In Vulture’s 24 Absurd-o-Meter, we each week count down the most incredibly ridiculous (ridiculously incredible?) plot points in the last hour(s) of Jack Bauer’s crappy day. In the two-hour season finale, Bill Buchanan returned (yay!), Chloe fainted (wha?), then found out that she’s pregnant (awww!), Jack got wet (brrr!), and Russia and the United States didn’t go to war (yay!). This was a less-than-thrilling end to a less-than-thrilling season. 24’s going to be a radically different show next year, reports say, with an all-new cast (except for Kiefer) and location. CTU Los Angeles, we hardly knew ye — though we knew enough to know that ye could’ve improved your security. Still, before we head off into the sunrise and wish 24’s producers better luck tomorrow, there’s one last Absurd-o-Meter to be done.
3. Vice-President Daniels is contrite. Powers Boothe has pulled off a lot of silly things this year, from his character’s nonsensical warmongering to his kooky horndoggery. But even Boothe couldn’t pull off Daniels’s reappraisal of comatose President Wayne Palmer: “I judged his performance as president unfairly,” he growled without looking like he was reading dialogue taped to the Oval Office coffee table. And if Daniels’s belated support was meant to wrap up Palmer’s story, mission not accomplished: We still don’t know if the guy’s alive! (Or, for that matter, if President Logan is still alive either.) Absurdity factor: 5.
2. Time is broken, yet again. As though to pay tribute to the numerous previous occasions on which the show this season has flouted its real-time structure, this episode sets up Jack’s final scene with a ludicrously short car ride. It takes him ten minutes to get from the hostage-exchange offshore-oil-rig-adjacent beach to the Heller estate. Even from 5:36 a.m. to 5:46 a.m., nothing is just ten minutes away in L.A., and establishing that the Heller house is on the coast doesn’t change that. There’s a lot of coast over there. Absurdity factor: 6.
1. Wasn’t this the dumbest plan in the world? In the show’s defense, they did a thorough job explaining that it was only Crazy VP Daniels who thought giving a 16-year-old boy over to a totally untrustworthy man would make for a good hostage exchange. And yet the scheme still went forward, and having it blow up in everyone’s face drove the action of the episodes. Once again, it was up to Jack Bauer to make a little bit of sense in the face of cockamamy idiocy from the top. This familiar scenario led to the best bit of dialogue on last night’s show. White House Chief of Staff Tom Lennox: “Do you think Jack’s concerns are warranted?” National Security Adviser Karen Hayes: “Absolutely. He’s Philip Bauer’s son, and he’s been more right than we have today.” Lennox: “Well, point taken there.” Let us tell you a little something about Jack Bauer: He’s more right than anyone else. Every day. Oh, 24, we miss you already. Absurdity factor: 9. —Ben Wasserstein
By submitting your email, you agree to our
Terms and Privacy Notice
and to receive email correspondence from us. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google
Privacy Policy and
Terms of Service apply.
or
Already a subscriber?
What is your email?
This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.
Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:
Lower case letters (a-z)
Upper case letters (A-Z)
Numbers (0-9)
Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)
This password will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.
You’re in!
As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime.
or
Already a subscriber?
What is your email?
This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.
Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:
Lower case letters (a-z)
Upper case letters (A-Z)
Numbers (0-9)
Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)
This password will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.
You’re in!
As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime.
Already a subscriber?
Already a subscriber?
