This is how I envisioned the first apple harvest from my own small apple trees would be.
Sitting on a lush field of green surrounded by antique wicker baskets spilling with fresh, crisp apples. These apples would magically transform themselves into pies. Obviously. As I floated across the grass towards home, wicker basket nestled in the crook of my arm, I'd glance over my shoulder at the wonder of the world that created this feast of sweet fruit. . Also I would look super-cute.
This is how it actually was.
Sorry to shatter the dream.
I did end up getting slightly more than one apple from my very first true apple harvest but it wasn't much more than one. I got 11 apples. Of the 6 varieties I grow I managed to salvage 2 varieties. The rest were stolen by a band of ne're do well squirrels.
In defence of my dream, the apples I did get were gorgeous. Big, healthy fruit without a single blemish. My main harvest was of Jonagolds, a sweet eating apple with a barely there tartness.
How did this happen? How did I go from 70 apples on my tree to 11?
This is a Typical Small Apple Tree Harvest
Like this:
- In early June I thinned my apples to one apple per cluster to improve the quality of my apples.
- After thinning I was left with 70 apples on my 2, small espalier trees.
- Every apple was bagged with a ventilated plastic bag to keep disease and critters off of them.
- Early July I noticed the apples were so hot in their bags because of our scorching summer that the skin on some of them was scalded, so I removed the bags.
- Enter critters, stage left.
- One morning in late July I glanced out my kitchen window to see an apple sitting on my neighbour's fence. Weird. I wonder why she left that there.
- The next morning I found an apple under my tomato plant.
- That night I found a half eaten apple in the middle of the road.
- A few days later, looking down upon me from my roof was a squirrel. With an apple.
- This continued off and on for the next few weeks until I finally tangled my espalier trees up with deer fencing so squirrels couldn't get to my apples.
- And then I found more apples scattered around the neighbourhood.
- I tightened up the knot of fencing around my trees and hoped for the best. Squirrels are more tenacious than you might think. And smarter. And hungrier.
By the end of the season I had 11 apples left.
When you consider both the size of the trees and myself there's really no reason to be disappointed. I can only eat so many apples and wouldn't have anywhere to keep baskets upon baskets of them for long term storage anyway.
So really it's kind of a good thing that I only got 11 apples. Although a few bushels may have been just the nudge I needed to move to an actual farm where I'd have farmhands neatly lined up in military trenches ready to shoot squirrels.
When I first picked my apples I shared a picture of them on Instagram and everyone wanted to know if I had picked these apples myself WHY would they have stickers on them???
Good question.
Before picking the apples I put a sticker on them to indicate which type they were so I wouldn't get them confused. J for Jonagold, M for McIntosh and ? for Don't know what the hell this one is, I found it on the ground.
My 9 apples are now stored safely in my refrigerator. Only 9 because I ate two of them. If I don't force myself to eat them right away, I'm the type of person who will continue to save these few apples I'm so very proud of, until they just rot into a liquid puddle of squoo at the bottom of my fridge.
I shall now formulate a plan to get me through next year's harvest with at least 30 apples and no dead squirrels.
I've already taken care of the most important part of it all - I've ordered a new vintage apple picking dress.
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
After losing most of my pumpkins to squirrels gnawing on them 2 summers ago, last summer I spread bird netting over the top of the pumpkin patch and the birdhouse gourds to protect them (I found swearing wasn't enough to keep them away). I had to prop wooden stakes underneath the netting that were tall enough to put enough distance between the pumpkins and the netting (so the squirrels couldn't snuggle up to it and leave chew marks on the pumpkins through the netting), and it was very effective. Last fall I got a new neighbor who decided there were too many squirrels competing with the grouse he was feeding in his yard, so he thinned them out quite a bit (the squirrels, not the grouse). This summer with a greatly reduced squirrel population I didn't have to put netting on anything, although by next summer their numbers will probably have recovered. I do occasionally find apples the few surviving squirrels have sampled and thrown over the fence from my other neighbor's yard. I will admit I miss sitting on the patio and watching "squirrel TV".
Reminds me of the great tomato pilferage of 1998 (or some late 90s / early 00s year, but 1998 sounds good). I planted several tomato plants in our back yard and one morning I looked out and all the way along the top fence boards of our 200' deep lot was a tomato with a bite taken out of it, and another, and another, and another, and another. Stupid friggin' squirrels pretty much stripped my tomato plants bare. If they wanted to eat a dozen of them, fine. But no. They had to take a bite out of each one of them and leave them on my fence to taunt me. Evil bastards. We live trapped and relocated a couple dozen of those bad boys to a wooded area ironically close to where we now live so their descendants can torment me by digging up my flower beds and planters.
I'll have to tell you about the time we live trapped pigeons in the back yard and the traumatic outcome of that, which has scarred me for life.
People say nature is wonderful, but really nature is just an asshole. ~ karen!
