Laughing and Crying | Ep. 258

Have you ever tried rubbing your stomach and patting your head… at the same time?

How about turning your head one way, and your tongue the other?

It can be hard doing two things at once, right? But we’re about to meet a man whose future depends on doing two things at once. And as he quickly learns, he can't do them on his own!

This week’s story is called “Laughing and Crying.” It’s inspired by tales told in the North African country of Egypt and stories shared among the Hui people of East Asia.

This episode was the second of two recorded at The Athenaeum Center for Thought and Culture in Chicago, Illinois. Joining host Rebecca Sheir on stage was a trio of Chicago-based actors: James Konicek, Kayla Pulley, and Terrance Lamonte, Jr. And playing live music on the oud (learn more about this stringed instrument with roots in the Egyptian and Arabic traditions below) was Eric Shimelonis.

This episode was adapted for Circle Round by Rebecca Sheir. It was edited by Dean Russell. Original music and sound design is by Eric Shimelonis. Our artist is Sabina Hahn.

GROWN-UPS! PRINT THIS so everyone can color while listening. We’re also keeping an album so please share your picture on Facebook and Instagram, and tag it with #CircleRoundPodcast. To access all the coloring pages for past episodes click HERE. Our resident artist is Sabina Hahn and you can learn more about her HERE.

Now It’s Your Turn

See if you can guess this riddle:

You can break me, but you can’t touch me.

You must keep me, AND give me to someone else.

What am I?

Think you know the answer? Send your guess to [email protected] (or reply to this message). We’ll announce the answer on Instagram and Facebook soon. Grownups, you can find and follow us @circleroundpodcast.

Musical Spotlight: Oud

With 11 or 13 strings running up and down its short, fretless neck and gourd-shaped body, the oud is believed to have originated in Persia 3,500+ years ago. However, it was in Egypt that the instrument underwent significant evolution and refinement. Egyptian ouds are deeply rooted in the country's cultural and historical tapestry and carry the influences of many musical traditions.

The Arabic word “oud” translates to “stick” or “from wood”; appropriately, oud-makers use rounded strips of wood to craft the backside of the instrument, and one flat sheet of wood to create the front. Traditionally, oud players have plucked or strummed the strings with a ‘plectrum’: a long, flat pick resembling a nail file.

You can hear Eric Shimelonis playing the oud in many other Circle Round stories, including “The Unwelcome Guest,” “The Fire Within,” “The Sharpest Tack,” “Written in the Stars,”  “The Sultan’s Figs” and “The Spotted Goat”!

NARRATOR: There once was a carpenter. He had entered the trade back when he was a very young man. And through the years, not only had he built thousands of beautiful pieces of furniture… he had also built an excellent reputation.

The carpenter lived in a land ruled by a king. The king was a big fan of things. Material things – and the finest ones, at that. He collected the most elegant ceramics, the most expensive artwork, the sparkliest gemstones. And when he heard about the carpenter's exquisite furniture, he knew he must hire the fellow at once.

The job was demanding and the hours were long. But even though the carpenter was getting older… and his eyesight was growing dimmer and his body was growing weaker… he pushed himself to work his hardest.

Until one day… he pushed himself too hard.

He was building yet another new chair for the banquet hall and refused to take a break. By sundown, he was dizzy with fatigue.

CARPENTER: (exhausted) I should call it a day. I’ll head back to my cottage, get a good night’s rest, then I’ll return to work bright and early tomorrow!

NARRATOR: The carpenter staggered through the palace on heavy, rubbery legs. While passing through the great hall – where the king displayed his favorite ceramics, artwork, and gemstones – the carpenter suddenly stumbled.

CARPENTER: Oh!

NARRATOR: And as he reached out for something – anything – to break his fall, he bumped into a porcelain vase! The delicate vessel tipped over and clattered to the wood floor with a crash so loud, its sound echoed across the palace! The carpenter stared down at the shattered pieces in horror.

CARPENTER: Oh dear! How could I be so careless? I must apologize to the king at once!

NARRATOR: But before he could do a thing, two of the king’s guards came barreling in.

When they spotted the carpenter – and the shards of porcelain – they seized him by the arms, marched him into the throne room, and told the king what happened. The king's expression immediately turned stormy.