`;
// integrate Sub(x) scripts and elements
if (hostname !== 'subs.nymag.com') { // do not integrate on this subdomain
document.head.appendChild(trackingScript);
document.body.insertAdjacentHTML('beforeend', subXAnimationElements);
}
There was an error processing the request. Please try again later."}).catch(e=>console.error("Error verifying email: ",e)))(r.querySelector(".content"),o.bannerCTAVerification)})):(l.remove(),s.remove()),o.dismissable||n.remove(),o.useAlertIcon||a.remove(),r.classList.add("show"),n.addEventListener("click",()=>{u(),r.classList.remove("show")})}else r.remove()}});
}, {"1":1,"6":6,"12":12,"35":35,"40":40}];
window.modules["global-nav.client"] = [function(require,module,exports){"use strict";const dom=require(4),auth=require(12),signInButton=dom.find(".user-signin"),signOutButton=dom.find(".user-signout"),globalNav=dom.find('[class^="global-nav"]'),body=dom.find("body"),dropdownItems=dom.findAll(".dropdown-wrap"),gtm=require(1),appendLandingPageParams=require(135),pageUri=require(124).getPageUri(),subscriptionPromoLinks=dom.findAll(".persist-params"),searchString=window.location.search||"";function closeDropdowns(e){let n=globalNav.querySelectorAll(".dropdown.open");dropdownItems.forEach(function(t){let o=t.querySelector(".dropdown");!n||t.contains(e.target)&&27!==e.keyCode||o.classList.remove("open")})}function gtmSendReport(e,n,t){let o={eventCategory:"ecommerce",eventAction:"componentClick",brand:e,dimension23:"global-nav",list:pageUri,pageZone:"header",variant:"nav-link"};"global-nav-link"===t&&(o.eventLabel=n.href),gtm.reportNow(o)}function updateElementTargetUrlsIfQueryStrings(e){if(searchString){const n=new URLSearchParams(searchString);let t=e.href;if(t.includes("?")){const o=t.split("?"),i=new URLSearchParams(o[1]);for(let e of n.entries())i.set(e[0],e[1]);t=`${o[0]}?${i.toString()}`,e.href=t}else e.href=`${t}?${n.toString()}`}}function init(e){const n=e.querySelectorAll(".to-landing-page");window.addEventListener("auth:init",()=>{signInButton.addEventListener("click",function(e){e.preventDefault(),auth.showEmbeddedLoginFlow("top navigation")}),signOutButton.addEventListener("click",function(e){e.preventDefault(),gtmSendReport("Sign Out",e.target,"user-info-link"),auth.logout()}),auth.isAuthenticated()&&e.classList.add("signed-in"),auth.isSubscriber()&&e.classList.add("subscribed"),e.querySelectorAll(".user-link").forEach(e=>{e.classList.add("active")}),subscriptionPromoLinks.forEach(e=>{updateElementTargetUrlsIfQueryStrings(e)}),appendLandingPageParams(n)})}dropdownItems.forEach(function(e){e.addEventListener("click",function(){e.querySelector(".dropdown").classList.toggle("open")})}),body.addEventListener("click",closeDropdowns),document.addEventListener("keydown",closeDropdowns),globalNav.addEventListener("click",function(e){let n=e.target;n.classList.contains("global-nav-track")&>mSendReport(n.text,n,"global-nav-link")}),module.exports=init;
}, {"1":1,"4":4,"12":12,"124":124,"135":135}];
window.modules["aaa-module-mounting.legacy"] = [function(require,module,exports){"use strict";const _pickBy=require(221),_each=require(406),Fingerprint2=require(408),DS=require(407),Eventify=require(246);function registerGlobals(){window.DS=DS,window.Eventify=Eventify,window.Fingerprint2=Fingerprint2,DS.value("Eventify",Eventify),DS.value("Fingerprint2",Fingerprint2),DS.value("$document",window.document),DS.value("$window",window)}function mountDollarSliceComponents(){DS.service("components",["$document","$module",function(e,n){var o=_pickBy(n.definitions,e=>e.providerStrategy===n.providers.controller),r=Object.keys(o);function t(e){return o=>{try{n.get(e,o)}catch(e){logMountError(o,e)}}}_each(r,n=>{var o=e.querySelectorAll('[data-uri*="/_components/'+n+'/"]'),r=e.querySelectorAll('[data-uri$="/_components/'+n+'"]');_each(o,t(n)),_each(r,t(n))}),this.components=r}]),DS.get("components")}function logMountError(e,n){const o=e.outerHTML.slice(0,e.outerHTML.indexOf(e.innerHTML));console.error("Error attaching controller to "+o,n)}registerGlobals(),"loading"===document.readyState?document.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded",()=>{mountDollarSliceComponents()}):mountDollarSliceComponents();
