Babbling (big shock, right?)

There's a robin nest just behind the garden..
I've been stuffing myself in the Mock Orange where the nest is located, and thank baby J the Robins aren't ripping my face off.
Yesterday, FINALLY, we have BAAAAABIES!

I tend to get this expression on my face when there are birds involved. My *demented with joy* face. Please note Michael looks like he wants to kill me.
I wouldn't hold still for a pic.  We were at the national aviary, for God's sake! I couldn't hold still!!!

The storms are beating up my poor peonies, but they are still stunners. This plant came to me from my mom, who got it from my grandmother.  I love growing plants with history :)

I'm off to mix up a Shakeology shake, as promised to a dear friend.  I have a terrible habit of not eating until dinner....
and then I tend to eat everything in my path.
I'll be posting a review of Shakeology soon.  Cross your fingers.

I warned you this was a Babble post! ;)

19...

I met Michael 19 years ago today, on his birthday.
I'm not usually sappy, so bear with me one day a year when get all gooey and teary-eyed!
I'll be sarcastic tomorrow. Promise.

This guy is more than my other half. I'm less-than without him.
I would be a different person.
Less.. hopeful, determined, affectionate, silly.
I wouldn't laugh as easily.
 I would be less fierce.

I have someone in my life that greets "I decided to grow all our vegetables" with as much enthusiasm as "I won the lottery!"...pretty amazing.

A man who makes it a goal to make me laugh my humiliating HYUH HYUH HYUH laugh.

Someone who loves ridiculous kneesocks (say, with a zombies and brains pattern) found true love with someone who happily wears a Captain America beanie.  

Take THAT, Romeo and Juliet.

Why I won't end up a lampshade because of Craigslist

We have a bunch of..well..crap..that has been in storage forever.
Or floating room to room.
Closet to closet.
Put away neatly, but ...good Lord.
It's like freaking Hoarders-Organized Edition in here.

Craigslist to the rescue.

I know a lot of women are concerned about inviting total strangers to their rural (ie, backwoods) homes.
I'm not stupid- "sure! I can be here at midnight, and make sure I'm home alone!"
I have a healthy dose of concern. I love reading forensics, and psychology, so I know there's a potential nut job around every corner.

But really.

After visiting my house?

Four dogs. It sounds like Hell Hounds are after you when you pull up.
Irie Akita has a bark as big as her booty.  She's 96 lbs of StrangerDanger.

Well.
I was trying to find serious photos of Girlfriend, but kept stumbling across these.
Just imagine the horror and humiliation of being savaged by a dog wearing bows and bunny ears....?


*cough*


I also enjoy hanging our targets from the gun range inside the front door, on a pretty little shabby chic magnetic board (ya know, where I should be leaving sweet notes for hubby).

There's a sign under this stating the gun used and distance. Whoever does best gets bragging rights.
This was mine. Smith and Wesson M&P .40 at 125 yards. Not horrible.

 So, when I open the front door to the Craigslist Lunatic...
S/He is greeted by Hell Hounds.

 And gun range targets.

 side note- the assessors office just stopped by for their every 3 yr visit.  
That very nice man seemed fairly traumatized.
Whoops.

Anyway, along with my distrusting nature and gun targets and crazed WV Dogs.....

There's us.

What's Christmas without camo ...and homemade wine. Which explains SO much about this pic.

Who in HELL would come back to kidnap me and turn me into a human skin lampshade?!
We scare the Craigslist Crazies.

We need Keepers.

Last week, Michael and I were doing a bird drive.
We parked in several spots and watched, got out and wandered around a bit.
 The weather was horrid...freezing, sleety, windy. We dressed for this (and I have a point).

I rarely see other birders here, so imagine my excitement when a car pulled in behind us and I spot someone with binoculars! WOO!
Even more exciting, the lady comes up to the car and starts talking Bird.

She glances in the car and looks startled.
Ok, I know with his dark eyelashes and bright blue eyes, Michael can look Intense, but seriously...he's a friendly guy.
She takes a step back...says her goodbyes..
Flees.


It's only on the drive home I realize Michael is still wearing this:

And black gloves.
So maybe he DOES look like a serial killer.
Whoopsie.

Glorious cold front! Oh, screw it.

I had plans today.
I intended to toss on a rain coat and slosh through the woods in the wondrous 65 degree temps.
Wind and rain and COOL AIR.
I was making my bastard chicken pot pies, with cornbread on top.
(no one wants to eat that shit when it's 98 degrees)
I intended to snuggle down with Michael after dinner and watch tv
(because for the past 3 months if he tries to cuddle I growl "get OFF me, you heat producing freak)


Michael had to get up at 4:30 am.
So, I hop into bed by 10 like a good little wifey..that way I can get up with him and get him out the door on time.
The man has slept through 80 mph winds and the strongest thunderstorm we've ever experienced.  He's slept through me running a chainsaw 30 feet from THREE open bedroom windows.

