How to get through this

Americans disheartened by this year’s election results may find themselves in a 2016 redux. Facing yet another Donald Trump presidency, you might be asking yourself: How do I cope? How will I steel myself to do it all over again for the next four years? This time around, Trump and his allies have vowed to deport millions of people, fire civil servants and appoint loyalists in their stead, and further restrict abortion access. These policies are genuinely distressing and can feel overwhelming for the many millions of people who will be affected by them.

But it is not 2016. Having a clear-eyed plan for how you’ll handle what lies ahead is more protective than succumbing to despair. You can take the lessons learned to buttress your coping skills and avoid psychological exhaustion to make it through the coming days — and the next four years.

In the immediate aftermath of the election results, you may be flooded with emotions ranging from despair to rage. “You can’t suppress those emotions of fear and despair. You have to process them,” says Adrienne Heinz, a clinical research psychologist at Stanford University. “When you finally accept how you feel and the reality, you can start to focus on what you can change.”

Processing emotions requires quiet time with your thoughts. It’s important in this moment to tune out distractions, like social media, and resist avoidant coping strategies, such as sleeping or doomscrolling, and sit with your feelings instead — whether out in nature or while meditating in your living room.

“Right now, we probably don’t have very high distress tolerance — we’re maxed out,” Heinz says. “But just remembering those emotions don’t last forever. They might feel like they’re going to eat you and swallow you whole, but if you can walk through them and come out the other side, you will be more emotionally intelligent.”

You may want to seek out a trusted friend or a mental health professional to help you work through some of your feelings, says Riana Elyse Anderson, an associate professor at Columbia University’s School of Social Work. However, give yourself permission to mute group chats with friends if the conversation or information shared feels overwhelming.

Instead of worrying about what’s to come, hard as that may be, ground yourself in the present. Remind yourself that the tree on your lawn is still there, that the bus is still following its route, says licensed clinical social worker Jneé Hill. Squirrels are still scurrying along. “Life is still going on,” Hill says.

She also recommends spending time with children who generally have other concerns — they’re more interested in the book fair they just visited or the new move they learned in karate. This can bring you back into the present moment. Don’t forget to lean into joy wherever you can — this is what refills your energy stores.

Although the country has clarity on its next president, there are still plenty of unknowns about what exactly will unfold over the next four years. Uncertainty breeds anxiety, research shows, so it’s understandable to feel uneasy.

Daniel Hunter, founder of Choose Democracy, an organization that provides resources to help Americans prepare for an undemocratic power grab, says his experience in activism has taught him that the solution isn’t to bury your head in the sand or jump to the worst-case scenario. Try not to paint a narrative of the future based on assumptions.

“Consciously engage in that uncertainty and hold there are things we don’t know,” he says. “We can grieve for the things we know, and we can grieve for the things we don’t know, the things we’re not certain about. But that’s different than telling ourselves a story.”

Trump’s first administration was a near-daily blitz of chaotic headlines, Hunter says. “Trump would announce at 3 am some new policy that had never been discussed before,” he says. “Then people would feel like we have to react and do something about that. What it meant was we stayed in a constant state, or near-constant state, of Trump setting the agenda.”

This time around, try to be more measured and targeted with your reactions, Hunter says. Use moments of outrage to ask yourself what you feel inspired to do and what you’d like to accomplish, “and continue to press forward on those things, regardless of a political context,” he says. Hunter points to the effectiveness of the so-called Muslim ban protests, which communicated the public’s outrage over the policy at airports across the country. “The disruption that happened in the airports,” he says, “was a major piece of putting the pressure on in a material way.”

In a similar vein, instead of devoting your attention to things you have no power to change, like the enactment of specific policies or Cabinet appointments, Heinz says to focus on what you do have control over. Choose one issue that resonates with you and find ways to get involved locally. “It might be organizing something at the grassroots level to support new families who need child care,” Heinz says. “It could be going to a city council meeting to talk about housing.”

You can also consider areas where you don’t feel like you have total control, Hill says. “Are you not feeling in control of your livelihood, of your safety, your security, just being able to go out and not be attacked or injured?” The question to then ask is, what can you control to make yourself feel safer during this moment? Perhaps that’s spending more time with friends in your home. “Maybe I want to spend some time beautifying and taking care of it,” Hill says.

Social isolation can make you feel fatigued and emotionally exhausted, studies suggest. Lonely people may also be less trusting of others, another study found. Surrounding yourself with people you love can bring comfort, Heinz says. The morning the race was called, Hunter texted a few friends to make plans to get together and commiserate, cry, laugh.

Knowing your neighbors and finding local groups of people who champion the same causes as you can help you form community. Anderson recommends Mobilize to find events and volunteer opportunities near you. Think about what makes you feel like you’ve made a difference in the world. Is it protesting? Working with a mutual aid organization? Making dinner for your elderly neighbor? Ask yourself what issue in your town or city matters the most to you and how you could make an impact there. “Getting people in person with each other is how we’re going to be able to show up for each other and also get the work done more effectively,” Anderson says.

Authoritarianism is fueled by fear, isolation, and perceived helplessness, Heinz says. “That combination ultimately leads to psychological exhaustion,” she says. But throwing yourself completely into resistance mode will ultimately lead to burnout. On the other end of the spectrum, there will be moments when you want to curl up in bed and shut out the world, but that isn’t an effective long-term strategy, either.

To keep from full emotional exhaustion, you need to set boundaries. “We need psychological boundaries,” Hunter says, “not on our phones all the time, spaces where we’re not talking about it.”

Take time to rest and recuperate, but don’t disengage. Set time limits on your news consumption, but don’t avoid it completely. Balance upsetting coverage with good news, stories of progress, and examples of people who have gone through tragedy and made it to the other side. Support those you love and stand together with your community to protect others.

“How we live [is] not really a question that’s intrinsically tied to a political outcome,” Hill says. “Obviously, it has real-life impact, globally and personally, but that philosophical question of how you live your life is not something that can be dictated by other people.”