Grey’s Anatomy Recap: Most of the Time

Derek Shepherd left this plane of existence for another, sometimes sandier, one way back in season 11, but what “Never Felt So Alone” does is rightly remind us that even for fictional characters, there is no timeline for grief and that deep-seated trauma can affect a person for the rest of their life. Fun, right? I’m still unmoored thinking about the way Derek went out, even though (1) I still think that guy was an absolute dick half the time and (2) I’m a real human and not a fictional character within the Grey’s Anatomy universe (sadly). So it feels right and true to have the fallout from his death continue to rear its ugly head in Meredith’s life.

Sometimes, grief wallops you out of nowhere, but here, Meredith’s little grief monster has an obvious origin: While working on her Alzheimer’s research with Amelia in Seattle, she gets word from Zola that Nick has taken Bailey to the hospital. Oh baby, does this woman fly off the handle in record time: She immediately calls Nick, who knows he’s in trouble from the second he picks up the phone. What is going on with her son? Why didn’t he call her? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? It doesn’t matter that Nick tries to explain that while picking up Bailey from hockey practice (how very Boston of this kid!), he complained of stomach pain and Nick noticed symptoms that pointed toward appendicitis. Nick called one of the doctors at the hospital where they work and got Bailey admitted — he needs surgery. He was very busy trying to help Bailey! Should he have shot Mer a little text? Sure, but as he tells her, he didn’t want to worry her until he knew exactly what was going on. Meredith is fuming. She’s getting on a plane to Boston as soon as possible.

When Mer can’t find a last-minute flight, Webber offers Catherine’s private jet. Is the Fox Foundation planting trees somewhere? The amount of times they use this private plane borders on alarming. The flight, though, does offer some time for Meredith and Webber to have a heart-to-heart. Well, more like a Meredith-is-spiraling-and-Webber-tries-to-calm-her-down–to–heart. While Meredith lists everything that could go wrong, Webber tries to remind her that this is a routine surgery and that, most of the time, an appendectomy is no big deal. But oh, buddy, don’t you DARE “most of the time” Meredith Grey. You know how when people are feeling down, they like to say that everything bad always happens to them? Well, everything bad actually does happen to Meredith. She’s the only person who can actually say that. She is constantly the exception to the rule. And as she reminds Webber of this, she blurts out one panicked, revealing sentence: Most of the time, people who need craniotomies get head CTs. She is thinking about Derek — about how so many things had to go wrong and did go wrong for him to die in the way he did. She tells Webber she knows this situation is not that one, yet she just can’t help but be out of her mind with worry about it.

Once at the hospital, she callously dismisses Nick from the room like he’s some dude she just met a couple of weeks ago. It honestly makes my stomach hurt to think about. Even Webber has a big ol’ “yikes” face on. Alone again, Meredith confides in her pseudo-dad figure some more. She still misses Derek — of course she does. She really misses him at night when the kids are up and she needs someone to talk to about it. It’s Webber who has to remind her that she does have someone to talk to about it.

I really want to rag on Meredith for seemingly wanting to be in it for the long haul with Nick yet simultaneously treating him like a random babysitter when it comes to her kids. If they’re going to be a family, she needs to trust this guy — who, by the way, has been nothing but trustworthy when it comes to those three kids. And yet no ragging is needed. For one, this is a complicated situation, and grief is hard to navigate. And Meredith does track down Nick to apologize, which, as we know, is an incredibly difficult task for this woman. Perhaps more difficult than curing Alzheimer’s. That’s not a joke! That is the truth.

She tells Nick that she felt guilty for not being here when her child needed her and that they are all she has. Nick reminds her that this is not the case at all. She has been raising them alone for so long (Maggie and Amelia who?) that it’s going to “take a minute to adjust,” she says. “I’ve got a minute, okay?” he replies, before they engage in some of the hottest physical intimacy there is: forehead touching. Reader, I gasped. Nick Marsh is so swoony, like who gave him the right? I don’t even know if Derek handled all of Meredith’s dark and twisty bits as well as this man! It seems like these two kids will be just fine. The depth that Grey’s has taken the time to give to the Meredith-Nick story remains much appreciated. It’s also just smart — back in season 11, could you even imagine being this invested in Meredith being with someone who was not Derek? What a world.