It's not too different from my normal schedule.  I channel the angry spirit of an 1800s farm wife.  I believe sleeping past 7 am is wasting half the day.  I blame my grandmother.

I start to doze about 11pm.
11:30- honey, do you know where my socks are? They are not in the drawer.
Look in the @#$% laundry basket of CLEAN SOCKS you haven't put away.
Oh..crap. I'm so sorry, babe. I didn't see the basket.  In front of the dresser.  I'm really sorry.

12:15
*click. click click. click. click click click*
Michael, what the hell are you doing?!
I think my reading light is dying.
So change the @#$% battery.
I should probably go to sleep.  I'll change it tomorrow.

1:20
Michael's arm is flung across my face.
I pinch him. He doesn't move.
I jab him in the ribs and he grunts, tightens his arm around my head and mumbles "love you".
Lies.

1:35
He's flat on his back, snoring.
He never snores, so this is extra salt in my wounds/fuel to my rage.
I believe he's intentionally snoring.

2:00
Dogs bark madly at something/nothing.
I fling myself out of bed, ready to take on invaders.
Michael snuggles into the pillows and makes a noise of contentment.

2:45
Michael's deep, even breathing is just pissing me off.

I gather pillow, blanket and dogs and head to the couch.

3:45
the wind screams up the hill and rain lashes the house. Incredible lightning pulses against my dry, red eyes.
One of the Altheas outside the living room decides to scrape the siding over and over.
And over.

4:00
Weatherbug alerts me to a severe storm
No shit, Weatherbug.

4:10
I give up and make coffee.



Now I'm too damned tired to slosh.
But by God, I'm making pot pie.

Chaos, part 239572

Another post that is ALL over the damned place...

This summer was supposed to be our lazy summer.
HA!

Lots of laying poolside and reading.
HA!

Instead, we had days of "Whoa. The bathroom floor feels weird next to the shower.."
and "Sam...Honey, WTF happened to the bathroom floor? Where IS it?"

Michael came home to a bathroom missing a floor..down to the joists.
I need to mention we don't have central air, and it was roughly 198 degrees with 613% humidity the day I tackled the bathroom floor.
Made me cranky.
More cranky.

Then we had a day of replacing the kitchen ceiling...another 198% day with 613% humidity.
Cranky doesn't begin to cover it.

Home repair certainly tests the strength of your relationship.  If we ended the work day and DIDN'T want to take a 12 pound sledge to each other...it was a good day.

Things have been absolutely chaotic this summer.
Beyond my norm! What the hell!?

We decided we need to focus on a hobby together..we hike/camp/etc together, but we needed a quickie hobby..something we could hop in the car and spend an hour doing.

I used to LOVE shooting. The gun range (or the gun range at my uncle J's house) was Good Times.
Good SAFE times..we're crazy, but good crazy..not dangerous crazy.
Hell, we're not even worrisome crazy.

So. Research and trips to Cabela's and the local gun shop...and we're back on the range.
MAN, did I miss it!

*Michael wins the Awesome Husband Award for being completely supportive and encouraging, taking advice from A GIRL, and being proud of my skill instead of crappy that I'm currently a better shot than him.

We have a state game lands range about 5 minutes away...
We can hop in the car and spend some quality time doing something we love.  Plus, we're meeting some great folks at the range.

We pull off the road and watch the wildlife around the creek...chat...watch sunrise or sunset...

hanging out by the gun range..she knows she's safe there! smartass deer.

Blah..but not.

We're dealing with a bunch of crazy, stressy stuff right now.
New and exciting stress we've never dealt with before
(Sarcasm...a healing balm for my soul).
I'm going between anxious/hyper and anxious/blahhh.
Headaches, sore shoulders, insomnia..all that awesome stuff.
But..this isn't a whining, complaining post.
At all.
I am full of appreciation for what we have.
For our warped senses of humor getting us through this.
For that moment when Michael is finally home from Hell Job and we crash on the couch together...
and for that span of time, everything is ok.

Scoot over, Voodoo..we'll watch for Michael together.

I'm full-to-the-eyeballs with appreciation for the dogs and cats..

Pile of  warm bodies and a down comforter..better than Xanax!

Warm bodies to snuggle when I need it.
Warm bodies that don't judge when I stress eat my stash of really, really expensive cheese. 
A large stash.  
I did eat apples along with the cheese...so we're calling it healthy, got it?
Once again, I hate that couch. It's extremely comfortable, but..here's the shallow part..it always looks funky and dirty in photos.
Stupid microsuede.
*grumble*
But..dammit..we HAVE a couch. In a house.
That's far more than some people have.
So truly..not bitching.

