The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Premiere Recap: Heaven, Let Your Light Shine Down

Hey, guys, what’s up? How are you? I’m good, super chill. Just spent my hiatus being really productive, you know? Read a lot of books. Wrote some stuff. Went hiking. Didn’t even watch that many Steroline YouTube vids.

JUST KIDDING.

It has been a long, lonely four months. Seriously. I barely survived. Remember when “summer hiatus” used to be a thing? We’d drink a few lemonades (glasses of rosé), have an ill-advised fling, and be back watching television in time to peel our sunburns. But no more. It’s October, you guys. Today I had on a goddamn sweater. Which means it has been wayyyyy too long since I saw Stefan without one.

But the wait is finally over! We’re back, and headed into what I think is going to be the best season yet (after the second half of season one, because, come on, nothing could top that, not even The West Wing).

When we last left them, our gang had been booted out of Mystic Falls for good. Damon was trapped with Bonnie … somewhere. Alaric was back from the Other Side, and Caroline and Stefan were about to fall madly in love and make all my personal dreams come true.

Last night we saw our gang as we have seen them many times before: trying to pick up the pieces and move on. But the difference this year is that they’re not doing it together. I guess it’s true what they say about growing up: You can never go home again. But you guys? Caroline is still gonna try.

Let’s recap.

We have heard Julie Plec talk about how season six was going to be a return to TVD of seasons past (more relationship-focused, less mythology), but the proof was in the opening last night. Total season-one teaser intro. Except, PSYCH! It was just the law enforcer! Enforcing the actual law! Sherriff Forbes showed up to bust some kids for underage drinking because there was no more murder in that town to cover up.

Also, psych again. They both died. This is still The Vampire Diaries, after all. Plus 25.

Way to age with the rest of us, TVD. Sophomores? In college? Never thought I’d see the day. Plus 12. 

Elena is going to be a doctor. Look, I spent my undergraduate degree in a beret and turtleneck reading Nietzsche so I’m not totally sure, but do med students wear uniforms at a hospital? Eh, whatever. She’s trying. Also, that professor was a real asshole. Elena was just answering her question; she didn’t need to be so patronizing about it. #TeamElena (I KNOW.) Plus 8. 

Alaric is back in front of the blackboard where he belongs. How long until he starts banging one of his students? That’s legal, right? It’s just “frowned upon”? Plus 20. 

MATT TRAINING. Plus 100. You win, season six. “I must say, he’s never been better.” Then Jeremy was hooking up with some random on the couch. I love a good Jeremy Make-Out Scene. Right up there with a Tyler Bench Press Scene.

Stefan as a mechanic. The writers’ room has been totally trolling my dreams. It was just full-on Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance with him last night. Plus 30. 

Caroline is still looking for answers. Caroline still wants to get back home. Sometimes it’s hard to see Caroline’s flaws because she is, how do we say this — perfect? But remember when Caroline became a vampire and found herself? I think her identity is still very much wrapped up in MF, and the Scooby gang. I’m interested to see her evolve this season. I don’t think it’s going to be easy. Plus 9. 

I liked that Elena did the intro. I think this is going to be the season of Elena and I’m cool with that. I’ve missed her. Not just the past four months, either. I’ve missed her for a few years. Plus 40. 

“She doesn’t want to let go. I get it. I don’t want to either.” Is Elena giving herself hallucinogens to be able to see Damon? Yep, Elena is a drug addict. To be fair, I have been waiting a long time for TVD to have its “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so scared” moment. This is killer storytelling. Plus 14. 

Liv is back, which is great. I’m PRETTY sure she and her twin were responsible for Damon’s “death”? But whatever, Liv is my favorite. Plus, Tyler needs to be put in his place and I think she’s just the witch to do it. Plus 30. 

Stefan is arguing over his paycheck with Dean, the guy who owns the mechanic shop he now works at. Dean wants to know what Stefan’s going to do about the fact that Dean ripped him off, but in a stunning turn of events, Stefan does not bite and kill him. Instead, he just shuts up. Heartbreaking American stuff here. Plus 20. 