KING: Carpenter! How could you be so careless as to destroy my vase? And you couldn't even tell me yourself. It's a good thing my guards caught you before you fled. Did you really think you would get away with it? 

CARPENTER: “Get away with it”???

NARRATOR: The carpenter shook his head.

CARPENTER: With all due respect, Your Excellency, the moment the accident happened, I didn’t want to flee! I wanted to tell you all about it! So I could apologize! I am an honest man and I would never hide the truth. Not from you – or anyone!

KING: So you say…

NARRATOR: The king arched an eyebrow.

KING: But the TRUTH in THIS matter is that you destroyed my property. Something that belonged to ME.

CARPENTER: And I shall make it up to you! If it pleases Your Grace, I shall pay for the broken vase! Whatever the cost!

KING: Are you joking? With your salary you couldn’t pay for that vase in a million lifetimes.

NARRATOR: The carpenter’s breath caught in his throat. His pulse pounded in his ears.

CARPENTER: Please Your Majesty. I am a simple man and not gifted with a great mind like yours. But I have been a devoted worker in this palace for years and years. There must be some way I can gain your forgiveness!

NARRATOR: The king sat in stony silence. Then, slowly, his lips curled into a crafty grin.

KING: You know what, carpenter? There IS a way. How do you feel about… riddles?

CARPENTER: Riddles?

KING: Yes! Puzzles. Brain-teasers. Mind-benders. I’ve always been quite fond of them myself. So I shall give YOU a riddle. If you can solve it, then I’ll let you off the hook. Today’s unfortunate incident will be a thing of the past and you may go on your way.

CARPENTER: And what if I CAN’T solve your riddle?

KING: Oh that’s simple! (beat) You shall be fired from your job and banished from this land. (beat) So! Shall we begin?

NARRATOR: The carpenter’s face fell. As a simple, humble man, puzzles had never been his thing. But with his entire existence on the line, he knew he couldn’t say no.

CARPENTER: (resigned, with dread) Alright, Your Majesty. We shall begin. What is the riddle?

KING: The riddle… is this. (beat) Tomorrow, I want you to return to the palace. And when you do, you must be laughing… (little laugh) and crying (little cry). At the same time. 

CARPENTER: Laughing and crying…? At the same time…?

KING: Yes! It’s as simple as that. (beat) See you tomorrow!

NARRATOR: The carpenter walked home with a reeling mind and a hammering heart. As he entered the cottage he shared with his daughter, his shoulders sagged and his body shook.

SCHOOLTEACHER: Father! What’s wrong? What happened???

CARPENTER: Oh daughter! I worked myself too hard at the palace today… and I accidentally broke one of the king’s vases! He was so enraged, he threatened to banish me from the land!

SCHOOLTEACHER: What??? After all the years you’ve devotedly served him, he threatened to banish you??? Just for breaking a silly piece of porcelain???

CARPENTER: Well, he did offer me one way out. He said I could answer… a riddle.

SCHOOLTEACHER: (delighted/intrigued) A RIDDLE?

NARRATOR: Something you should know about the carpenter’s daughter. She was a teacher – the kindest and most beloved at her school. She was also the cleverest and most intelligent person in town. And she LOVED riddles.

SCHOOLTEACHER: (getting excited) What was the king’s riddle, Father? What did he ask?

CARPENTER: He didn’t so much ASK… as TELL. He told me I must return to the palace tomorrow. And when I arrive, I must be laughing and crying at the same time. 

SCHOOLTEACHER: (taking it in, thinking it over) Laughing and crying at the same time…?

CARPENTER: Yes! I have no idea how to answer this riddle. But YOU’VE always been so clever, so bright! If anyone can figure it out… it’s you!

NARRATOR: The carpenter gave his daughter a loving, hopeful look. She took hold of his hands and gave them a squeeze.

SCHOOLTEACHER: I appreciate the praise, Father. And it just so happens I HAVE figured out the riddle. (beat) And trust me. When the king sees you tomorrow? HE won’t know whether to laugh or cry!

NARRATOR: What do YOU think the clever schoolteacher is planning? And how would YOU solve the king’s riddle?

We’ll find out what happens, after a quick break.

