American Horror Stories Season-Premiere Recap: Doll Eyes, Doll Mouth, Doll Legs

The American Horror Story franchise centers on a basic premise. It first poses the question, “What’s scary?” And then it gathers up all the possibilities — some for now, some for later — and comes at them from the most hilariously bizarre angles possible. The results are sometimes shocking, sometimes campy, and sometimes they land a bit flat. But they’re always fun.

American Horror Stories distinguishes itself from the original AHS series it branches from by devoting each episode to a single stand-alone story. Often these stories provide something fresh by utilizing actors outside the traditional AHS ensemble in explorations of spooky one-offs leading viewers through the triumphs and miseries of killer Santas, feral blood-thirsty hybrids of the woods, or the scariest thing of all … teens. In other delightfully anticipated cases, such as the season one finale, “Game Over,” the show brings back core AHS characters like Dr. Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) to revisit old haunts as the setting for new tales where lesbian ghosts grapple with the pros and cons of doomed immortality in the Murder House. In the season two premiere, “Dollhouse,” we’re given a mixed bag of old and new with AHS staple Denis O’Hare in the role of a new character, maniacal dollmaker Van Wirt, whose obsession with turning a woman into a living doll provides a certain tongueless future man-servant we grew to love in the “Coven” season of AHS with an origin story, and brings him to the doorstep of Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, where he’s met by a young Myrtle Snow, played by Ellie Grace Pomeroy in “Dollhouse,” and Frances Conroy in “Coven.”

The designed freedom of American Horror Stories to keep fans of AHS immersed in the ghastly frame of mind they’ve grown accustomed to during the off-season while branching off into new territories — neatly concluded within 45 minutes — while also expanding storylines from AHS worlds of the past does wonders in keeping the black heart of this franchise ever pumping. Without American Horror Stories, we may have never known that while Coven’s Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange) detests the look and smell of knotty pine, she has a history with, and perhaps a hardwired affinity for, things spiced with old Americana and Edwardian, courtesy of Spalding, who we meet as a young boy going by his first name, Otis (Houston Jax Towe), in “Dollhouse.”

In “Coven,” the third season of AHS, Denis O’Hare plays grownup Spalding, but here the actor portrays the character’s father, Van Wirt, and we’re fed a cleverly crafted backstory on dolls and the ways in which the love for them runs in the family.

“Dolls have been around since the Egyptians,” Van Wirt says in the opening of “Dollhouse,” setting the scene. “They even found one in King Tut’s tomb. He wouldn’t part with it. Even in the afterlife.”

Seated in his office within the Van Wirt Toy Company in Natchez, Mississippi, is a beautiful young woman named Coby (Kristine Froseth) who came to interview for a clerical job but now finds herself in the process of being sized up for an altogether different purpose.

“What is a doll, really?” Van Wirt continues in his menacing monologue. “Nothing more than mankind’s attempt to finish what the Almighty began.”

At this point, it’s beginning to register on Coby’s face that she should have taken her resume elsewhere, but it’s 1961, and job prospects were limited for women of that time, even over-qualified women like her. But before she has the chance to weigh in her mind whether to stay or leave, Van Wirt’s own tongueless assistant Eustace (Matt Lasky), stuns Coby with a cattle prod and whisks her away to Van Wirt’s life-sized dollhouse, occupied by other captives, and secured like a safe.

Van Wirt gets right to the point once Coby gets her bearings and explains that she’ll be held there for at least a week and put through various tests and trials to determine if she’s suitable to become a new mother for his son, Otis. The dollhouse Van Wirt has built is, according to him, an eclectic mix of Victorian spiced with old Americana and Edwardian because his love of doll styles is so vast that he couldn’t possibly stick with just one. The full story of why Van Wirt is like this, or at least why he wants to make a living doll, comes together when Coby learns that his wife cheated on him with a younger man, both of whom were dispatched to the bottom of a wishing well by Eustace, where the losing dolls will also likely find themselves should they not endear themselves to Van Wirt.

The tests the “dolls” are put through are ridiculous indicators of what would be expected of them should they “win” in the end and take permanent residence in the dollhouse alongside Van Wirt and young Otis. They set the table for a fancy lunch; they learn to make some weird fragrant spray used to iron and fold (not crease) dress shirts. A general skill at these things is important, but what is glaringly most important is their ability to obey. Coby falls in line for a while, but when we learn that she has special powers (she’s a witch!), we know she won’t be troubling herself with such things for very long.

Coby sees an out in Otis, who she wins over by making his toy firetruck move with only the power of her mind. She tries to bargain with him that she’ll agree to stay on as his mother if he tells his dad to let the other girls go, but that doesn’t work out.

On the morning of what would be the last day of their toiling there, before a winner is chosen, Coby uses her powers to open the door of the dollhouse so they can escape. As everyone’s making a run for it, the other surviving “dolls” who made it to the final round of Van Wirt’s ordeal are ultimately killed as well by Eustace, while Coby doubles back to rescue Otis from his terrifying childhood.

Van Wirt, who has caught on to her plan, begins the process of turning her into a doll — securing her in a press that coats her head to toe in plastic. She endures her new hellscape for a week or so before two witches, presumably of the same original coven to welcome in Fiona at Miss Robichaux’s, burst in and come to Coby’s rescue, also taking Otis under their wing and setting the dollhouse ablaze.

At Miss Robichaux’s, Coby tells Otis that it would probably be a good idea if he went by a new name. She asks him if he has a middle name, and he says he does, Spalding. At this point, every fiber of my being wanted Coby to say her middle name was Fiona and for this to turn out to be the origin story for the baddest witch in town, but no. The timeline wouldn’t make sense for that, but I’m of the opinion that it still could have stretched into such a case because young Myrtle, arriving at the gate to introduce herself as someone who will run the academy someday, seems too close in age to Spalding compared to the timeline presented by “Coven.” But hey, this is TV; anything is possible, especially in the world of AHS.