The Kardashians Recap: Beta-Blocking Out the Haters

Did we really win the Revolutionary War? And if so, why is James Corden continuing to invade our cultural touchstones? Seems to me the British were just playing the long game, because, in just the second episode of The Kardashians, we get an appearance from the host of what Khloé calls “The James Corden Talk Show.” The show is her first foray back into post-COVID press appearances, and she’s uncharacteristically nervous about it.

Thus far, Khloé’s central story line has been about suddenly grappling with fame — which seems like an odd choice for the 21st season of a reality show about being famous. But it’s specifically the negative social-media comments that are starting to wear on her, which is understandable; Khloé has historically been the one who gets the brunt of online hate. No matter how long or short she FaceTunes her fingers to be — or if she, god forbid, leaves them as they are — someone always has something to say about it.

She tells Malika about this anxiety in one of the most inexplicable scenes I’ve ever witnessed. They drive to Kylie’s house to “pick something up” and have this conversation in her backyard — where there is no Kylie in sight and where we never even get to see what Khloé was supposedly picking up. Instead, they sit near Kylie’s chicken coop, where the Dalai Lama of Calabasas (Malika) offers wise pearls of wisdom — like “You might need to take a deep breath” and “God made humans and then humans produce eggs. I think God made chickens and then chickens produce eggs.”

Anyway, after fighting through her nerves — courtesy of a few beta-blockers from Kris (laying the groundwork for a new Safely product expansion, perhaps?) — Khloé makes it to The Late Late Show for her interview.

Something you might have noticed about the behind-the-scenes footage from The Late Late Show is that the cameras were really lingering on the shelves full of Emmys. Perhaps you’re wondering what the deal is. Well, when the Kardashians jumped from E! to Hulu, they decided to work with a new production company called Fulwell 73 — which produces The Late Late Show and whose partners include Bustopher Jones himself, James Corden. One of Corden’s partners at Fulwell 73 and the executive producer of The Kardashians is Ben Winston — whose daughter is the little girl saying “Come on, Harry. We want to say good night to you” at the beginning of Harry Styles’s “As It Was.” Winston directed the Friends reunion for HBO Max and, most important, the music video for “Best Song Ever,” by One Direction. And while I thank him for his service, I must acknowledge that those repeated shots of Emmys are essentially the production company giving itself a big ol’ pat on the back.  

After hearing that Khloé is nervous about opening herself up to online hate again, Corden gives her a motivational speech that his production company sets to beautiful, inspirational instrumental music. But, truth be told, there really is nobody better to get advice from about dealing with the internet hating you. At least Khloé can take solace in the fact that the masses have yet to start a petition to keep her out of the Wicked movie.

But Khloé isn’t the only one getting sage advice from comedy stars. Over in New York, it’s SNL week for Kim, and she takes us inside the writing of her monologue — which includes getting advice from her friend Amy Schumer, who’s an expert in delivering SNL monologues about the Kardashians. Seeing Amy’s apartment — decorated like a nice, normal place that people live in — was refreshingly jarring compared to the museum-like Kardashian homes we’re used to. Just as enjoyable are Amy’s no-holds-barred notes on what was and wasn’t working in the monologue — but, at the end of the day, Kim is going to go with whatever she is most comfortable with.

The access that The Kardashians gets filming at SNL finally dethrones the documentary James Franco made for an NYU assignment as the definitive look behind the show’s curtain. While we, unfortunately, don’t get a scene of Kim trying to make small talk with the Please Don’t Destroy guys, we do get to see producer and former tabloid staple Lindsay Shookus. Shookus famously used to date Ben Affleck but, more importantly, appears to be wearing outstanding pink coveralls as she goes over a sketch with Kim. Kim tells her she doesn’t want to go too overboard with jokes about Kanye, who flew coach to New York so he could talk about comedy with Dave Chappelle. (I’d fly coach to avoid having to talk about comedy with Dave Chappelle.)

Kourtney, meanwhile, is skipping New York to go to Travis’s son’s birthday party — which reminds me that we should debrief on the Barker family. Travis has two kids (Landon and Alabama) with his ex-wife, former Miss USA and Celebrity Big Brother icon Shanna Moakler, who we can only hope makes a special guest appearance someday — but that seems unlikely given that she has publicly alleged that Travis had an affair with Kim (pre–Keeping Up). Travis was also stepfather to Shanna’s daughter Atiana, whom he’s still close to. Altogether, that’s six kids between him and Kourtney, all of whom they’re potentially looking to house under one roof when they move in together. They’re “the modern-day Brady Bunch — with a kick,” to quote Kim in the first episode of KUWTK.

In what can only be described as a pornographic episode of House Hunters, Kravis tours a home that Kourtney says has “Old Hollywood, Frank Sinatra vibes — which is so us.” And she’s completely right, because when I see Kourtney and Travis Barker dry humping at Disneyland, I think Old Hollywood. Speaking of dry humping, in the middle of this house tour, Kourtney decides to straddle Travis in the backyard, sending their poor Realtor, Tomer, retreating.

We learn that they’re trying to have a baby but have been struggling with fertility and IVF. There’s certainly more to come on this journey, but I’m particularly excited at the prospect of these two having a kid, because I really want to see what name the people who brought us Reign and Alabama will come up with when they put their heads together.

The entire family is oddly calm given that Kendall and Kylie have presumably been kidnapped and/or are missing in action — they’re simply nowhere to be seen. It’s likely that Kendall is still recovering from COVID, but Kylie has presented no such excuse and won’t even pop in for a cameo while her sister films in her backyard. We had seasons worth of drama on Keeping Up about Kourtney not contributing to the show, yet nobody blinks an eye at Kendall and Kylie waltzing in and out (mostly out) of the frame as they please. I wouldn’t think too much of this if it weren’t for the family making such a big deal about them all getting paid equally — which is absurd. Kendall and Kylie should be getting an hourly rate at best and maybe a free lunch on shoot days.

Here is a shortlist of people who did more to earn Kylie’s and Kendall’s paychecks this week: Tracy Romulus, Kim’s makeup artist Mario, Kylie’s chickens, Malika, Kris’s beta-blocker dealer, Pete Davidson’s rehearsal stand-in, Cecily Strong, and the rug that Kris Jenner rolled around on while rug shopping.

The episode ends with excitement as Kris and Khloé embark for SNL in New York, but, before they leave, Kris orders the driver out of the car to tell Khloé something urgent in private. You can tell how urgent it is, because, not only is Kris rude to a driver on-camera, she and Khloé are both out of glam — so you know this is something serious. Once the coast is clear, Kris puts Travis on speakerphone to tell Khloé that he has set a date to propose to Kourtney. Since she’s not in full glam, Khloé can cry happy tears at the news.