The Perfect Couple Recap: Rickrolling Your Wife

I can’t stop thinking about how perfectly cast this show is. Can you imagine anyone else but Nicole Kidman and Liev Schreiber pulling off what they do in this episode? “Never Gonna Give You Up” pushes both Greer and Tag to the absolute ends of their individual ropes and then slams them together to see what happens. What happens is a complete disaster. What happens is possibly the greatest book launch event in the history of book-launch events (low bar, but still). Kidman and Schreiber know exactly how to sidestep any potential cheesiness and deliver pure, juicy melodrama. Consider it an end-of-summer parting gift.

Could anyone deliver the line, “He thought you walked on water and now you’re tethered to terra firma just like the rest of us,” like an icy dagger straight into Amelia’s heart like Kidman does in the opening scene? My notes here were simply, is this a horror show now? Friends, Kidman is terrifying as Greer when she coolly confronts Amelia in the kitchen after her would-be daughter-in-law has spent the night in her parents’ room. The whole family knows Benji caught her kissing Shooter, and Greer is really lapping up the woman’s downfall. Greer is menacing without ever raising her voice, and she knows exactly how to exert control over anyone she wants to — here, she makes it clear that regardless of what she wants to do, Amelia will be attending Greer’s book launch and she will at least pretend to be happy to be there. And yet, the woman seems tired. It must be exhausting trying to control everyone and everything in your life so that from the outside it looks perfect — I mean, hand-delivering evidence that could get your husband arrested for murder alone! We can see the cracks this exhaustion is causing in Greer; sometimes all you can do is throw a basket of silverware onto your kitchen floor.

Yes, it’s true; thanks to the jewelry receipt Greer gave Chief Carter, Tag is the No. 1 suspect in Merritt’s murder and has spent the night in the interrogation room down at the police station. While Tag isn’t particularly forthcoming with Carter and Detective Henry — he initially insists that the last time he saw Merritt was under the tent with Isabel before he went to bed at 1:30 a.m. and Merritt was very much alive then — we do learn a lot more about Merritt’s last few hours thanks to Tag’s flashbacks.

When Merritt tells Tag she’s pregnant, he seems happy about it. He tells her she’s beautiful and he loves her, and then he wanders off singing “All By Myself” because that’s how Tag rolls. So Merritt may be temporarily relieved — one has to imagine she has hopes of starting a real family together with the man she loves — but a couple chords of an Eric Carmen jam aren’t exactly a real plan for the next steps.

We know that Merritt has multiple conversations with people in which they tell her that Tag is a liar, that Tag will never leave Greer, and that this is a horrible idea, so it makes sense that she would want to press him for more details on what he’s thinking. This happens after the “late-night crew” disbands. Tag has given Merritt that suit jacket the police found on the shore and he’s out getting his boat ready for a paddle. When a confused Merritt hopefully asks Tag if they are “doing this for real,” his response is, “What’s happening inside you right now is one of the most beautiful things that can happen between a man and a woman.” Honestly, if Merritt drowned herself in an attempt to unhear that sentence, I would not be surprised. But she does not do this. Instead, she stands there and takes more of Tag being the ultimate dipshit. This man goes from you’re beautiful and you being pregnant is beautiful to “It’s a question about timing” so quickly it must be a world record. When she realizes Tag does not want this baby and does not want anything real with her, she is distraught. She wades into the water. The two of them tussle a bit — but she comes out of it alive. Tag did not kill Merritt.

Tag’s problem is that no one believes a word he says. As Detective Henry points out, “Even when he’s telling the truth, he looks like he’s lying.” But you know what doesn’t lie (as long as you update it): his smart watch. He has an app that tracks his sleep. He comes clean about the fight on the beach and the fact that he went to bed around 2:30 a.m., not 1:30 a.m. But the toxicology report confirms that the drugs weren’t in Merritt’s system very long before she drowned, and her estimated time of death is well after the time Tag can now prove he went to bed. It couldn’t have been him.

So Tag is released while they look into his smart-watch data, and after getting sufficiently drunk, he wanders into Greer’s book-launch party. Oh, my friends, what a time this is — and I’m not even referring to the fact that Benji sucker-punches Shooter and then has sex with Amelia up against an industrial-size refrigerator.

Greer gets up onstage, thanks her adoring fans, and then announces that this will be her final Dash and Dolly novel — she’s working on something new. She realizes quickly that she has two big problems out in the crowd. First, who should appear but Mr. Broderick Graham. He approaches the stage while Greer attempts to continue reading, unbothered, but she does call out for security. He yells that she can’t ignore him, but does leave with the cops without too much of a fight. Unsettling, but not a complete disruption. No, that job falls to Tag. Initially, people are excited by Tag’s appearance — he is the real-life Dash, after all, but once Tag joins Greer up onstage and steals the mic from her hands, the man puts on a show. Schreiber and Kidman are so good here: Tag completely torpedoing his wife’s career and Greer alternating between trying to stop her husband and trying to make it look like she’s cool with this. The moment when she tries to get people to dance along to Tag singing Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up?” Greer is a character for whom it is almost impossible to have any empathy for, and yet, I felt so unbelievably bad for this woman and her little step-touches.