Oh my goodness I am sick with envy. The one apple I ever got was the size of a persimmon. The last holdout from my apple tree planting venture 4 years ago gave up the ghost this summer. I think I have to accept that zone 2 is just not meant for apples. My CRABAPPLE tree died over the winter.
Karen, you have beautiful, well-groomed apples. I am both jealous and impressed.
Ugh damn rats with cute tails and just as much mange! They steal my green tomatoes and leave them on my fence. They also dig up my garlic and any attempt at kale. Or that could be the Mama raccoon living in my neighbour's shed... But I did see a squirrel running away with an orange tomato, right before I tried pelting it with rocks.
Good lord, those are some amazing baby blues ya got there girl...
I feel your pain and then some...the squirrels stole all of our apples except 1. Everyone that came into our backyard at the end of August commented on the one beautiful apple left on the tree. What were we going to do with it?! Share it five ways of course...hopefully 5 equal parts as the kids get squirrelly (pun intended) when things aren't exactly fair. Then, one fateful day in September my daughter went out to play and immediately came back inside and accused me of eating "the Apple". It wasn't me, I swear. Blasted squirrels.
Looking forward to hear your solution to the squirrels vs. apples dilemma! I was going to put all the apples in baggies, but never got around to it. Sounds like it's a good thing with the hot summer we had this year.
I don't know about those squirrels, maybe set up a critter cam so you can watch them steal your apples, little buggairs. Yeah, outside of a squirrel proof cage what can you do, eh?
but I do agree your apples are gorgeous. I could see me biting into a sun-warmed one right off that cute little espaliered tree. (after using my wrinkled shirt to wipe off any residual squirrel drool and schmutz)
Squirrels are arseholes. She said, stroking her squirrelskin pyjamas.....
I love reading your blog. You truly make me laugh.
Hey, at least you got 11! I finally had 40 peaches mature on my little tree one year. Noticed a couple were "tasted" so I tied the remaining ones up with individual squares of garden fleece. Came back to check on harvest a couple of days later and there was NOT. ONE. PEACH. One piece of the fleece lying under the tree, and some of the string left on the branches.
This was the year after I had put a screen cage around the whole tree, with the bottom staked into the ground all around, and rocks around the edge. Something got in there without leaving a trace and stole all that year's fruit too (no, not humans).
I no longer have a peach tree.
I have the same problem with squirrels in my garden. OK, steal my produce, ya rodent, but be grateful enough to eat the whole thing! Don't just take a few bites and toss it. Pisses me off!
There’s a hilarious kids book called, “Those Darn Squirrels”. You’re nothing like old man Fookwire, but every time I hear a squirrel story I think of this book. The squirrels in my yard steal avocados and oranges and eat our bird seed. They are so bold. Over the summer while laying outside on the grass with my youngest son a squirrel kept dropping huge avocados from the very top of our tree down. I said thank you and gathered them all up. These were up so high we probably wouldn’t have been able to pick them! Haha.
Oh, Karen, I do so love reading your blog! My laugh for the day is ensured and your photographs get better and better. Never stop!
Great post! SO glad you got a few beautiful apples. I have one tree and so far the animals are winning. Not even sure who or what is picking them but it's sad. And I'm also mad as they only take a few bites and then leave them. Why not just take and eat the whole apple and leave the rest for me? Little stinkers. Grrrrr!
I’m dying...vintage apple picking dress🤣I have the same fantasies. PS: the apples
You salvaged are gorgeous. So are you. Even without makeup and in a wrinkled t-shirt. It’s a CUTE t-shirt!
Beautiful apples..
question - how are you still in a tank top and shorts... it's frigid here in Illinois and frost has been here almost every morning since the end of September. We completely passed fall, straight into early winter.
You look amazing in the vintage dress though.
Those pictures are from 10 days ago and wasn't just warm, it was HOT out. Now it's cold and we've had a couple of light frosts. ~ karen!
I use small organza gift bags, and they work so well. No apple maggots this year - just perfect Honeycrisp apples. No worry about scald either. I had one apple fall and picked it up - covered in its bag it was still untouched. You can buy a gross cheap, and re-use them year to year. Highly recommended!!!!
Have to admit that first photo generated both an eye roll and a little excitement that I was about to watch a video of you baking an apple pie with assistance from your woodland animal friends.
Oh well...
At least there is more cursing in the true to life version and squirrel hijinks are hard to beat.
I added an espalier apple tree to my very small back yard (inspired by you) and this year I saw 4 wee apples emerge (Braeburns I think). Left them for the chipmunks and birds. Now I am hopeful for next year. I will be watching with interest to see what you devise to outsmart the squirrels.
Let's get our priorities straight - the apple picking dress! Remember each of these 9 apples will be that more delicious while eating your forbidden fruit. Next year, try hanging ripe corn in it's husk with tantalizing peeks of the kernels inside, on strings around your ripening fruit.
Need a recipe for Squirrel Jerky? It keeps longer than apples.