We’ll Pay Sabrina Carpenter $1,000,000 If She Does the Bartman
ByJesse David Fox,
a Vulture writer and host of Good One: A Podcast About Jokes
Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos: 20th Century Fox/Everett Collection, Jo Hale/Redferns
Aunts. We all got ’em, we all love ’em, and in some instances, they are Bart Simpson. Well, specifically in one instance: Sabrina Carpenter. On July 9, Nancy Cartwright, who has voiced Bart Simpson since 1987 and is apparently on TikTok, confirmed that Sabrina Carpenter is her niece. “Isn’t that amazing?” Cartwright said. “When you find out that somebody — maybe you’ve known me for a little while, doing this little 10-year-old boy for 35-some years, and some of you guys, for like way less than that — find out that I’m related to this superstar.” Yes, that is amazing when that happens.
Carpenter has talked about this before, calling it a “very niche fun fact” on Capital FM. Niche? The Simpsons is freaking the most popular show ever! She continued, saying, “That was the coolest thing in the world … I wasn’t even allowed to watch the show until I was a little bit older.” Ironically, Bart isn’t allowed to drink espresso until he gets older, because it will stunt his growth and he’ll end up like his niece, a petite queen. But don’t have a cow, man. Assuming that Carpenter is now old enough to watch The Simpsons, she must do the Bartman!
For those unfamiliar, “Do the Bartman” was a novelty single created with Bart Simpson superfan Michael Jackson in the fall of 1990. It’s all about how Bart is rude and cool and wants people to dance with him. “Homer was yellin’, “Bart!” Mom was too / Because I put mothballs in the beef stew / Punishment time, in the air lurks gloom / Sitting by myself, confined to my room,” he raps. “When all else fails, nothin’ else left to do / I turn on the music, so I can feel the groove.” The family resemblance is uncanny. That is so Sabrina Carpenter.
How does one exactly do the Bartman? “So move your body if you’ve got the notion / Front to back in a rocklike motion / Now that you’ve got it, if you think you can / Do it to the music — that’s the Bartman,” the chorus instructs. Carpenter could do it. It’s basically the “Espresso” choreography, but Carpenter adds a part where she runs her hand up her body and acts like she is serving a cup of coffee. That’s that her espresso …
Now that we know she can do it, she must do the Bartman. Please. Please. Please. It’s like what’s even the point of nepotism if it doesn’t result in Sabrina Carpenter doing the Bartman on television, live, at the Grammys. And there’s a cool million bucks in it for her. It would be paid by Cartwright, to be clear. We don’t have Simpsons residuals money like that.
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