The Fug Girls Present Their Biannual Fashion Week Awards for the Fourth Time

Just when we thought Fashion Week held no more surprises, we discovered that, as usual, we were wrong. After all, if sharing air space with K-Fed, J.Lo, and Liza Minnelli (L.Mi?) wasn’t enough to shake us out of our jaded, hard-hearted cynicism for a moment, nothing is. And though the last eight days were often exhausting and occasionally eye-crossing, they were also, as ever, tremendously fun. Here are a few highlights:

Weirdest Musical Statement. Part of the soundtrack at Hervé Léger was the music from Rosemary’s Baby. Because what’s more comfortable than a skintight bandage dress when you’re gestating Satan’s baby?

Best Show of Support for an Ex. We hoped against hope that Jennifer Lopez would arrive to watch the Sean John show, thereby wrapping up this category and giving us heady flashbacks to the days when she was crazy-trashy. Alas, Mrs. Lopez Noa Judd Anthony did not show, meaning the title officially goes to Lance Armstrong and Tory Burch for their incredibly awkward pas de deux of noticing yet avoiding each other at her presentation.

Most Unexpected Trend. Shows starting on time. Oscar de la Renta, Thakoon, and Jonathan Saunders all got going promptly, leaving many an editor, a reporter, and a Fugger standing around cursing. Heck, even Marc Jacobs kicked off only twenty minutes late. That’s the equivalent of anyone else showing a day early.

Most Welcome Trend. In a season where we saw several models so skinny we thought they might shatter, it was heartening that so many healthy-looking starlets — Sophia Bush, Mandy Moore, an unexpectedly bootylicious Minka Kelly — flew the flag for curvy girls by looking fabulous in just about everything, no matter how tight. Thank you, ladies.

Rumor We Plan to Start. After Proenza Schouler, we passed by Brooke Shields while she was giving an interview that seemed to be about maternitywear — how it often seems to sacrifice fabrics and/or fashion for comfort. Does this mean she might jump into clothing design herself? Each outfit could come with its own packet on postpartum depression as a special little up-yours to Tom Cruise.

Rumor We May Have Correctly Started. After seeing Teen Vogue’s Lisa Love — better known as L.C. and Whitney’s onetime boss on The Hills — at Y-3 with Vincent Gallo, we swore they looked cozy enough to be dating. We’ve since learned Love just shot a film with Gallo, so it almost certainly was her holding hands with Mr. Brown Bunny. If only it had happened in time for him to terrorize the girls with a Hills cameo.

Rumor We Are Too Lazy to Substantiate. It’s old news that celebrities are sometimes paid to attend shows — shocking! — but for the first time we heard rumblings of a dollar amount. Word had it that Hervé Léger’s happy starlets each pocketed as much as $20,000 for the right to wrap themselves in a bandage dress, hold their breath for an hour, and watch the clothes come down the runway. Nice work if you can get it. And frankly, thank God they do, or else we’d be out of a job.

Best-Dressed PR Girls. While most of the PR girls we’ve dealt with this week have been lovely to us personally, the girls at Michael Kors were also lovely externally, being unusually well dressed this year. We don’t know if he’s giving them a dress allowance or what, but they all looked mad chic.

Worst Show Etiquette. This field is full of strong contenders — we seem to see more brazen seat-snatching and gift-bag-stealing every season. But we have to hand it to the man we sat next to at Ports 1961, who actually took a cell phone call during the show and had a rather detailed conversation before saying, “Hey, can I call you back? I’m kind of busy right now.”

Worst Pre- or Postshow Etiquette. Does no one hold doors anymore? More than once we witnessed legendary Daily Telegraph fashion director Hilary Alexander — who limped around on a cane this week — get shoved aside or jostled backward. We held a door for her at the tents one afternoon, and she thanked us kindly while grumping that everyone else was being totally douchey. Albeit not in those exact words. We suggested she start beating them with her cane, so watch out.

Most Overlooked Celebrity. About fifteen minutes before Karen Walker’s show began, we noticed a guy who looked shockingly like Justin Theroux in a fedora and dark shades being escorted inside. Once we shook off our alarm at the plumber’s crack that was visible when he took his front-row seat, our certainty increased, as did our surprise that absolutely nobody came over to take Theroux’s picture. We are loath to acknowledge Cory Kennedy even exists, but there she was, getting fawned over by the Japanese media while a dude who has actual talent — and gets paid to use it — sat ignored to her right. If not fully a sign of the apocalypse, it might at least be an omen that it’s going to rain really hard.

Most Succinct Commentary. While pointing down to the front row at Max Azria, the girl in front of us hissed to her friend, “See that beautiful blonde girl? She never changes her sheets, and she has an eating disorder.”

Most Cutting Commentary. Upon seeing Fergie drift toward her Max Azria seat in huge sunglasses, despite the darkened room, one girl sneered, “Covering up her meth face. Why else would she be wearing those?”

Cutest Proof That the Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree. At Calvin Klein, we spotted photographer Gilles Bensimon sitting next to an adorable little girl in a school uniform, whom we assume is one of his daughters, because she too was holding a camera. We squealed.

Best Realization We Were Wrong. At Marchesa, we saw designer Keren Craig from a gazillion different angles, but never straight-on. So we thought she was wearing a thick satin dress over pants and, after we woke up from fainting, chastised her accordingly. But photographs later proved it was instead a long jacket. All is right with the world. And we owe her a drink.

Most Surprising Absence. Where the heck were the Gossip Girl girls? We know Taylor Momsen went to Erin Fetherston and one other show, but we thought for sure we’d get a glimpse of Blair and Serena. Sure, their show isn’t currently on the air because of the strike, but doesn’t that mean they should be out drumming up more press? Also: Don’t they understand that we need to ask them what’s going to happen with Chuck?!?!!? Ah, well. Maybe in September. See you then! —The Fug Girls