[BREAK]

NARRATOR: I’m Rebecca Sheir and welcome back to Circle Round, live at The Athenaeum Center in Chicago, Illinois! Today our story is called “Laughing and Crying.”

Before the break, a hot-headed king was furious with a humble carpenter for accidentally breaking a vase. He knew the carpenter couldn’t afford to replace the priceless item. So instead, he issued a challenge… in the form of a riddle.

KING: Tomorrow, I want you to return to the palace. And when you do, you must be laughing… and crying. At the same time.

NARRATOR: If the carpenter could answer the challenge, the king would forgive his blunder. But if he couldn’t…?

KING: You shall be fired from your job and banished from this land!!!

NARRATOR: The carpenter couldn’t make heads or tails of this riddle. But after a  bit of thought, his clever daughter – a teacher at the local school – came up with a plan. Before the carpenter took off for the palace, she handed him two things: an onion and a paring knife.

SCHOOLTEACHER: Father. You must bring this onion and paring knife to the palace. Before you go inside, I want you to slice the onion in half.

CARPENTER: Okay… And then what?

SCHOOLTEACHER: And THEN, something tells me you’ll know exactly what to do. You’re not nearly as “simple” as you think!

NARRATOR: The carpenter kissed his daughter goodbye and went on his way. When he reached the palace doors, he did as instructed and sliced the onion in half. And all at once…

CARPENTER: (as he smells and feels fumes) Whew!!!

NARRATOR: …it dawned on him!

CARPENTER: This onion! It’s so strong! So pungent! If I hold it under my nose, and I rub it onto my eyes, I’ll be crying in no time!

NARRATOR: So… he did! He held up the onion and took a big whiff…

CARPENTER: (big whiff) Yikes!

NARRATOR: …then he smeared the onion’s juice all over his eyelids!

CARPENTER: Oooo! Ouch! Ow!

NARRATOR: Between the smell and the burn, the carpenter couldn’t help… but cry. 

CARPENTER: (ad-lib onion-induced crying)

NARRATOR: But when he thought about his daughter’s brilliance… and how that brilliance was about to help him outwit a king… he couldn’t help but laugh…

CARPENTER: (ad-lib laughing)

NARRATOR: …WHILE he was crying!

CARPENTER: (ad-lib laughing and crying)

NARRATOR: So… when the crying and laughing man entered the throne room… the king was stunned. His mouth fell open, and his eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared into his crown.

KING: Carpenter! You’ve done it! You’ve solved my riddle!

CARPENTER: (calming down) Truth be told, Your Majesty, it wasn’t me who solved it. It was my daughter. She’s a schoolteacher in my town. She’s everyone’s favorite!

NARRATOR: The king could hardly believe it. A mere schoolteacher had cracked the clever code of a KING? He already had a broken vase. He wouldn’t let his pride be injured, too.

KING: (stalling) Well, carpenter, I’m afraid you’ve only given me the answer to ONE riddle. What about the OTHER?

NARRATOR: The carpenter cocked his head.

CARPENTER: “OTHER” riddle…?????? With all due respect, Your Majesty – I only recall you asking me ONE.

KING: Well, like you said yourself: you’re a simple man. And you were so distraught yesterday, after demolishing my precious vase. But if you don’t remember, then I can repeat the riddle again.

NARRATOR: The carpenter was confused. But he knew better than to refute the king.

CARPENTER: Alright, Your Majesty. Kindly repeat the riddle.

KING: Very well. Tomorrow, I shall visit your house. And when I do, you must give me four things. First: something blacker than the bottom of a burnt pan. … Second: something clearer than a mirror. … Third: something stronger than steel. … And fourth: something as vast as the sea. (beat) Give me those four things and you are off the hook. Fail to do so, and you are out of a job – AND out of this kingdom. (beat) See you tomorrow!

NARRATOR: The carpenter had been hoping to return to his cottage in triumph. Instead, he made the trip in defeat. When his daughter got home from school, she found him slumped in a chair with his head in his hands.

SCHOOLTEACHER: Father? Why so sad? We solved the king’s riddle, didn’t we?

CARPENTER: YOU solved the riddle, darling. And I thank you for it. But NOW the king is saying that ONE riddle isn’t enough. So he’s given me another.