So what are some of the things a rambling Tag divulges on that mic? Well, he kicks it all off with a one-two punch of “I would kill for [my wife]. I haven’t, by the way, darling, but I would. I could,” and “Our marriage is deeply, profoundly, and terminally fucked.” From there, he yells at the crowd to “stop sucking the giant cock of the paperback industry” and then pivots to informing them that he and Greer enjoy having threesomes. Not, like, all the time, but for special occasions, you get it. He announces that Greer tried to frame him for murder, and yet, the man just cannot quit her. He’s never, ever going to give her up, you see. It is an epic public meltdown that really could only end one way: with Tag attempting to lead the group in a Rick Astley sing-along until he falls off the stage while a bunch of balloons drop from the ceiling and a marching band enters from the back. This is art, I think.

What’s a woman to do when she’s been publicly humiliated by her husband and everything she’s worked to build is crumbling around her? She goes to the local dive for some Dark ’n’ Stormies with the chief of police. They wind up talking about what motives different people may have had for killing Merritt. When he asks about her motive, she notes that she would be too obvious. But what if that’s her cover, “hiding in plain sight”? She admits that if that is the case, it would take an incredibly skilled liar to pull it off and “even the best of liars get tired of juggling too much.” There will always come a time when that person will get so overwhelmed, she’ll snap. Has Greer reached that time? She does look awfully exhausted sitting at that bar.

Just as we’re getting to the meat of that conversation, Carter gets a call from Detective Henry and Deputy Carl. Tag was telling the truth about being asleep during Merritt’s estimated time of death, but his watch leads them to another suspect. The app also tracks the person next to him in bed, which the night of the murder was Greer — and according to the app, she isn’t in bed from 3 a.m. until 4:30 a.m. But there’s more: They’ve also discovered that a phone call was made from the Winbury house to the Sand Dollar Motel a little after three — the call was made to Broderick Graham’s room. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE: Since Broderick Graham showed up at the book launch, they’ve looked into the guy, and it turns out he has prior arrests and is linked to the Turkish mafia; he’s a bad dude. And, the kicker: They also found a record for a wire transfer of $300,000 to Broderick Graham from … Shooter Dival. Did Greer hire Broderick to kill Merritt and Shooter helped pay him off? I mean, we did just cover why being the “too obvious” suspect might work in her favor.

The other piece of info that points us closer to Greer’s direction for the murder is the rest of the flashback to Merritt’s final hours. After her fight with Tag, she winds up having a nightcap with Isabel on those Adirondack chairs. From one mistress to another, Isabel reminds Merritt that they never leave their wives and then has her toast “to the other woman.” When they clink glasses, Isabel’s breaks. She picks up a few pieces before she heads to bed, leaving Merritt alone on the chair. Once she gets up, she steps in some glass and hobbles away. But do you know who is watching Merritt’s every move? Greer, alone in the kitchen. The next thing we know, Greer walks off and Merritt turns around to greet what must be a familiar face. Whoever comes to see Merritt in that moment is for sure our killer. I doubt The Perfect Couple would give away the real murderer ahead of the finale, but stranger things have happened — like, we all did just witness Liev Schreiber rickrolling Nicole Kidman, so really, anything’s possible.

Wedding Favors

• Apparently, Shooter Dival is even richer than the Winburys. Amelia tells him he’s just one more liar in a whole house full of them and informs him of her sexcapade with Benji — signaling that nothing more is going to happen between her and Shooter.

• You’re telling me that Abby has taken it upon herself to pack up Merritt’s clothes out of the goodness of her heart? This bitch has no heart! What is she up to?

• Abby delivers another banger when Amelia finds her cleaning up Merritt’s things and says, “They can arrest me if they want, but they won’t because I’m a white woman. So gross.” Dakota Fanning Emmy campaign when?

• Also, from Abby (of course): “Jesus, it looks like Lily Pulitzer projectile-vomited all over this place.”

• On the one hand, it would be nice for Will to get a normal girlfriend for once and have a happy ending out of this whole thing; on the other hand, I do not want Chloe Carter near the Winburys at all. Can someone tell her dad that his daughter has terrible decision-making skills?

• Please, someone, find out who on set got to take home that life-size cutout of Liev Schreiber, and where are they keeping it? I need a complete oral history.