Roll Out the Red Carpet for Bald Ann Dowd

Photo: Maridelis Morales Rosado

Ann Dowd is an acclaimed American actress whose credits include Hereditary, The Leftovers, and The Handmaid’s Tale. Bald Ann Dowd is an X persona represented by an image of the Emmy-winning performer, Photoshopped to be hairless, who might be an even greater celebrity to the very-online set. The person behind the avatar is, to the surprise of the majority of her audience, a 25-year-old woman named Alison Sivitz. (“The first time I posted a photo of my face, there was widespread shock of ‘Wait, you’re not a gay guy,’” she says). She is powered by an AMC A-list membership, several streaming subscriptions, and an insatiable desire to gab. Sometimes fangirl, sometimes cultural critic, Sivitz consistently goes viral for her opinions on Ann Dowd and not–Ann Dowd–related films, TV, music, and more. GQ calls her a “Twitter oracle.” Hollywood performers dream of her approval. (“Still processing the fact that English Teacher got the coveted Bald Ann Dowd endorsement,” Brian Jordan Alvarez, the creator and star of FX’s English Teacher, posted.) She recently had to turn off X notifications because they made her phone short-circuit.

Sivitz started gaining traction last fall after tweeting obsessively about Oppenheimer, which she has seen ten times in theaters and nearly 15 times in total. Although her devotion to Ann Dowd spans years — “A couple times a year, I would change my display to Ann Dowd Updates, and nobody cared at all,” she tells me — Bald Ann Dowd was officially launched during a ten-month stint back home in Pittsburgh, where she was staying while her dad underwent cancer treatment. “My mom had just had cancer the year prior,” she says. “So it was a back-to-back shitty situation.” She spent her days watching True Detective. When Dowd appeared in the season finale, random inspiration struck. “When I’m very anxious, I tend to pull my hair out. I don’t know why those two things meshed in my brain, but I tweeted on my private account, ‘Can someone Photoshop Ann Dowd bald for me?’” Her friend Lachlan pulled through, and the rest is history.

Photo: Maridelis Morales Rosado

Tell me about your history with Ann Dowd.
She’s one of our great line readers. My mom and I watched The Handmaid’s Tale during the pandemic, and she blew me away. She was so mean and ruthless, and just everything about how she projects her voice … incredible performance, truly. I’ve seen the big four — Hereditary, The Leftovers, True Detective, and The Handmaid’s Tale — and I need to go back and watch her earlier films. Hereditary is one of my favorite horror movies. I love to watch her.

To your knowledge, does the real Ann Dowd know you exist?
Someone on Twitter said they know a guy who works with her husband and told her husband about me. So through that line, she maybe has found out. I hope she knows that it’s all love. I have a recurring nightmare that she’s mad at me.

Are there other public figures you adore as much as Ann Dowd?
Bill Hader. I have a shirt that says “Directed by Bill Hader” that was dirty, but I would have worn it for this photo shoot if it had been clean. He’s truly the best, and I do worry that someday he will see the amount of times that I’ve said how great I think he is online and think I’m a freak.

Prior to Bald Ann Dowd, what did you use X for?
I’ve had my account since 2011, or when I was 11. It was a Justin Bieber fan account, then a One Direction fan account, then it was just my personal Twitter. I changed my birthday on X in college and got banned. My mom had to submit a picture of her license with a note saying she oversaw my account when I was underage because they realized that I was not 13 when I made it.

In high school and college, I got into comedy. I’ve always had a real obsession with SNL. I loved John Mulaney’s stand-up so much. And then I found out a few years later that he had co written Stefon with Bill Hader, who’s my favorite man on earth. Later on, I found the NYU people like Rachel Sennott and Ayo Edebiri.

Who are some of the Bald Ann Dowd fans you’ve been most surprised by?
Rachel Zegler tweeted about me — that was wild. She said something along the lines of “I want to queen out with Tim Walz and Bald Ann Dowd.” I woke up and I had, like, a million DMs. It was like an Amber Alert. When he deleted Twitter, Joel Kim Booster posted on his Instagram Story, “Does anyone know if Bald Ann Dowd is on Instagram?” People send it to me so fast. So I DM’d him, and we’ve been chatting.

What are your current cultural obsessions?
I saw A Real Pain at an early screening at the New York Film Festival. Loved it. Kieran Culkin is one of our great actors. My favorite character in recent memory is Roman Roy. I love people who are fucked up in a way that maybe you can’t put your finger on. We Live in Time was also very good, but it did give me a panic attack. Anyone who has a close relationship to cancer, I would recommend maybe not seeing it. The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast I’ve been absolutely loving. And the album Charli by Charli XCX — “Gone” with Christine and the Queens is such a good song. I have a plan to watch Twin Peaks. I’ll get back to you.

Photos: Maridelis Morales Rosado.

Photos: Maridelis Morales Rosado.

What’s been the biggest Bald Ann Dowd controversy?
I tweeted off-the-cuff that straight Kristen Stewart is a recession indicator. I know she’s a bisexual woman, as am I. She was one of the people who made me realize I was bisexual. Snail Mail put that tweet on her Story and was like, “Don’t clown on this movie. It’s really good.” It was weird having to explain to my parents what the phrase Snail Mail–Bald Ann Dowd beef means. For a long time, people were calling Snail Mail biphobic because of her thing with Phoebe Bridgers. And people would respond to my tweet being like, “Of course a straight man would say this.” There’s a joke that I’m biphobic. So I think we should band together and just be two people in the public eye who were called biphobic.

How would you describe your fashion sense?
Most days, I wear a blue button-down shirt and my jeans and a pair of sneakers — very, like, classic-chill. Alexa Chung is my favorite. The best haircut I’ve ever had, weirdly, was in, like, 2019. I watched so many Alexa Chung videos in a row that I was like, I need her hair length. And then I tried to cut my own hair, and it was so lopsided, so I needed my roommate to even it out. And then my mom evened it out. It ended up looking great.

Who are your favorite directors?
A few quick ones: Bong Joon Ho, Luca Guadagnino, Sean Baker, Stanley Kubrick, Ari Aster, Céline Sciamma, Julia Ducournau, Greta Gerwig, and A.V. Rockwell.

You tweeted in response to someone’s revelation that Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff dated “we’re losing the sacred texts.” What are your sacred texts?
The PowerPoint about Jack Antonoff, Lena Dunham, and Lorde. Cher’s “I need to shoot my phone” and “what’s going on with my career” posts. The culmination of everything I love is the Documentary Now! episode where Bill Hader and Fred Armisen do a parody of Talking Heads’ Stop Making Sense. The Lonely Island’s “Spring Break Anthem.” Preacher’s Daughter by Ethel Cain; it’s a very strange feeling to listen to an album that just came out and know that it’s one of your favorite albums of all time.

What would be your Bald Ann Dowd “I made it” moment?
I think finding my way into a writers’ room would be very cool. And I really want to make it to the live taping of the John Mulaney–Chappell Roan SNL show.

Photo: Maridelis Morales Rosado