NARRATOR: The carpenter heaved a sigh, then told his daughter about the four things the king had asked for. The schoolteacher listened carefully.

SCHOOLTEACHER: Okay... So the king needs something blacker than the bottom of a burnt pan. … something clearer than a mirror. … something stronger than steel. … and something as vast as the sea… I’ll need some time to think about this. I’ll be upstairs!

NARRATOR: The schoolteacher planted a kiss on her father’s cheek and went up to her room.

The following morning, when the king rolled up in his carriage, the carpenter was shaking in his boots. His daughter hadn’t emerged from her room yet… and he hadn’t a clue what to do!

KING: So Carpenter? Do you have the things I asked for?

CARPENTER: Actually, Your Majesty. I do NOT.

KING: Ha! I knew it! I knew you could never – (gets cut off)

SCHOOLTEACHER: WAIT!

NARRATOR: The king swung his crowned head toward the schoolteacher as she came running outside. She gave him a polite bow… and a steely look.

SCHOOLTEACHER: Your Majesty. I am the carpenter’s daughter. And we have ALL the things you asked for.

NARRATOR: The king smiled and rubbed his hands together.

KING: Very well then! The first thing is something blacker than the bottom of a burnt pan.

SCHOOLTEACHER: Something blacker than the bottom of a burnt pan… is a cruel heart. One that seeks to punish and hurt others – even if they’re completely innocent.

NARRATOR: The king paused. All at once, his mind flashed to the punishment he tried inflicting on the carpenter just the day before. He coughed, and shifted from one foot to the other.

KING: (uncomfortably) Okayyyyy... That answer is a fair one, I suppose. (beat) So how about the second thing? Something clearer than a mirror?

SCHOOLTEACHER: Something clearer than a mirror is an honest heart! For there is nothing more transparent than the truth.

NARRATOR: Now the king’s brain replayed the carpenter’s confession about the broken vase… and his own fib about the second riddle. He felt his eyelids twitch.

KING: (uncomfortable) Again, I cannot dispute your answer. (beat) Which leads me to my third request. Something stronger than steel!

SCHOOLTEACHER: Something stronger than steel… is a loving heart! One so full of devotion and care, it will do anything to protect those it loves. Especially when they're in danger.

NARRATOR: Now the king’s thoughts flew to the threat he had lobbed at the carpenter… and the schoolteacher swooping in to solve the first riddle for her father. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled.

KING: (uncomfortable) Another valid answer! Very, very valid. (beat) But you must give me all four things in order to win. And the fourth… is something as vast as the sea!

NARRATOR: This time, the schoolteacher did not respond right away. Instead, she walked over to her father and placed a hand on his chest.

SCHOOLTEACHER: (carefully) Something as vast as the sea, Your Excellency… is a virtuous heart. One that is steadfast and true. Dedicated and devoted… even if every now and again a mistake is made.

NARRATOR: The king felt his stomach twist. His cheeks grew hot. Then he swallowed hard, and hung his crowned head.

KING: Oh! What a fool I have been! (beat) Dear madam. Your father has served me so well! For so long! And how do I repay his honest, loving, and virtuous heart? With the cruelty of my own heart.

NARRATOR: The king looked over at the carpenter.

KING: Carpenter. Will you please forgive me…? And come back to your job at the palace…?

NARRATOR: The carpenter paused. He drew a long breath and let it out again.

CARPENTER: (carefully) Yes, Your Majesty. I will. (beat) And NO, Your Majesty. I won’t.

KING: Yes…??? AND no…??? What, are YOU talking riddles now? I don’t understand.

CARPENTER: Yes: I will forgive you. But no. I won’t return to my job at the palace. I’ve put in my time, and now it’s time to move on. So with all due respect, Your Grace. Thank you… but NO thank you.

NARRATOR: The king gazed at this loving pair who had beaten him at his own game.

As he thought about how ridiculous he had been, a chuckle erupted from his throat.

And as he thought about how cruel he had been, tears sprang to his eyes.

And by the time he got back into his carriage, and rode off to the palace, he realized that he was laughing…

KING: (little laugh)

NARRATOR: …and crying…

KING: (little cry)

NARRATOR: …all at the same time.