Feeling alone in your situation when that could not be further from the truth is a running theme throughout the episode. The major hubbub at Grey Sloan has to do with a med-student white-coat party — they get their doctor’s coats and then get absolutely obliterated — gone wrong (deck collapse, as it were). One med student named Eddie comes in with a dislocated shoulder, but he goes missing before Simone and Kwan can finish up with him. When they eventually track him down, Eddie is on the roof of the building, standing on the ledge, talking about never going home. Under the supervision of Bailey and Ben, Simone and Kwan try to keep him talking. Well, okay, it’s mostly Simone keeping the conversation going, but that’s because you can see Kwan is affected by this situation in such a way that it almost freezes him. Eddie talks about how difficult med school is — he can’t take the pressure, he isn’t sleeping, he can’t keep up with his classes. “I think I’m broken,” he says to Simone. He feels like he’s just going through the motions, and sometimes he imagines jumping onto the train tracks on his way to class. This kid is hurting beyond belief, and you can see it hurting Kwan, too. Not until Eddie starts talking about how everyone else seems to have it figured out, as if he’s all alone in this, does Kwan work up enough courage to speak out. He knows exactly how Eddie feels, he tells him: “Most days, I still don’t feel like a doctor, but I’m still here.” All this time, all of Kwan’s confidence and bravado have just been masking a whole lot of pain. “You are not alone,” he tells Eddie. Eddie finally reaches for Kwan’s hand and comes down off the ledge.

Once Simone and Kwan make sure Eddie, now with psych, is okay, Simone turns to Kwan. She wants him to know he can talk to her if he ever wants to. He’s not alone either. But Kwan wants no part of it. He abruptly turns her down and walks off. What a compelling character reveal for Benson Kwan.

While this is quite a distressing thing to learn, you have to admit it’s yet another instance of Grey’s Anatomy doing so right by these new interns. Not only do we get new layers revealed for all five of these characters individually, but this episode showcased some character pairings that hadn’t been explored much up to this point in both Simone-Kwan and Jules-Mika — evidence pointing to how well these five characters work as a unit. To have as many story possibilities as Grey’s seems to have right now, 20 seasons deep, remains such a feat.

The O.R. Board

• Jo’s period is late, and in the time it takes for Jo and Link to secure a pregnancy test, they realize they would like to have a child together but not right now. She’s not pregnant, but she’s happy to have had such an honest conversation about it. This show better spice up the story line for these two because what a snoozefest.

• Do you think when Jo and Link do eventually have a kid, they’ll name it Sam Sutton? It works for all genders!

• I did love watching Jules call out Winston for being a cranky little bitch to everyone (he just got his divorce papers, so he’s extra cranky), including his patient who required a “professional cuddler” to keep his heart rate down, only to have Winston “cuddle” this patient when he desperately needed it before surgery. Yet I adamantly believe these doctors are way too hot to be cuddling patients. Even for medical purposes!!

• Amelia chastising trauma surgeons for getting excited when a disaster strikes is real rich coming from a lady looking for head injuries and tumors at every turn.

• There’s trouble in paradise for Mika and Helm when Mika learns it was her own girlfriend who vetoed her assignment to a very cool impalement case and instead saddled her with drunk-med-student duty.

• After such an emotional day, Simone wants nothing more than to have Lucas hold her in bed (no kissing, fully clothed, for now), and since Lucas had a patient who reminded him to fight for the things you really want in life, he is ready and willing to figure out this Simone situation.

• Giving that egregious ADT product-placement bit to The Miranda Bailey was a real affront to my person.

• Okay, those drunk med students were annoying as hell, but come on, the line “She’s malpracticing me!” is objectively hilarious.