Fug Girls: The Fashion Week Awards

Another February, another Fashion Week. This one felt extra special, because it was — as you may have heard — the last one held in Bryant Park. But despite the week’s nostalgic haze, we managed to keep a gimlet eye on all the blurry goings-on (and a blurry eye on our gimlets). Per usual, after so many shows and countless typed words about celebrities both major and terribly minor, we have some commendations and condemnations to dispense. If we had a trophy to give, this year’s would be shaped like a person falling asleep in bed with a laptop and a Diet Coke. You know, for veracity.

The New Sophia Bush Award:
Frankly, we’re just bummed that Sophia Bush herself is barely Sophia Bush anymore; she went to the barest handful of shows this season. But for most of the week, you couldn’t throw a bagel without hitting Alison Brie of Community and Mad Men, clearly making the most of her nascent fame. (We just hope she goes back home to Pete soon. Bad things happen when Trudy leaves Pete at home alone.) Honorable mention: Maggie Rizer, who must be awfully excited about her red hair, as we haven’t seen her out this much since … ever.

Weirdest New Couple:
We have no idea if Tinsley Mortimer and Constantine Maroulis are actually dating, but they palled around this week acting awfully chummy — including some coy non-denials and one “We’re just really close friends.” It might be fine if Constantine didn’t look quite so much like a lady-chewing vampire. This post-Topper universe is a strange one.

Best-Looking in Person:
It’s a tie, and between two very different women at that. But both Christina Hendricks and Kelly Osbourne are seriously great looking, with lovely figures, making all of the media yammering about each of their bodies feel even more pointless.

Worst-Looking in Person:
We’re not saying Ana de la Reguera, actress and CoverGirl spokesperson, isn’t attractive. She totally is. But we thought CoverGirl was all about the appearance of naturalness, yet De La Reguera had more visible slap on her face than a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race. With those genes, she doesn’t need to work so hard.

Oddest Makeup Choice:
There’s nothing wrong with needing to put on your eyebrows, so to speak. But it’s really weird if you, like the woman near us at Tommy Hilfiger, choose not to draw them on until you are in your seat at a fashion show. Isn’t that what the subway is for?

Dress We Most Want to See at the Oscars:
Christian Siriano finished his show with an eruption of fuchsia ruffles that would look absolutely stunning — not to mention deliciously dramatic — on, say, Sandra Bullock or Anna Kendrick. Or Vera Farmiga. Or Kristen Stewart. Or George Clooney. Or anyone with a pulse.

Celeb We Wish Had Come to the Shows:
After that D&G disaster at the Grammys, it’s indubitable that Britney Spears needs a fashion renaissance. (Again.) This week offered her two possible modernized takes on our best visual memories of her, which we desperately wish she would add to her wardrobe. Getting her in one of DNKY’s pleated minis could neatly reference her ” … Baby One More Time” halcyon days, but with a much-needed chic and grown-up edge. And remember when Britney came back from her downward spiral in a short, silver stunner to collect some VMAs? Monique Lhuillier showed some adorable minidresses that would make stunning follow-ups to that. Somebody hook a sister up, please.

Best Mistaken Identity:
At Tommy Hilfiger, we looked across the tent and said to ourselves, “Oh, there’s Anne Hathaway’s ex-boyfriend.” Except no, because as far as we know, Rafaello Follieri is still in prison, and we don’t think they give compassion parole for fashion shows.

Best Quote We Overheard:
“If I hadn’t gone there for REHAB, I mean, it’s a BEAUTIFUL city,” said a girl in one of the many lounges at the tents — right before making a beeline for her third glass of free Champagne. She also said loudly, “I CHOSE Canada; I didn’t want to go to rehab in, like, HOUSTON,” knocked over several things, and may have blown a sure-thing pickup from a cute guy by announcing that her childhood nickname involved the word “smelly.” Oh, kid. Thankfully, an hour later, we breezed past and noticed she’d switched to water.

Best Reality Show in the Making:
A year and a half ago, we gave this crown to André Leon Talley and Venus Williams, on the strength of the two shows they attended together. But there might be an even better one brewing: ALT and Whoopi Goldberg, who were each other’s dates to Calvin Klein. It would be classic Odd Couple chemistry: ALT would storm out of the bedroom wearing one of his giant fur-sleeve capes, and Whoopi would throw a Doc Marten at him and then cock an eyebrow at the camera. Perfect. Where can we sell this thing?

Best Free Booze:
The folks at J.Mendel know how to coddle tired bloggers and editors. While we drank in their soothing presentation of beautiful gowns and cocktail dresses, we also imbibed free splits of Moët with a helpful little funnel poking out the top for more genteel sipping. We appreciate anyone who wants to help us take the edge off with minimum spillage.

Favorite Show:
How can we choose? It was wonderful to attend Tommy Hilfiger and experience the last show at the Tents in Bryant Park. We always love Betsey Johnson’s joie de vivre. And Oscar de la Renta was, as always, simply glorious.

The Show at Which We Most Feared for Our Lives:
Usually, there is at least one show where we’re pretty sure we’re going to perish in a fiery conflagration. This year, the end came not in fire, but with ice. The folks at Diesel made the mistake of deciding to make their guests wait for a not-inconsiderable amount of time outside, in a snowstorm, during which time a huge pile of snow dumped itself onto the heads of some of the amassed editors. Ouch. Maybe save the courtyard waiting rooms for September, guys.

Best Multitasker:
Vera Wang’s show ended at about 11:45 a.m. on Tuesday. She then flew to Vancouver to watch Evan Lysacek — whose figure-skating costumes she designs — perform in the men’s Olympic short program. And then Wednesday, she appeared on the Today show at approximately 5 a.m. West Coast time. She even spoke in complete sentences and didn’t face-plant into Al Roker’s lap. Which begs the question: When does this woman sleep?

Person We Are Saddest to Have Missed:
The blizzard delayed our flight, preventing us from seeing Joan mother-f’ing Collins walking in the Heart Truth show. We’re also bummed that we didn’t go to Rodarte, because we would have gotten to eyeball Kirsten Dunst, who always looks like she’d be a good time. But … come on. JOAN COLLINS. The universe must be angry at us. Did we insult its pants or something?

Greatest Victory:
Despite knowing they were slated to attend a variety of events, and greatly fearing an omnipresence to rival that of the Real Housewives, we never once saw a Jersey Shore cast member in the flesh (we were personally spared JWOWW at the Kardashians’ Bebe show). And so the apocalypse has been staved off another day.