}, {"221":221,"246":246,"406":406,"407":407,"408":408}];
window.modules["ads.legacy"] = [function(require,module,exports){"use strict";const _map=require(118),_forEach=require(107),_isString=require(268),_intersectionWith=require(409),_isEqual=require(274),_each=require(406),_debounce=require(182),_sortBy=require(205),page=require(124),visit=require(114);DS.service("adService",["Eventify","$cid","$document","$window",function(e,t,a,i){var o,n,s,r,d,c,u,l,g={},p=this,h=[],f=visit.getQueryParamsObject(["utm_campaign"]),m=document.querySelector('script[data-type="ad-a9"]'),b=[],w=!1,v=[],y=document.querySelector('script[data-name="ad-doubleverify"]');document.querySelector('script[data-name="concert-ads"]')||(i.NYM={},i.NYM.analytics={},i.NYM.analytics.adStartTime=i.performance.now(),i.googletag=i.googletag||{},i.googletag.cmd=i.googletag.cmd||[],u=i.googletag,(m||y)&&(i.googletag.cmd=i.googletag.cmd||[],i.googletag.cmd.push(function(){i.googletag.pubads().disableInitialLoad()})),m&&(l=i.setInterval(function(){void 0!==window.apstag&&void 0!==window.apstag.timeout&&(i.clearInterval(l),window.apstag.cleared=!0,l=null)},10),setTimeout(function(){l&&(i.clearInterval(l),i.googletag.pubads().refresh(),window.apstag||console.log("MESSAGE: Timeout for A9 load exceeded, aborting"))},500)),y&&(b.push(new Promise(function(e){w?e():v.push(e)})),c=i.setTimeout(T,2500)),o=function(e){var t,a,o=e.data,n=[];return o.loaded?e:(o.loaded=!0,t=null,(t=o.sizes?u.defineSlot(o.name,o.sizes,o.id).addService(u.pubads()):u.defineOutOfPageSlot(o.name,o.id).addService(u.pubads())).setTargeting("adid",o.id),f.hasOwnProperty("utm_campaign")&&t.setTargeting("utmcamp",f.utm_campaign),a=p.getAdCount(o.label),t.setTargeting("label",o.label+"_"+o.site+"-"+a),u.display(o.id),u.pubads().addEventListener("slotOnload",function(){i.NYM.analytics.firstAdLoadTime||(i.NYM.analytics.firstAdLoadTime=i.performance.now(),i.NYM.analytics.firstAdLoadLabel=e.data.label)}),n=_(o),Promise.all(b).then(function(){n?window.apstag&&window.apstag.cleared?window.apstag.fetchBids({slots:[n],timeout:window.apstag.timeout},function(){u.cmd.push(function(){window.apstag.setDisplayBids(),u.pubads().refresh([t],{changeCorrelator:!1})})}):y&&u.pubads().refresh([t],{changeCorrelator:!1}):u.pubads().refresh([t],{changeCorrelator:!1})}),e.slot=t,e)},n=function(e){var a,i,o,n=t(),s=e.getAttribute("data-name"),r=e.getAttribute("data-sizes"),d=e.getAttribute("data-label"),c=e.getAttribute("data-site");n=e.id,r&&r.length?(r=r.split(","),a=[],_map(r,function(e){e=e.split("x"),i=parseInt(e[0]),o=parseInt(e[1]),a.push([i,o])})):(e.classList.add("oop"),a=!1),this.data={id:n,name:s,sizes:a,loaded:!1,label:d,site:c},g[n]=this},r=function(e){u.cmd.push(function(){var t=o(e);g[e.data.id]=t})},s=function(e){var t=[];e.slot?(t=_(e))&&window.apstag&&window.apstag.cleared&&window.apstag.fetchBids({slots:[t],timeout:window.apstag.timeout},function(){u.cmd.push(function(){window.apstag.setDisplayBids(),u.pubads().refresh([e.slot],{changeCorrelator:!1})})}):e&&r(e)},u.cmd.push(function(){var e,t,o,n=page.getMeta("article:tag"),s=page.getMeta("author"),r=i.location.href,d=(e=a.head.querySelector(".head-gtm"),t=a.body.querySelector(".gtm"),e&&"top"===e.getAttribute("data-gtm")?"gtmtop":t&&"bottom"===t.getAttribute("data-gtm")?"gtmbottom":"");o=[],_forEach([n,s,d],function(e){_forEach(e.split(","),function(e){(e=e.trim().toLowerCase().replace(/\s/g,"-").replace(/\'|\’/g,"")).length&&o.push(e)})}),u.pubads().setTargeting("kw",o),u.pubads().setTargeting("entry_group",o),r=r.slice(r.lastIndexOf("/")+1),u.pubads().setTargeting("pn",r),u.companionAds().setRefreshUnfilledSlots(!0),u.pubads().enableAsyncRendering(),u.enableServices()}),this.load=r,this.create=function(e){return new n(e)},this.refresh=function(e){var t;_isString(e)?