Alaric and Caroline talking about Stefan was frustrating. She hasn’t heard from Stefan in months. She’s making up stories about why he isn’t calling her. “Maybe I just need to get over it.” Get over what? Are you confessing you love him? Can you be more specific? I have not waited four months (six years) for these general, muti-purposed statements, Caroline. Minus 10.

“Look is sucks that Bonnie’s dead.” #PossibleTaglinesoftheShow

I feel you, girl. I miss Ian, too. But Drug Damon was just not cutting it for me. Also why was Elena not hallucinating them having sex? Seemed like a missed opportunity. #DelenaRainKiss Minus 10. 

Alaric being a grown up is my favorite. I ship Alaric/Adulthood hard. Plus 20. 

Get away from Stefan, Ivy. I don’t like you or your hair. I don’t think you appreciate him or his hair. So please leave. Now. Minus 10. 

(It made me really jealous when Stefan told her he liked her.) Minus another 10. 

This is great. Alaric is about to fall for the woman in charge of blood at the university. Also, he’s lost his game. Quick Q: Did Alaric ever have game? I forget. I watched Legally Blonde too many times over hiatus. #WarnerForever

Elena has been border prowling, just straight-up drinking people on the perimeter. Drugs are bad, kids. But plus 15 for Nina Dobrev and “I feel like I’m gonna die.”

False alarm. Sherriff Forbes is still protecting the vamps. Who to be clear do not even live in the town she is Sherriff of anymore. Sigh. Plus 8. 

This phone call between Stefan and Elena was really brutal. It’s hard to see them not be able to be there for one another. And it was clear Elena needed him, and Stefan just couldn’t show up for her. I’ve given him a hard time over the years about dropping everything to run to her aid, but you know he’s only in hiding because he failed as the hero; he didn’t save the one person he loves even more than the girl. Sorry, guys. Something in my eye. Plus 29. 

“This makes no sense.” —Tyler. Self-explanatory. Plus 7. 

Matt (who I’m PRETTY sure was under the guidance of Sherriff Forbes) brought the new girl to the border so Caroline could compel her. Gunning for Matt/new girl now. Plus 13.

“One call from my brother and you want to throw all this away.” It was cute how Damon smiled at the end of that. Like ha, remember when we were a love triangle? How ridiculous was that? Plus 30.

“This is good-bye, Damon. I love you. I have to let you go.” Leave it to Nina to have us sobbing in the first episode. She’s incredible. Six years in and still, no one does emotional torment like our girl. But Damon wouldn’t leave! He’s here to torment her! Her subconscious just can’t let him go! (Us either.) Plus 50.

Caroline calls Stefan and leaves diary entries on his voice mail. “We need to be together, Stefan.” I know she didn’t mean “we need to be together in a romantic sense; let’s make babies and grow old” because we’re slow burning on Steroline (RIGHT, SHOW?), but I will take what I can get. Plus 18. 

Elena wants her memory swiped. I KNEW that plotline from season four when Rebekah asked Stefan if he wanted her to take away his memories of Elena would come back. Remember how Elena begged Stefan not to forget and then Rebekah, in a cruel twist of awesome, refused to do it? For some reason I think Alaric is going to be a little more generous. Plus 40 for what is to come on this one.

Not to totally geek out but Kevin Williamson’s favorite food is pancakes and there was just something really poetic about watching Damon make them for Bonnie in the last scene of a season that is simultaneously taking us back to the beginning, and sending us on our way. I’m already feeling nostalgic and it’s only the first episode.

Where are they? How did they get there? It would make sense if it was heaven. I always assumed heaven was a carb-zone with killer lighting and Ian Somerhalder on the grill. Plus 60. Whatever we think is going on is definitely not at all what is going on and that’s the beauty of The Vampire Diaries: It’s still surprising us.

558+ We’re in the positive zone tonight. No surprise there.

I love this show. I love this recap. And I love you guys. It feels good to be back. No snark here: I missed you.

And the best part is — we’re just getting started. See you back here Thursday. And as always, if you need me: @RebeccaASerle