The Rise of the Surprise Wedding

From the couple’s attire to the reception design to the uniquely meaningful words exchanged in vows, there are plenty of happy surprises that occur throughout a wedding day. But some brides and grooms are taking the concept of a big reveal one big step further. Surprise weddings are on the rise. And why not? Many couples are absolutely ecstatic to forgo the traditional nuptial route, with all its stressful planning, and excite friends and family with an invite to an off-the-cuff celebration. Though most of us haven’t experienced this kind of surprise wedding–aside from watching the Season One finale of Girls–those in the business of getting hitched share that it’s not so uncommon, especially among couples who have been together for a long time, are remarrying, or had plans postponed due to the pandemic. A few of these surprise weddings might even happen the same day as the proposal! But even if a couple has been plotting the big day in secret, the element of surprise guarantees that they’ll kick off their marriage with a bang.

“It made sense for us,” shares Carla Hinman, who hosted a joint 40th-birthday celebration-turned-destination wedding in the Bahamas, with 80 guests in attendance. “We'd been together since our early twenties, started a family, and then got engaged. We never prioritized a big, traditional wedding. The pandemic pushed things out even further and gave us the liberty to take a non-traditional approach to the celebration.” After hosting a small secret ceremony back home that allowed older family members to join, the couple threw a multi-day friends-only bash with the ceremony taking place within the first hour of their evening event. The bride swapped her pink sequin ensemble for a wedding gown and her planning team assembled an aisle as a live band brought dancing guests out of the venue. She reflects, “Approaching the planning with the mindset that this was a birthday party with some vows thrown in took a lot of the pressure off and just made it fun—best decision besides marrying each other.”

While some couples, like the Hinmans, strategize their surprise events months in advance with the aid of a full-service planning team, others say their decisions to wed were spontaneous. After touring venues and feeling like nothing clicked, Katherine Killough realized she wanted her wedding to be an intimate dinner hosted in her parents’ backyard. Luckily, the next day was her engagement party at that exact location. She asked her fiancé, “Why don’t we just get married tomorrow?” After roping in a photographer friend to take pictures and an officiant who had a last-minute cancellation, the plan was set. The couple revealed their intentions to a select group of loved ones ahead of the 60-person event and gave everyone a huge, joyous jolt as they emerged to exchange vows. “We missed some family and friends, but the ones who were there were so caught up in the moment,” Killough shares. “Everyone was so emotional and love was in the air.”

Decorator and writer Julia Millay Walsh also swapped her engagement party plans for a surprise wedding. She’d been planning a stylish affair at the West Palm Beach home of a friend and decided to make it the main event after beginning to feel the burden of hosting a traditional celebration. “Two weeks before the engagement party—feeling frustrated with the stress of wedding planning—my now-husband and I decided to turn our engagement party into a wedding,” explains Walsh. “I had been in talks with the Norton Museum of Art in West Palm Beach for several weeks and was moments away from signing a contract. We didn’t tell anyone except a couple of family members—not even my friend who was the hostess!”

Luckily, the process of designing linens, florals, and a custom monogram was already well underway. “We had already done a lot of planning for the engagement party, but decided to supercharge it with some extra-special details like a surprise world-renowned trombone player who led everyone over to the ceremony.” Walsh notes the energy from the surprise was worth the change of plans. She adds, “As one friend said, ‘There’s engagement-party buzz...and then there is oh-my-gosh-this-is-a-wedding buzz.’”

While it might not be as heavy of a lift as a traditional wedding, there are some challenges that come with hosting a big surprise. “It adds several layers of complexity to the usual challenges of wedding production,” shares Becca Atchison of Rebecca Rose Events. “Not only is it critical to maintain complete discretion and secrecy in advance, it’s also imperative to create an invitation that compels guests to attend the party in the first place.”

Planners Bianca Hall and Erica Vanco of Estera Events advise that there are some rules to follow when preparing for this sort of celebration. Their first tip? “Commit to the secret—our clients didn't tell their family what was happening until the day of the wedding in order to ensure that it didn't slip,” they say. If you need to enlist some planning help outside of professionals, bring in a trusted friend or family member that you know will stay mum. It’s also fine to spill to (then swear into secrecy) certain out-of-town guests you really want to attend. Beth Williams, who helped orchestrate her daughter’s 100-guest surprise wedding at the Hotel Chelsea, said the couple told immediate family and friends who lived in Los Angeles ahead of the day. “We feared they might not make the cross-country trip for a party,” she explains.

Next, allow guests time to arrive. “Give guests a 30- to 45-minute buffer between the start of the event and the ceremony,” Hall and Vanco advise. “If guests don't know there’s going to be a ceremony, they aren't likely to arrive right on time.” They also recommend passing hors d’oeuvres during this waiting period, elaborating that “if guests are going to be standing and cocktailing pre-ceremony, you need to make it feel like a true cocktail party!” Their final rule? “Have a rehearsal. Even if there aren't many individuals that are in on the secret, have those individuals practice the night before or earlier that day—you want to ensure the entire process is smooth and choreographed.” After all, you want that big reveal to have a wedding-worthy impact.