(t=this.getById(e),s(t)):s(e)},this.remove=function(e){var t=e.data.id;a.getElementById(t).innerHTML=""},this.getAdCount=function(e){var t,a=0,i=Object.keys(g);return _each(i,function(i){(t=g[i]).data.loaded&&t.data.label===e&&a++}),a},this.getById=function(e){return g[e]},d=_debounce(function(){var e={TopLeaderboard:1,RightColTopMPU:2,outOfPage:99,"homepageTakeover/TopLeaderboard":1},t=_sortBy(h,function(t){return e[t.data.label]||10});_forEach(t,function(e){return e.data.sizes?r(e):i.setTimeout(function(){r(e)},2e3)}),y&&window.PQ.cmd.push(()=>{try{window.PQ.loadSignals(["ids","bsc","vlp"],T)}catch(e){T(),console.error(`There has been an error loading Double Verify signals: ${e}`)}}),h=[]},10),this.addToPageLoadQueue=function(e){h.push(e),d()});function _(e){var t,a=e.sizes;return a=_intersectionWith(a,[[970,250],[970,90],[728,90],[300,600],[300,250],[320,100],[320,50]],_isEqual),e.sizes&&e.sizes.length&&(t={slotID:e.id,sizes:a,slotName:e.label}),t}function T(){i.clearTimeout(c),w=!0,_forEach(v,function(e){e()})}}]);
}, {"107":107,"114":114,"118":118,"124":124,"182":182,"205":205,"268":268,"274":274,"406":406,"409":409}];
window.modules["cid.legacy"] = [function(require,module,exports){"use strict";DS.service("$cid",function(){var r=Math.floor(100*Math.random());return function(){return"cid-"+ ++r}});
}, {}];
window.modules["client.legacy"] = [function(require,module,exports){"use strict";require("cid.legacy"),require("ads.legacy"),require("facebook.legacy"),require("aaa-module-mounting.legacy");
}, {"cid.legacy":"cid.legacy","ads.legacy":"ads.legacy","facebook.legacy":"facebook.legacy","aaa-module-mounting.legacy":"aaa-module-mounting.legacy"}];
window.modules["facebook.legacy"] = [function(require,module,exports){"use strict";DS.service("facebook",[function(){this.fb=function(i){window.FB&&window.FB[i].apply(this,Array.prototype.slice.call(arguments,1))}}]);
}, {}];
require=(function e(t,n,r){function s(o,u){if(!n[o]){if(!t[o]){var a=typeof require=="function"&&require;if(!u&&a)return a(o,!0);if(i)return i(o,!0);var f=new Error("Cannot find module '"+o+"'");throw f.code="MODULE_NOT_FOUND",f}var l=n[o]={exports:{}};t[o][0].call(l.exports,function(e){var n=t[o][1][e];return s(n?n:e)},l,l.exports,e,t,n,r)}return n[o].exports}var i=typeof require=="function"&&require;for(var o=0;o typeof key === 'string' && key.match(/\.legacy$/)).forEach(key => window.require(key));
}
function tryToMount(fn, el, name) {
try {
fn(el); // init the controller
} catch (e) {
const elementTag = el.outerHTML.slice(0, el.outerHTML.indexOf(el.innerHTML));
console.error(`Error initializing controller for "${name}" on "${elementTag}"`, e);
}
}
/**
* mount client.js component controllers
*/
function mountComponentModules() {
Object.keys(window.modules).filter(key => typeof key === 'string' && key.match(/\.client$/)).forEach(key => {
let controllerFn = window.require(key);
if (typeof controllerFn === 'function') {
const name = key.replace('.client', ''),
instancesSelector = `[data-uri*="_components/${name}/"]`,
defaultSelector = `[data-uri$="_components${name}"]`,
instances = document.querySelectorAll(instancesSelector),
defaults = document.querySelectorAll(defaultSelector);
for (let el of instances) {
tryToMount(controllerFn, el, name);
}
for (let el of defaults) {
tryToMount(controllerFn, el, name);
}
}
});
}
// Make sure that a `window.process.env.NODE_ENV` is available in the client for any dependencies,
// services, or components that could require it
// note: the `` value is swapped for the actual environment variable in /lib/cmd/compile/scripts.js
window.process = window.process || {};
window.process.env = window.process.env || {};
if (!window.process.env.NODE_ENV) {
window.process.env.NODE_ENV = '';
}
// note: legacy controllers that require legacy services (e.g. dollar-slice) must
// wait for DOMContentLoaded to initialize themselves, as the files themselves must be mounted first
mountLegacyServices();
mountComponentModules();
// ]]