The weather doesn't help.
It has been gray and rainy...chilly...
We need some sunshine, even if it's cold!
I know most Texans are ready to smack me with their rain gauges for crying about too much rain..so I'll shut up about that, too! ;)

Who needs SAR dogs?

All day yesterday I kept smelling this weird chemical/funky/citrus smell. I tore the kitchen and living room apart, scrubbing everywhere, trying to find the source.
Couldn't find anything!  I told Michael that it reminded me of a rotten orange.  None of the oranges on the butchers block were funky..nothing in the fridge..WTH?
Early this morning I opened the kitchen window.  There it was again.
So..there I am..outside in my jammies..with a flashlight..air scenting like a coonhound.


Michael pops his head out the window and stares at me.
Michael: What..are you doing? Are you sniffing?
Me: Yes, I am.  I'm pretty sure that smell is coming from out here somewhere.
Michael: Honey, I'm sure you're right, but..it's dark.  And you're not a search and rescue dog.
Me, squatting in the ferns outside the window: Wait..*sniff*..I think *sniffsniffsniff*
Michael: Oh sweet Jesus.....  
Me: AH HA! I found it! It was an orange! It must have rolled off the butchers block and out the window.
Michael: Great, can you come in here and sniff out my keys? For a cookie?  You wanna cookie, good girl?!

He should be glad I have my shots.  I'm sure the bites will heal quickly.
---
Fall is creeping in.
The maples are getting touches of color, the insect noises have changed, the dogs are changing coat (which means I vacuum twice a day)..

The wildflowers are golds and purples, instead of pinks and blues

The Marsh Mallow has gone to seed..from palest pink blooms to this.

The BEST hiking weather is coming up...chilly and dry.  Spring hiking is great, but dear GOD the mud.
This morning was foggy and gorgeous.  Didn't take the camera (!) but had a great hike.

Quote from this weekend...

When we first started working toward a more self-sustaining life (and then camping as our vacation instead of hotels), we often received the Thoreau quote in emails from friends and family.
It became kind of a joke between us, to recite that quote when we were camping in a monsoon or doing some God-awful gardening job.
This weekend as we tried to warm up after a brisk 36 degree, 1am bathroom trip, Michael begins to quote:
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach..and OMG what is crawling in my pants?!?! GETOUTOFTHEWAY! MOVEMOVEMOVE!".

and that, my friends, is what *going to the woods* will teach you..spiders also think fleece pants are toasty warm!

Realizations

Fitness:

The person who recommended my current boot camp is 22.

My ass is not 22.  

Maybe this is why my 35 yr old butt did not want to get up this morning.

"Yay! It's morning! Coffee!" I said, upon waking.

Butt replied, "Oh hell no.  Slow down there, hoss"

So instead of my normal LEAP out of bed and gallop to kitchen, I eased my way out of bed and crept down the hall until my muscles decided what they were doing.

I have NO age related issues.  I think old is a state of mind.  On my mom's 50th birthday, she climbed the tallest tree on her property for birthday pics...because people were giving her the Dread 50s speech.

But, new boot camp plus the hill hiking yesterday made me realize that I did not have 22 yr old glutes.

Cooking:
There are some days, like today, when I have spent 90% of my time in the kitchen prepping/cooking/baking/washing dishes/cleaning up...that I wish we ate more premade stuff!
Oh, to toss a lasagna into the oven (already in its weird paperyfake baking dish!) and be done with it.

Working from home vs. leaving for work:
I never leave "work".  Work is always right here staring me in the face.
Michael comes home from work and relaxes.
I need a better method here..
No one respects my hours if I don't enforce them. I need to be able to walk away from work.
Two things to work on.

Gardening:
Finally, in September, I will be eating my first watermelon.

And cabbage.

You can time things and plan things and be so precise with gardening...and you'll get what you get when the garden damned well feels like it!


Have some Pig.  Everyone feels better after some Pig.

"OhhhhMyyyGaaawd I love you carbs.  I love you.  Forever."

"I.  Love. Flaaaaaaaat bread!"

No hike.

but we're starting the day with electricity! Woohoo!
No hike today because of the rain.  It's much needed (and I'm thinking Rain Thoughts for all you suffering in the heat and drought), our poor WV trees were dropping leaves.  Dry, crunchy leaves.
I'm shopping for a lightweight, packable rain jacket.  My Kelty jacket is ready to fall apart.  Suggestions welcome!

Dark, gloomy..but we need it!

I'm scared to mention this...but..we might toss the tent and dogs into the car for a quickie camp trip tomorrow. Just an overnighter.  State park campgrounds should be pretty quiet!
Dammit, I probably hexed myself.  Again.


