J. Smith-Cameron Should Have Thrown Two Drinks in Kieran Culkin’s Face

The Real Housewives of New York City is a franchise in crisis. Ramona staggered over the “maybe too problematic for TV” line years ago. Sonja has become Big Edie. Eboni was thrown under the bus by the entire production. Bravo casting directors, if you’re reading this, I have an idea for how you can save that series before it sinks into the East River: Cast J. Smith-Cameron. How do I know it’ll work? Because I watched The Late Show With Stephen Colbert last night. On August 8, the Succession actress tweeted, “I threw a drink in Kieran’s face tonight,” and shared the evidence, a photo of her frequent scene partner, Kieran Culkin, in a drink-splattered shirt.

On Colbert two days later, Culkin elaborated on the story, which was basically that at a cast dinner he poked fun at her, something very hard to do when your roastee is someone so lacking in flaw. When castmate Sarah Snook said, “You know, men’s ears and noses never stop growing,” Culkin then pointed at Smith-Cameron and said, “You sure that’s just men?” Strike one. Later on, Smith-Cameron leaned over the table and asked someone to repeat themselves, to which Culkin said, “You have all that ear and you can’t hear?” Firstly, “all that ear” is a clunky dig. It makes Culkin sound like a Dumbo crow. It was also strike two. Smith-Cameron finally flung a drink in Culkin’s face when he started stage-shouting in her ear like an old lady. “It’s eight o’clock!” he joked. “Thank you so much for staying up so late!” Smith-Cameron will tolerate some jokes, but what she won’t stand for is the suggestion that she goes home at eight. All she has to do now is think of a good Housewives tagline.