The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap: It’s My Anniversary and I’ll Cry If I Want To

Another trip episode! This time, Bronwyn and her husband, Todd, are taking the gang to Palm Springs for their 15th wedding anniversary. Would I want to spend my anniversary with a bunch of couples I barely know? Probably not, but I’m not married or trying to seize power on a reality-TV show. But even though Bronwyn does everything to ensure this trip goes precisely as she plans, that will never stop Lisa Barlow from knowing exactly how to blow everything up.

Bronwyn has her work cut out for her because the vibes are still bad. Following a big blowup at Angie’s mob-wives anniversary party, no real issues between the women have been resolved. Mainly, Lisa and Whitney are still fighting despite their husbands patching things up, more or less. Things have only gotten worse between Bronwyn and Heather, which has now created more discontent between Bronwyn and Lisa.

While I understand I’m in the minority here, I ended last week’s episode a bit down on Bronwyn due to how she handled her confrontation with Heather. I’m sorry, but it is tacky to ambush someone in your home and dangle an invite for a trip like Bronwyn did. This week, we continue to see Bronwyn’s dominance as a newbie play out in a way that is strategically smart but totally joyless. Bronwyn may be cutting, but she is wound up way too tight. Yes, she has that millennial cringe/silly-goose thing going on, but that is not the same as being FUN.

I’m happy to see Lisa and Meredith at a spa, like in the old days. I’ve been worried that even with them working on their friendship, we wouldn’t get them together again as a unit. But when Heather arrives to meet them for coffee, things get juicy. Heather relays her conversation with Bronwyn earlier that morning to Lisa and Meredith in a way that I feel is pretty honest. I am the last person to defend Heather’s two-faced antics, but it’s understandable to be irritated by Bronwyn’s confrontation. Lisa talks about how her own conversation with Bronwyn about the trip went, and this is where you see Bronwyn’s condescending nature jump out. The kindergarten teacher’s voice she puts on when she asks whether or not Lisa and Whitney’s husbands would be okay on the trip is weird! Also, it feels like Bronwyn is showing more care toward Whitney and Justin’s comfort as guests when she asks Lisa if she would be okay because Justin and Whitney are coming on the trip. She just met Justin and Whitney, but Lisa is her longtime friend — wouldn’t it make more sense to have said this only to Whitney?

The scenes of the ladies preparing for this trip and debriefing with their husbands make me sad about the fracture between Angie and Lisa. Shawn isn’t fully anti-Lisa but agrees with Angie that Lisa has gotten away with being mean to her, which is true. Angie seems uncertain about where they stand as friends, but it doesn’t seem like she or Shawn have any vitriol for Lisa. With Lisa and John, I don’t think Lisa has the same level of hatred for Angie that she does for Whitney. In her confessional, she sounds more like she’s in pain from Angie’s comment about her parenting to Heather than vengeful. I like it when Lisa and Angie are friends; together, they provide a lot of laughs, which is something we are missing this season. Lisa is obviously in a sensitive place because Henry is not doing well socially, but she and Angie didn’t have one real conversation about what Angie said about her parenting. I feel like it could be easily cleared up by now.

The tone of this entire trip gets established as they board the plane — Bronwyn wants to control everything that happens with an iron fist. She separates everyone based on her current alliances, which means Lisa and John and Meredith and Seth are in one SUV on the way to the house they’re staying in, and the rest are in another SUV. It’s interesting to see how the men describe the conflict they are now a part of. John speaks with Seth about the mob wives’ party blowout, and it seems like these guys have a good grasp on how to deal with their wives constantly fighting with one another … which is to stay out of it and not let it affect their own friendships. They have a strict stay-out-of-women’s-business policy, AS MEN SHOULD!

On the car ride to the vacation home, Bronwyn recounts her conversation on the plane with Meredith and Lisa to Whitney and Angie, which indicates her aggressive power grab. Her version of events is deeply sanitized. She is obsessed with this idea that she gave Heather a genuine apology and opened the door for a real conversation, which she objectively did not. Lisa has been insane this season, but I don’t see her response as being defensive of Heather. Lisa and Meredith heard both sides of the conversation and seemed to think it was more of a fundamental misunderstanding than Bronwyn being two-faced.

When they get to the vacation home, Meredith, Seth, Lisa, and John separate themselves by immediately picking rooms away from the rest of the crew, which upsets Bronwyn, who is already not in the best mood. While everyone settles in before the fight that ends the episode, we get some funny soundbites from Lisa, who believes the food in Italy is “too fresh,” which is understandable for a woman who eats six KitKats a day. Angie provides much-needed physical comedy in her attempt to play volleyball with Shawn. Bronwyn and Todd have a personal jeweler come by so she can pick out her anniversary gift. This was extremely boring, and I’m sick of how so many of the non-fight scenes with Bronwyn focus on her wealth. Everyone on this show is rich, we get it. It read as far too showy to be doing this on a couple’s trip — the whole scene felt like too obvious of a performance of how rich they are.