Yesterday was gorgeous...even being a Crazy Day didn't affect that. :)

One of my vulture buddies..there are 5 that roost close to our property.  I love these guys.

 However, I don't appreciate the times they cruise over me..repeatedly...when I'm laying on the deck in my swimsuit.
Thanks, guys, for making me wonder if I look/smell like a bloated corpse.

Nothing like sitting on the couch and seeing blue skies, the woods and...carrion eaters.

The garden is still going like crazy...
The Parisian carrots are almost 2 inches tall and the second crop of green beans are nearly 5 inches.
Unless we have some freak cold spell, we have plenty of time for harvest.

Michael is taking me to lunch today...he works closing shift again tonight. BLAH.
I'm going to clean closets.  Pray for me.

Ranting...and OMG Earthquake!?

1.  Electric company scheduled power outage.  From 7am to 1pm.
And tells no one.  I had to hear it from the lady at the tiny post office, who heard it from her boyfriend..his neighbors works for electric co.
2:45 rolls around, I call and ask when the scheduled outage was going to end.
"Miss, we know this is an outage.  It's scheduled."
Am I suddenly speaking in a foreign language? 
I want to know what the estimate is, since 1pm has come and gone.
"Miss, we don't like to give estimates...it disappoints our customers if we don't meet the time."
OMG don't get me started on disappointment in your company, Tiffany.  Your company tried to tell me the reason my power flips off every morning at 7 exactly...was squirrels.

2.  Sprint cell service.
I got yelled at for asking them why I was having service problems..
"There was an EARTHQUAKE, you realize? This caused a Mass Calling Event.  Did you not see the news?"
Did you seriously drop attitude on me, little man? 
Noooo. I didn't see the news because I don't have electricity and my phone isn't working.  It took us mountain folk a while to confirm it was an earth-freaking-quake and I've never experienced a mass calling event before..and your POS website is down so I couldn't check the FAQs or forums.  Don't piss with me today.


3. Jackass fishing without a license while we're hiking this AM.
"Hey guys!  Good spot, huh? Hope no dumb @#$% game warden comes by..haw haw!"
You have 1 minute to empty that bucket and reel in that line, or I'm calling the police.  And game wardens. And park rangers.  THEN I'm "accidentally" letting my dogs loose.
"Bitch!"

Did you know...dogs trained to bark maniacally when you say "SIC BALLS!" will give regular men warp speed?
It's true.
My dogs also know "Neuter!" means to bark like maniacs.
It's epic.  I promise I'll get video.
My dogs have NO idea what sic balls means..they aren't attack dogs.  I just used creative training words.

4. Earthquake.
OMG. WTF.
WTFingF.
I'm sitting on the bar stool in the kitchen, munching my sandwich, when the house twitches like a cat's tail...and then continues to writhe for 10 seconds or so.
"Michael! What the hell was THAT!?"
"Could that have been an earthquake!?"
"Honey, in WV? Really???"

Famous last words.


Hope everyone in Blogland is ok and has gotten in touch with friends and family...that was some craziness.

Yesterday...

was not my day.
Packed car for The Park Trip.
Realized we were overdue for oil change (by like 150 miles, Mr. Obsessive Oil Change Man)..stomped into house to call garage to see if we could get in quickly.  All clear there.
Realized I forgot to feed the birds, stomped through yard and stepped in dog crap.
Stormed into house to find one of the SEVEN other pairs of trail shoes I own..couldn't find them for 45 minutes.
God knows why they were in a tote marked "Fall/Halloween decorations".

Got the oil changed.
Trapped in the waiting area at the garage, listening to a woman's conversation about her terrible boils..
Her ass boils.
Fled to the baking sun of the parking lot and laughed hysterically at Michael's shock and horror.

Realized I forgot my camera.
Realized I forgot the camera outside while I was stomping shit out of my shoes.

Got behind the Slowest Driver on Earth.  25mph in a 55 zone.
Slowest Driver changed into Worst Driver, as she weaved over the white and yellow lines.  Repeatedly.
Of course, she was in front of us the entire way home.
I nearly chewed my seatbelt in half.

I decided I was entirely too annoyed to make the drive to the park...I know when I've reached my tolerance level for humanity.. and that park is usually full of people.

Expelled some annoyance by target shooting.
No, I did not envision Miss Ass Boils or Worst Driver Ever.


We played with the dogs and went swimming...
After a few hours of sun, wind and chlorine fumes, I stopped wanting to jump up and down on someone's liver.
I consoled myself with BBQ chicken nachos and beer.

Are we going to The Park...the Mythical Park?
I'm not saying.
I keep hexing myself.