honest, this seems like voting in a urinal to me.

And as with a urinal, you're not supposed to peek unless you are cripplingly insecure and have no respect for personal boundaries.

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But, if you thought the Trumps had to vote in close quarters, girl, look at the clown car the Clintons had to squeeze themselves into.

What is happening in Chappaqua?! (Also the name of my forthcoming cabaret.)

Are you voting for president or playing Battleship?

OMG game night at Casa Clinton must be a scream. Like, it's clear that Hillary wins every single time and yet Bill keeps agreeing to take her on in Monopoly. Meanwhile, Huma just shows up to drink good wine. She's also really good at the sculpteroos on Cranium.

But back to these booths.

I am pressed.

Also pressed: literally everyone in this photo.

I feel like this is illegal for a lot of reasons.

Justin Timberlake can't take a selfie of his ballot but somehow this is okay?

"Hello, I would like to report voter intimidation. President Clinton needs someone to walk her to the polls. So does Other President Clinton."

But don't worry, everyone. Other President Clinton seems to have bounced back from the frenetic scene inside the Fisher Price polling place and was last seen gleefully leaf-peeping in upstate New York.

BILL: What a beautiful day! I'm going to go jump in that pile of leaves, cool? Do you think there will be balloons tonight?! How many, do you think? Like over a thousand? A million balloons? That would wonderful. Anyway, I'll be right back.

HILLARY: It truly is a beautiful day.

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