This is when the vibes turn rancid. It starts when Seth tells Meredith he has to leave for Ohio the next morning. I think Meredith’s rocky marriage is why she hasn’t had much to do this season. We’ve already seen them separated, and they’ve always been open about their problems as a couple. It’s not a good sign they are back to the same old misunderstandings about being there for one another. I feel for Meredith and her sense of abandonment — it sucks that your husband took a job that is based in Ohio and wants to leave a couples trip early!

The real meat of the episode is the fight between Bronwyn and Lisa, which has been bubbling since the flight to Palm Springs. Bronwyn has expressed how badly she wants this trip to be fun and conflict-free, but her lack of experience as a housewife begins to show. She is upset that Meredith and Lisa told her everything was fine when she asked, but now they’re at the other end of the pool. At the same time, she doesn’t want there to be conflict. Well, keep them there if you don’t want the blowout. The tension is so thick, and as soon as all the women get together in the hot tub, the shit hits the fan.

When Bronwyn leaves to use the bathroom, Lisa Facetimes Heather — the work of a true master. I see this as Lisa wanting Bronwyn, who has thus far been so righteous and proper, to explode and come loose. That way, Lisa is not the one who seems the most crazy — the focus is then on Bronwyn. Of course, it’s diabolical and a shitty thing to do to a friend, but it makes Bronywyn look bad, which is good for Lisa.

My fundamental issue with how Bronwyn engages in fights is that she is not funny: She lacks silliness, has no good lines in the heat of the moment, and misses the weirdness that makes a Housewife successful. Even when I agree with her, her arguments are so exhausting. She wants to control everything too much, and it’s all too obvious — she’s not nearly as savvy as she thinks. Lisa calling Heather is clear proof of that. Getting so upset so quickly plays right into Lisa’s trap and shows she has no control over Lisa. The irony is that Bronwyn and Lisa are more similar than they think. Still, watching Bronwyn lose her shit isn’t enjoyable. It’s too type A!

Even though her issues with Heather are incredibly valid, she went about it all the wrong way. From what I interpreted, Bronwyn never tried to apologize for anything that happened between them. I didn’t see Lisa and Meredith taking a firm stance against Bronwyn, but Bronwyn’s issue is that she feels unsupported by Lisa, which is fair … but do you even know Lisa Barlow if you have those expectations? You cannot play tit-for-tat with Lisa Barlow.

Once the fight fully blows up and Bronwyn leaves the pool, we see Whitney run to comfort her. Whitney, I am begging you to get a backbone! Just because you hate Lisa, will you turn on Heather so easily? LOSER BEHAVIOR.

Todd is so upset there is drama on this trip. Todd, do you realize why cameras are around you right now, sir? This is because you are filming a reality TV show where women yell at each other. A fight within three hours is going to be your deal breaker? Todd barely knows most of the people on this trip, and Bronwyn basically just met them, but he knows Lisa and John in a real capacity and wants to instantly send them home? I find that to be so gross and tacky. This is also when I fully turned against Todd and Bronwyn as a couple, despite that they are genuinely in love and can be cute.

Todd tells John that Lisa needs to calm down or they have to leave, and if I were Lisa, I would not wait a second. I would pack up and leave and plot to destroy Bronwyn. Again, I know my opinion on Bronwyn has been all over the place this season. I do see her as a great addition; this entire episode was about her. But I want some FUN from her. I don’t need her to have total moral clarity, but if her entire thing is being the Housewife obsessed with justice, I will need her to be a lot more consistent in her rules.

Snowflakes

• Sadly, two of our funniest ladies do not appear in this episode. I poured one out for Britani, who was not invited, and Mary, who obviously would not go on a couples trip.

• I also laughed when Heather asked Meredith how she was feeling about the trip because her conversation with Shawn at the mob wives being a flashback really establishes how much Meredith has been relegated to a C plotline of this show.

• Whitney tells Justin how this trip needs to be salvaged because it’s the best trip they’ve been invited on … relax, Whitney. She is so easy to please; it’s like dangling keys in front of a baby! She instantly aligns with Bronwyn because she wants Lisa to suffer, but she is doing so at the expense of her cousin, Heather. To our knowledge, she hasn’t spoken to Heather about her conversation with Bronwyn, but sides with Bronwyn’s version of events throughout the episode.